• Sam27 posted a new activity comment 4 days, 8 hours ago

    It is only on the 19 July… just not drinking spirits… only 2 cider or 2 glasses wine a night. I can do that. It may seem like I am still drinking to much… but I know me … I can resist anything but temptation… if I am denied something it makes it doubly hard.

    • I saw your sweet wee dog and clicked on the photo. Be kind to yourself. And I like you dogs smile – heart melting!

  • Sam27 posted a new activity comment 5 days, 9 hours ago

    Something has got to be better than doing everything… I spend my whole weekend doing house stuff. This way I hope I can have Sundays off. I usually do it all drunk to get me through… dust, a few slugs of whiskey, vacuum, a few slugs of whiskey, washing, a few slugs of whiskey….

  • Sam27 posted an update 5 days, 11 hours ago

    So this not being blotto thing has given me my voice back. I do everything around the house, work 32 hour week, do everything for 12 year old, do garden. Cook and clean up. I am working on a chore roster.

    • Aha! The clear light of day shines in when we stop blacking it out with booze eh Sam27 ?

      Very good 😊👍🏼

    • Love this! Great to hear you are doing something to make your life a little bit easier 😀

      • Are you happy with this “chore roster”?

        • Something has got to be better than doing everything… I spend my whole weekend doing house stuff. This way I hope I can have Sundays off. I usually do it all drunk to get me through… dust, a few slugs of whiskey, vacuum, a few slugs of whiskey, washing, a few slugs of whiskey….

    • The same here always racing after teenagers, if I ask for help I get black looks… but I’m more vocal about it now I’m sober lol x

      • I do pretty much everything at home I still get resentful but sober I’m a lot more organised and I do things quicker so I have sometime for me. Pick something for you and do it, a bath when everyone is settled, a book, go on line and choose a treat for you with the money you are not spending on booze. I makes you feel good about yourself.

    • @Sam27 Yes!! I was exactly the same… chores, drink, chores, drink, cook, drink…. by the time the kids were in bed I was too drunk to sit down and do anything I had actually planned to do for myself… I also would drunkenly complain about doing everything for everyone. It’s much easier to complain sober – when I can do it calmly, reasonably and effectively, haha…

  • Sam27 posted an update 6 days, 18 hours ago

    So yesterday I got some really sad news and just wanted to shoot straight off to the bottle store. I said to myself you can get some ciders, but not spirits which I drink straight to get that instant feeling. I only had 2 ciders in the end. Small step. Also, I am seeing a bloke from CADS on Thursday for an assessment.

  • Sam27 posted a new activity comment 1 week ago

    No, I have a 12 year old I need to stick around for. Thanks for caring.

  • Sam27 posted an update 1 week ago

    I looked up the word lost because it is the word that can be used to explain my life.

    past and past participle of lose.
    adjective: lost
    unable to find one’s way; not knowing one’s whereabouts.
    “Help! We’re lost!”
    synonyms: stray, astray, off-course, off-track, off the right track, disorientated, disoriented, having lost one’s bearings, adrift, going round in circles, at sea
    “his spirit still walks among the hills, searching for lost travellers”
    unable to be found.
    “he turned up with my lost golf clubs”
    synonyms: missing, strayed, gone missing/astray, mislaid, misplaced, vanished, disappeared, forgotten, nowhere to be found; More
    absent, not present, gone
    “they were all searching for her lost keys”
    unable to understand or to cope with a situation.
    “she stood there clutching a drink, feeling completely lost”
    that has been taken away or cannot be recovered.
    “if only one could recapture one’s lost youth”
    synonyms: bygone, past, former, one-time, previous, old, olden, departed, vanished, forgotten, unremembered, unrecalled, consigned to oblivion, extinct, dead, lost and gone, lost in time;More
    out of date, outmoded;
    “lost traditional values”
    (of time or an opportunity) not used advantageously; wasted.
    “the decision meant a lost opportunity to create 200 jobs”
    synonyms: missed, forfeited, neglected, wasted, squandered, dissipated, gone by the board;informaldown the drain
    “a lost opportunity”
    having died or been destroyed.
    “a memorial to the lost crewmen”
    synonyms: extinct, died out, defunct, vanished, gone, perished; More
    destroyed, wiped out, ruined, wrecked, crushed, finished, demolished, obliterated, effaced, exterminated, eradicated, annihilated, extirpated
    “a lament over lost species and habitats”
    (of a game or contest) in which a defeat has been sustained.
    “the lost election of 1979”

    • My heart goes out to you @Sam27. What immense courage you must have that you are reaching out from such a dark place.

    • you feel utterly lost sam27 – i hear you.

      i’m so glad you’re posting here and letting us know. i feel worried that you are actually thinking about harming yourself. is that worry justified?

      we’re all with you, hoping and hoping you can find your way again.

    • That is pretty overwhelming for sure.
      Have you got the word for your new life? I would love to read the counter to this powerful, sad exposition of LOST. It was me when my crazy husband ripped our family apart. Me when I thought wine might help. A lost soul becoming more lost….

    • If only all of us that are thinking of you and hoping for your peace of mind and well being could heal you with just those thoughts. Thank you for continuing to post so we can do our best to uplift you and let you know that you are not alone. <3

    • Perhaps this is a turning point for you @Sam27 – and now you have found us, you can build on that.

      • You may not be completely lost @Sam27 you are here asking for help, you are concerned about your child and you are trying to stop taking a substance you know is harming you, there some good “signposts” there. Stick close here we are all with you.

  • Sam27 posted a new activity comment 1 week ago

    How did you stop drinking? Please, I need something here. You know my pain.

  • Sam27 posted an update 1 week ago

    Right, all the wheels fell off and things are just getting worse. I am so tired. Life feels like one big struggle and I am not doing myself any favours. I now have a drinking problem on top of dealing with my sons suicide. I am just failing in everything. All I want is oblivion. It’s 8:30 and I just had a quarter of a bottle of whiskey. The bottle is there…. what’s left from last night. Read this morning a friends daughter took her own life. So I drink. I am lost… I lost. Lost my boy, lost me. If I continue to drink, I will loose my husband, my son, my job. I feel powerless. Lost.

    • JM replied 1 week ago

      Oh I am so profoundly sorry @Sam27. That is hard beyond words. Much warmth to you.

    • I am so sorry to read this. I lost my daughter to suicide. I dont know how I got through the initial shock and pain, but I did. I had to grieve but I also had to be there for my other 5 kids and my daughters 3 children. I pray you have love and support from family and you can draw on it.

      • Sam27 replied 1 week ago

        How did you stop drinking? Please, I need something here. You know my pain.

    • @Sam27 – I am going to say a prayer for you – that you should have strength & hope – which I know sounds like a miracle. I will pray for a miracle for you.

    • Praying for strength for you @sam27 and I am so very sorry for this struggle you are in.

      • MaryB replied 1 week ago

        I’m so sorry to hear what you are going through @Sam27 . It seems wrong to give you advice but the only thing that helps me is not to have the stuff in the house, it does not get through the front door, period. If I don’t buy it I can’t drink it. And for the record you are not failing you are still trying else you wouldn’t be on the site. I’ll pray for you.xx

    • I was drinking very regularly and have done for many years, not every day, but when I drink I drink! I will tell you what happened to me, I am in no way telling you what to do or how to act, because we are both different. I was hysterical when I was told. I had just been to see my doc. so I called her and told her what had happened and asked for xanax. I was divorced from my daughter’s husband, I had remarried, but Tania was not his daughter. I had to throw myself into the funeral arrangements, comfort my kids, I even was nice to my ex during that time. I took the xanax as ordered. (most of the time) I had to be alert and make the plans as well as grieving. That is why I did not drink at that time. She was in a prison hospital here and she had to go to autopsy. It took nearly 2 wks to get her body back. I cant remember a lot about it, but for some reason drinking didnt occur to me, plus it was just before Christmas. I cried a lot it came in waves. The main thing was, being a mother and a nurse, was that I tried to take care of her brothers, sisters, children and I was going through the motions and did not let myself get crazy. After the funeral was when I was left to myself. I didnt want to do anything or go anywhere but I did go back to work, which looking back I probably shouldnt have gone back so soon. The drinking then has crept up on me. The pain was raw and unbearable and yes I drank, but I knew I had to continue my life and so I still took care of my kids (they were all adults) and went to work and did the stuff housewives do. It sounds harsh, but it is true that life does go on. The hurt never stops, you learn to live with it, just like if you had your leg amputated you learn to live with one leg. It is your grief, dont let anyone ever tell you how to do it. If you feel so down and weak, I do urge you to call the suicide hotline in your area or the good samaritans or whatever those help lines are called where you live. Tania…[Read more]

    • try an AA meeting, a podcast, reach out here or to family. try everything you can before you go back and try what you know doesn’t work xo

    • Hi sam27 … you are not failing. you are trying to help yourself and that is an amazing, brave, courageous, revolutionary thing. of course it will be very very hard, everyone here tries lots of times to get alcohol free, and they have to work on it and work on it. some of us have massive losses in our lives, like you have had, some have had other traumas, everyone has their own story.

      keep going. if you’ve drank, so what, today is another day. you can get up, dust yourself off, and start again. we’re all here with you.

      PS there is no such thing as being over-emotional about the loss of your son, honour your feelings, honour the loss of him, take care of yourself and don’t drink.

    • k1W1 replied 1 week ago

      That sucks, have you mentioned it to your doctor, can you go for grief counseling? I was the last person who talked with a young man who committed suicide, what helped me was talking. I would go walking with a friend of his and mine, and we would talk. I can to the realisation (and this is my own belief) that in the end it was his choice and nothing I could have done would have changed it as he was in a bad head space. The last conversation he gave no clues he would take his life. I would like to suggest you ask for help, in NZ ring free help lines or ask your doctor if your not sure where to start. Alcohol is used to stop us feeling and helps us survive but only for a short time then it ruins our lives, you will find a way. Much love to you 💚

    • Oh Sam27. You’ve been in my thoughts and I know many others.
      I haven’t walked in your shoes. I can’t image your pain.
      But – this as true for you as it is for me. You ask, how do you stop? You don’t pick up the glass or bottle.
      Thats the only way you stop drinking. Day by day, minute by minute. You just don’t do it.
      You are the only one that can make that choice.
      I know it’s not easy. And if you falter, then you pick yourself up and try again.
      That is how you stop.
      Many people here have gone through hospitalised withdrawl programs or help with medication.
      Have you attempted those as an option?
      I wish you luck x

  • Sam27 posted a new activity comment 1 week, 2 days ago

    Really good thanks… hard but one day at a time

  • Sam27 posted an update 1 week, 5 days ago

    Day 3. Here I come.

  • Sam27 posted an update 1 week, 5 days ago

    So Day 2 here we come. Just a question…. will I physically feel lousy for a while? Withdrawal and all that?

  • Sam27 posted a new activity comment 1 week, 6 days ago

    I think I will do that. Thanks

  • Sam27 posted a new activity comment 1 week, 6 days ago

    You guys are amazing… I can so do this with this kind of support. I am in bed at 8:30 with sleepy tea and going to read The Icarus Agenda by a Robert Ludlum.
    Feeling the love 😉

  • Sam27 posted a new activity comment 1 week, 6 days ago

    They haven’t contacted me yet.

  • Sam27 posted an update 1 week, 6 days ago

    This is really hard. I feel very tense and panicky. Day one. Over in 3 hours.

    • It *is* hard Sam27. Can you find something soothing to distract yourself?

      Colouring in, going for a walk, listen to some music you don’t usually listen to, watch a movie, call a friend, hot bath, eat something yummy ….

      Did you get medical / counselling support in the end?

    • It will get easier Sam, read the sober Blackburn gs on here and have a hot sweet drink… day 2 will be better .. hang in there xx

    • You have my compassion for that panicky-tense feeling. I promise it will get easier and it won’t feel like this forever. You hang in there. oxoxox And it’s ok to ask your doctor about it, too. There are meds you can take temporarily to help with panic etc. if it gets too heavy.

    • Go Sam. It will get easier. Journaling helps. Write out pros and cons of drinking…. my pros is empty! Keep a journal how good u feel without the booze and go back to read. It will get easier and u will feel great without the poison.

    • Hey there @sam27 feeling any better? You could hop into bed early. You’ll be so stoked on yourself tomorrow 💪
      Kia kaha

    • It is really hard, I agree! You can do it though! You’re going to get through this. <3

      • You guys are amazing… I can so do this with this kind of support. I am in bed at 8:30 with sleepy tea and going to read The Icarus Agenda by a Robert Ludlum.
        Feeling the love 😉

    • I find reading so comforting. I can wonder how I’m going to manage without going out to buy wine and then I start a book and – poof, it’s time to go to bed. I don’t always read quit lit, but when things are tough it really helps.

  • Sam27 posted an update 1 week, 6 days ago

    Right, I have drunk everything in the house. Today is day one. Any advice.

    • Get some tools, something to distract, a tv show to binge watch, chocolate, whatever gets you through. Cut out anything you can avoid, can you get takeaways instead of cooking? Do whatever you can to make life easier for yourself in the next couple of weeks. And know that the first few days are going to be uncomfortable but then it gets easier and even pleasant. You can do it like so many here have. Check in here often.

      • My best advice. Commit to yourself.
        If you don’t feel you are important enough to make a promise to (low self esteem is something I struggle with) – commit to your sons.
        Both the beautiful boy you lost and the beautiful boy you have.
        You are worth being sober for yourself, but if that’s taking some time to learn..
        Be sober for someone else until you know you are the reason for your own sobriety.

        Distraction. Do something, go somewhere. Do something that you don’t usually do, whether that’s a yoga class, listening to a meditation podcast, swimming….break the usual patterns.
        Be gentle, kind to yourself. What you are doing is hard hard hard. But you’ve been through hard right? You can do this.

    • Welcome to day one! First thing, stay here and ask for help everday before you drink, not after. Now, stay home in your fabulously alcohol free house. Sleep, eat, eat sweets, drink a lot of water. Read a lot of sober material. Binge watch tv. Roam the house aimlessly. Keep repeating “do the next right thing”. Be very gentle with yourself. You have a marathon ahead, not a sprint. You don’t have to be chipper, smart, happy, energetic, or get anything done. This is the most important fight of your life which means putting your sobriety above all else. Do only what is absolutely necessary and know you will obsess about not drinking for quite a while. Soon, you won’t obsess and you will be, gasp, free! Compared to how much time you spent drinking, the amount of time you spend in adjusting to not drinking is short indeed. Short term pain for long term gain!

    • Plenty of self care,you are number one now,xx.

    • Hi @Sam27 ~ have you got someone around to help keep an eye on things today?

  • Sam27 posted a new activity comment 2 weeks ago

    I will definitely do that… get my brain and emotions ready

  • Sam27 posted a new activity comment 2 weeks ago

    Just waiting for them to contact me.

  • Sam27 posted an update 2 weeks ago

    What do I do when I live for that part in my day where I can drink half bottle of whiskey. I love the feeling…. happy and numb. How do I live without that. My health is suffering, I embarrass myself to my husband with over emotion over my son who took his own life, but how do I live without that reprieve. My worst fear came true. How do I not drink. I know I have to stop. But how?

    • I am so sorry for your loss and I wish I had a good answer. I really hope you are seeking support beyond this website.

    • I just knew it was time to stop, I had a feeling come over me that this was the last night. while I too waited to drink everyday, I woke up hating myself to the point of trying to figure out how I would not wake up, so you pick your time, collect information here, and stay busy as heck. your loss of your son will likely not change, but how you deal with it can change. i really wish you the best. it is the biggest thing you will do, NOT pick up that drink. hope to hear about it.

    • I have tried many times to stop drinking but what I am realizing this time round is how crucial it is to ask for help, to be honest with those you love and to educate yourself on addiction. I am so sorry to hear of your loss I cannot imagine the trauma and pain you are dealing with. But I think you should take so much pride from the fact you are here, telling your story and asking for help. You do not want to use your loss as an excuse to numb the pain, and I think that is so brave. It wont be overnight but I think every day you face, whether it’s good or bad and whether you slip up or not, you have started down this path now. Slowly things will get easier.

    • It may be helpful to read some recovery stories/books. I liked Blackout by Sarah Hepola, Mrs Ds Going Without, and others have recommended Dry by Boroughs. These stories show what recovery could be like. I read a lot before I quit.

      • I will definitely do that… get my brain and emotions ready

    • Hiya @Sam27. Are you in a position to follow-up w/ that service your doctor referred? Kind’a sounds to me like a medical detox might be your safest option to slowly withdraw from the high octane whiskey. It can be a delicate process and can be frightening on your own.

  • Sam27 posted an update 2 weeks ago

    I tried to regulate my drinking. The wheels came off. It really scares me how little control I have. I will try again. Maybe just abstain.

    • jmtn replied 2 weeks ago

      I have tried regulating my drinking for the past 5 years and kept failing at it. This last time I finally decided to abstain all together. My first goal is 100 days. I’m on Day 13 and I can say that it’s so much easier and more fun to not have to think about it! Sure, once in a while I romanticize it, but that passes and I find myself happy that I didn’t drink. I definitely recommend it. And check in here often, ask questions, read books on the topic and listen to podcasts. Doing all of that has helped me a ton to see it differently than I ever have. I’m actually starting to feel free instead of feeling like I’m missing out.

    • You’re here with a whole lot of people that have tried to moderate and failed. If in doubt -why not just abstain for a while, you have nothing to lose except feeling cruddy in the morning.

    • i cannot moderate. i wish i could. but then… there is always an event to celebrate with friends, do i drink every time i am with friends? do i just choose certain times? it is so confusing. it doesn’t matter though b/c I don’t drink. be well. choose your day, do everything you can to make it stick. if it was easy, this web site would not be here. Best.

  • Sam27 posted an update 2 weeks, 2 days ago

    I went to the doc yesterday and he has referred me on to a service. In the meantime he said stopping cold turkey was not a good idea and I should try cut down for one to 2 weeks

  • Sam27 posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 4 days ago

    Thanks for your support. I just have to be realistic about what I will actually be prepared to do.

    • Yep @Sam27 I like that you’ve set yourself a goal, and thats what you can commit to at this stage, so one day at a time Sam. You’ve been through – and still going through one hell of a struggle, that makes my struggles look pitiful – so be proud of yourself for making a positive change

  • Sam27 posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 4 days ago

    What do you think?

  • Sam27 posted an update 2 weeks, 4 days ago

    So here is what I am doing. I usually polish off 3/4 700ml bottle of Jim Beam honey ( only stuff I can stomach) neat a night. I have found out a normal amount is 3 drinks a night. The bottle roughly translates to 15 drinks in total. So I have marked on the bottle 5 nights. I have to stop when I reach the line. Is this crazy… or is it a step in the right direction. A stop now is just not going to happen.

    • Then what at day 5?

    • I think you are making a positive change to reduce your drinking and that is really important. I think you probably know what is good for you and what isn’t, what will work and what won’t, just try and be brutally honest with yourself about everything I reckon. We are not here to judge what is right for you, but 100% here to support you in the good, the bad and the ugly. You say “a stop now is not gonna happen”, well OK then, I will personally support you in reducing. For me I had to completely stop – because one wine, 2 wines, 3 wines, it would never ever ever be enough until I was drunk and fell into bed. That was me – knowing myself – and knowing what I had to do. Good on you for getting on here and letting us know what is happening for you. All the very best x

      • Far out @Suze99. You are a wise person. I just read your post about having a rough day and some bad news about your job and here you are, propping up Sam27 with your kindness, wisdom and love.
        You are amazing.
        I have zero doubt that you will find your way successfully through your current problems, and probably end up way better off.
        Hats off to you x

    • Hi @sam27 if you are able to drink moderately then you are a stronger person than most of us. I certainly have desperately tried moderation but I might have fooled my family occasionally but the reality was I was always drinking very heavily. I lied and covered up where possible my worst excesses but one bottle of wine was never enough. More like in excess of 2 and more. Total abstinence was my only option and as day 24 comes to a close, I feel great. I am happy with my choice, I hope you are true to yours. Good luck. I wish you well. And thanks to all those who have posted support. It means a lot, I really mean that.

    • If that works for u and u can “control” your drinking that way i see no harm. That would work for me up until the point it just stopped working and i drank more then i planned. Which would inevitably happen. Are u looking to cut back for a while? I think drinking less is good no matter what! That would be playing with fire for me personally though. Have u read “This Naked Mind” by Annie Grace? Great book. She has a new one out i havent read with a 30 day challenge which i did do. Online. I think its called “The Alcohol Experiment”. I think becoming conscious of our drinking is the first step. And u seem to be there so i think that is great. Just stay safe!

    • @Sam27 good on you for asking this question as it is a step in the right direction. The problem with any theory regarding moderation and control is that once you are drinking and after 3 drinks you are no longer going to be in control of the addictive side of your brain. You are no longer thinking like a person who isn’t drinking and the control you want to have will be gone. There are so many of us (me included) who try this. Not sure where you are based but if you want to try reduction/moderation then start with that but stay on here (whether it works or not) and share how it is going until you are ready to quit for good. If you need help to reduce before stopping a visit to your GP or a centre may be on the cards – I went cold turkey, then returned to moderation time and again, then drank alcohol reduced wine (but 2 bottles a day – still 15 units) before finally stopping 404 days ago. As @Jesss said reducing by any amount is better than drinking what you are currently doing – but my recommendation is that if you can’t stop at one – have none.

  • Sam27 posted an update 2 weeks, 5 days ago

    I am 45 and the mum of 2 boys. The youngest is 12 and the oldest would have been 28, but took his own life at 27. Whiskey has because my big hugging numbing bear. Only things is I cannot stop once the bottle is open. My health, wallet and mental well-being are suffering and I am at the cross-road of where I stop now or start emptying mates liquor cabinets before I leave. I was never a drinker before my boy left, now all I think about is when I can get home to open that bottle. Today I start to stop.

    • Oh @sam27 I am so sorry, I cannot imagine what you are going through. I dont have wonderful words of wisdom. All I can say is be strong for your 12 year old who needs his mum. He must be hurting too. You can do this, post in here, talk to us. Perhaps ask for help through your doctor too. Maybe it’s time for counseling if you haven’t already had it?

    • so sorry for your loss
      stay close to this site, it’s incredible

    • Oh @Sam27 I just can’t even begin to imagine your horror, I’m so so sorry to read about your boy. Our family had suicide stab us in the hearts lately by a friend of my 16 year old daughter, and that has been truly awful enough. Life can really throw us some awful stuff aye. Congratulations for coming on here and deciding to make a change. Stay on this site, keep sharing your ups and downs, lots of people here will help you. I look forward to seeing more posts from you. All the very best x

      • @Sam27 I am so very sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine what you’ve been through. I wish you the strength to stop. I know you must be an incredibly strong person. I echo @Suze99. This site and the people on it really help. There is nothing here but support, love and understanding for your struggles with putting down the drink. Sending you aroha

    • @sam27 I can’t imagine your pain. I am so very sorry about your son. You show amazing strength in going on.

    • Dear @Sam27 I can’t even wrap my mind around your pain. I’m so sorry … Please please keep coming here. For yourself and for your 12 year old. You need each other. You can get through this – you must. It’s safe here. And you can begin to move forward day by day. Carrying you in my heart today and sending strength for your tomorrows.

    • Hi @sam27 grief is a strange thing but we all have to go through it, my brother died of a drug overdose 4 years ago and I was sober then for 18 months.. the grief was so bad I picked up again .. I drank and drank for a long time.. couldn’t cope without a drink… the hurt was so bad. Please stay with us here and keep posting I do understand exactly what your going through.. but I have to say I did stop drinking because my family were so worried about me.. but I did it when I was ready.. xxxx

    • Oh, @sam27, I am so glad you are here! You are in the right place to get support to quit harming yourself. Please stay with us, there are such wise voices here, I know You will benefit. Do you have a plan on what to do during our normal drinking time? Some have found that helpful.

    • Hi @sam27 I cannot imagine your pain for the loss of your son. You say you are at a crossroads and by that I am sure you see you do have choices. Use your great love for your boy to guide you, lean on him and let thoughts of him help you. He would like you to be happy and well. You can do this with the support and love of all of us here. Make a start.❤️

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