I first joined LS on May 14 2015 with a goal of making 100 days sober, which extended out to 203 days. At that point I chose to return to 'social' drinking and still maintained a lot of AF days in the following year before, it once again slowly become an anti-social habit that meant I was back to drinking around 2 bottles of wine per day. I have had a few wobbly attempts to be totally AF on and off since then and managed patches of non drinking before resetting the counter with more determination. Starting again on 21 May 2018, I have booked into therapy, reduced my work hours and plan to make this AF life a priority. I am very grateful for all of the people on this site.
@sobermommy1013 well done on looking at it from the other perspective and also getting HIM to see yours. I was also very irritable first sober 6 months and angry at all because getting sober didn’t make me feel instantly better and I resented losing my stress relief. I guess it’s time to work on the why you feel that way aside from not being able to drink. And then at some point it will be like a voila moment and you will be have the happy fun moments without the drinks.
@tom4500 My hubby introduced me to Jimmy Buffett many years ago. I am a big parrothead fan!!! He is not big here in NZ. Funny now how the lyrics of his music relate to fun drinking times and many hangovers. Still love the music tho even if there is a lot of drink references. Hope you don’t end up eating zucchini fettuccine and bulgur wheat.
Possibly you need someone to reply that does AA – I have only went to one meeting and that was before I joined this site. I have no religion AT ALL , so it just didn’t appeal and I sat there and cried the whole time and didn’t talk to anyone. Stupid really!! But, I also think it’s a bit like a women joining a coffee group after having kids, sometimes you get people you click with and other times you don’t. It’s very personal. I believe that you are welcome whatever stage, and hey it just might be a way of meeting someone else that gets it . I see you are in the waikato, so I will also do a shout out to @agirl who is in the Waikato, perhaps you two could meet up? Or you could come to one of the Auckland meet ups to make some new contacts, just give @enzedgirl your details.
I think its a bit like a gambler only telling you about how much they won – never about their losses. We know it’s not all fun, been there and done that, plus one month of DRY JULY is not enough time for anyone to feel the benefits of sobriety. While it is a positive thing to do and for a good cause, you are the winner by not drinking. Go you on your long term aim.
Great post @jocord. I particularly agree with the thoughts on how long you have been AF versus drinking years. A normie said to me the other day, why don’t you just have one drink? Like she does. I said, well, you can have fun with that, but I have had way more than my quota in the last few years, so I don’t need anymore.
I think it is common for many of us to transfer our addicition to something else. I have increased my sugar intake with sweets terribly and I understand the pull of the pokies as a numbing response too. You know it, so you just to look for something else that gives you pleasure and is a positive substitute – reading, outdoors, yoga, meditation, dancing?
@Lars good that you came on here when having an F it moment. I fully believe now that it is not enough to ‘stop drinking’, yes we are here to stop drinking, but we have to want to reach a place where there is a benefit to not drinking, otherwise it just feels like a penalty/sacrifice/something you are going without. Your list looks good, so when you feel like a drink, maybe you need to say “I’m not having a drink now because I am going to read a book, watch a film etc” – do something that you enjoy. For me, I did not give up drinking to do more work, chores or housework.
I’ve got a little ditty for you. If emperors run the empires, and kings are in charge of kingdoms, then who runs the countries? I don’t much know what to say when you are distressed but I’m here to say you are very valued and special to many. Take care and accept the help being offered by all the wonderful people here. xxxx
Welcome @mrsfynturn – when you next feel tempted, dive on the site and post away or look for ideas about ways to get through the triggers. I hear you that you have given your card to hubby, but you also need to make this a positive experience, rather than just taking away the drink, what can you do or have to make you feel good instead of the wine? This is important so you don’t feel bitter about not drinking, and you learn to enjoy a healthier and happier life without the booze.
I’m with stylie, I end up just doing the code crackers. Words are friendly than numbers – and they say that being able to finish something (e.g. a crossword) is super for your mental health. I do the cryptic in the womens mags, coz I find the herald to hard and then feel happy that I’m at least learning and maybe one day I can do more that 2 or 3 answers in the herald. Keep trying, it will come.
You may not be completely lost @Sam27 you are here asking for help, you are concerned about your child and you are trying to stop taking a substance you know is harming you, there some good “signposts” there. Stick close here we are all with you.
Yippee our sober sewing star. I just read our wonderful Centrepoint Fabrics here in NZ is closing down. Such a loss and a terrible sign of the times for all the crafting busy bees. Yes, so good knowing that it is truly only jet lag to tire you for a day or two, rather than passing out on the first night from all the booze consumed – my reputation for this is something of a terrible legend on holidays with my husband, so sometime soon it will be nice to travel sober.
Have you had a look at all the extra material on the website (apart from this amazing members feed), as there is a load of ideas on playing it forward, what to read, how to occupy your time – planning to look out for your triggers so when your monster comes knocking you don’t let them in. While you are not drinking try writing a list of what is likely to make you want to drink, so you can come up with some ideas of what to do at that time instead of drinking. I’m day 415 today, but I had many, many day 1s.
Seriously, my counter says Day 410. How cool is that? I’m finding myself not missing the drinking so much these days. Sometimes, there are moments when little gremlins get in my head and they try to tell me I wasn’t so bad. But I know they are fibbers. I’m kind of getting used to this non-drinking girl now and as I have a new part time job where no-one knows me as a ‘big drinker’ it’s kind of like starting fresh when there is no expectation to be that other person. It’s also opened my eyes that the industry I worked in before (travel, hospitality) was full of drinking and while it was the norm in that industry it is not the norm everywhere. Plus I’m not seeking out fellow ‘big drinkers’ like I did in the past. It’s quite funny when wine/drinking comes up in conversation, and I can just say I don’t drink – not I don’t drink anymore – as they don’t know the old me. No need for explanation! Wonderful. Anyway, happy 4th of July to the North american crew and watch out for the gremlins, as they love to turn up on public holidays.
I read stories like this and I can’t help feeling how can this be true? All these people saying how it’s totally worth it how their lives have turned around and more amazing than they ever thought possible. Thanks for sharing I need to keep reading them!! Stories like yours make me wanna hang on in there, congratulations on your amazingness! 😀😀😀
Uplifting post, @rise2015! We’re on our way to 500 and won’t that be a cause for celebration! My son is absolutely dying for fireworks. Hubby bought a large selection yesterday and son wanted to hold them in his lap. His way of experience immersion. They were too heavy so he put them nearby while he slept. Up early today and ready to set them off even though the brightness of them causes extra seizures. Quality of life issue, eh? We will give extra meds for seizures and then have a show.
Oh interested in how you felt after Lorazepam, my son was prescribed this (for something else) and he seemed to get really hyped on it, so we stopped it. He is non-verbal so can’t explain how he is feeling. Every drug has some whacko side effect, if only we could do without them…
Totally get it – of course we have good memories of drinking too. I thought I was ‘strong’ enough to just have a drink once in while after my first 6 months in May 2015, and did that in December 2015, but it didn’t last. You did well to let it go, my hubby is a social drinker too and this is something he would say to me and think that it could be possible. I now know that it’s never just one, so if I choose to drink again I know that it would spiral out of control. Congrats on your nearly 5 year anniversary.
@Sam27 good on you for asking this question as it is a step in the right direction. The problem with any theory regarding moderation and control is that once you are drinking and after 3 drinks you are no longer going to be in control of the addictive side of your brain. You are no longer thinking like a person who isn’t drinking and the control you want to have will be gone. There are so many of us (me included) who try this. Not sure where you are based but if you want to try reduction/moderation then start with that but stay on here (whether it works or not) and share how it is going until you are ready to quit for good. If you need help to reduce before stopping a visit to your GP or a centre may be on the cards – I went cold turkey, then returned to moderation time and again, then drank alcohol reduced wine (but 2 bottles a day – still 15 units) before finally stopping 404 days ago. As @Jesss said reducing by any amount is better than drinking what you are currently doing – but my recommendation is that if you can’t stop at one – have none.
Well done on 14 days @Lucy. We definitely talk and reference wine and drinking a lot in our day without realising it. Just remember that is ‘them’ and you only have to look after your relationship with the bottle.
@Lars to add to your philosophising (is that a word?), I would also say that I had so many ideas about what I wanted to do when drinking, but never had the energy to actually carry it through. I still struggle with energy and motivation (but am medicated for depression), but these days I have more chance of doing those things I only thought about as drink really is a time and energy drainer, both when you are in the zone and the next day. However, I needed to rest first and now I am picking up doing those things I wanted to – although still struggle financially to do everything I want on my big long list.. Keep it up and you will improve your life.
Oh, yes, @rise2015! I lived that for a long time! That’s a big thing that keeps me trying for sober. I want to do things with my life that I know I won’t do if I’m drinking, because alcohol takes days to work itself out of my body (I struggle with energy and motivation also) and by the time it’s out I want more. It’s that cycle we’re so familiar with. Start with inexpensive / free activities, and the money you save from not drinking will help you afford the rest! Keep it up! xo
Nice work on nearing 5 years!!! Keep it going, as you know ‘this too shall pass’. Don’t know much about Idaho (kiwi here) but just finished Tara Westover’s memoir called Educated and it was based in Idaho. An interesting life, the countryside sounds nice but her story is quite an eye opener.
Yes like Jesss your notification shows that someone is following and when you click it you can see who it is. Do you just mean others can’t see how many followers you have? So the followers are private to you and that takes the popularity contest out of it. Funny question but once you follow can you unfollow too…. just in case you want to follow someone about a thing and then not carry on?
Day 377, happy to report that I got through my Dad’s funeral on tuesday without even a thought of drinking alcohol. Had afternoon tea after the service at the Ohope Bowling Club, and thought I had no chance of getting a zero beer there and lo and behold they had some. So had my cup of tea and sandwiches, then my zero beer. My Dad was not a drinker, as his father was an alcoholic and he had gone done the path on not wanting to be like his father. His service was very un PC and and there was a lot of laughter, not something you usually hear at a funeral, but we think just as he would have liked us to remember him and his unique ways. However, it has been a tough week doing a lot of miles and arrangements, plus I started a new job the day following the funeral. Feel like everything has stopped the last couple of weeks, no golf, little exercise, crappy eating, so trying to get back into some better self care this weekend. This week I have two meetings for my son about his funding and care which always makes me unsettled, so I need to get back on top of my game.
@gage like you I have always a bit of a problem sharing my woes, whether that is here or even in person, the times I have everyone has been supportive, so you can share. Just think of it how much you like to be the one to help when someone else has a woe, we love to give our two pennies of advice or just listen. Here is important not just for celebrations.