• Prudence posted an update 1 month ago

    Hello team, hope you’re all doing well and trucking along nicely in your gorgeous new sober shiney lives. Nice to see so many new arrivals giving each other support and encouragement. It’s so cool how the site works, so simple but such a profound difference it makes in helping us stay connected, and feel so much less alone. Brilliant. I am feeling a bit sort of blocked lately and not easily able to communicate, and as such I haven’t been on here much. Usually it just flows out of my fingertips! Not lately. Struggling a bit with big life choices I’ve made, to build this home and be here in these beautiful surroundings by the sea. It has been more than two years now. There is much I love about being here, it is like a wonderful tranquil retreat, but I am seriously considering leaving and going back to the city. I feel like I don’t really belong here on a full time basis. I don’t fit in. Not my people. Can’t seem to connect in any meaningful way. It becomes a little bit confusing to live one’s life almost entirely alone. I feel a lack of being able to give, to be useful to others, to share, and I feel at 63 these are important years, and not ones to spend entirely in quiet contemplation. Time enough for that later! My time here has not been wasted. I feel after a very busy life so far, I have needed this time here, it is like I’ve had my own sanctuary, been on retreat. So, I am struggling with indecision. I have achieved my life’s dream in building this home and moving back to this beautiful place of my childhood. But I am not fulfilled here. I don’t know if this is a problem within myself, or if I simply got it slightly wrong! I am thinking of moving to the wee rental unit I did up last year in Redcliffs (a small seaside community in Christchurch), which is quite a humble little place compared to here, and putting this home with Bachcare for holiday renting, which will enable me to still come here often with friends or family or by myself. Hopefully the loss of rent at Redcliffs will be balanced by a bigger income from here. There is much to think about, not least how I will feel letting unsupervised others stay here in my precious home. Anyway, nothing to do with booze, no thankyou, I don’t drink! But that is where I am at in the present moment. And the decision is a huge one for me. A kind of dream shattering one. Only got one life, might be best to mix it up a bit. Oh, and I do realise I have a very good quality of problem, I guess that is why I have hesitated to share it, as I know many would probably kill to have my problem. Sorry if I am being shallow. Over and out. Love to you all. xoxo

    • Not shallow at all my friend. I lived in the country for ten years and heaved a huge sigh of relief when I moved back to the city. Simple as that. I just love it back in town. xox

    • Agree with @normaleelucid, not at all shallow. You had a vision for that house, you built it, the life doesn’t suit you, so do what makes you happiest. 💛

    • Where to live is a very deep issue, not ” PROBLEM”. The problems are, as you say, cost and strangers in your beautiful, special sanctuary. How to live your life/ where you are happy and feel right – huge things to consider, though it actually sounds as if you know. Did travelling clarify you to this point do you think? or a gradual realisation gathering force?
      Heck, I’m worrying about being 30 minutes from the city centre with the quietest man in the world … now may that’s a proper problem hahaha
      Redcliffs is so lovely. Clever you doing that.

    • me and my family moved to the country 6 years ago and although its great, crime free, clean air, beautiful surroundings, i miss city life. Im not moving back to the city but i know what you mean about connections. ive made some new friends here but theyve lived here all their lives, unlike all walks of life city folk! i miss the diversity of the people in cities, i miss the services, being able to go to the cinema or even a book club, geez i am shallow i guess lol, if you want to move go for it xx

    • Hi @prudence I do get how you feel in terms of sharing the new insights and stuff you have maybe learned on you years at the beach so I probably would look at it as extending your dream and building on it rather than a letting go of it completely. I guess different places bring out different strengths at different points in our lives and each one leaves an impression to either explore further or leave as complete, our choice. It is a struggle when deciding but you are not closing a door just opening an adjacent one to have a look at.
      Shallow is not a word I would associate with you ever, you are very in touch with yourself and your surroundings so bin that one!!!!
      You have a lot to give, you will make the right decision for you, life is all about change and how we manage it really. Lots of love your way❤️💐

    • Not being shallow at all @Prudence!! Knowing in your heart where you belong is very important to well-being. And I think that is the point here, not the fact that the house is big and beautiful (that’s just a perk, right!) It doesn’t make the problem pull at the heart strings any less. I hope that you are able to find some clarity as to the best path forward. <3

    • The nice thing about having choices is that perhaps you don’t have to give up this dream entirely. Just switch it around a bit. Maybe it’s not right for right now. Right now might go on for the rest of your life or things might change again. But if you have the option of swapping around which you live in and which you rent out, you can try this other idea out. It does sound like you are almost decided . 🙂

    • Oh aren’t I just so lucky to have you all in my life and to get your valuable feedback on my quandry! Thank you so much @Normaleelucid @Lucy @Morgan @Robynb @Teazy @LeslieLily @Liberty @Saoirse for your comments and support with what I am finding a very tricky call to make. I guess I am almost decided @Liberty but only in the last day or so, so I will sit with this for several weeks I think, to make sure it is a very considered decision for the right reasons, and not just one of my whims coz it’s cold and wintry and a bit gloomy. I look out these windows and know how much I will miss this beauty in my life. But yes, you are right, I can come back, often even. And any time I like I can come back to live permanently. And we can still have sober gatherings here!! And can have nice wee day ones at my wee flat in town, walk around to the cafes at Sumner beach and walk back for afternoon tea in my sunny 80’s conservatory!! haha

      • @Prudence when I read your post my gut reaction was ‘yes’. Yes to all of it. All just a matter of timing. The biggest Yes I felt was to you living a life where you can input into others – you have a serious gift for this and it is much needed, and wherever you need to be to do that, well, there is your joy also. Yes to keeping the beautiful house overlooking the sea – it doesn’t matter if you aren’t in it all the time, I figure when you aren’t there, it will be a beautiful treat on the horizon waiting for you to go back to. You are so young and have so much to give, and if right now the beautiful house by the sea is making you feel ‘put out to pasture’ then try the city – nothing is a tattoo (apart from a tattoo). Make people the centre for now and you’ll be happy. Seriously though chick, you can’t really go wrong no matter what! xx

        • Thank you @Trace, that all means a lot to me. It’s al.ost 1.00am so I wont elaborate as off to city early morn. Xx

    • Sometimes as we get older decisions we made previously are not always the right ones now. We change, life changes and those around us change the problem is that as we get older our choices sometimes get more limited. If this previous choice no longer makes you happy and you have the chance to do something else do so but I do agree with @ Saoirse build on this don’t let it go completely. Buddhists speak of a middle path, you have worked hard to get this far keep you options open. Good luck.

    • JM replied 1 month ago

      Hi again @Prudence! From your posts, I can see you’re a sociable, vibrant person – and I can imagine it would feel quite lonely to be on your own a lot, not feeling connected. You’ve given it a go, you can come back, it was and is a great experiment. And now you know yourself that much more. Sometimes I think about that – like I’ll be happy in 8 years when I retire and I can move to San Miguel de Allende in Mexico for half the year. But life continues, and it will not be the promised land, and I’ll probably even miss teaching. With your decision, follow your heart. xoxo

      • Thanks @JM and yes I will follow my heart, mu intuition. To do that I think I must sit with this for a couple of weeks, and see how I feel then. It is possible that the dreary cold weather and the return from vibrant Europe to such quiet here is simply having a negative effect on me. I will wait a bit and ponder what it is I hope to find by moving, make sure my intentions are clear, and sound, and well thought out. I may well be alone a lot in the city too, but there is so much more scope for things to do, so much easier to catch up with friends, so many second hand and antique shops to fossick through!

    • Ro replied 1 month ago

      Hey there. What’s the worst that can happen? You’re lucky you have options make the most of them. I would if I was you 😉 I met a couple of hermits on Stewart Island. You don’t want to be one mate- fucking weirdos 🤣

    • Gojo replied 1 month ago

      Hi @prudence I had thought that you sold the Redcliffs place so was delighted to read that you have that alternative haven! Am I right remembering that you have a real soft spot for it? Sitting with it for a while sounds a good call. More sunshine will help all of us make good decisions I suspect!

      • @Gojo it’s just a little 2 b/r ownership flat but in a perfect location. Bought as “worst house best street” on Beachville Rd, waterfront. I did it up quite nice. X

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