• I need to vent, I’m on day 445. For all that time I have had a very lovely bar cart in my living room. I know this might be triggering but for me it was only last night it was an issue. I use it for guests. But last night I couldn’t stop thinking about having a gin and tonic, all the stuff was there to make one. I was so annoyed with myself that I’ve got this far and in a moment of weakness the wine witch pounced. I’ll never be better I just have to be vigilant. I got up and poured the remainder of the bottle of very expensive gin right down the plug. God It felt good. I really wanted to smash the bottle. I was full of emotion and I ended up shouting at this bottle in the kitchen. “Why can’t I just have one of you!!” My fiance came in and thought I was mad, he understood though, took the bottle and said “you can’t have one because you don’t need one, right?” He is right, I don’t need this poison, I ate some cake and did a little dance in my kitchen. Fuck alcohol!

    • Just goes to show how addictive the stuff is… and how little credit we give this due to the fact that it is a socially acceptable drug. Love your fiancé’s response!!! We don’t need this shit, that’s the only thing we have to say to ourselves. Oh, and “no thank you, I don’t drink” 😉

    • Wow, I can’t believe it came on just like that! We will always have to be on the lookout! Take care,xx.

      • Good and wise choice @rosepetal098 ……..a reminder to us all that we never can be sure when that evil wine witch will strike so we must be vigilant ! Well done on your actions x

    • yay for cake and little victory dances!

    • Excellent idea to throw it down the sink. Well done on knowing what is best for you.

    • Beautifully enacted and told!!! I like your fiancé very, very much. He’s a keeper

    • Great save❤️

    • Good for you and your fiancé!

    • Wow @rosepetal098. That is powerful. My boyfriend had some zima in the fridge that did that to me a few different times. I wound up telling him i had thoughts of drinking it. He removed it promptly! Your fiance sounds super supportive and i like his kind gentle words to u. Good job pouring that shit out!👍

  • rosepetal098 posted a new activity comment 1 month, 4 weeks ago

    My mona was deafening. I’m over a year sober and she is only bit a little mouse now. She is still there but can be squashed. You can do it!

  • rosepetal098 posted a new activity comment 1 month, 4 weeks ago

    The stronger you become the smaller monas voice will become. She can’t feed on your fear and guilt if you have none! Very well done for giving her the boot.

  • rosepetal098 posted a new activity comment 1 month, 4 weeks ago

    Well done! I think a lot us self medicate with alcohol. I used to celebrate it being a bloody Tuesday! Once you begin to find other ways of rewarding yourself you’ll find that alcohol is not your friend. I found with the money I saved id treat myself once a week. Buy something nice it will make you feel a lot better.

  • rosepetal098 posted an update 2 months ago

    Hey guys, just checking in. Day 442. I’m getting married in under 3 weeks eekkkk! I had someone ask me the other day whether I’ll have a glass of champagne on the big day? I laughed and said i dont want to. What I’ve learnt so far is that people seem to think you can’t celebrate without alcohol. I have way more fun going out sober than I did before. I’m a cheap date, I can remember everything! I can drive home and I never get a hangover. It’s a win win situation. When you start to not think as alcohol as a reward or something you need to be happy, that’s the moment your world will blow right open. I promise you it will get easier, because your mind set will change. Don’t think of alcohol as something you can’t have. It will become something you don’t want. And trust me all that money you used to pour into your mouth can buy some pretty nice shoes 😉

    • What a positive and encouraging post! Congrats on day 442 AND getting married in 3 weeks!!! I hope everything is falling into place, and that you have a wonderful celebration that you will remember. Huge congrats!

    • Your attitude is fantastic. Congrats on 442 days + getting married in 3 weeks!! : )

    • Love this post! It’s all about perspective!

    • Congratulations on your wedding and that you will be sober to enjoy every single minute of it! What a blessing!

    • How exciting! And it sounds as if you will enjoy and remember every single moment, appreciating it to the full. Can’t wait to hear how it goes. As many descriptions of the build up as you have time for please ❤️✨🌺💥💖

  • rosepetal098 posted a new activity comment 4 months, 1 week ago

    So normal! I was tired for weeks. Just let your body rest. When your body starts to heal it’ll get easier 🙂 x

  • Thank you everyone for your kind words today. I was really touched. When I started and I was reading comments and stories on living sober I used to think “wow they have such wisdom and expirence” and “I wish I could get to such a high number of days” I was dog tired when I gave up, I think my body was so ready to heal, I felt unwell for weeks. I prayed for the pink cloud people talk about and it was just not coming. I felt discouraged and wandered why I was doing this to myself. I then thought of all the times I’ve felt ashamed, guilty, actually sick from the poison I was knowingly putting in my mouth, the lies I told people, I had become deceitful, miserable and down right horrible to be around. I was so defensive of my drinking I just shouted at anyone who tried to help me. I was so lonely and I had built up a barrier between me and the world. Alcohol was just my puppet master. It had me. What I’m trying to say with this post is that it will be hard, but every day you get closer. And with each day you are closer to a life you want to thrive in. Because that’s why you are here on this site. There’s a life after alcohol. Fucking live it!!

  • My counter as ticked over 365 days without drugs/alcohol. I used to think an alcoholic was someone who drinks tinnys for breakfast and can’t hold down a job. Not the girl who looks like she has her shit together when really her world is falling apart. I certainly used alcohol to bury some pretty grim feelings, ones I didn’t want or know how to face. I was having panic attacks daily I was off sick all the time as I just couldn’t handle doing normal things like a normal person. I drank to blot out the aweful feelings I had about myself. I would turn up to work hung over and pass it off as a bug, I once left a meeting to be sick. I was in a very low place when I decided that I needed to face my demons head on and stop sticking my head in the sand. Becoming sober has been a steep learning curve. I am learning what kind of person I am. I’m a very firey person and that is both good and bad. I’m passionate but also thoughtful and kind. Alcohol was my mask. I’ve taken it off for good. I don’t need it any more. I don’t want it. Im getting to know myself and learning to deal with things in a healthy way. I won’t say it’s forever as that’s a long time but in all honesty. It lost all allure when it was ruining my life. Why chance it? It’s not worth losing what I have gained. I cried this morning, thinking how proud my past self would be if she could see me now. She’d see me as inspiring and so strong. She would say “That’s a girl who’s got her shit together. I want to be like her.”

    • Thank you rosepetal98 for your inspiring words and insightfulness. I was sitting feeling a bit sorry for myself at not being able to have a glass of wine, you hve given me the lift I needed. Congrats on your 365.

    • Brilliant work! What are your hopes and dreams for the next 365 days free?

    • ♥️
      Congrats on a alcohol free year and being a girl who has her shit together.
      I’m hoping to be that girl one day.

    • Wow !!!!
      What a post .
      I recognize myself a 100 % in all you wrote .
      I am so happy for you , i am 12 days from my one year anniversary and i am thinking a lot about this year’s journey .
      Yes , yourself one year ago is super proud of all you have accomplished , bravo .xxx

    • Congratulations, I too hope to get my shit together one day. Keep it up.

    • Congratulations @rosepetal098 on 365 AF days! Such a great post, I also had to lie to colleagues about why I smelled like booze so often in the mornings! Glad that is in the past! I hope the next year is even more rewarding than the last!

    • I bet last years girl is more than just proud of you. She is in awe. Congratulations.

    • Congratulations @rosepetal098 !! So beautiful to feel proud of yourself and all you have accomplished!!

    • This: ‘It’s not worth losing what I have gained. I cried this morning, thinking how proud my past self would be if she could see me now. She’d see me as inspiring and so strong. She would say “That’s a girl who’s got her shit together. I want to be like her.” ‘
      Wonderful. Exactly. Congratulations on a year and all your gains. A life reclaimed. xx

    • Happy Soberversary! You do have your shit together, don’t you?

    • That’s beautiful, I cried reading your post! Well done you!

    • Wow congratulations!!! You should definitely be so proud of yourself ❤️❤️❤️

    • great post, @rosepetal098 – congrats on the one years mark, that is incredible.

  • rosepetal098 posted an update 5 months ago

    In reply to @morgan what helped me the most get to 3 weeks off my 1 year mark? In the early days I did anything to distract myself from drinking, be that’s eating, running, cleaning, reading to be honest anything to take my mind away from it. My mind was still addicted and it will take time to get some good sober tools. I now don’t think about it much as being sober is part of who I am now. I don’t feel the pressure going for work drinks, I drink tonic water in a fancy glass. No one is the wiser, yet I get to drive home and not wake up with a hangover, I’ve also remember the whole evening and have not made a tit of myself. Also working with a local alcohol service has helped me give back to my community and help me reaffirm why I’m doing this. It will be hard, I still get cravings now. But I fast forward and realise it’s not the glamorous one glass of wine with dinner. Its the bottle then another. I just can’t have one, I’ve accepted this and once you accept it. That’s when your life will change.

    • Fantastic inspiration here, thanks @rosepetal098.

    • Wow, that is a really great list of inspiring strategies. Thanks for taking the hint and sharing. All I did for a year or so was moan and whinge.

    • This…is GOLD….”But I fast forward and realise it’s not the glamorous one glass of wine with dinner. Its the bottle then another. I just can’t have one, I’ve accepted this and once you accept it.” Amen to that. oxoxoxo

  • rosepetal098 posted an update 5 months ago

    Hi soberinos, my members feed hasnt been working for the longest time for some reason. I’m 3 weeks away from hitting my 1 year mark. I actually cannot believe I’m here. It feels like yesturday that I was looking in the mirror, my skin dry, eyes bloodshot, nauseous stomache and a massive headache saying to myself “I can’t live like this anymore” In that moment my world blew wide open. I felt dog tired, grumpy and Ill for the first few weeks but after that it got easier. My life completely changed. I volunteer now for my local alcohol services as a buddy(sort of like a sponsor) I have let go of my guilt, acknowledged my addiction and made steps to make sure I never stare into that wine bottle like I did before. I was embarrised and ashamed of how much alcohol was gripping and ruining my life. There is no down side to being sober. At all. So hang in there it will get easier I promise.

  • rosepetal098 posted a new activity comment 6 months, 3 weeks ago

    This is so awesome. Day 1 needs the upmost congratulations. One day at a time and you’ll be on your way. Xxx

    • Thank you. I’m looking forward to the day I can put a big number in. But as you say, one day at a time.

  • Hi guys, day 293. So my Xmas party was a hit. I hit that dance floor sober and loved it. No one really was bothered I don’t drink. If anything they thought I had a gin and tonic(soda and lime) What I didn’t expect was to be offered some coke. I know a lot of my work colleagues do coke, I used to use as a party drug. My main issue was alcohol, but my eyes sparkled looking at it. I quickly moved on realising its my addict brain trying to get me. I’ve made my peace with alcohol but my drug taking was just in the background, I just didn’t expect it so felt unprepared. I had a great night though. I Could drive home and I feel fresh and ready for enjoying my Sunday instead of eating carbs and feeling aweful. Hope everyone has a great run up to Christmas and can find peace here if they are struggling. Xxx

  • rosepetal098 posted an update 7 months ago

    Hi sober babes. Haven’t posted in awhile. Still plugging along on 290 days. I’m so close to a year I can’t wait. This will be the first Christmas where I won’t be horrificly hungover Xmas day. No vomiting, teeth brushing and mouth wash before family come to see me. No wandering if I did or said something stupid at the Xmas party. Feeling fresh and ready to enjoy the festivities. I honestly don’t know how I justified my drinking, I felt aweful most of the time, unless I was guzzling wine. I’m feeling stressed about Xmas, still trying to find my coping mechanisms that don’t include wine or chocolate. I’m getting there. I’ve bought a very sexy dress to my work do. It’s not my normal get up but I have lost 3 stone and want to show it off. I’m so proud to be sober. Xx

    • 290 days….3 stone down…..you go girl!!! Strut that dress of yours, I bet you look healthy and strong and beautiful in it! And oh my can I relate to your post….How on earth did I ever cope with being drunk/hungover all the darn time??? It’s seems insane now looking back.

      Can’t wait for your 1 year soberversary…..and we better get onto planning a massive sober treat for that day!

    • Way to go, rose! Sexy girl! Have fun and glide around the party with all the confidence that taking care of yourself brings! Woohoo!

    • Sounding fabulous!!!! Please give a report on the occasions, and of course details about how the sexy dress goes down… Oh, that could sound wrong… You know what I mean ;)😍👠💄💋👗

  • rosepetal098 posted an update 8 months ago

    Day 260. Had some unsettling news at work. Our small office is being taken over by a mayor company. I honestly thought I was getting my p45 today but if anything, maybe a new opportunity. Without knowing what’s along the road i feel anxious and tempted by drink. I haven’t felt that pang in many weeks now. I ate half a big bar of dairy milk. But I didn’t drink. X

    • Good for you @rosepetal097! Not sure what a big bar is but I’ll have to check it out in case I get an urge 🙂

    • Well done not drinking. Uncertainty is unsettling. Sometimes I think our addictive brains unconsciously search for an excuse, a reason, to do what we know we better not do.

      • I absolutely agree @tom4500 I’ve certainly searched for reasons s to get drunk in the past
        Well done @rosepetal098 and sending good luck for future opportunities

      • Congrats for staying strong, @rosepetal098! And like @Shaws I agree with @Tom4500. My addictive brain definitely seizes on any opportunity to trip me up (happy or sad occasion, frustration, anger, boredom, you name it). Tricky little devil.

    • Hi @rosepetal098 wow big stress and you coped without booze you are awesome!! well done x

    • bg replied 8 months ago

      Good job on grabbing the chocolate and not the bottle! Good taste in chocolate, too 😉

  • rosepetal098 posted a new activity comment 8 months, 2 weeks ago

    Aw thank you @Frog hope you can get a bit if sleep. Xx

  • Day 245- 8 whole months. Wow. I never thought I’d get any where close to this number. I was so sick when I started this journey, full of self loathing, guilt, thoughts of drinking consumed me. I drove drunk and that didn’t force me to quit. I had terrible arguments with family members. I still didn’t quit. So sick at work i would go home with “a bug”. Still not doing it. One day I just put my hands up and said “I can’t control you alcohol! But you’re controlling me and ruining my life.” That’s when things changed. Getting passed the glass to mouth habit was difficult at first. But then came living life in the raw, the good and bad and having nothing to ease the uncomfortable feelings. I had to face them all sober. Each day i get stronger and have my sober tool kit ready. I have gained so much from being sober. I’ve lost weight, my skin looks better, I have saved over a grand! But the best thing is I have respect for myself again. I like the person I see in the mirror. The old drunk wasn’t really me. This is me. Why would I want to blur this precious life I’ve been given. Have faith in yourself. One day at a time.

  • rosepetal098 posted a new activity comment 8 months, 2 weeks ago

    I love seedlip. Makes it look like I’m having a drink when I’m around company. Also I do t find it triggering so I can just have the one and it feels special.

  • rosepetal098 posted a new activity comment 9 months ago

    Welcome! This site has helped me enormously. I didn’t want to do AA and this site gives me hope and a space to vent and gain courage and wisdom from other people fighting like I am. I’m over half a year sober thanks to this site. This is the best decision you can make if you want to get sober xx

  • Hey guy! So after nearly 7 months sober it’s starting to get easier going to parties sober. I can now drive everyone home and I’m a lot funnier without booze. Who would have thought! It’s nice to be thanked for the ride home. Remember the chat and conversations. Not have a sore head. I’m a cheap date just drinking slimline tonic. And I still have a fantastic time! Looking forward to my work do as they all know now I don’t drink and it’s not an issue. I work in emergency services so I offer ed to do the dreaded shift after the party the next day. I’ll be the right person to do so. It’s only dreaded with a hangover! I hope to never have one of those again. Xx

  • rosepetal098 posted a new activity comment 9 months, 3 weeks ago

    Totally relate to the drunk texts. Mine used to be ringing people to chat but I haven’t spoken to them in years. How embarrising. Seems you know what you need to do and just post often so we can see how your doing. Also to keep yourself accountable. Also my dad’s an alcoholic so I do think there’s some relation. Or we all just thought it was normal to drink so much.

  • rosepetal098 posted a new activity comment 10 months ago

    I always say to myself “if you can’t have just one then don’t have any” I know I can’t stop once ive started. As you say we don’t have the correct mental processes and we just can’t. But it’s knowing this and challenging this everyday which makes it’s hard but worth it. You’re doing great!

  • rosepetal098 posted an update 10 months ago

    Day 201, missed my post by a day. Anyone who’s starting out on this journey. Have faith in yourself. I didn’t think I’d get to this point after so many day ones. The last straw being I had been driving under the influence and nearly crashed my car. I wasn’t hurt nor anyone else. But it could have been far worse. I was running every relationship into the ground. My fiance would hide my drink and beg me not to drink but id ignore him. I was so up my own arse about my drinking I didn’t see what it was doing to people around me and myself. I was depressed, overweight, sick, and I just wanted to end it all… I’m now getting married . I’m hoping for a baby soon as I miscarried previously, I’m sure my drinking had a lot to answer for. I can’t even imagine bringing a child into that situation now. The best thing about being sober is having self respect and my confidence has grown. I have a job I love and I wouldn’t have got that if I was still drinking. The benefits of being sober are so worth it but you have to want it! This site has helped me more than any therapist or intervention has. Thank you. Xxx

    • Very nice post, Rosepetal, and congratulations on you 200 days! Looks to me like 2018 is becoming a great year for you. All by going alcohol free. Really happy for you.

    • Lovely @rosepetal. You’re inspiring

    • What an uplifting post! How awesome to begin married life as a non-drinker. You’ll remember your wedding. What a gift to your future children as well. They’ll never know you drunk and will always be able to count on you being present at all times, day or night, for them!

    • Wow! Huge congratulations to you @Rosepetal on your 200 day milestone. Just absolutely love the way you have changed your life around. You are a Winner of the highest order, WEll Done xoxox

  • rosepetal098 posted a new activity comment 10 months, 1 week ago

    I used to hide my wine bottles from my fiancee. He always found them because he knew I hid them.yet I continued to do so. Mental right? Keep that thought of what you told dear when ever you want to drink. That’s what I do and it stops me from drinking. I have so much to lose. And for what stupid alcohol! Fast forwarding helps a lot of people here myself included. Will it only be one? Most likely not. Will I drink the whole bottle? Absolutely. It’s not worth it. Also I treat myself after a month to something I really wanted that’s not alcohol related. Like a massage or a handbag. Feels like I earnt it. Go you for wanting this sober life you can do it!

  • rosepetal098 posted a new activity comment 10 months, 1 week ago

    Took me about a week but then I was exhausted for about 2 to 3 weeks after that. I slept a lot. Then I was A OK. You can do it just keep going!

  • My days have tallied over 186 days. Thats just over 6 months. Half a year. All i can say is wow… I am so proud of myself it hurts. I would say I can’t believe it. But I can. I did it all with the help of this site. I really didn’t want to do AA and I found strength and comfort with everyone’s wisdom and encouragement in my time of need right here! I’m currently in Florida on my holiday with my family and it’s been my toughest time yet. It’s hard seeing wine in the fridge and my brain going “you can just have one” it even got desperate the other day ” pour one in a mug your mum won’t notice” that stopped me right in my tracks and i told my brain to shut the hell up. I don’t need this poison. It’s caused me nothing but trouble. I still have a long way to go but I’m not thinking of the destination. It’s the journey. And I fucking love being sober!!! Be sober with me guys! Don’t drink with me tonight!

    • Play it forward. Actually it sounds like you did. Great on the 186 D AF. I will not drink with you tonight. Enjoy your vacation, don’t let the Alcohol interfere with your vacation. This is YOUR life now.

    • Wow @rosepetal098 what strength you managed to pull out of the bag right when you needed it! Vacations can be so difficult as it seems EVERYONE is drinking! So…Well done you! Congratulations on your first 6 months of sobriety, that’s an incredible achievement and now you’ve gifted yourself your new sober life you are right to guard it so passionately! It’s the only way forward for people like you and I! I’ll be sober with you. I love my sober life too, doing well but never complacent as I never know when my addict brain will turn up the temptation….except over time I’ve noticed the booze doesn’t have the same allure anymore so it does get easier to say “No”! Great work! Well done & be proud! Xxx

    • Congrats on over 6months of awesome soberness! And well done you for telling that complacency voice to shut up! Pesky wee whispering! Shine bright you sober star and enjoy the journey xx

    • You inspire me! It’s so hard when that secret-loving voice speaks up, telling you know one will notice…no one except YOU! I’m happy for you. You can do it! Think about how good you will feel when you get home and give yourself a post vacation treat for not drinking!!!

    • I love being sober, too! I won’t drink with you on vacation.

    • Congrats on 6mths – i’m day 14 and loving it, also love the support from this site, also didn’t want to do AA – i will soooo drink AF tonight with you 🙂

    • I’m right behind you @rosepetal098 – 176 days! And I’m on vacation too! There have been some hard moments ( and I’ve only been here a few hours haha). But being sober rocks!!! Nothing good comes from drinking alcohol! Enjoy your holiday and I will not drink with you on vacation!!!

    • YUSS @rosepetal098 !!!!!

  • rosepetal098 posted a new activity comment 10 months, 3 weeks ago

    You are most welcome! I used this site A LOT in my early weeks. It was my life line. No one in my world would understand what I’m going through. Apart from everyone here as they are just like me. Struggling for a life free of poison. The exhaustion. Sugar cravings. The wine witch screaming in my ears. I swear I felt hungover more often than not and I thought this can’t be right? Your pink clouds are coming
    They will come! And when they do we will be here to celebrate. We are here for whatever you want to share. I’m so glad we could get you back on the ship. So so so glad!

  • rosepetal098 posted a new activity comment 10 months, 4 weeks ago

    I was exhausted too for a few months. I slept a lot and had bad sugar cravings. I also felt worse before I got better. Hang in there! It does get better!

    • @rosepetal098, Dear Goodness, thank you so much! Your response has helped me so much and was the crowing touch, the little cherry on top of all the other responses I got from other ladies. Your post has the pretty rose on it, finishing off a long list of things that people said that gave me so much hope to keep fighting through this. I’m SO grateful that you gave me a long stretch of time to look at, that helped me get realistic and grounded, and the sugar cravings and the sleep that I need smack in the middle of the day out of nowhere, that is a relief to know that you had the sleep need too, and that it got worse before it got better. It really makes me feel sane and able to face whatever is coming next as I heal. I appreciate you taking the time to help me more than you will ever know!

  • rosepetal098 posted a new activity comment 10 months, 4 weeks ago

    Here is the exact place to be to let it out. It is normal what your feeling and I still feel like this now. I get frustrated I can’t have just one. But we wouldn’t be here if we could have just the one. Nobody wakes up in the morning wishing they had downed a bottle of wine. Remember the reasons your doing this. It is hard but we are here to support you. You got this!

  • Half way through my jollies. Day 173. I haven’t had to deal with the wine witch for many weeks now. Mostly due to there being no temptation in the house. But now I’m on holiday with family there is wine in the fridge. All the time. She’s there in the background whispering. My physical dependency has gone. I slept a lot in the early days and had sugar cravings like I’ve never had before. But now it’s just her little voice, I’ve accepted she will always be there but it’s if I make the choice to pick up that bottle. Feeling fed up that I can’t be normal but ultimately accepting that this is me and it’s something I’ll have to make peace with. I won’t drink tonight.

    • @rosepetal098 – congrats on 173 days – you are doing so amazingly well….sucks that the bitch is back, but just keep pushing her in the corner. It’s difficult to resign to the fact that we aren’t normies, but we have so much more going for us than just that desire to have one or two…Have a wonderful holiday with your family! xoxo

      • Know the feelings &unfortunately we can’t stop normies from drinking lol but we ROCK &what a wonderful gift holiday with no hangover lol 🙂 🙂 🙂 enjoy

    • Hey @rosepetal098!! So great to hear about your accomplishment (173!!! wahoo!). Great job recognizing the wine witch, and calling her out before she plants an idea in your head. You can do this!! Maybe reward yourself with a big sober treat on vacation… a massage or jewelry or a yummy local indulgance from where you are staying?? You deserve it!! xox

    • You’re doing great! Don’t give up. Treat yo’ self! 🙂

    • yes, sucks to not be a normie or to be able to moderate, but we have all had those conversations with ourselves a million times. happy day 173. i won’t drink tonight with you. best.

  • rosepetal098 posted a new activity comment 10 months, 4 weeks ago

    It did, I feel little if none now. I’m nearing 6 months sober. If I have a challenging thought or feeling I take a walk. Or do something to make me feel better and it passes. It always does. Hang in there.

  • rosepetal098 posted a new activity comment 10 months, 4 weeks ago

    From reading your post it sounds to me that you need some more support systems in place. Not AA but support in other areas of your life. Have you tried counciling? Being sober whilst trying to juggle everything else is super hard and it will be easier with someone to talk to.

    • I am seeing a psychologist but he had been away so iv not seen him for some time and im noticing it. Il actually ring tomorrow to check when that appointment is. Im not on medication by choice but i think i need something to stable my moods out. I have a very routine life style its really not that bad its just my head space. My head space makes things harder than what it really is.

      • I think it sounds as if you could do with some support via meds – that depth of struggle for so long seems to be a pointer to something not quite right.
        Have you tried all the natural things for mood? B, C & D vitamins, Evening primrose oil. St Johns wort, magnesium, turmeric, ashwaganda – for starters!
        5-Http and L- theanine are helpful serotonin precursors so assist in us producing more feel good and relaxing chemicals – I think, don’t quote me, but they are good. It seems a lot, but way cheaper than booze, and none of it has toxic side effects – the reverse. Turmeric has been shown a little more effective than Prozac in small studies. I took it for my back, and noticed I felt rather chirpy. Nice 🙂
        Also, have you had iron checked? Low iron or B12 can lead to depressive symptoms.
        When low or out of balance, our body cries out, and craves for the right things – but we are often so out of touch with ourselves we self medicate with sugar, carbs, alcohol Etc etc
        Take care. Check everything xxx

  • rosepetal098 posted a new activity comment 10 months, 4 weeks ago

    I had severe anxiety when I first got sober, I didn’t know how to deal with my emotions sober. As the days go by you will find other ways to cope. I did a lot of walking in the beginning until my cravings went away. They will always pass. You will find your own sober tools in time. Just keep going.

  • rosepetal098 posted an update 11 months ago

    Hey soberinos, I’m still here in the shadows. I’m onto day 171. My life may not have changed from the outset for me but within. Game changer. You have nothing to lose with soberity but EVERYTHING to gain. I finally accept and embrace my flaws. I finally respect myself enough not to poison myself with drugs and alcohol day in day out. I was sick. Physically and mentally. I am now healing and thriving in this new life I have given myself. It’s your choice and yours alone. What you do with it is up to you but I can sure as hell tell you it’s better than picking up that glass. Choose life. Because you are fcking worth it!

    • @rosepetal098 – congrats on 171 days!!! This post is really what i needed to hear – we have a choice every day and we get to chose life…..everyday. Thank you for the reminder. xo

    • Congrats! I, too, needed to hear this today. We have a choice to make and it is ours and ours alone!

  • rosepetal098 posted a new activity comment 1 year ago

    I’m not sure with this one. I was in a deep depression when my mum had cancer. That wasn’t caused by alcohol. I then started to drink more heavily after the depression sunk in to make it more bearable. Though it made it worse and I became an alcoholic. Go figure.

  • rosepetal098 posted a new activity comment 1 year ago

    Oh my god same! I woke up feeling hungover I was so disappointed in myself but then I got up and realised I was still sober. I fist pumped!

  • rosepetal098 posted an update 1 year ago

    Day 122. People I know are starting to realise I’m on this sober train for good. Some seem a little put out though. I had a friend ask if I could just moderate. I smiled to myself. Then told my fiance later that night “if I could moderate I wouldn’t have to cut out the booze. It’s the reason I’m sober. I needed to do it to save myself” he nodded and agreed. He then said “I would hate coming home from work after you’ve had a bottle of wine to yourself just cause you were stressed or bored. It changed you. I like this new you better” that’s what’s keeping me going. Knowing I’m a calmer, nicer, more reliable person when I’m not hungover or drunk. I raise a glass of tonic to us amazing sober bitches. We fcking rock!

    • @rosepetal098 Yeah girlfriend! Nicely done

    • Krisb replied 1 year ago

      Raising my club soda and lime back at ya @rosepetal ! congrats for 122!

    • DaveS replied 1 year ago

      Well done @rosepetal098!

    • I don’t think people who moderate, or drink too much but don’t realize it, realize how hard and exhausting moderation is for those of us who have chosen to give up! I hated moderating, one of the first quotes I read was “when 1 is never enough, have non” and for me it was so so true… so glad you were able to smile to yourself, this sober thing is so much cooler than drinking!

  • rosepetal098 posted an update 1 year ago

    Day 107, checking in. Trying to stay present and keeping the wine witch at bay. It is my day off today and I’ve stayed out of the house all day as I fear the voice to drink will be strong with no one around to know if I drank or not. I’m waiting for my other half to finish work and we are going out to dinner to keep my mind off of drinking. It helps that he doesn’t drink when we are out. This soberity thing really comes in waves. I’ve got some good numbers under my belt now but I can go weeks without a hitch and then BAM! I can’t stop thinking about going to a store and downing a bottle of gin. Isn’t that insane that my mind tdoes that. Well I am an alcoholic after all. I’m just thankful I’m present to say to myself I don’t need that shit. Xx

    • Hang in there, @rosepetal098. You are doing magnificently.

    • Day 107….what a beautiful number. xoooxox It does get a lot easier….I can promise you that.
      oxoxox Let’s see what day 108 has to offer when we wake up sober, fresh, and clear-headed, pain-free….hydrated and rested. Maybe a bubble bath in order before bed?


  • rosepetal098 posted a new activity comment 1 year, 1 month ago

    This is fantastic! Good job! Xx

  • rosepetal098 posted a new activity comment 1 year, 1 month ago

    Big hugs! After your calming thoughts for me yesterday feel I can wholey relate to the stress you are feeling. I won’t drink with you too. We are doing this together. Xx

    • Thanks so very much, rosepetal098!!! oxooxoxo It really means a lot to me and your reply made me feel less alone, and more seen and heard.

  • I’m learning to love having a hot shower after a work out then pouring myself a glass of tonic. A big fck you to the wine witch!

  • rosepetal098 posted a new activity comment 1 year, 1 month ago

    Super proud of you for not giving into the voice! Xxx

  • rosepetal098 posted a new activity comment 1 year, 1 month ago

    My dad’s is an alcoholic so they think I’m over reacting. It’s been said to my face I’m over reacting. Maybe I do have some issues with my family. Either way don’t want to bore anyone. I’m gonna exercise get some air and do something productive with my day off. In my wine days this would have been prime time for 2 bottles of wine. Hey that’s rhymes! Xx

  • rosepetal098 posted a new activity comment 1 year, 1 month ago

    Thank you so much xx

  • rosepetal098 posted a new activity comment 1 year, 1 month ago

    I take anti depressants but I really don’t want to. I’m hoping at some point I won’t need them but for now it’s keeping me here xx

  • rosepetal098 posted a new activity comment 1 year, 1 month ago

    @gaila I have seen many therapists over the years. My doctor seems to think it’s a chemical imbalance. Of course there’s stuff from child good but nothing trumatic just normal. I thought I was better but when the panic comes back I just get scared. I was so confident a week ago that I got this! But when this shit happens I don’t feel so sure. so I’m having to get my sober tools out big style. Thanks for replying . Xx

  • Checking in. Day 102. I’m not well at the moment. I have suffered panic syndrome and depression in the past. I’ve been free of panic attacks for over a year. I had one in my sleep last night after being full of anxiety about fcking nothing the night before. Having one in your sleep is like drowning. You know you’re in danger but you have to ride it out. I’m so scared, I feel very broken at the moment. I’m determined not to drink but the wine witch is like a siren in my head. “Drink and you’ll get these thoughts out of your head” I’m so angry that she’s still here. I’m suffering and she just wants to beat me when I’m on the ground. I feel so alone In the real world. My friends and family can’t be expected to know how hard it is for me to not drink or use. They just think I’m being healthy. When I’m trying to save my life.

    • If you can’t connect with anyone in your real world, stay here! My sister suffers with incpaciting anxiety so I’m familiar with what you’re going thru. Have you seen a therapist? She was given a short term med that helped while she was in the throws of panic. I’m so sorry you’re going thru this. Do not let that wine witch win!! You are so much stronger than you think you are. Stay here, with this community. We will talk you down from that poison! Take a deep breath and fight the good fight. You got this!

      • @gaila I have seen many therapists over the years. My doctor seems to think it’s a chemical imbalance. Of course there’s stuff from child good but nothing trumatic just normal. I thought I was better but when the panic comes back I just get scared. I was so confident a week ago that I got this! But when this shit happens I don’t feel so sure. so I’m having to get my sober tools out big style. Thanks for replying . Xx

    • Oh dear you poor thing @rosepetal098 🙁 panic attack in your sleep, sheesh.

      Not surprising you’re having strong feelings and battles with the wine witch.

      Do you use any meds to manage the anxiety?

      • I take anti depressants but I really don’t want to. I’m hoping at some point I won’t need them but for now it’s keeping me here xx

    • Hi @rosepetal098 sorry to hear you’re going through a tough time… 102 days is an awesome achievement, well done you! Stay strong and don’t listen to that wine witch, she lies… day 103 is going to be awesome!!! Hugs, wish there was more I could say to help you through xxx

    • So sorry you are struggling at the moment and I hope things start to look better soon. I don’t know your situation and apologies if I’m out of line but you say your friends and family ‘can’t be expected to know how hard it is’ and I don’t doubt this, but have you reached out to them? I know I struggle to reach out to mine, but when I do they, they are wonderfully supportive and I’m always glad I did. Big hugs from me xx

      • My dad’s is an alcoholic so they think I’m over reacting. It’s been said to my face I’m over reacting. Maybe I do have some issues with my family. Either way don’t want to bore anyone. I’m gonna exercise get some air and do something productive with my day off. In my wine days this would have been prime time for 2 bottles of wine. Hey that’s rhymes! Xx

    • Sending love your way @rosepetal098. I’m sorry things are so difficult right now. Hope they get sorted out soon. xox

    • Awww. I am so sorry. Sending thoughts of love and comfort for you.

    • 102 days is amazing……way to go rosepetal098!


      Especially given the anxiety and panic attacks. You so have my compassion for those….and I am sorry you have them. 🙁 I had a few years where they got so bad, all I could do was sit on my bathroom floor and wait it out….and I have no words to describe the loneliness, hopelessness, and despair those days brought with them…plus after a solid attack all my muscles were sore and aching and that lasted another day to heal.

      A few of my friends get them too, and we all have our own ways to cope. I find therapy has helped a ton, and I still need to see my therapist every 3 weeks for maintenance but before that it was once a week just to cope with daily life…..

      I actually used to be convinced that “it was easier to live with my depression and panic and anxiety when I still drank”. I knew it was NOT true…but it felt true when I thought it. I am so so so damn glad I never gave in…..but it’s hard to ride those waves.

      Other friends of mine take meds. One takes Xanax as needed and then another SSRI every day. Some of us have low serotonin levels for whatever reason and it’s not our fault. It’s kind of like having diabetes or low iron. We would never wonder why a person with low iron levels takes supplements so the body can work well.

      Reach out to professionals until you get the help you deserve. It is exhausting to live with anxiety and panic attacks. And it is NOT your fault you experience them. If you could, you’d press a button and not feel them.

      I wish I could have stopped by when you had that attack at night, and gently squeeze your hand, if that felt ok, and ask you to just make eye contact, if that feels comfortable, and sit together and breathe until it passed.

      Let’s get you more help with those, and how about we leave shit alcohol aside for now so that whatever additional tools we can dig up, we know they get the best shot at working in the body.

      It won’t always be like this. I have…[Read more]

    • I just started a book called “dare” Barry Mcdonagh, it has good reviews may have something you can add to your arsenal. I just started so I don’t know for sure but thought I’d share. You have my compassion as well @rosepetal1098 , for me drinking made it so much worse. Log on and chat , I think a lot of people here understand. Also about family thinking you are overreacting, I’ve gotten the same crap here and it’s very frustrating! You are doing amazing things for yourself!! This site has been my cheerleader and it helps a ton! 102 is amazing!!!

    • Big hugs @rosepetal098. We are all here for you!

  • rosepetal098 posted a new activity comment 1 year, 1 month ago

    I read your comments and I also suffer with depression. You’re right depression is so self Indulgent. You can’t think of anything else but yourself. I’m on 101 days and I’m feeling a lot better. Not fixed. I’m on citalopram too. When I was drinking I crashed my car whilst drunk and I came out asking if I’d finally done it. Am I dead? I was in a bad place and it made me so upset to read of your struggle. We are here for you and just know that alcohol won’t help you’re mental state but being sober will. Thinking of you xx

    • @rosepetal098…thanks ,its awful isn’t it…

      • Its the absolute pits!!! Suffered it all my adult life and all through my family. With depression we don’t control our thoughts, our thoughts control us and that can be crippling. From my experience a good diet (cut out as much sugar as you can) exercise, self care all helps very much, but it still creeps up on me like the black dog it is!! I hope with the new medication you start feeling better soon 🙂

  • rosepetal098 posted a new activity comment 1 year, 1 month ago

    Fck yeah! Congrats super proud! You should be so proud! X

  • rosepetal098 posted a new activity comment 1 year, 1 month ago

    Yay it’s our sober birthdays together! So glad to share it with you! Xxx

  • rosepetal098 posted a new activity comment 1 year, 1 month ago

    Thank you everyone for your kind words and support I could not have done this and continue with you! Xx

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