I used to absolutely love love love being home alone and drinking at my own pace. Thankfully the opportunity doesn’t arise now. I am impressed with your forward planning, it sounds like that’s what it’s all about.
9 days in and I’ve got through the three hairy weekend days that leave me full of remorse and sadness. I’ve been up exercising in the dark, making soup, vacuuming and probably being a bit manic but all this extra time with a happy heart is making me feel euphoric.
Oh wow – I wish I could catch some manic from you – nearly 5 years and that has never happened 🙁 But I do some things that I wouldn’t have – very dedicated to my weekend yoga classes when not working, but sadly, some tough jobs I used to do way better with wine to help 🙁 🙁
I’m on day 6 and it’s been an easy haul because I am a weekend binger and haven’t been tested yet. I have been reading Rebecca’s list of positives and negatives and find it such a great tool to have in my head. I want to come out the other side of the next three days without any negatives. I feel strong and full of resolve at times and unconfident at others. I do know I’m tired of the exhaustion this roller coaster behaviour brings. Your posts continually inspire me to try harder.
Hi @womackm Here is the Rebecca list cut and pasted it from the post.
THE SHIT THINGS:
* Regularly got so boozed I couldn’t remember things I’d done or said * Prioritised booze over everything else * Jeopardised my professional reputation so I could booze * Breathed boozy fumes over my children at their bedtime * Repeated myself, slurred my words, eyes rolling in my head * Had sex with people I wouldn’t ever otherwise have sex with * Verged on getting sexually assaulted * Puking and puking and puking * Hitting my husband in the head with my fist (once – I am so ashamed) * Drunk bruises, one time to the extent that my friend asked if my husband was hitting me * Locked myself out of the apartment and had to pay $150 to get a locksmith to come in the middle of the weekend * Puked all over myself and the carpet of one of my best friend’s mother’s gorgeous old villa after a two year old’s birthday party * Came to sitting on the edge of a six storey building shouting “good morning!” to the people walking to the train station below. (Ok that one sounds kind of funny but I had post-trauma symptoms after that. It felt like such a near miss. I could have been dead.) * Spent my precious weekend days recovering from getting so smashed, only to do it all again the next evening * Was greedy about booze – tried to drink more than others, jealously guarding the bottle and hoping like hell no one else would have any more of “my” wine * Drank till I passed out * Found myself asleep on the sofa at 2am, with little or no memory of how I ended up there * Drank drove (told myself it was ok because I’d only had two or three glasses FFS)
NOW FOR ALL THE GOOD THINGS THAT HAVE COME ABOUT SINCE I STOPPED:
* My mood is so improved. I am calmer, less reactive, and my irritable mood has settled right down. * I have come off anti-depressants and I’m doing ok with that * I have noticed that my relationship with my husband became more relaxed, more humorous and more loving * I have lo…[Read more]
Hi there @InkPink. Take care of yourself today and like me, remind yourself that you deserve better than this. My day two and I’m a bit bruised and battered but determined to get myself together. You too ok?
Have to agree with ya there, Serenaville. No doubt you’re gaining valuable experience, albeit a kick in the guts from lapsing-out. Ouch, alright. You know the drill, keep rowin’ that boat in the right direction. We’re on your side. You better believe it. xo
Hi @Serenaville! Go easy on yourself, this is not easy. For me, that awful feeling of being hungover again, knowing alcohol was wrecking my life was my motivation to get sober. You can do this! Keep posting. : )
Don’t be too down on yourself as @JM says this isn’t easy – I was just reading something on Pinterest about sobriety and one part said that we are all surrounded by failure and we should embrace it (a strange statement I thought) but when explained it really did make sense – like if you think about it the simple light bulb was originally a project that didn’t work the first, second or maybe the third time – but the finished project gave us light! Keep going – you’re doing great xx
Hi @Serenaville . Relapse feels like complete s***, but it’s not. It is a cloud with a silver lining. It is education… essential education. Some things I could learn by listening to the experience of others, but some things I had to go out and learn first-hand. I wish it wasn’t so but that’s how it is. But we learn and grow most powerfully from our mistakes… that’s how the brain works, and you have just learned something important. You’ve probably just learned that this problem is a tough nut to crack… harder than you thought. Well you know that now, and you can raise your game accordingly.
Nothing is lost in relapse. Your achievements still stand, and what you know is still known. All that is lost is the number in the little orange box… but that’s not what’s important. That number has gone back to 1, but that doesn’t mean you are back at the start of recovery… you are not, you are well advanced along that path. The number 1 counts sobriety, not recovery, and they are very different things. You are back at the start of continuous days of sobriety, but you are not back at the start of recovery.
Take stock. Learn the lessons to be learned, and press on stronger and wiser for the experience.
Well done on day 1 @serenaville 🙂 You can do this. It sounds like you may need to use a few more ‘sober tools’. What are you doing to support yourself? In the early days of sobriety I found it helpful to read sobriety books and listen to podcasts daily, I had a soak in a bubble bath each evening, ate chocolate, and went to bed early! Also, checking in here regularly was vital for me. Hope that helps. If you want any book recommendations then just ask. 🙂
Hi @serenaville don’t feel sad, you’ve made an awesome choice not to drink, play it forward, you… and probably your husband… will feel better for not drinking even though you might feel you miss it at this moment in time 🙂 Big hugs xx
Hi @Serenaville is it possible for you and your husband to find something else that you can do together during this time? go for a walk, hug a tree, cook something– this can give the same buzz that u get from a drink. One thing I have never understood is that given the damage alcohol does to relationships/families, is why a spouse/partner of an alcoholic would want alcohol in the house, as for drinking it in front of them—- there is nothing abnormal about not drinking alcohol
You know what? It’s totally ok and normal to grieve. We all grieve. Becoming sober means losing certain things, even if it’s overall the best decision for our health. It’s like giving up an abusive relationship. We knew it wasn’t good and was leading nowhere safe and happy…but….we are still allowed to grieve.
Whatever comes up, will pass. Those feelings come and go….and over time they show up less and less and less….kinda like the Jehova’s witnesses who gave up sometimes around 2014 to convert hubby and me. 😉 Ok, all jokes aside….your feelings matter and you have my compassion.
In the early months it can be so hard to experience all those stages of grief…and it is REAL grief….the anger…the bargaining….the denial…more anger…..a wee bit of acceptance….more anger….more sadness……more grief…..eventually more and more gentle and freeing acceptance.
Years ago you just got a small green bin for all recyclables. I would hide the bottles at the bottom and cover them with newspapers. With the big yellow bins you can biff a ton of empties in there. Not us anymore though. Good job.
Getting sober is like getting well after an illness, which I guess is exactly what it is. Each day brings something that makes me feel strong and healthy and I’m loving the feeling of becoming whole again. I’ve recently repaired a fractured friendship that I buggered up years ago by behaving badly when I was drunk and it feels so good. Today I am grateful and extremely thankful for you all.
I’m at day 40 and loving this new life. However I have to dig deep to get that rush of energy and enthusiasm at 5pm. I don’t actually need a rush, anything would be great. I make myself work through the motions even though I really want to snack and sleep. I’m full of the joys of sober living, just wish I could feel it at the end of the day.
Hey there -i’m at day 42 and dealing with some boredom issues too. I’m not sure how i’m actually getting through it -i’m pretty much gritting my teeth and just going to be early most days. Sorry, not too helpful, but know you aren’t alone. xo
this one person I actually know from 20 years ago (we studied together) so even though I haven’t seen her in years there is a history there which is probably part of the reason why she’s being so openly curious (also she’s just like that 🙂 ).
You’ll get over that @serenaville I probably wouldn’t tell people I was an alcoholic-and I don’t really think I was one, but I’ve always struggled with addiction mostly cigs and weed, alcohol was a recent addition to the quiver. I couldn’t give a flying fuck what other people other than those I care about think of me-I know I’m a really good person, with morals and ethics. I’m only just over a year sober-I love telling people now. Im really proud of myself and my will to self improve 🙂
I loved it the first time @serenaville sent it up to my Mum and she didn’t like it either but then she lent it to her brother and he loved it. I had no idea it was set in NZ and I’m from Dunedin originally so I really liked imagining what it would have been like in those days. Very wordy though. I love that a kiwi girl won the Man Booker too 🙂
I went to a concert last night @Synchrony without any alcohol on board. What a difference. No anxiously about preloading, no hot sweats, no worrying about breathing toxic fumes on everyone. I came away feeling great. Woke up feeling great and haven’t looked back. Enjoy your evening.
What a change of pace this Friday afternoon. In the past I would have been excited and nervous at where my drinking would end up. I wouldn’t have been eating much in the hope of a quick buzz. Today however I’m tucking into a curry washed down with tea and chocolate biscuits. Not perfect but actually it is
I always used to do the same – definitely minimum food intake for best hit from the booze. What a sad cycle. When our bodies actually needed food and nourishment, we poured booze into it instead. I’m glad to hear you’ve done what you have – sounds perfect to me 🙂