• seedynomore posted a new activity comment 2 months ago

    Lol hope your nice and relaxed now @enzedgirl xx

  • seedynomore posted a new activity comment 2 months ago

    Hi @prudence πŸ™‚ Wow you have a whole lot of sober friends now. Blimmin amazing really how ditching the piss has enriched your life in ways I bet you never imagined. I always think of you and aspire to be as sociable lol. Having a hard time with that lately but am working on it. @Morgan bugger I missed you. It would have been nice to see you xx

    • I will be down again – hopefully, however a full time job now – no swanning off whenever I feel like it. Still in shock

    • Hiya @seedynomore and I hope things are starting to look up a bit more for you. I often think of you and hope you are ok xxx

  • seedynomore posted a new activity comment 2 months ago

    Aww Lars so sorry to read about your cat. I havent logged on here for quite some time so it is so nice to see a familiar name. What’s up @Lars ? You have been sober for so many months in succession and you know you have it in you to just stop! I think, for me it’s just been a matter of saying NO I cant drink because it changes who I am and I want to just be me. Miserable and all lol. Keep trying because I know you are going to get fed up with the mind battle eventually. XO

    • So good to see you here @seedynomore!
      My last day one was excruciating, and my guy said “one day you’ll get tired of feeling like this.” And my response was, “oh, I’m SO tired of this. It’s a matter of realizing what it will do in the morning the night before.” And I know, but I revert to the casual, non-thinking me which is not ME. I’ve surrendered to the fact that I simply cannot drink, which is where I was when I quit for so long. The time in my life has come, and I just can’t drink.
      How are YOU?! I’ll check to see if you posted. Wishing you all the best, dear. I’m glad you still log on from time to time. πŸ™‚ xoxo

  • seedynomore posted a new activity comment 3 months, 1 week ago

    Wow lady. I disappear from LS for a wee while and as usual I come back and you are stuck into another project. You are amazing lady xx

  • seedynomore posted a new activity comment 3 months, 1 week ago

    Hugs to you and your family @MrsD XOXO

  • seedynomore posted a new activity comment 3 months, 1 week ago

    Wow Tim 113 days is sooo good. Go you πŸ™‚

  • seedynomore posted a new activity comment 3 months, 1 week ago

    Yay good for you @JM Family or not! You deserve to enjoy your Easter and relax. That’s what it’s all about and I myself won’t be spending Easter with any if my family for that very reason(not that I have very many family members πŸ™‚ I love that I can come back here to living sober and see my familiar buddies. Hi @JM and you to @Ro πŸ™‚ xx

  • seedynomore posted a new activity comment 3 months, 1 week ago

    Oh wow @tipsytoegal I see this freak has caused so much grief for you and I’m so sorry it’s been so rough for you lately. I have to say though, that you are nearly out the other side, still sane and stronger than ever. You should be so proud of yourself. I am in awe of your strength lady xx

    • @seedynomore Thank you. 💓 I most definitely feel like I have closure now. I DO feel like I can move on now. Not just physically but mentally and emotionally.

  • seedynomore posted a new activity comment 3 months, 1 week ago

    Oh I’m sorry @safeandsound Yes highly likely he does have IBS as a result of drinking. Is hubby up front with his doctor about his drinking? Because sounds to me like hubby needs a wee bit of a scare to kickstart sobriety. Hugs and everything will be ok You will ne able to be there for him as a super strong sober person xx

  • seedynomore posted a new activity comment 3 months, 1 week ago

    @Morgan No major changes in my life yet. Still chugging away in my job which has had its challenges due to lack if staff but I will not do a big moan about it because I could leave but havent. As for a relationship..No I havnt even been on any dates lol. So hard to meet people when you dont go out much. All in good time though. I dont see myself as a lonely old lady with a ton of cats…yet lol.xx

    • That bloody job!!! soon, a change. Hey, I might get to see you mid May as I cruise through. Will be in touch, see if you are free XXXXX

  • seedynomore posted a new activity comment 3 months, 1 week ago

    Hi @enzedgirl yes it looks like you had such a nice time at the meet up. I could totally envision the banter and warm fuzzies. Hopefully next time I will go xx

  • seedynomore posted a new activity comment 3 months, 1 week ago

    Hey @Lars I’m so glad you are still here πŸ™‚ Keep chugging on because you always get back on your feet. I wish I could find things that excite me but having a hard time of that lately. Thanks for your reply lars xx

  • Morning team. I dont post here much anymore but I think its probably because I rarely think about drinking anymore…or didnt until recently. The last few days I’ve been thinking how good it would feel to have a glass or 2 of wine but I have been fast forwarding to the aftermath and it always pulls me back in line. In my fantasies I am sipping on a glass of wine humming away, being sociable and chatty which seems to be something I struggle with these last few months. But then my reality kicks in and I’m waking up in panic mode, heart thumping out of my chest, and shame and regret crushing me. Funny how after nearly 3 years I can still remember the awful aspects of drinking as If I had only stopped yesterday. I’m not going to drink today or tomorrow but I felt like I needed to check in and remind myself I have the unconditional support of this wonderful community and I should check in more often. Love this place and having been missing everyone’s courage and strength .xxx

    • Nice to see you @seedynomore! I recently went back to drinking and wish I would have called on my supports a bit more, or at all. I felt similarly as you described, and let me tell you from the other side that it is not worth it. You know that, though. Keep checking in. Buy yourself nice things, and take good care. Do things that excite you! πŸ˜‰

      • Hey @Lars I’m so glad you are still here πŸ™‚ Keep chugging on because you always get back on your feet. I wish I could find things that excite me but having a hard time of that lately. Thanks for your reply lars xx

      • Hi @seedynomore! Let me be a reminder too cos I”m a bit allover the goat track as I got very comfortable with my sobriety, and BAM, so easily it can just go, and man it’s tricky to hold that traction again! I didn’t go to a birthday dinner the other night cos I had very little confidence in my ability to not drink (which = being grounded enough to hold my own space while alcohol buzzed around me). I do remember the importance of “protecting your sobriety”. Sometimes ‘it’ is strong and can handle anything without a 2nd thought, and at others it needs to be wrapped in cotton wool and massively nurtured. Just got to be aware of when those different times are I think, and adjust your behaviour accordingly. Thats how I feel but I bet it’s the same for everyone to various degrees. So nice to see you on here! xx

    • So nice to see you @seedynomore ❤️

      Glad to hear you feel solid AF

      we missed you at the recent get together, everyone wished you were there xxx

    • So good you remember the effects so clearly. I fear slipping back to my pretty moderate levels if not being reminded here (and by the friend I live with) that addiction progresses – I forget I was on a very slippery slope.
      Lovely to see you here again. Are you feeling better than the last times here? Any relationship progression? On all fronts – man, kids, wider whanau? Any work ideas??? XXXX

      • @Morgan No major changes in my life yet. Still chugging away in my job which has had its challenges due to lack if staff but I will not do a big moan about it because I could leave but havent. As for a relationship..No I havnt even been on any dates lol. So hard to meet people when you dont go out much. All in good time though. I dont see myself as a lonely old lady with a ton of cats…yet lol.xx

        • That bloody job!!! soon, a change. Hey, I might get to see you mid May as I cruise through. Will be in touch, see if you are free XXXXX

    • Hi @seedynomore! Good to see you here. I love that, we all have unconditional support here. xo

    • Great to see you and hear your thoughts @seedynomore. I have also been having those thoughts – you know – since I’m strong enough to go a year and a half without alcohol surely I’m strong enough to have just 1 or 2 glasses of wine. But thanks to people like @Lars I’m reminded that I cannot handle it. You both are so strong and inspirational. Sending you both a great bit cyber hug.

    • Yep. Never forget the bad times. Not to beat ourselves up, but to answer those addictive thoughts. Good to see you again Seedynomore.

    • *waves* πŸ™‚

    • Nearly 3 years….you legend! And thanks for stopping by. You’ll always be one of the old familiar faces on here and with so many new people signing up it keeps me coming back to hear updates from people like you. oxoxox And what a good reminder to not romanticize drinking. It still is just as bad as it was back then. Always will be. oxoxox

    • Glad to hear about your 3 years and not thinking much about alcohol. sounds great for you. so glad to hear from you. oh gosh darn, that beating in the chest walking up to the bed late at night after you fell asleep in front of the tv and were too drunk to get up until you feel horrible, dry mouth, crick in neck and then the heart — irregular bouncy out of the chest . . . not a memory i love. thanks for the reminder.

  • seedynomore posted a new activity comment 3 months, 2 weeks ago

    Hey you congrats on that phenomenal number. Jeez where does the time go. Go you xx

  • seedynomore posted a new activity comment 4 months ago

    My 26 year old daughter watched it too. I wish I had been able to prevent her from watching it but I was too late. I do think tho it has woken her up to a reality that was needed though because her understanding of the Muslim community was very muddled and for her there is no life outside of her own. This is a great opportunity to arm our kids with more compassion and knowledge about the world we live in.

  • seedynomore posted a new activity comment 4 months ago

    Hi @Tim I was feeling extra sensitive yesterday too. Unfortunately my daughter watched the live stream footage of the attack before it was removed and had sent the link to me. I chose not to watch it and am so glad I didnt because it affected my daughter deeply. So glad you woke up sober and feeling better this morning. Sometimes looking after ourselves is all we can do to help. Have a nice restful Sunday.

  • seedynomore posted a new activity comment 4 months, 1 week ago

    Hugs @mrs-d to you and your family XO

  • seedynomore posted a new activity comment 4 months, 3 weeks ago

    Oh so sorry to hear @ladyHawke Your yoga retreat day sounds fabulous though. Good for you xx

    • It’s all good @seedynomore – i instigated the separation. just replied to lynnelowe that it’s actually amazing when you stop drinking you can actually fully see what’s going on πŸ™‚ The yoga retreat was awesome.

  • seedynomore posted a new activity comment 4 months, 3 weeks ago

    Dang! So nice to see one of my favourite preople in the whole world when I logged on here @prudence I feel like I have missed so much Goss lol.Have an awesome day LizI xx

    • Do you know about the gathering @seedynomore? Another one here at Takamatua? @Ro even had a daydream that you two did a roadtrip up here! Not to late mateys xoxo

      How’s things with you Seedy? Got a new man in your life? Often think of you and hope you are coping okay. Hugs xoxo

  • Hello hello! Thought it was about time I posted an update. I don’t really have much to say but just that I miss you guys and wanted to feel like part of the crew again. I’m not sure why I stopped coming here but I do know I am still forever grateful for you all. Still sober but I have no idea how many days. I guess I just don’t think about drinking much anymore. I want to say thank you to all my friends here who have sent me messages asking after me and I’must so sorry if I haven’t replied to some of them. I’m still trying to find my feet after a not so pleasant couple of years and I have been finding it so hard to put anything into writing. Anyway hi and I am going to try to check in more because I’m sure It will help me to climb out of this isolation pit I’ve put myself in. Have an awesome day to you all xx

  • seedynomore posted a new activity comment 5 months, 2 weeks ago

    @janus2 I’ve not been on here for a while and I log in to see it was your birthday a couple of days ago? Hey a big fat Happy Birthday and I’m so sorry to read about fatbums passing. Lots of virtual hugs lovely XO

  • seedynomore posted a new activity comment 6 months, 1 week ago

    @liberty Thank you and yes I am wasted in that job πŸ™‚ x

  • seedynomore posted a new activity comment 6 months, 1 week ago

    @liberty Yeah I cured my hives one year by combining a anti histamine with a anti reflux pill containing certain relatable histamines. My doctor was very impressed lol

  • seedynomore posted a new activity comment 6 months, 1 week ago

    Wow @lize look at you getting so far in sobriety. I am so happy for you. I had bouts of anxiety for quite some time and still do really but its still worth being sober for x

  • seedynomore posted a new activity comment 6 months, 1 week ago

    Haha I used to do that all the time. I’ve always been an early morning muser πŸ™‚ Have an awesome day @saoirse x

  • Morning LS So I’ve been having terrible hayfever lately and on windy days I’ve had to shut myself inside and close all the windows. I’ve been a terrible hayfever sufferer since I was 26 and it sucks when I really just want to be outside in the sun.But good ole google has given me some interesting info on pollen and connected food allergies which is helping me enormously. Ive worked out I’m allergic to grasses and this means I can not eat certain foods that may contain the same or sinilar proteins. The result of this is post nasal drip which causes asthma. Anyway after much googling I’ve stopped eating all raw fruits, started drying my sheets and clothes in the dryer along with keeping my cats out of my room(pollen carriers) i’m blown away by the difference and wish I had cottoned on how to treat my allergies years ago @mari135 I thought of you and yr hayfever last summer. There are so many natural remedies which actually work. Anyway I’ve woken up in an optimistic mood so yay for optimism lol x

  • seedynomore posted a new activity comment 6 months, 1 week ago

    Aww a new furball sounds lovely @enzedgirl I’ve been allergic to mine lately lol. Must be bringing pollen into the house. Shame! Enjoy the rest of your day x

  • seedynomore posted a new activity comment 6 months, 1 week ago

    Thats such a cool quote @oceania @trace Yeah I’ve been beating up on myself way too much lately. Accepting myself is so much harder than I ever thought possible. Write that book trace. Hell just write any book. You are a great writer x

    • thanks @seedynomore – its crazy how hard it is to accept self…poor self! I think we all have a book or two in us…xxx Hope you are doing well – anything newsy on the job front?

  • seedynomore posted a new activity comment 6 months, 1 week ago

    Fantastic @prudence You have created such a beautiful life for yourself. You are amazing x

  • seedynomore posted a new activity comment 6 months, 1 week ago

    Hi @tim Yep I know that lonely feeling you are talking about. As for yr new friend, how cool is that. Just don’t forget to look out for early warning signs that she may be too much like hard work. Put yourself first!! I’ve noticed ciffee and energy drinks make me feel more anxious so I’m cutting back too. Hope yr day is awesome πŸ™‚

  • seedynomore posted a new activity comment 6 months, 1 week ago

    Thanks @timidwarrior πŸ™‚

  • seedynomore posted a new activity comment 6 months, 1 week ago

    Thanks @sober4real Yes very common over the age of 40 πŸ™‚

  • Hi peeps. Just had my breast biopsy and I’m so relieved that part is over. Seems the place i went to for the mammogram and ultrasound weeks ago, failed to tell me the biopsy was only a precautionary measure and they were pretty sure I have a benign fibroid. All this worry for so long needlessly. Not very professional but im glad I can relax a bit. Still a 1 in 500 chance my snall lump is cancerous but I’m feeling fairly optimistic. I didn’t realise how much the worry over this had affected me because I think I was desperately trying to put it to the back of my mind so it wasnt really apparant how much of my depression lately has been due to not knowing. whew still sober and optimistic for a better year. Hope you are all fighting the good fight. Staying AF is probably the only thing keeping my head above water these last few months and its so worth it x

  • seedynomore posted a new activity comment 6 months, 1 week ago

    Spot on !@reginald Its like we go through this amazing transformation where we re evaluate everything. Was a bit scary for me to confront my failings and procrastinations and they niggle away at my subconcience all the time. Can’t go backwards so have to move forward and try to catch up with the me thats been missing for many years lol. Its kind of cool to think we are giving ourselves a second chance at life πŸ™‚ 6 months is awesome reginald πŸ™‚

  • seedynomore posted a new activity comment 6 months, 1 week ago

    Yes definately stay connected. It really helps x

  • seedynomore posted a new activity comment 6 months, 1 week ago

    Hi @jamieann I have had loads of days feeling like that but ive also had some really amazing days too. Tomorrow can be a major breakthrough. If not tomorrow then the day after. Its normal to go througj so many different emotions when we are trying to stop drinking. Its not forever and as long as you stay close to us for a while we can help make you feel a whole lot better I thought I would never be able to stop the vicious wine cycle but I did because I had no choice. It was either give it up and experience real life or drown in my wine on my own. Tomorrow will be better I promise x

  • seedynomore posted a new activity comment 6 months, 1 week ago

    Hi @morgan @liberty So sorry you are not feeling very well. I’ve not been feeling the best either. I am absolutely over my own company. I didn’t do anything on New Years Eve either. I was so tempted to just go sit in a bar by myself just for the company of others lol. But I didn’t because I decided that was just a bit weird. I did have a chat with @reena online for a while though which really helped get me out of my feeling sorry for myself state. Despite being home totally alone I cooked myself a nice dinner, ate a ton of pavlova and even managed to stay up til 2 am. I woke on New Years Day feeling absolutely hungover from what I suspect was too much sugar. But I thought to myself how glad I was that I hadn’t been drinking the night before because honestly I felt quite sick and could only imagine how bad I would have felt had I joined everyone else in the drinking festivities. Hope you are feeling a little better today @liberty and I want you to know you are not alone in your aloneless lol. It’s going to be a good year, I feel it in my bones πŸ™‚ xxx PS I have my biopsy on my breast on monday. Feeling a little nervous but feel like it will all turn out to be nothing to worry about hopefully xx

    • Good on you @seedynomore! I have been that person sitting in bars just for the company or going into town and wandering around just to have some human contact. Just so you know you’re not the only one, in case that impulse strikes again. Whatever works. I too got the urge for company on NY eve but then tiredness hit and that was that. πŸ˜€
      Natural to feel nervous about the biopsy. Let us know how it goes? I imagine most of them turn out to be nothing but we don’t relax until we get the results aye.
      Today is sunny but windy and the sun is lifting my spirits regardless. πŸ™‚ Am so responsive to the weather like a little plant (as I suspect many of us are; I know you are). Lotsa love. xxx

    • Oh bother, i was home alone, we could have had a phone chat. I was in my garden til late, so very happy. Had a delicious feast of leftovers and a lovely early night. Nana New Year πŸ™

    • So glad you took charge and didnt drink. Thinking of you, waiting for Monday. Sorry to remind you if you forgot for a bit! I know the waiting all too well. Three lots of health scares, dragging on for years. Not the best fun… β™‘β™‘β™‘β™‘β™‘β™‘

  • seedynomore posted a new activity comment 6 months, 2 weeks ago

    Aww ice skating sounds great @lizzy I really enjoyed my first ice skating experience about a year ago. I shocked myself when I realised I was a speed demon on skates haha. Your new years sounds perfect. Stuff the next door neighbour and drinks. A bit boring for sure. Xx

  • seedynomore posted a new activity comment 6 months, 2 weeks ago

    I’m sending you back some massive peaceful vibes @Iowadawn It’s been a roller coaster ride for me too this last year. In fact its been two years of one stress after another and I have no idea how I have managed to stay sober. I do think I in the great order of life events, becoming AF was mean’t to be because there is absolutely no way I could have made it through if I waa drinking. Hey Iowadawn,Yes lets work on ourselves this coming year and lift our views on ourselves and how we expect to be treated. Hell I’ve been suffering some terrible esteem issues since my ex decided I wasn’t worthy. Whether he intended me to feel like that or not. That’s how I have felt. So here is my boost to self πŸ™‚ I am actually bloody attractive, I’m loyal and more forgiving than most πŸ™‚ I’m sure you are beautiful too. You are an amazing mum who has done all you can to make this whole situation with your man and ex and kids, work. That is all you can do. If this man of yours is going to move on without you then he is just not the one. You deserve unconditional, emotional love and support as much as I do. This is just another step into the right direction for us, im sure πŸ™‚ xx Oh and 487 days is frigging amazing.

    • Xoxo to you @seedynomore. We have been through IT, sister!! I mean, Wtf?? Two ladies who are “easy on the eyes” with goodness and loyalty in their hearts…GOD GIVE WE BEAUTIES A BREAK!!!😉
      yes…it could get worse(hard to pathem) with looking like an ass while getting drunk…I agree!!
      I sincerely wish we have justice and a break this year ❤ And I won’t drink with you tonite,sister!! Even though I’m white K nuckling it and scheming ways to hide wine in my closet so kids won’t notice. As I can’t take this Hell anymore(sharing with you my wine witch thoughts)

  • seedynomore posted a new activity comment 6 months, 2 weeks ago

    Oh yes @eschia How are you doing? Hi SteveF πŸ™‚

  • seedynomore posted a new activity comment 6 months, 2 weeks ago

    Have a fantastic New Years Eve @prudence I have no plans but I’m going to be seeing the New year in sober at least so I’m happy with that for now. XO

    • Good on ya @seedynomore and here’s a big virtual hug for a happy 2019. The exciting thing is we have no clue right now about all the good stuff that is going to come into our lives over the next year. We just trust that it will, and it will. Love to you xoxo

  • seedynomore posted a new activity comment 6 months, 2 weeks ago

    Wishing you oodles of peace for this next year @tipsytoegal XO

  • seedynomore posted a new activity comment 6 months, 2 weeks ago

    Well written @morgan Shame words can hurt so much when most often the person hurling them can’t even remember what they said. Xx

    • Ha, not my writing. But so true, how often do we remember and hurt over something barely considered or meant. I sure do

  • seedynomore posted a new activity comment 6 months, 2 weeks ago

    Nothing worse than drinking away potentially fantastic memories. Enjoy the rest of your camping holiday Lotta XO

  • @Iowadawn I can’t find the thread you tagged me in so I’m replying here. You say your man has been acting distant? I don’t know for sire what is going on with him but I do know behaviour such as not replying to messages or keeping them brief really fucks me off. If someone cares about you, they at least tell you they are taking some time out. I think It’s rude and disrespectful and not very caring at all. I don’t care how angry I am with someone or how unsure I feel about them, I never play games like that. Its a frigging game that many people play and I just won’t play. Sorry I know my reply is not very helpful. Keep your head up because you are so worthy of respect and it sounds to me like you are not really getting that. Xx

    • Hi @seedynomore I 100 percent agree!!
      I’m so confused..I think am making excuses for him(he needs space) because I do that. I am thinking he is disconnecting from me and does not like what I said to him AND what I sent to him(article on critism affecting relation ships) its just so complicated because he IS a good man..than THIS happens
      I can’t imagine him hurting me/breaking my heart. But at same time I think he is at end of rope with unfair court..my ex
      I think he is getting ready to start a future without me
      I am focusing on dignity from my end
      I feel sick. Grrr

  • So close to blowing my sobriety yesterday. I was sitting outside a cafe next to a bar and started to think about buying a bottle of wine and going home to drink it alone. Same old behaviour of my old alone drinking days but at least I wouldnt feel so alone. That’s what I kept telling myself. Just one or2 glasses of wine and noone would know because I’ve been home on my own for some days now. No kids to disappoint and no partner anymore either so no harm done and I would just have maybe 2 glasses, chuck the rest of the wine out and then begin again. So damn close it scared me. It scared me that I may not stop at 2 glasses of wine and I would just begin the crazy drinking cycle again. If I didn’t feel so depressed at that thought I probably would have followed through with my plan, but I didn’t because the consequences just aren’t worth it. Still on a real down buzz. Day after day of gloom and no end in sight. The fact is I’m too depressed to drink and I cringe to think of how bad that day after would feel. Whew still sober x

    • Ah, @Seedynomore, that was close and I’m so happy you did not follow thatburge. I know it t seem like you will never feel happy again , and that things will never improve, but I assure you they will. It’s just so hard to believe when feeling bleak. Please know how much we all care about you. Big hug to you!

    • Omg @seedynomore I could have written your post!!!
      First of all…GOOD ON YOU. You didn’t do it!!! You still have the fight and you are fucking strong ❤
      I hate how you feel and I wish I could take it all away. Better yet..I wish we could meet and just hang out,in pjs, doing whatever we want to do☺
      Seedy…☺ you are NOT alone AND we’ve got your back!!
      But I get it…HELL yes…I. Get. It.
      I’m planning drinking tomorrow in my head(last days of 2018..fuckbof a year..I will be AF new years eve..14 year old having sleepover..)
      I get it
      Just know you are a gem and we love you ❤

    • Sorry to hear you’re going through Crappy times @seedynomore . You’re right, drinking would just make it worse. Going through a bit of a hollow time myself lately, I have to find something to fill that gap. Something other than alcohol, of course.

    • Wow that does sound very close @seedynomore 😢

      I feel so bad for you hon. Is there anyone you can talk to IRL about how things are for you right now? Would it be worth going to CADS or similar and letting them know you need help staying alcohol free?

      Big hugs from me hon xxx

    • Ooh big relief @seedynomore. It’s a blue kind of period post Xmas and before new year. I hope you feel better soon lovely soul. I will be around intermittently here tomorrow eve if you feel like a chat. Planning the bye bye to 2018 ritual and some yum treats. ❤️❤️

    • Wow well dodged @seedynomore. The most important thing is that you didn’t drink- brilliant work. I hope you can see how awesome you are for managing that.

    • Aw hun sorry to hear, stay strong you are worth it xx

    • @seedynomore I did what you were thinking of doing and I can tell you from experience it was not worth it I had pretty much two years of sobriety and just felt a glass or two of wine would take away all the anxiety and limitations I felt in my life, thought it would help me feel relaxed and free again. Well the first sip was quite nice I sat alone watching the sun set as I had this ideal picture in my head as to how all would feel alright if I had this drink. I had also planned just two glasses and throw the rest away which i did, but instead of feeling free I felt more trapped than ever, I felt like I did before I had the drink and what I wanted to be free off which was feeling trapped but after the drink I still felt trapped but now it felt like I was in a room with no door and no way out.
      Physically I got the old hayfever symptoms I always get when I drank – itchy eyes running nose. I slept terribly my anxiety turned up ten times and the game began – the on and off drinking game and lasted a few weeks. I kept planning to stop as why on earth would I want to feel that way and I stopped to a few beers thinking that would be different – it wasn’t! What’s interesting is that it was never out of control but it was horrible each time and the freedom I longed for was not found. Maybe the having something to obsess about is our mind feeling it has something else to think about i don’t know it doesn’t make sense.
      All I know for sure is it doesn’t help and it doesn’t allow us to move forward or to get out of feeling down
      You are so wise to have not done it and to be too scared of the consequences and I hope you can take a moment to acknowledge that and know that you are not alone in feeling down and especially this time of year x x x

  • seedynomore posted a new activity comment 6 months, 2 weeks ago

    Hi @ro So good to see you. I’ve missed a lot of goss on here so I will stalk you a little to catch up lol. Yr day sounds awesome so better let you go and enjoy. As for the weather, I moan and carry on about how awful its been but I think the poor ole North Island deserve this more lol. Looking up for them though. Stay cool til after school @ro πŸ™‚ xx

  • seedynomore posted a new activity comment 6 months, 2 weeks ago

    @ro na if you ask them they don’t give an honest answer. Thats because they have already given up. @Iowadawn Yes ask him but be very alert to his body language more so.I don’t know the whole dynamics of your relationship with him but unfortunately I do know men can be very closed up and sometimes words don’t help them come to a decision. Just observe a little but from afar. Then you may be better able to figure out which approach to take. Oh and I would just like to say amidst all of the awful events of 2018 I can still see some positives if I stop to acknowledge them. You are so strong and brave…more importantly, clear headed. That my friend is how we get through πŸ™‚ x

    • @ro and @seedymore..you are so helpful and supportive. Xoxo and thank you☺
      I did ask man if he was looking for new job after he hung up. And I told him “you know I’m curious” kinda thing(in a nice way) He replied it was grown up stuff(not sarcastic but in our joking way)
      He was critical of me throughput our Christmas week. Sometimes cruel. I felt pissed and with dignity I did share I didn’t deserve that. AND I brought up what he said to me before he deployed to Afganistsn in 2017″if you stay off the bottle u might get a ring”(we share a witty/flirtlike sense of humor) …so OF COURSE I pointed out the obvious(I don’t have an engagement ring)
      He just listened. Than I said “for 7 years there is always something and u say its my fault..if not drinking, than the kids/ex problem..”etc etc etc. I further said court was out of my control. And not my fault. Mind you…I said this all quietly and “teacher voice”(used my teacher voice) THAN I said “I believe in you but this appears to be one sided” kinda thing. Than I slowly with composure left the bedroom and went downstairs.
      @morgan..I thank you too for all your advice😉
      Anyway…I need help, my ladies!!! Because he left yesterday to go back to TN for work. We didn’t act angry but I felt disconnected(we calmly picked up/kids around after I said my peace to him. U dropped it to give him space)
      So ALL DAY yesterday I shut down on him. When he texted he was home/TN I texted “good” I said sleep well/luv u. (Not my normal wordsy texts, and “I love you, Baby)
      Today…I sent him an article on how critism affects relationships
      Heard nothing. Than I had 14 year old daughter call him as today is her 14th Birthday. No pick up from him. I sent him a pic of daughter blowing out candles(B Day) no response. Than 2 hours ago I texted sleep Tight/luv u. No response
      I need advice..I know I need to give him space(he’s a thinker and he needs space) I don’t want to also come off as needy BUR meanwhile…I am seriously…[Read more]

  • seedynomore posted a new activity comment 6 months, 2 weeks ago

    That sounds perfect @Rosy Since I stopped drinking I’ve become so so aware that I need the out doors for my sanity. Its amazing what some beautiful scenery can do for us. I never feel the urge to drink when in a gorgeous place. Why ruin the memory πŸ™‚ Enjoy πŸ™‚

  • seedynomore posted a new activity comment 6 months, 3 weeks ago

    Hugs @jes XO

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