• ralph3479 posted an update 9 months, 3 weeks ago

    Hi everyone. I appreciate the support this site provides. I don’t want to come across as negative but I am just struggling right now. Struggling with sobriety and with life. I am really trying to stay positive. My wife left, I separated from my company…I just hope this is bottom. I’ve thought about bad things and I just need to get positive again. It’s amazing how short my memory is but how long a stigma attached to you can be. I just want to scream IM SORRY. My wife still insists that I go to inpatient rehab…I just don’t want to do that. I’ve asked her to learn more about addiction and treatment and she has a lot of self righteousness…seems like everyone is pretty self righteous even though they engage in the same type of alcohol use. The second you wave the white flag and admit a problem it seems to freak everyone out. People treat me differently, some supportive but the vast majority pull away…including my wife. I don’t want to hurt anyone, I never have. It’s made me very testy and aggressive. Nobody owes me anything and this is all on me but eff…just cut me some effing slack. The last 2 days have been very challenging. Thank you again to this community and again, I don’t want to be negative. I just feel shitty right now.

    • You hit the nail on the head for me @ralph3439 about self righteous people! Ive just had a relative staying and in her eyes she can do no wrong!—but I can see clearly that shes full of shit. Thats why I like to stick to people on this site or AA peeps. We all know lifes struggles and can talk about them. one day at a time. Feelings and emotions dont stay the same.

      • That’s so true Annie & hang in there ralph3479. I have drank again after being sober over other people’s B’S way to many times. The majority of my people are/were functioning alcoholics which has made it difficult for me to remain sober in the past. I’ve had to let a lot of people go. I have also witnessed many drink themselves to death. I just want to have a decent life and it won’t happen unless I am 100 percent AF. Things get better! Just don’t drink. Not worth it. I had one drink about a month ago that turned into several hundred within a few weeks. Coulda skipped that! Day 9 now and scratching at the walls! Actually I am beginning to feel better

    • Hey @ralph3479 don’t be forced into rehab-it won’t work.
      Im sorry everything is so bad right now. I’m not going to try and tell you what to do other than drinking won’t help any thing get better SO DON’T GO THERE ok?
      For now you need to focus on just yourself mate. Your wife will be ok. She’s a big girl.
      I had a guy I loved with all my heart. He drunk too much and was addicted to it. Because i didn’t understand alcohol addiction at the time, i thought me, his children should be enough reason for him to stop. We weren’t. I became addicted to the drama of getting him to stop. He tried AA, counselling etc but he wasn’t ready to stop. He got on anti depressants. Then came off them abruptly and took his own life at 34. Don’t get bogged down by peoples expectations of you.
      Your wife has made a good choice for her.
      Are you ready to start taking your power back Ralph? It brgins with removing drugs and alcohol. With them out of the equation shit gets better pretty quickly. A steadfast resolution to yourself that you won’t drink is a good start. Taking easy on yourself is good too. It’s OK to feel shitty. It’ll pass. Ps sometimes rude old fuckers that flip you the bird could do with a tap – but glad you just did it in your head lol not a good look. Look after yourself today. You have to because the alternative isn’t an attractive option. ❤️

    • Uggh I feel for you @ralph3479 My partner wants to end our relationship so I can sympathise. Thing is this is me now. Sober and taking control of my feelings about this
      Its so much easier without alcohol in the picture so if all you do today is stay sober then things are going to improve 🙂

    • Sending you love and light @ralph3479 it hurts when people you should be able to rely on turn away, we cant control their responses no matter how unfair that might be, keep turning to those who are present, I know from my own heartbreak that the list turned out to be a small one but it was really surprising who was there and stayed and are still there for me, they are the best of people. Sending you a big hug. XX

    • Hi @ralph3479! It sounds really hard. And it’s ridiculous that as soon as you say enough already with the booze, it’s you with the problem. And it’s the exact opposite – you are leaving your problem behind and everyone – who drinks alcohol – still has a problem. Normal drinkers are just at an earlier stage. I hope things get easier. You have all our support. Hugs to you.

    • I have been lurking BUT i agree with @ro rehab wontt wrk if you dont agree. I have had 5 courtordered rehabs none worked as not my idea or want.
      Self rightous or holier than thou. I think humans are all self rightous in some way shape or form. I used to think, how can people be homeless, the dicks, but when you hear their story you see how. There is a belief system out there that enables you to be pious, sanctanonious,self righteous, bitter, twisted! Dont get caught up in that belief system. The key thing is that all people have some issue to deal with and then they become self rightous on your issue, not theirs, hence they change the ball park accordingto them. I also think that they realise you are trying to change, so they cant handle that, as they cant change theirs, or want too. You dont need rehab, you need good psychologist. You enter rehab, you are hidden away of life issues. Good, bad,ugly. Why say your sorry, its life, she cud say im sorry for …. its not positivity you have to gain again, its yup i have this. Positivityis a word, not really an action. Work out your action for being sober.
      Does this make sense lol. It does to me. Check out Rational Recovery, states choice, which is where you are at.

    • Hi @ralph3479 Be as negative as often as you need to be here. This place is filled with people that understand the emotional turmoil we find ourselves in when we sober up. Re your wife suggesting rehab…. It’s probably all she knows. She probably expects that people to to rehab and come out cured, but it’s nothing like that simple. The only people that can fix us is ourselves. Some may find rehab helpful for that but the great majority of them will drink again within a year. It is no panacea. We have to do the work ourselves. If we can immerse ourselves in recovery communities (like this) that keep us guided along a useful path then that will help, and it will keep helping. Rehab essentially stops when you leave. Over half will drink again within a month once separated from the therapeutic community.

    • @ralph3479 I am sorry for what you are going through. @Ro has said it all. Wishing you strength today to take the first most important step and that’s to not drink.

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