• Robbiegirl‘s profile was updated 3 years, 11 months ago

  • Today would of been day 85 BUT on day 73 I went to a 50th party I was prepared with my drink but not prepared for how out of place I would feel. It didn’t take much encouragement for me to cave in and have 2 wines which I didn’t even enjoy. I stopped at 2 cos I was driving. Oh well I thought I will just start again tomorrow as the last 73 days have been a breeze really no Wolfie. Well I couldn’t of been more wrong as the last 2 weeks have been hell. Wolfie constantly telling me to make the most of this time before I climb back on the wagon. Yesterday I drank 1 and a half bottles of wine woke up this morning and had no idea where my 17 year old daughter was bloody lucky for me I read my texts and she had text me at 8.30 last night to say she was staying at friends. 8.30? My god I am so ashamed of myself. I vaguely also remember talking to a friend about another friend who is dying and I can’t remember a bloody word. My life was so much easier and happier during those 73 days I am going back there as of today there is a calmness and peacefulness there. Wolfie can go get FUCKed ifeel strong but funny not strong enough to reset calculator as can’t bare to see day 1 so I will do that in a few weeks. Any one out there contemplating moderating DON’T as it is an all consuming nightmare. I feel a calmness now as I think something has clicked and I can say for the very first time I will never drink alcohol again I have finished with testing myself life is so much better sober 🙂

    • Very wise words @Robbiegirl, glad you are clicked in and done with the test. Please don’t be too harsh with yourself, you have gained so much knowledge and determination to move forward on your journey.

    • Thank you for sharing what happened. I have been sooo close to drinking many times in the last 29 days, it is really hard. Night time is the worst!! We are all with you. Do you have people to confide in in person as well?. Everything changed when I told my husband at last.

    • You’ve experienced something, gained knowledge and a powerful insight. You will use this now to your advantage @Robbiegirl Go forwards in your calmness and quiet strength. Much love xxx

    • Thankyou for sharing this…I’m sorry you have had to go down this road…but as they say…what doesnt kill you makes you stronger. I faced a similar social situation recently where I basically killed the party because I wouldnt drink, Friends who used to be friends arent friends anymore just because I didn’t want to go to the bar and drink wine. I can’t be that person anymore…being sober is my beautiful sparkly happiness…and i blimmin dont care how many people dont like me anymore . Hang on to your sobriety …it’s the very best thing you will ever do for yourself. Big hugs to you…and forget the numbers for now…head down and start swimming to sober island..when you get there ..stay ! We’ll all tell wolfe to piss off together!

    • Thanks for sharing. You are very brave. At least you know you can never try moderating again and you’ve taught me a lesson in case wolfie tries to persuade me over the silly season coming up

    • Great feeling when it finally “clicks” I understand just what you mean. There is that abslolute certainty that you can do it. Good for you.

      • Thank you for your honest sharing-a good reminder that a drink is just a thought away. Good on you for coming back xx

    • thanks for the sharing and reminding us all that we are on this site in the first place because we cannot moderate – wolfie got a bit excited there thinking he had you back – and he did for a bit – BUT ….. you just scream at him all you like and make him go away again – back on board – what you do with the counter is your business and only your business – glad your daughter is ok and hope your friend on phone was as drunk as you were so she cant remember either – all the same be gentle with yourself- take care and big hugs {{{♥}}}

    • You’ve got it Robbie girl ! – Wolfie just waited for a vulnerable moment to reassure you that it was ok to have 1 or 2….the rest is history it’s on and upwards and you are doing great 🙂

    • Thanks Robbie girl – hard little journey but at least now you know – back on the horse darlin -and thanks for sharing – hopefully it will help someone else to think twice before thinking we are in control – we are not x
      totally get it about the calender – heartbreaking x

    • Like the others, thanks for sharing. I myself have been in the same place (after not drinking for 15 months!) Went straight back to my old boozy self within days. However, we live and learn from our hick-ups, we are real, we are only human. I learnt from that experience the reason I can not drink and clicked to this the hard way. So, onwards and upwards, be good to yourself and stay sober safe. X.

    • I did the test too . It’s not worth it at all .

    • Thanks for the honesty , it helps and u r fabulous x

  • Robbiegirl posted a new activity comment 4 years, 9 months ago

    I am proud of you too as I have been following your journey from the start. You are a inspiration to many 🙂

  • Robbiegirl posted a new activity comment 4 years, 9 months ago

    I am so sorry you were treated this way. My mum has bipolar and I have seen the impact is has had on her and our family. I think they can assume you are not taking your medication when maybe the dosage is too low. There is no one I admire more than someone like yourself that can be dealing with a mental illness that so many people misunderstand or don’t take the time to understand and alcohol or drug abuse. I see how strong and determined you are don’t let this set you back . You are amazing 🙂

  • Robbiegirl posted a new activity comment 4 years, 9 months ago

    RESPECT is something I haven’t had for myself in a very long time. I love this journey even starting to love myself 🙂

  • Robbiegirl posted a new activity comment 4 years, 9 months ago

    Oh my thank you I really enjoyed listening to that it was so very motivating. It goes for 30 minutes so make sure you have time to listen. Thanks for sharing 🙂

  • @suek thanks for link 🙂

  • Robbiegirl posted a new activity comment 4 years, 9 months ago

    Hi there are lots of liz Gilberts on face book which one is she ?

  • Help!
    Day 73 yesterday.
    Stopping drinking had been the start of so many positive changes in my life I was incredibly proud of myself. Slept thru every night, healthy eating, many comments from people that I was looking great and boy did I feel it.
    Wolfies voice was a whisper I took no notice of.
    UNTIL yesterday. …….. I had some upsetting news in regards to one of my kids and Wolfie started screaming at me. It was like a out of body experience as I observed myself driving to supermarket, buying wine, downing it in less than a hour, pigging out big time, crying, in bed asleep by 8.30.
    1.30 am awake, feel devastated, sick, disappointed,
    Now 3.22 am still beating myself up.
    I know I will get straight back on wagon today as I am so happy up there but what the FUCK? How could I cave in so easy, I felt I had no control so urge to drink was too strong. This has really scared me as I am now not as strong as I thought I was.

    • @robbiegirl, my heart goes out to you. What a terrible few hours you have had and how fantastic that you know you can get back to that happy place of sobriety. Don’t count days for a while, just be kind to yourself, nurture yourself and you will get back to the happy, positive you. Wolfe does not seem to differentiate between day 2 and day 100. Also when we fall, we do it so quickly with barely a moment’s notice. Look at this website, see that there are good and bad days for everyone. Take care. X

    • Are you keeping a journal where you can write down what triggers your thoughts. I an finding this helpful for me. Just keep sharing here how you are feeling and don’t beat yourself up that is what that shitty bloody wine demon wants you to do don’t let it win. Xxxx

    • Sorry to hear you’ve had a trip. It’s not a fall my dear and you can keep going. Our kids push the hardest most hurtful buttons in us I think. Sending you big hugs. Just keep talking to us here and just sitting with yourself. It will be ok and you can do this xoxo

    • I know just how you feel. I was day 60 and my children and family & husband all triggers.

    • Like seizetheday says its a trip not a fall.
      The day was hard for you and that old voice pulled you back.
      But your new voice is stronger you did 73 days listening to it.
      1 day with your old enemy was enough.
      love to you today… don’t give yourself a hard time- we don’t
      x

    • @robbiegirl, what a dreadful day, our kids are such a massive part of our heart, when there is an upset around them, it can surround us. So glad you are back on the right path, sending you peace, please know you are not alone.

    • Hi . Firstly , you’re being honest . That’s a massive step . No hiding . Secondly , you’ve just learnt again how drinking makes you really feel . Those are huge . So glad you came here . Go straight to 1 day at a time . Step by step . You are recovering . Be gentle with yourself . Keep calm and carry on 🙂

    • So sorry for your stumble along the sobriety road. I have had quite a few myself like many others on here. I find that when it happens it strengthens my resolve not to drink even more and I become stronger because I understand myself better. I’m so glad you’re back here with us again . 🙂

    • None of us are saints. Our kids can unwittingly cause deep stress – we love them anyway and it will pass. So please be kind to yourself.

  • Robbiegirl posted a new activity comment 4 years, 9 months ago

    Thank you for taking the time to message me I am quite touched. I log on and read posts religiously every day and though I don’t say much it’s everyone here that inspires me to get thru each day. 🙂

    • I know what you mean rEading everyone’s posts and others responses is so uplifting for me too. Bless you on your journey too!

  • Robbiegirl posted a new activity comment 4 years, 10 months ago

    Hi I am day 65 and for the last week I have been seriously thinking about planning my relapse after day 100. I can’t believe it what is with that. I feel the best I have felt all my life and have come such a long way why the hell would I give that up. So yes you are not alone with your thinking 🙂

  • Robbiegirl changed their profile picture 4 years, 10 months ago

  • I have just read thru the posts everyone wrote this morning and it has truely given me a warm fuzzy. I love the way you all support each other this is such an honest and safe forum. I am on day 55 and a lurker really but I read all posts everday. You are all awesome 🙂

    • told a friend the other day about this site and how amazing every one is and how uplifting etc etc and she put a finger down her throat like omg how sickening kind of — hahaha each to their own aye! she always has and always will be a negative person and very hard – so glad we all not like that – love this place ♥

      • Yep – I totally agree. We’re lucky cos we can choose our friends. We’ve masses of them here. Nice, genuine people doing their best in an honest way. I’m over cynical jaded people that don’t give a shit about what they say or do to others and the environment. They often think that they’re being funny. Or clever. I steer clear now.

    • Honest and safe – I like that. It’s a life saver to have those things here. It’s our precious place xo

    • I love this community for the same reason. And when you need support or just encouragement this is such a safe place to reach out for help…..

  • Day 51 brushing my teeth this morning, looked at my tongue in the mirror (as you do) and saw the most Pinkest plumpest healthiest tongue I have seen in a long time. Can only imagine the amazing changes going on inside my body. This is all the encouragement I need today. This sober journey we are on is so empowering. Have a great day everyone 🙂

  • My sober calendar reads 50 today. I still can’t believe it, I keep running my finger over the number on my iPad (giving it a shine ) 🙂

  • Robbiegirl‘s profile was updated 4 years, 11 months ago