Have to agree with ya there, Serenaville. No doubt you’re gaining valuable experience, albeit a kick in the guts from lapsing-out. Ouch, alright. You know the drill, keep rowin’ that boat in the right direction. We’re on your side. You better believe it. xo
Hi @Serenaville! Go easy on yourself, this is not easy. For me, that awful feeling of being hungover again, knowing alcohol was wrecking my life was my motivation to get sober. You can do this! Keep posting. : )
Don’t be too down on yourself as @JM says this isn’t easy – I was just reading something on Pinterest about sobriety and one part said that we are all surrounded by failure and we should embrace it (a strange statement I thought) but when explained it really did make sense – like if you think about it the simple light bulb was originally a project that didn’t work the first, second or maybe the third time – but the finished project gave us light! Keep going – you’re doing great xx
Hi @Serenaville . Relapse feels like complete s***, but it’s not. It is a cloud with a silver lining. It is education… essential education. Some things I could learn by listening to the experience of others, but some things I had to go out and learn first-hand. I wish it wasn’t so but that’s how it is. But we learn and grow most powerfully from our mistakes… that’s how the brain works, and you have just learned something important. You’ve probably just learned that this problem is a tough nut to crack… harder than you thought. Well you know that now, and you can raise your game accordingly.
Nothing is lost in relapse. Your achievements still stand, and what you know is still known. All that is lost is the number in the little orange box… but that’s not what’s important. That number has gone back to 1, but that doesn’t mean you are back at the start of recovery… you are not, you are well advanced along that path. The number 1 counts sobriety, not recovery, and they are very different things. You are back at the start of continuous days of sobriety, but you are not back at the start of recovery.
Take stock. Learn the lessons to be learned, and press on stronger and wiser for the experience.
Well done on day 1 @serenaville 🙂 You can do this. It sounds like you may need to use a few more ‘sober tools’. What are you doing to support yourself? In the early days of sobriety I found it helpful to read sobriety books and listen to podcasts daily, I had a soak in a bubble bath each evening, ate chocolate, and went to bed early! Also, checking in here regularly was vital for me. Hope that helps. If you want any book recommendations then just ask. 🙂
Hi @serenaville don’t feel sad, you’ve made an awesome choice not to drink, play it forward, you… and probably your husband… will feel better for not drinking even though you might feel you miss it at this moment in time 🙂 Big hugs xx
Hi @Serenaville is it possible for you and your husband to find something else that you can do together during this time? go for a walk, hug a tree, cook something– this can give the same buzz that u get from a drink. One thing I have never understood is that given the damage alcohol does to relationships/families, is why a spouse/partner of an alcoholic would want alcohol in the house, as for drinking it in front of them—- there is nothing abnormal about not drinking alcohol
You know what? It’s totally ok and normal to grieve. We all grieve. Becoming sober means losing certain things, even if it’s overall the best decision for our health. It’s like giving up an abusive relationship. We knew it wasn’t good and was leading nowhere safe and happy…but….we are still allowed to grieve.
Whatever comes up, will pass. Those feelings come and go….and over time they show up less and less and less….kinda like the Jehova’s witnesses who gave up sometimes around 2014 to convert hubby and me. 😉 Ok, all jokes aside….your feelings matter and you have my compassion.
In the early months it can be so hard to experience all those stages of grief…and it is REAL grief….the anger…the bargaining….the denial…more anger…..a wee bit of acceptance….more anger….more sadness……more grief…..eventually more and more gentle and freeing acceptance.
Years ago you just got a small green bin for all recyclables. I would hide the bottles at the bottom and cover them with newspapers. With the big yellow bins you can biff a ton of empties in there. Not us anymore though. Good job.
Getting sober is like getting well after an illness, which I guess is exactly what it is. Each day brings something that makes me feel strong and healthy and I’m loving the feeling of becoming whole again. I’ve recently repaired a fractured friendship that I buggered up years ago by behaving badly when I was drunk and it feels so good. Today I am grateful and extremely thankful for you all.
I’m at day 40 and loving this new life. However I have to dig deep to get that rush of energy and enthusiasm at 5pm. I don’t actually need a rush, anything would be great. I make myself work through the motions even though I really want to snack and sleep. I’m full of the joys of sober living, just wish I could feel it at the end of the day.
Hey there -i’m at day 42 and dealing with some boredom issues too. I’m not sure how i’m actually getting through it -i’m pretty much gritting my teeth and just going to be early most days. Sorry, not too helpful, but know you aren’t alone. xo
this one person I actually know from 20 years ago (we studied together) so even though I haven’t seen her in years there is a history there which is probably part of the reason why she’s being so openly curious (also she’s just like that 🙂 ).
You’ll get over that @serenaville I probably wouldn’t tell people I was an alcoholic-and I don’t really think I was one, but I’ve always struggled with addiction mostly cigs and weed, alcohol was a recent addition to the quiver. I couldn’t give a flying fuck what other people other than those I care about think of me-I know I’m a really good person, with morals and ethics. I’m only just over a year sober-I love telling people now. Im really proud of myself and my will to self improve 🙂
I loved it the first time @serenaville sent it up to my Mum and she didn’t like it either but then she lent it to her brother and he loved it. I had no idea it was set in NZ and I’m from Dunedin originally so I really liked imagining what it would have been like in those days. Very wordy though. I love that a kiwi girl won the Man Booker too 🙂
I went to a concert last night @Synchrony without any alcohol on board. What a difference. No anxiously about preloading, no hot sweats, no worrying about breathing toxic fumes on everyone. I came away feeling great. Woke up feeling great and haven’t looked back. Enjoy your evening.
What a change of pace this Friday afternoon. In the past I would have been excited and nervous at where my drinking would end up. I wouldn’t have been eating much in the hope of a quick buzz. Today however I’m tucking into a curry washed down with tea and chocolate biscuits. Not perfect but actually it is
I always used to do the same – definitely minimum food intake for best hit from the booze. What a sad cycle. When our bodies actually needed food and nourishment, we poured booze into it instead. I’m glad to hear you’ve done what you have – sounds perfect to me 🙂
Wanting to succeed in my new relationship (now marriage) was a huge motivator for me to quit drinking. So much at stake. That helped me get started, but it is not what is keeping me going. It is about honoring my life, my spirit, my body…
Did you do this with your now husband? Make this mistake and quickly fix it?
I haven’t seen my boyfriend since that night- we are texting as usual- but I am still on edge about wether or not we are damaged. I was not nice. Turns out I’m a mean drunk- like my sister.
She said the other day ‘we all have issues with it’ meaning all my siblings – there are six.
Your response meant a lot to me because I feel maybe you may know where I am right now and how I feel…wanting to NEVER allow an episode like this to happen again, and hoping my relationship with my bf can go back to normal before this ever happened.
He said ‘it’s ok, it’s in the past’ I just hope he meant it-
Regardless- I can’t have this happen again.
Since dating him, I have drank more than usual to keep up with him. Not his fault, but it snuck up on me – old habits of overdoing it.
If he ends up leaving the relationship over that night- it will be a seriously terrible lesson to learn.
We plan to see each other Thursday- until then .. i will be nervous…
Hi @startfresh. Your new life sounds blissful. That is the life I want as I’m sure many on this site do. I guess something needs to come along to fill up some time for you. You’re in a most enviable position. Doing it sober has to be the better option.
Great to have you here @MelissaJane. I can relate to your profile, it’s such a scary thought to be giving up for ever however having drinking set the tone for ever doesn’t do thinking about either. That’s why I’m here. It’s early days for me but already the freedom feels amazing.
Hello @barnaj. I’m not much further down the track from you but day one is the first day of freedom . I am appreciating waking hangover free with an early rising grandchild in the house. Being able to be a responsible grandparent is so important and certainty not worth a bottle or two. Go you.
I hear you!! Every weekend id caring walking into the lounge finding 4-6 empty bottles of wine my husband and I demolished and pizza boxes!! No more….very. much liking fwd to waking sober and healthy. Very post I read is an inspiration. Thank you