Feeling so alone and now I have rejected my best friend, Rose', a bottle a day easily. I have been in a relationship with wine and sometimes spirits for years, a highly functioning drunk! I have had counseling in the past but all it has done is make me realise that cutting down is never going to work for me. So here I am, day 6 of a new life. No more hiding, lying, feeling like shit and most of all dealing with the dreaded guilts. Thank you for this opportunity
Day one again, don’t know why I do this to myself. I’ve lasted for days, weeks and up to 6 months in the past and then I just seem to push the self destruct button. Still here I go again, back to finding my way out of this hole. Hope all is going well for you all, I’ll be back later in the day xxx.
Keep coming back SandyB. Everybody here is on the same train trying to get to the same place – but no one ever actually arrives because it’s a non-stop ongoing journey. You have to keep going. And you can’t look back – moderation just doesn’t work. Don’t “choose” not to drink – DECIDE that you’re not going to.
Babysitting my granddaughter in Wellington and feel so good I am able to be present to do this! Today is day 15 which I am happy with but feel far from safe from the evils of my drinking issues, still very much one day at a time. I see my counselor again in a weeks time and know I will need to look at lots of issues that have resulted in many outcomes in my journey through this maize we call life! I think I need to understand grief and it’s effects before I can honestly move on. Still I am here and appreciating everyone’s kind words and care. Love to all you wonderful Peeps xxx
15 days!!! oxoxoxox You go soak up all that sweet granddaughter time. Much deserved. And I hope the session with your counselor will make it all feel lighter. I always walk out of my appointments a wee bit better each time. oxoxo
Day 12 and all is well. Having a lovely time with family in Wellington and enjoying the company. I have been living alone since January and although there are times that I am feeling quite independent and empowered, there are also some very lonely and quiet times that I am yet to adjust to! Don’t mean to sound so ‘oh woe is me ‘ but I guess reality is still setting in. Still no hiding in a bottle for me and I get so much inspiration from so many of you. Thanks wonderful Peeps xxx.
HI @sandyb I had to learn to notice the difference between solitude and loneliness. I live alone and enjoy my own space and the freedom of it, but sometimes I can get down and I have to look closely at myself. Within myself the difference between solitude and loneliness lies in the emotions I’m experiencing. Solitude brings calm contentment, loneliness is feeling sorry for myself. Once I’ve “diagnosed” loneliness then I know what I need to do about it… I need to connect to people. A huge red flag for me is if I find myself avoiding people… it means I’m heading into isolating myself, and that’s really not good for me. I have to deliberately talk to people. There’s a trite line in recovery circles “loneliness is a choice” and it’s unfortunately true. I say unfortunately because it’s uncomfortable forcing myself to be sociable… but once I get started the challenge falls away pretty much immediately. it is only fear of the unknown. I find being connected is the effective counter to loneliness and these days there are many ways to achieve that online as well as face-to-face.
Morning lovely Peeps, soon to head off to Wellington for a few days which will be nice. Can’t wait to have a big cuddle with my granddaughter. Hope all is well out there in AF land, I am taking things day by day and trying not to stress about the things I need to work on. Take care, will keep in contact xxxx
Day 10, double digits! Pottering around today, still mainly resting leg but have got packed for next few days in Wellington, always cool to have something planned. Think my TV may blow up very soon through over use, still need to keep busy somehow. Drinking coffee, water and tea but no booze!
@sandyb–Thanks for your shareing. I have had counselling in previous years but mostly didnt resonate with the person. Its underlying issues for me too so will try to suss out a good one. Do you live in NZ?
Greetings Peeps, lovely day here, sunny, warm and my brother in law came around and mowed the lawns, so kind of him as I didn’t have a chance of doing them myself til leg has healed. Have been binge watching Grey’s Anatomy and now Cold Feet. Hugs to all, still coping with day by day and only focusing on today not forever!
Hi @Mari135 I love the self care, well done you! Last night when I went to a Spa for massage etc I bought some of their natural spring water, came home and added bubbles (the soda stream kind) and it tastes like French Perrier Water! Yum 😙
Ohh spa sounds soothing, SandyB! Loving your soda stream. Perrier high five! oxoxxox (Funny how now in sobriety I actually care about water intake….couldn’t have been bothered prior to that my entire life, lol)
Day 7 and I am grateful for the wonderful Peeps who unselfishly support me, for this amazing site, for my loving family and at this moment for my lovely cat who is demanding a cuddle!! Am spending weekend with leg elevated, post another round of surgery for skin cancers then have 5 days in Wellington planned. Yay. Take care everyone xxx.
oxoxoxoxox You legend you! I am really glad you are here! Lots of love your way. Extra hugs for the surgeries. oxoxoxox The dad of one of my best friends had a malignant melanoma years ago and they cut down all the way to the bone just to be safe and he has been cleared and back to normal life. You do the right thing by letting your doctors do what is safest. They will take good care of you. oxoxoxox
Hi lovely Peeps, day 6 and all ok. Had my amazing hand and foot massage tonight, pure luxury, something I should do more often, spoil myself. I know I’m not really good at doing nice things for me, it’s easier to support others than it is to stay strong for myself, but I’m working on that. Thanks to everyone for your continual encouragement, this is such an amazing place to be and I truly value every time someone reaches out to me providing non judgemental love and support. Stay strong wonderful Peeps xxx.
Drinks after work for end of Term! I had a delicious mocktail with mango, coconut cream and blended with ice, it was icy, yummy and completely af! Came home and after a good long chat to my daughter in oz, spent 2 hours doing housework. Tomorrow I have a massage booked so that will be great. Day 5 and feel ok, I think this time I need to take things day by day, not focus on never drinking again just not drinking today 😎. Big hugs to all of my wonderful Peeps.
Day 4 and all going well. Visit to a counselor went well yesterday, she is not a specialist in alcohol which suits me fine, cos I know I have reasons for my drinking that go way deep. Have to admit I did a lot of crying but that’s not totally surprising. Feeling calm and looking forward to the end of term on Friday, yeah for a chance to get away to visit my granddaughter. Having last lot of skin cancer surgery on Friday afternoon, which is no picnic but at least that will be it for now. Fat lip is getting better, a couple of people asked if I’d had Botox!!! Take care lovely Peeps xxx