I am married almost 30 years (to the same man. Lol). I am a mother to 2 adult daughters, 1 adult son and a teenage daughter. I am a Bible believing Christian. I am a daughter. I am a sister. I am a very loyal person. I am a runner. I am a good friend. I am a good neighbor. I am a good housekeeper. I am many good and notable things. One thing I am not good at is moderating alcohol in my life. I cannot “sip” alcohol. I cannot let an opened bottle of any form of alcohol sit around my house. (My husbands stupid fancy beers and stupid fancy red wine do not tempt me-thank God!!). My family and closest friends have seen me at my worst too many times. I pray for them and their healing and hope their memory fails them! This has been a journey for me. I started drinking heavily in college. Drank off and on, sometimes heavily, sometimes “normal”, abstained during pregnancies but it steadily grew out of control. I started praying and praying and soul searching and begging for God’s intervention and putting in serious proactive work and more praying and digging deep into my most secretive innermost being and asking myself WHY - that’s when this process finally started to work. It was asking myself the “WHY’s” that was hard - asking every cell of my being why. I’m still answering the “why’s” and I’m still praying and I am still learning and growing. One thing I know for sure is that I cannot moderate my alcohol consumption - or Oreo’s Double Stuff or Reese’s Peanut Butter cups. Thank you @MrsD for bringing us alongside your journey and for inspiring ALL of us to inspire each other. I’ll never forget the very 1st time I found this site over a year and a half ago. I was quivering so hard to admit on “paper/screen” that I had a severe alcohol problem. I will never forget that moment. Nor will I ever forget December 10th, 2017 - my last day of consuming poison.
I think the difference for me this time is that instead of (only) quitting drinking this time around I’m also asking myself all the why’s of my drinking. I think all this internal work and dialogue is what “recovery” is all about. Not just abstinence. Keep on keepin on!
Hey sweetie @Jesss. I didn’t get to reply yesterday but I was thinking about you. You’ve come so far and there’s no turning back now. Life sucks sometimes. And there isn’t a thing we can do about it sometimes. I’m so sorry!! Please continue to honor your sobriety and just keep doing the best you can when you can. Thoughts and cyber hugs!!!
I’m pretty proud of myself right now. Yesterday I ran a 1/2 marathon. I was always a runner, running through pregnancies – before, during and after. Still kept up with my running even after 4 kids. Thought I was really cool being able to knock back drink after drink and still run. Carbs, right?!?! Even had a shirt that I bought at a long d…[Read more]
I really appreciated this post. I recently came across a shirt amongst my gym stuff that reads “first run, then wine”. I bought that at the same time I was murmuring those 3am prayers for help. How tragic. Day 232 now, so grateful.
How inspiring @r51. I was a runner too. Once before my first marathon back in the 90s I took 3 months off drinking to prepare. Then I returned to drinking and running. Fully believed I could run the alcohol out of my body but missed a few long Sunday runs because I overindulged. I stopped doing both marathons and half marathons after my kids…[Read more]
Love your authenticity and not “renaming” yourself. Lol. I’m out of state now visiting with my adult son who saw me at my worst with drinking and it’s such a wonderful blessing to have this time now sober. Glad you had that moment last night.
One major tool I used in the beginning of my new AF lifestyle journey was asking myself the “WHY’s” of my drinking, drinking habits, patterns, etc. etc. etc!!!! I worked through that. Now I’m realizing that I need to start that process all over again. I need to ask myself “WHY” am I having drinking thoughts after almost a year and a half AF. T…[Read more]
Hi @R51! I think of drinking thoughts as pesky, like a fly I can swat away. Because I think even if I did have a good time, it would be a fast slippery slope and nothing good would come of it. Have a : ) week-end! x
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