• QueenMe posted a new activity comment 5 days, 8 hours ago

    I went with the bat (once I convinced my hubby I wasn’t adopting an actual bat 🤣). I think she will appreciate it ❤️❤️

  • QueenMe posted a new activity comment 5 days, 9 hours ago

    @connilynn hahaha love it! 😂

  • QueenMe posted a new activity comment 5 days, 9 hours ago

    She’ll feel ripped off lol, we live 2 doors down and walk our dogs together every night, have a coffee every Saturday and hang with my brother and nephew every Sunday. She’s probably sick of the sight of me haha.

    • I think the conservation gift is a great one, especially if she values preserving wildlife. I once gave my Dad a portion of a cow- which went to a woman in Africa and helped her to feed her children- and he’s even a republican. To be very honest, I kind of gave it to him because he is a republican and I couldn’t think of anything he really needed. So it gave me pleasure to help someone that needed a hand up, since his politics never would.

    • Ok…give her the bat then😂

  • QueenMe posted an update 5 days, 9 hours ago

    Feeling irritated, PMSy and can’t think of a present for my mother’s birthday which is 2 days away! I’m thinking of adopting a pekapeka for her (it’s a NZ long-tailed bat and you “adopt” it by paying some money towards it’s conservation). Is that a super dumb gift? What do you buy a person who has everything (and who doesn’t like to be touched-ruling out hair, massage, beauty experiences)? All this brain racking is making me think of alcohol-but I won’t do it! Even if I do get the dumbest gift in history 😂

    • What about your time as a present…ie the movies or shopping , something together maybe

      • She’ll feel ripped off lol, we live 2 doors down and walk our dogs together every night, have a coffee every Saturday and hang with my brother and nephew every Sunday. She’s probably sick of the sight of me haha.

        • I think the conservation gift is a great one, especially if she values preserving wildlife. I once gave my Dad a portion of a cow- which went to a woman in Africa and helped her to feed her children- and he’s even a republican. To be very honest, I kind of gave it to him because he is a republican and I couldn’t think of anything he really needed. So it gave me pleasure to help someone that needed a hand up, since his politics never would.

        • Ok…give her the bat then😂

    • @connilynn hahaha love it! 😂

    • Flowers? A weekend/night away? A show/theatre/musical etc? A cool piece of furniture? An experience (sky diving, bungy jumping, dolphin watching etc) I like the idea of the pekapeka. It’s something different. What about lessons for something she’s always wanted to do…learn piano, ballroom dancing, salsa, cooking italian, sewing…etc
      Good luck QueenMe. Have you said to her you’re having trouble and what would she really like/suggest??

    • That is so sweet to adopt a bat in her honor and also help the animal. I’d like to do that for my Mom. Sometimes those closest to us are the hardest to buy for!

    • I went with the bat (once I convinced my hubby I wasn’t adopting an actual bat 🤣). I think she will appreciate it ❤️❤️

  • QueenMe posted a new activity comment 1 week ago

    I always dream that I drink or smoke or eat an entire double layer box of chocolates. I put it down to anxiety and my mind trying to process those feelings. I also wake up with a winey taste in my mouth on the reg and love that it’s from nothing at all 😁

    • Oh great, Thanks QueenMe…I’m glad it’s not just me Ha!

  • QueenMe posted a new activity comment 1 week ago

    Have you tried mental health crisis services?

  • QueenMe posted a new activity comment 1 week ago

    It doesn’t sound like she thinks you’re shallow. Sounds like she’s getting the picture. You’re just protecting your mental health and maybe a little more sensitive. I’m like that too. Good friends may grump at you but they will understand on a deeper level ❤️

  • QueenMe posted a new activity comment 1 week, 1 day ago

    @connilynn too true, I guess he’s just used to me drinking and doesn’t understand the desire to change. I had a brief messenger chat with him where I said I saw the wine and I’m not drinking it and I’m not drinking anymore and I hope he’s okay with that. He told me he’s going to divorce me and I can take my little rat dog too if I’m not going to drink anymore…he was of course kidding 😛

  • QueenMe posted a new activity comment 1 week, 1 day ago

    @whynot I think he will get it eventually, he’s not being a jerk about it, I think he just likes the status quo. Although one thing I never get about others is why they are happier when you are drinking with them – the only benefit people get from me drinking is that I go to bed earlier lol!

  • QueenMe posted a new activity comment 1 week, 1 day ago

    @whynot he doesn’t think I have a problem, and I understand that my level of drinking is not a problem for many, but it is a problem for me because it makes me feel bad (physically and mentally). It’s just always on my mind and I just don’t want to let it rule me any longer and he doesn’t get that yet.

    • I hear you. I’ve had more than a few people tell me that they didn’t think I had a problem. But I did, because if it’s a problem for me, it’s a problem. It doesn’t quite make sense to me why you aren’t being taken seriously, but it doesn’t matter because you’ve got your mind made up 😉

    • @whynot I think he will get it eventually, he’s not being a jerk about it, I think he just likes the status quo. Although one thing I never get about others is why they are happier when you are drinking with them – the only benefit people get from me drinking is that I go to bed earlier lol!

    • Why do people think we have to have a problem to quit? Maybe we don’t want to deaden our feelings. Maybe we’re choosing to be totally present with all the good and not so good of our lives. Maybe we want to be healthy and grow old and wise and live and enjoy our grandchildren. Sobriety is not just for alcoholics, you know!

  • QueenMe posted an update 1 week, 1 day ago

    Hubby put a bottle of wine in the fridge 🤨 Maybe he will learn that I am serious when I once again say NO.

    • Why wouldn’t he think you are serious already? Good for you for staying strong, @QueenMe.

      • @whynot he doesn’t think I have a problem, and I understand that my level of drinking is not a problem for many, but it is a problem for me because it makes me feel bad (physically and mentally). It’s just always on my mind and I just don’t want to let it rule me any longer and he doesn’t get that yet.

        • I hear you. I’ve had more than a few people tell me that they didn’t think I had a problem. But I did, because if it’s a problem for me, it’s a problem. It doesn’t quite make sense to me why you aren’t being taken seriously, but it doesn’t matter because you’ve got your mind made up 😉

        • @whynot I think he will get it eventually, he’s not being a jerk about it, I think he just likes the status quo. Although one thing I never get about others is why they are happier when you are drinking with them – the only benefit people get from me drinking is that I go to bed earlier lol!

        • Why do people think we have to have a problem to quit? Maybe we don’t want to deaden our feelings. Maybe we’re choosing to be totally present with all the good and not so good of our lives. Maybe we want to be healthy and grow old and wise and live and enjoy our grandchildren. Sobriety is not just for alcoholics, you know!

    • My husband did this a bunch in the beginning. Now – he is barely drinking because I’m never drinking. If he gets beer, he makes sure to just get one for himself not a whole bunch. I had to tell him many times how serious I was because he didn’t think I had a problem with drinking – just that I liked it a lot. Keep gently reminding your husband. <3

    • @connilynn too true, I guess he’s just used to me drinking and doesn’t understand the desire to change. I had a brief messenger chat with him where I said I saw the wine and I’m not drinking it and I’m not drinking anymore and I hope he’s okay with that. He told me he’s going to divorce me and I can take my little rat dog too if I’m not going to drink anymore…he was of course kidding 😛

    • @queenme I have had the same conversation with my wife. “You really don’t have a problem” she said. My answer was that, even if I don’t always appear to drink “too much”, it’s on my mind from morning till night – every day – and that’s my problem. Because that’s nothing like her own relationship with alcohol, she was able to see that it had become a problem for me, and therefore to take me more seriously and empathise with (and support) my desire to quit.

    • DaveH replied 1 week ago

      Tell him. You are not being weak, your brain works differently to his in relation to alcohol. Tell him what it’s like in your head when you see alcohol. Tell him how you brain never says “that’s enough now”… it just doesn’t happen. Tell him that you think about drinking from your waking moment. Tell him how your mind always, always, always thinks now is a good time to drink and that there’s always time for one more. Tell him how the demand that you drink screams through every fibre of your being. Tell him that the demand to drink is nearly non-stop. He understands none of this. His experience of drinking is completely different to yours but when he get a glimpse inside your head we will understand more of the challenge you face. And if he did that then he wouldn’t walk in and put a 12 pack of beer in front of you! You can do this. Find the things that help and keep doing them, it is soooo worth it.

  • QueenMe posted a new activity comment 1 week, 2 days ago

    @dennyd yeah I feel like honesty is MY best policy, I can’t really lie with my family, they would pick me apart. My brothers will be fine, but my Mum will be all puzzled, which is strange seeing as she has lost a niece and her sister was told if she doesn’t quit the booze she’ll be dead in 6 months!

  • QueenMe posted an update 1 week, 2 days ago

    When you wake up tired and you know it’s legitimate tired and not too many drinkies tired✊🏻✊🏻✊🏻

  • QueenMe posted a new activity comment 1 week, 3 days ago

    🤣🤣 totally!

  • QueenMe posted a new activity comment 1 week, 3 days ago

    I get what you mean. On one hand I’m like ‘how many days?’ and on the other hand I’m like ‘why track? This is for life, it makes no difference’ but then it’s also about living in the present so tracking does help and offers a sense of achievement.

  • QueenMe posted an update 1 week, 3 days ago

    No midnight peeing, no headache, no crappy feeling, no guilt, no midnight peeing, no headache, no crappy feeling, no guilt, no midnight peeing, no headache, no crappy feeling, no guilt…just reminding myself…

  • QueenMe posted a new activity comment 1 week, 3 days ago

    Sounds like a good plan, I didn’t even think others might feel judged!

  • QueenMe posted an update 1 week, 3 days ago

    Hubby keeps asking if I want a drink when he’s getting one 🙄 Maybe gotta get through a few weekends to get it to sink in for him…

    Also, what are people’s thoughts on announcing they no longer drink to get others to not pester them on a night out. I was thinking about telling everyone that I decided to let Dry July extend to forever just to pre-empt having to explain at events why I’m not drinking.

    • I started out by saying I was doing a 100 day challenge with friends, simple and no one else felt judged, now if someone offers me a drink I say maybe later for now I’ll just have X, then I make sure X stays full enough for folks not to feel the need to offer me anything else.

    • Good idea Waking Owl! I have started off telling people I am on medication that I can’t drink on (Technically true as I have started anti-anxiety meds and the box says ‘limit alcohol’) But I also like how Lotta just said to people that she couldn’t control it anymore which I think is honest while still maintaining your privacy.
      My brother in law brought a bottle of wine round to our place the other night and I was not tempted at all but felt awkward about what to say. My lovely hubby just gave it back to him and said “here take this home…we’re not drinking at the moment…trying to be healthier” and the BIL was like “Oh great idea” so I breathed a sigh of relief and made us all a cup of tea!

      • We handed back a bottle the other night and the giver said…oh no thanks…I don’t drink that crap….we all laughed really hard as he’d been gifted it in the first place and was trying to regift.

    • @queenme it can be a tricky one but I’ve gained confidence to just say that I stopped when my Dad was sick and now just feel better without it and plan to not go back to it.

      • @dennyd yeah I feel like honesty is MY best policy, I can’t really lie with my family, they would pick me apart. My brothers will be fine, but my Mum will be all puzzled, which is strange seeing as she has lost a niece and her sister was told if she doesn’t quit the booze she’ll be dead in 6 months!

  • QueenMe posted a new activity comment 1 week, 4 days ago

    Mmmm cake…sugar is definitely my downfall. I did Dry July before starting up with Dry Life, and I ate sooooo much sugar that I gained weight eeeeeeek!

  • QueenMe posted a new activity comment 1 week, 5 days ago

    Thank you @leslielily. This is exactly how I feel ❤️

  • QueenMe posted a new activity comment 1 week, 5 days ago

    That is so true about the smoking and gluten 😂

  • QueenMe posted a new activity comment 1 week, 5 days ago

    Thanks – I agree with closing it to further discussion, I don’t want to debate it, I just want to shut it down.

    • @queenme so many people that love us don’t want us to stop drinking.
      The reasons are many and varied.
      Mostly they come from a place of love.
      Sometimes they don’t.
      But they are generally more about the person giving the advice than the one receiving it.
      For example, perhaps your husband loves having a drink with you in the evening as a way to rewind and catch up after a long day, and doesn’t like the idea of you having a problem. Or your parents don’t want to think of you being unhappy and giving up drinking might indicate that you are or have been.
      In any case, culturally our society treats drinking differently that other potentially harmful behavior.
      We’ve discussed this quite a bit on this site.
      Imagine if you said, I’ve got a problem with smoking and so I’ve decided to give it up. Everyone would applaud you (even if they still smoked themselves).
      You’d have plenty of support.
      Even if you said, I’m no longer eating gluten as if bloats me. No one would bat an eyelid.
      It’s all quite strange when you look at it.
      I think the cultural tide is shifting in this regard though.
      I think in 10 years time, being sober will be much more “normal”

    • That is so true about the smoking and gluten 😂

  • QueenMe changed their profile picture 1 week, 5 days ago

  • QueenMe posted an update 1 week, 5 days ago

    Urm, so, I really want to know if anyone is in the same boat as me. I was a “heavy” drinker for about 8 years, dropped it down to moderate after a dose of mono. I have ALWAYS felt uncomfortable with my drinking habits and think about alcohol pretty much all the time. The problem is my lovely family think I don’t have an issue and keep trying to talk me out of quitting. My hubby who is in his 50s (I’m in my 30s) keeps comparing me to other people he knows that drink copious amounts per evening. But I know that my drinking is unhealthy and doesn’t work for me even though it is significantly less than his friends. He can also drink one beer and be fine, whereas I can’t do that. I feel like a bit of a fraud joining a sober group but it is an actual struggle for me to deal with this. My family has a long history of alcoholism and my cousin died at 40 from it, so I live in a state of fear as well, so I think it’s better just to give up-any thoughts? Anyone out there like me?

    • You think you have a problem then you do, just say thanks for your words but this is my choice as I feel drinking doesn’t work for me and at this time I am choosing not to drink. Or something along those lines but keep it short and closed to further discussion. It’s coming from them being uncomfortable so leave it with them.

      • Thanks – I agree with closing it to further discussion, I don’t want to debate it, I just want to shut it down.

        • @queenme so many people that love us don’t want us to stop drinking.
          The reasons are many and varied.
          Mostly they come from a place of love.
          Sometimes they don’t.
          But they are generally more about the person giving the advice than the one receiving it.
          For example, perhaps your husband loves having a drink with you in the evening as a way to rewind and catch up after a long day, and doesn’t like the idea of you having a problem. Or your parents don’t want to think of you being unhappy and giving up drinking might indicate that you are or have been.
          In any case, culturally our society treats drinking differently that other potentially harmful behavior.
          We’ve discussed this quite a bit on this site.
          Imagine if you said, I’ve got a problem with smoking and so I’ve decided to give it up. Everyone would applaud you (even if they still smoked themselves).
          You’d have plenty of support.
          Even if you said, I’m no longer eating gluten as if bloats me. No one would bat an eyelid.
          It’s all quite strange when you look at it.
          I think the cultural tide is shifting in this regard though.
          I think in 10 years time, being sober will be much more “normal”

        • That is so true about the smoking and gluten 😂

    • if It is a problem for you, then it’s a problem. I tried hard to determine whether I (didn’t) have a problem by comparing myself to others and never got a satisfactory answer. Yet it was affecting my mental and physical health and I’m so happy for my sobriety.

    • Firstly, you are so not a fraud for joining this group. I also was a heavy drinker but I did not drink every single night, nor did I wake up and drink, or have the shakes or have anything truly disastrous happen due to my drinking. I have a full time career, I parent two kids and I keep my shit together pretty much all the time. But, when I do drink, I don’t want one, I want five. Once I start it’s impossible for me to not want more. I was constantly thinking about drinking, when was it time to drink, how much booze did I have? Is it late enough to crack a beer? Will I be able to drink a bunch before someone else gets to them? On the nights I didn’t drink it was a big deal ooooh look at me I didn’t drink tonight! I would try to get through the work week without drinking and inevitably drink by Wednesday night. It was a huge distraction and only after committing to giving it up did I realize how DEEP my dependency on it was. Nobody else thought I had a problem, not even my husband. You are in the right place!!! Welcome <3

  • QueenMe posted a new activity comment 1 week, 5 days ago

    Thank you!

  • QueenMe became a registered member 1 week, 5 days ago