• seedynomore posted an update 6 months, 3 weeks ago

    Hi All I’m not really sure what to write here but here I am and I just want to thank all my lovely friends for the shout outs the last few days. I’m not sure whats going on with me but I seem to have fallen deep into a pit of depression. I find it really hard to even have a conversation with anyone including my kids. Its like talking has become a major effort so I’ve kinda locked myself away in my home. My head is not a good place to be at the moment so I really need to force myself out of my home and my head but its so frigging hard. Im close to tears most days and I feel like I have nothing to look forward to. Every morning I wake up hoping the colour will be magically back in my world, but its still grey…literally! This summer has been so slow to arrive and when the sunshine does make an appearance its so so brief. Sorry for such a sad arsed update but time takes care of all wounds and all that crap so I will just have to believe it. Still sober but some days I feel like some numbing would be a great alternative to the constant overflow of emotions I experience on a day to day basis.I won’t drink today but I won’t lie, My head needs a break and aside from numbing myself with a drink or 10 there doesn’t seem to be any point being alcohol free right now. Its just one big daily bag of blahs and I can’t see any light at the end of the tunnel. I know its there but that tunnel is the longest one ive ever been in lol. Have a great weekend and I’m going to check in a bit today for some inspiration. Thanks for reading xx

    • Hello dear. Seedy you are depressed. Please go and see your doc. I don’t know if you e used meds before but I’m going to assume not. Medication is not for everyone but for me, when I’ve been where you are, it has helped me so much. It just returns your head to a more or less normal state / balance of serotonin and dopamine.

      It is not addictive. It won’t hurt you. It will take a couple of weeks and you will start feeling like your normal self again. You don’t need to be on it forever. 6 months, 12 months maybe.

      Exercise helps massively too. So does talking (counselling). All theee together are the gold standard treatment for depression.

      Alcohol, OTOH, makes it much worse. It’s a central nervous system depressant. It depresses you. Don’t drink.

      Lots of love to you hon xxx

      • Hi @enzedgirl Yes I have taken antidepressants for around 6 months last year. I suffered terrible side effects when I came off them and the when the ex came off his he dumped me and became really withdrawn and weird. Na I don’t think I can go through that again. Thanks tho. Yes exercise does help and most days I go for a walk so I will just keep doing that. Xx

    • Thanks @amy you are right. Things will improve, I just need to hang on xx

    • @seedynomore I am so sorry you are feeling so bad. I hope you can get some relief.
      My daughter in law had a bad experience with ecitolapram antidepressants but recently took sertraline with a great deal of success. I guess what I am saying is there are a variety of solutions. You don’t need to suffer. Please talk to someone you deserve to have help and not feel so alone. I think Christmas is hard for those of us who have suffered a loss and we need to feel the love and acceptance of others to get through this time.
      You have been very supportive to me on my journey and I send my compassion and love to you. Xx

    • Hi @seedynomore I hardly know what to write to you because I know so well where you are and it is so horrible and scary. I have been there very recently and I can honestly say it was the support of friends face to face, a Dr appointment and yes medication which I was reluctant to start. For me when I was there I was frightened I would do something I would regret and it wasn’t drinking, it was hurting myself to feel pain and revulsion.
      I only knew I did not want to die but I felt the despair might just win out. Thoughts of my boy saved me because I love him more than anything else in the world but I also had to tell my friends what was happening and trust in them to help me. My world was black and I could not see a light either, they guided me to it because they could see it.
      Is there someone close to you who you can talk to? I think you need some help to guide you through. I am happy for you to have my email if that would help, just to sound things off. I am thinking of you and holding you close. All my love ❤️

    • Heck! This is not good. I’m no good with this sort of stuff except to tell you I hear you and I really feel for you. And I’m sending lots of hugs and warmth and kindness and understanding. Out into nature is my only prescription. Could you take yourself to the sea, and sit there and breathe it in? Love to you @Seedynomore xox

      • Hi lovely @prudence Yes you are absolutely right. I need to get out in nature and I have actually been doing that at least once a week with a new man. Lets just say we are friends with benefits and so far thats where it ends. But yeah we go on long walks out in the middle of nowhere lol. The thing is he is just as depressed as me so I’m not sure if we hinder or help each other lol. Anyway I see new years eve and xmas day are supposed to be sunny so yay thats something to look forward to. My oldest is in Mexico so its going to be a very quiet xmas but im thinking maybe I will just go on a picnic with my 2 other kids and my dad instead of being at home 🙂 xx

        • Hahahaaaa Seedy that made me laugh, now I’ve got this visual picture of you and Mr New Man walking among beautiful native bush, all lush and green, a sparkling sea somewhere down below, both with tears dripping down your faces…….one says “how are you?” Other says “miserable, how are you?” “Yeah same”. I know the way you feel is not in the least bit funny, but what you actually need is a good laugh, and now that you’ve got someone to keep you company I think you should watch some good comedies together. Who’s got some good ones they could recommend, like Really funny ones? You never know, sometimes simple acts can kick start a better way of feeling….and even if it is just a few hours escape, it will at least be fun and take you out of yourselves for a while. It’s all I’ve got mate xoxo

    • Oh hon, so sad to hear you are in a tunnel, seemingly a bloody long one. Can you call on a little crew to support you in little, but such important ways? Like getting you to a pretty walk, or to the sea, the markets ( this morning?), to cook something nourishing, or bake some treats? Tell them straight, you can barely talk, just need the alongside thing – and get thee to the health shop, or even supermarket tonics. If no meds, please, please do the naturals if you aren’t : 5-HTP, tyrosine, turmeric, mega Bs + C& D in the morning. Evening primrose. St John’s wort + magnesium at night. Check out everything possible – or get a friend to if you feel too @#k it.
      There is such a vicious cycle of grief depleting us and stopping us absorb what we need From eating, which in turn adds low mood and anxiety, which fuels the grief and depression.
      You know all this, sorry for stating the obvious, but just in case you feel too low to remember in that darkness.
      Are daughters available for lots of hugs? Need those very much too. Snuggles with Netflix? Massage?
      Keep in touch sweetheart xxxxx

      • Thanks @morgan Yeah I have binge watched netflix for a week lol. But yes I am going to get myself some more magnesium. I ran out a while ago and it did seem to help. Thanks for always reminding me to look after my insides morgy 🙂 xx

    • I am so sorry you are feeling so low. It can literally make your heart ache and your stomach queasy. Makes you feel frozen and helpless. I have surely been there. I know, just as you do, that in time it will pass. I hope that time of relief comes quickly. Wishing you healing and comfort.

    • So sorry to hear you are so low @seedynomore it’s a buggar of a place to be. As you are on medication, can I suggest a visit to doctor as sometimes the drug is not right for you and there are alternatives, but please don’t do nothing. Do you have someone you trust to reach out to, either way, keep posting, a lot of us here understand and will respond. You will get better, the sun will shine again for you, just hang onto that. Sending you and your daughters big hugs xoxxo

    • @seedynomore, you may need some help there girlfriend. Some chemical help or talk help but this has been on going and I am worried. No harm in going back to some antidepressants and talking to someone. Please post more, reaching out is what is important now. We love and care for you but sometimes you need real life people to talk to. And not your kids. Going to contact you. Proud of you for honestly coming on today.

    • hey, seedy, sorry hear about your depression. that sucks. can you hold on until the sun comes out, or is more than that? I know I cannot wait for the sun by the tie the end of winter comes. big hugs.

    • I’m proud of you too @seedynomore, it’s hard to say, when we’re depressed.
      Also am relieved to see you here as I’ve been worried too. That doesn’t mean you need to look after us and say things to make us feel better. I’m grateful you’re saying it as it is.
      Great suggestions, yes, nature, being in the bush, by the sea. Hugs to you sweetness. I know it’s not easy when feeling there’s nothing to say…but please check in now and then when you can hun, we want to know all the good, bad and gnarly stuff. New man! I wish I could pop over for a cuppa. xxxx

    • @seedynomore! I am so sorry things are so hard right now. And reaching out and expressing how you’re feeling helps. You are not alone. It is a tunnel but you will come out the other side. Sending you light and love, xo

    • Sending love @seedynomore. You are brave and you will get though this. xox

    • Sorry to hear, hon. Sending love. xx

    • Ah, sorry you are mired down in depression. Big hug.

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