• Addiction is a psychological and physical inability to stop consuming a chemical, drug, activity, or substance, even though it is causing psychological and physical harm. When a person experiences addiction, they cannot control how they use a substance or partake in an activity, and they become dependent on it to cope with daily life.

    I find this helpful, realising I’m an addict and no amount of willpower can get me through this. It helps me understand I’m dealing with something bigger than me and I need help.

    • Yes it’s addictions are band aids to help stop us feeling pain, but don’t work long term. We have to deal and feel at some stage, some may say it’s called growing up 😳😁

  • preparedtochange posted a new activity comment 1 month, 1 week ago

    A weapon I use against myself. I like that – resonates

  • Got sucked in AGAIN believing I can control what I drink. When will I ever learn? I go months with no booze, feel amazing and then think I’m cured and it will be fine this time. It is not fine. Seriously, when will I learn? I don’t know how, but somehow I have to find a way to reach the point where I NEVER drink. I cannot even imagine what that’s going to be like, with friends, and family and pretty much every aspect of my life. This site has worked for me before, so here we go again – DAY ONE!

    • If you push past the times you return to drinking, you may find that after a while you don’t care about it at all. At least that’s been my experience and that of many others here. Good for you for continuing to work on the problem!

    • I could have written this @Juliana. Dont think too far ahead. Keeping a sober journal on how good u feel is helpful to 😁

  • preparedtochange posted a new activity comment 2 years ago

    Hello @elsa1202. So good to hear from you. I’m doing awesome. Six more mths into it now and loving it. How’re you xxx

  • preparedtochange posted a new activity comment 2 years, 3 months ago

    Hmmm @morgan – hit the nail on the head there. Totally using it to drive me, feel very stressed, and can tell it’s another blocking mechanism. Very jittery, anxious etc. Why am I still driving this behaviour?

  • preparedtochange posted a new activity comment 2 years, 3 months ago

    Thanks @lizzy – I might give that a go and see if I can stick to it.

  • Coffee, my new unhealthy addiction. How to give it up I ponder…… Help

  • Still ruminating on the subject of self-care and reaching out for support……

    Last night my husband came back from 10 days away. I was really glad to see him but I was so tired from being a ‘solo’ parent all that time, (youngest of 3 kids has just turned 3) that once we’d fed the kids, had our own dinner and tidied up a bit, I took myself off to get horizontal in our warm bed with the leccie on and a good book. Clearly this wasn’t what he was expecting and he asked me why I’m so tired all the time. Now because I wasn’t addled with booze and racing round like the crazy maniac I once was to get everything done (despite the exhaustion) he noticed the difference and seemed surprised.

    I just burst into tears and said do I need to have a reason (apart form the 50,000 that immediately sprung to mind)?!?! Why do I have to explain it so that you understand – it just is, I’m tired, and I need to go to bed. Can’t you just accept that without me having to prove it or defend it?

    Time for me to be surprised. He gave me a huge hug and said of course not, i’m so sorry, why don’t you go and have some time to yourself and i’ll sort out the rest.

    This is a revelation to me! I have never done this before – I’ve always battled through, filling up with wine and resentment, believing that I had no choice. I like this as an option and I intend to practice it more.

  • preparedtochange posted a new activity comment 2 years, 3 months ago

    Oh wow @freedom1025 – that’s pretty awesome to hear. I love that about this site – that you can be feeling/thinking something, and then you see it articulated by someone else and it just makes you feel so damn validated ! xx

  • preparedtochange posted a new activity comment 2 years, 3 months ago

    Hi @MsLSober. Yes, and you must! I’m surprised at how often I feel angry or frustrated, and how quickly i try to get rid of those feelings. Anger is definitely a tough one to sit with and accept. xx

  • preparedtochange posted a new activity comment 2 years, 3 months ago

    Hi @journeyer. So true! I’m just starting to practice being uncomfy and reaching out for support. Amazing how willing people are to help if you ask xx

  • preparedtochange posted a new activity comment 2 years, 3 months ago

    Hi @trace – yes! I think I must have been doing that too, and then being double disappointed when they didn’t respond the way I was wanting them to xx

  • Day 102 and it’s not often that I feel like a drink anymore. The times that I do are when I feel like I ‘deserve’ one: When I feel hard done by or lonely, the kids are pushing my buttons, or I’ve had a crap day at work. My first thought is still – ‘I wish I could sit down, by myself, with a glass of wine’. Because it’s non-negotiable for me now, and drinking is not an option, I’m trying to think beyond that first thought and I realise what I really want is to just sit down, by myself. It’s not about the wine – it’s about the self-care. It’s about acknowledging and accepting those feelings and dealing with them, not pushing them to the bottom of a wine bottle.

    This journey I’m on, to stop drowning myself in booze, has made me realise how much I used to put everyone else before me and in doing that i’ve sacrificed my own needs and feelings. The people in my life are starting to learn that I need support sometimes too – but that’s because I’m finally learning to tell them.

    • love this @preparedtochange, resonates with me. I’ve finally realised that its OK to set boundaries and let people know what they are, and to expect support at times too. I think I used to expect people would just ‘know’ what I was feeling or what I needed, or would automatically do the ‘right’ thing. But no. Easier to just be up front and clear I’ve decided 🙂 xx

    • Amen to that! That rings so true for me too… the wine was how I’d “look after myself” or “treat myself”. What I wouldn’t do was ask for support. Now I have to get comfy with bring a different kind of uncomfy, and actually talk about how I might be anything less than (gasp!) okay and on top of everything!

    • Brilliant post @preparedtochange this is exactly how it is for me to, thanks for articulating it so well. I am feeling pissed off right now, and it’s ok, I am allowed to take time out to look after myself. I so get what you mean about putting others needs first and sacrificing your own. Certainly a journey of learning to value and take care of ourselves. So so so much better doing it this way than swigging back a bottle of wine. Love and healing and moving forward instead of numbing and self loathing and making things worse. I am listening to Ted talks. Have a great night/day.

      • Hi @MsLSober. Yes, and you must! I’m surprised at how often I feel angry or frustrated, and how quickly i try to get rid of those feelings. Anger is definitely a tough one to sit with and accept. xx

    • Loved reading your post, thanks so much for sharing your thoughts
      xxoxox

    • @preparedtochange beautifully said. I saved this post because it perfectly sums up why I used to reach for a glass (bottle) of wine and why I still have the urge from time to time. Instead I need to pause and understand what “I really want is to just sit down, by myself” and breathe.

      • Oh wow @freedom1025 – that’s pretty awesome to hear. I love that about this site – that you can be feeling/thinking something, and then you see it articulated by someone else and it just makes you feel so damn validated ! xx

  • preparedtochange posted a new activity comment 2 years, 4 months ago

    Something about being in the 3rd month which kinda messes with your brain. Hang in there! xx

  • preparedtochange posted a new activity comment 2 years, 4 months ago

    It is not easy for you @burno1976 ! I think you’re doing amazing with all that pressure coming at you. They will learn to trust and love the new version of you in time and that will feel soooooo good xx

  • preparedtochange posted a new activity comment 2 years, 4 months ago

    She definitely comes calling when the feelings are low and you’re at your most vulnerable. It is sad and it is ok for you to feel sad. You don’t have to ignore or squash those feelings. Lots of love xxx

    • Thanks@preparedtochange. There have been a few ‘down’ moments this weekend where, if I’d still been drinking, I would have ‘hit it hard’ – just to squash those feelings. Feels much better to deal with them and then make it out the other side sober and clear.

  • Thank you for all the birthday wishes and kind support. I made it through my birthday celebrations with no booze. I turned up late to the bar and there were so many wine bottles, glasses, and tapas all over the table. The lighting was low and atmospheric, and the girls were in high spirits. I felt a real tug – probably the hardest social situation I’ve faced so far – and I succumbed to an internal sulk for a bit before I relaxed into the vibe and enjoyed the great, company and good times. About 9.30pm I got tired but they were just warming up. Off I went with a couple of others who were ready to go home and I was glad, so glad. I didn’t miss out and I woke up fresh as a daisy and rearing to go to my early morning yoga class. Woot woot – this is AWESOME

  • preparedtochange posted a new activity comment 2 years, 4 months ago

    Oh dear @Freyfreya. Lots of love xxx

  • It’s my birthday and I want a drink. Grrrrrr

    • happy birthday! how are you doing? whats going on that makes you want to drink?

    • How about it is my birthday and I will enjoy the evening …and the next morning (unlike me last Sunday morning with a thumping headache after drinking wine) 🙂

    • Happy happy Birthday @prepardtochange I think sobriety is a great present for yourself. Maybe write a positive list? Treat yourself in some way and celebrate future freedom from escapism..is that even a word lol. Hey sincerely sending some positive happy vibes your way 🙂 🙂

    • Find something to do to keep you occupied and get you through to 8:00pm, maybe start with a quick list of how and why you feel better not drinking. Bake something, make a hot chocolate, phone someone, get wrapped up in a book. Don’t think of forever – just think about tonight and how proud of yourself you will be when you wake up tomorrow and you haven’t given in to that urge ❤

      • Happy birthday @Preparedtochange. Yip understand that you want a drink . Agree with others sorry sweet. You have to talk yourself thru the consequences and weigh up if some wine is worth it. It isn’t really because you’ll have a dose of the guilts tomorrow and low mood cause you’ve broken a good spell. It’s bloody hard at times thou…. xx

    • Read back your own intrduction message. I think this will inspire you. Please dont drink – its a romatic imagine I sometimes have in my head. We all know the reality is much different. Happy birthday x

    • Stay strong. Treat yourself in every other way imaginable – buy chocolate, a special drink (my go to at moment is a chai latte), run a bubble bath – have candles. Visualise yourself getting into bed sober and waking up so proud of yourself that you just through your birthday sober! Then treat yourself again either a yummy breakfast! You can do this!!!!

    • Happy Birthday!!! You’re giving yourself the wonderful gift of sobriety! That’s something no one else in the world can give you and it’s the best gift ever!

    • Happy birthday. Imagine how awesome and fabulous you are going to feel in the morning.

  • preparedtochange posted a new activity comment 2 years, 4 months ago

    Thanks @Gojo. Argh, it does my head in at times. It would be so easy to grab that wine and float off into oblivion – only to wake up how ever many hours later with not only the original angst, but the regret and loathing too. xx

  • preparedtochange posted a new activity comment 2 years, 4 months ago

    Thank you @freedom1025. Sometimes I feel like just saying f**k it, I’m done with fighting against this madness. Reaching out here and receiving support is my strongest coping mechanism right now. I’m very grateful for and humbled by the amazing people on this site xxx

  • preparedtochange posted a new activity comment 2 years, 4 months ago

    Thank you @pursuitofhappiness @stella @sophia2. It really does help to receive these kind words when you’re struggling. xxx

  • preparedtochange posted a new activity comment 2 years, 4 months ago

    Thank you @nowino. I don’t know what I’d do without this site. I’ve come here on several occasions to shout out that it’s tough. Sometimes I actually cannot believe that we feel this bad about giving up a drink. It seems senseless and unreal. Big hugs to you xx

  • preparedtochange posted a new activity comment 2 years, 4 months ago

    Thank you @hummingbird xxx

  • preparedtochange posted a new activity comment 2 years, 4 months ago

    Thank you @seedynomore and @begoodtomyself and @janna. It’s good to hear that because right now it feels like a forever thing. Much love xx

  • preparedtochange posted a new activity comment 2 years, 4 months ago

    You are truly amazing @freyfreya. I’m very very sorry to hear about your daughter. Thank you for posting xx

    • Well @preparedtochange there are only 2 choices and I have chosen up to 2 bottles of wine a night and not working for 4 years. I can’t live like that forever even thou getting older without my best friend terrifies me. When I’m not thinking about myself I think ofher life lost just before turning 20. This site gives me such loving support to ditch the wine even thou it’s hard. And I’m working again but just a few days a week. So I understand about feeling raw and open. We support each other. I hope today was a better day for you. Much love Denise xxx

  • preparedtochange posted a new activity comment 2 years, 4 months ago

    Aww that’s so cool @wvlheel. I bet your family is so proud of you 🙂

  • Day 80 sure looks pretty on my sober calendar. Really struggling to sit with ALL these feelings though. Where are they coming from. Sob sob. Today I just feel pure terror and it’s very convincing

    • Dear @preparedtochange Feeling pure terror about what? A specific event, thing, memory? If its just a general feeling of terror, that could be what’s called generalised anxiety disorder GAD. Thats diagnosable and treatable, so don’t despair!! Big hug to you. Ice cream is very good medicine!! xxx

    • Day 80 ia absolutely amazing, well done, we all the the work and effort involved in acheiving this. Tomorrow is a new day, remember self care, exercise, a bath.

    • Excellent on D80 !! Keep busy with reading, writing, excersising….anything to occupy your mind with positive, grateful thoughts. Be kind to Yourself!

  • preparedtochange posted a new activity comment 2 years, 4 months ago

    Done, thank you @Mrs D xx

  • preparedtochange posted a new activity comment 2 years, 4 months ago

    Mmmm hmmm – definitely there to fill an emotional gap of some kind. xx

  • preparedtochange posted a new activity comment 2 years, 4 months ago

    That is rough 🙁 @Janna so so hard. Lots of love xxx

  • Does anyone know how I can contact the technical support people at Livingsober? I’m trying to update my email address and it’s not working.

  • preparedtochange posted a new activity comment 2 years, 4 months ago

    Thank you @madandsad. How’re you doing today? xx

  • preparedtochange posted a new activity comment 2 years, 4 months ago

    You are such a nice man @Wvlheel. I love reading your posts and hearing the joy in them. It’s very soothing for the rest of us xxx

  • preparedtochange posted a new activity comment 2 years, 4 months ago

    Oh god you poor thing @patty1955. That must be messing with you head. You can definitely stop because you’ve more than proved that. Do you know why you started again? Can you tap into whatever emotion is driving the behaviour to drink? Can you let it out some other way. You’re so worth it. Keep trying xxxx

    • Dear Prepared. Thank you! I plan to keep trying. I think I started because I stopped keeping in touch with my support system. I stopped going to meetings about a year ago. I stopped calling my sponsor. The funny thing is, I never felt like “oh, I can drink again without a problem”. I knew it would be a problem. Yet I did it again. I let me self get insecure and angry over some stupid work issue. I isolated myself from everyone except my family. My first and worst mistake. Thank you for your kind words and support.

  • preparedtochange posted a new activity comment 2 years, 4 months ago

    So good to hear @Freyfreya. Living in the raw – what a flipping rollercoaster it is, but at least being sober has ups and downs instead of just the downs of being a drunk. Go us xxx

  • preparedtochange posted a new activity comment 2 years, 4 months ago

    Amazing @debbs71 – go you !! xxx

  • preparedtochange posted a new activity comment 2 years, 4 months ago

    Fantastic @Mtedenmummy ! How exciting xxx

  • It has taken days for this melancholy to shift, which has frightened the pants off me. Yes there has been a lesson to absorb: Turns out I yearn for wine when I am at my most vulnerable. Turns out I find it very difficult to allow those feelings to present, especially in front of others. Turns out I have been conditioned to banish them, somehow, anyhow. Turns out that nothing awful has happened during this time. My family and friends are still there in abundance and instead of holding on to stuff that doesn’t serve me, I have learnt that it is possible to let go.

  • I feel raw, like completely opened up. I don’t feel like a wine but I don’t know if any other way to deal with how I’m feeling. There are so many things happening that are hurting me. I’ve been doing ok for 78 days, and now this.

    • It’s wonderful that you chose to come on this website right now, because we can all support you through whatever stuff is going on. Doing anything rather than drinking is a really great idea right now. Hope you have a better day tomorrow @preparedtochange.

      • Thank you @nowino. I don’t know what I’d do without this site. I’ve come here on several occasions to shout out that it’s tough. Sometimes I actually cannot believe that we feel this bad about giving up a drink. It seems senseless and unreal. Big hugs to you xx

    • Congratulations on 78 days! Please hang in there. Sending you prayers and cyber hugs! Hopefully tomorrow will be a much better day.

    • Congratulations on 78 days @preparedtochange. That is awesome. It’s good that you don’t feel like wine. I have no answers on how to deal with shit. I am staying in Nelson and that is the place where my daughter and I had some awesome times together. I don’t have her now. I am coping by feeling sad and being quiet but trying hard to be interactive and bright when I’m around my brother, sister and their partners. It’s fecking hard. How to deal with hurt and pain? I suppose it’s part of life and we have to find our own way. I hope you having caring people in your life right now. Much love xxx

      • @freyfreya your post here really touched me . Just wanted you to know I’m thinking of you. You are doing it no more day ones for you you’ve made the decision I can tell xx take care of yourself this weekend.

        • Thank you @clear. That means a lot to me. No more day 1s.It has been a tough old day and listening to much disharmony between my. Brother and sister. I just wonder when their lives got so small. Grateful today for my LS tribe and their warmth and generosity xxxxx

      • You are truly amazing @freyfreya. I’m very very sorry to hear about your daughter. Thank you for posting xx

        • Well @preparedtochange there are only 2 choices and I have chosen up to 2 bottles of wine a night and not working for 4 years. I can’t live like that forever even thou getting older without my best friend terrifies me. When I’m not thinking about myself I think ofher life lost just before turning 20. This site gives me such loving support to ditch the wine even thou it’s hard. And I’m working again but just a few days a week. So I understand about feeling raw and open. We support each other. I hope today was a better day for you. Much love Denise xxx

    • Hang in there. I felt raw for the first few months because I have been using alcohol to mask my emotions and past traumas for years. Honestly the peace does come and its like the most amazing feeling. I am calmer and more grounded now than I think i’ve ever been in my lifetime and its becoming more consistent with each passing month. Focus on your breathing and try and chill as much as you can. Practice makes perfect and becoming a sober calm being takes a lot of that xx

    • Hey @preparedtochange, having a drink won’t help especially if you don’t stop at one. It is ok to sit with feelings, they will pass. It is great you came here to post. Hang in there, you will be stronger for it xx

    • sending you support, hope you are doing ok

    • Hi @preparedtochange I find deep slow breathing really helps centre me. If I sit quietly and do mindful breathing for maybe 15 minutes (or even only 5 if that is what you can cope with) it gives me a much calmer feeling. I used it last night when I started thinking about a glass of wine for the first time in weeks.
      Thinking of you

      • Thanks @Gojo. Argh, it does my head in at times. It would be so easy to grab that wine and float off into oblivion – only to wake up how ever many hours later with not only the original angst, but the regret and loathing too. xx

    • Well done on 78 days. Thats a great effort! Keep up the amazing work. I hope your hurting is over soon.

    • In the past I have had these feelings and a simple “This too shall pass” helped me. It is true. Hugsxxxxx

    • Ride it out you have done amazingly well ….all part of the journey xx

    • @preparedtochange sorry to hear you are hurting. Some options for coping : Talk it out with a good friend, meditate, listen to a Tara Brach podcast on dealing with emotions, exercise, get outside. Whatever you do, don’t drink. It won’t make the issues go away and then you’re left dealing with the shame and guilt (+hangover!) from the booze. Hope you’re ok. Thinking of you.

      • Thank you @freedom1025. Sometimes I feel like just saying f**k it, I’m done with fighting against this madness. Reaching out here and receiving support is my strongest coping mechanism right now. I’m very grateful for and humbled by the amazing people on this site xxx

  • preparedtochange posted a new activity comment 2 years, 4 months ago

    I can relate to this thanks @Lizzy. I was at a crossroads recently and was forced to listen. So glad I did and remained sober. Happy days xx

  • preparedtochange posted a new activity comment 2 years, 4 months ago

    SavvyB was obviously a popular lady until she showed her true colours. She was my good friend too. We don’t see each other any more and it’s sooooooo much better for everyone xxx

  • After a month of battling cravings and fear and then two months of feeling pretty awesome with only the occasional woe, now suddenly I feel like a full-time emotional wreck? I was expecting things to get better and better. Unfortunately my life with three children and a 40 hour working week does not offer any space to deal with this new stage. Looking forward to getting my hands on @mrs-d‘s new book, as this flood of emotional chaos seems to be part of the process?!

    • I was told that when I started drinking at 18 my stop growing emotionally and then when I stopped drinking at the age of 31 I had the emotional maturity of an 18 year old. when I was told this it explained past failures at getting sober I could not handle life/ emotions and went back and hid in the bottle. This time around I came to believe that being able to feel emotion was a good thing, the highs and lows did level out with time

    • I actually think, that’s life eh. It’s bit like we need to remain in adult most of time but at times we need to go within. Now your time to go within for a little. Do you get me? Xo

  • preparedtochange posted a new activity comment 2 years, 4 months ago

    Hi @Elsa1202. Great work on getting through the weekend. Pretty aggressive move by the person who tried to force a drink on you. Glad to hear that you have a bit of fire in your belly as a result. xx

    • Yes @prepeared to change- everyone’s different but it was a pretty full on challenge and I’m glad I got through it ok…

  • preparedtochange posted a new activity comment 2 years, 4 months ago

    Hi @Izzy. I felt like crap for weeks and then wham it starts to kick in. Your brain has been steadily poisoned over time. It’ll take time to get that shit gone. Keep going xxx

  • preparedtochange posted a new activity comment 2 years, 4 months ago

    Wahoo @Elsa1202 you are awesome. I also am soooo determined to continue having a wicked social life. I love hanging out with my friends and they are starting to get used to me not drinking. You’ll have an awesome time with lots of laughs. Super impressed xxx

    • Thanks @preparedtochange. Yes- I’m looking forward to my weekend. Just said goodnight to my sister who drank her bottle of wine while I sipped on soda and ginger beer. Felt a bit weird like – ‘ the elephant in the room ‘ thing but my non-drinking wasn’t discussed which says a lot because we usually talk about evetything! I guess she’s feeling a bit confronted or whatever by me not drinking but I know that this is right for me. Hopefully one day we’ll be able to talk about it….

  • preparedtochange posted a new activity comment 2 years, 4 months ago

    Makes sense @Freyfreya. I always want to drink when I’m vulnerable, sad or sick. Still conditioned to believe that alcohol is the only thing that will help. What a load of codswallap that is. Naughty ticksy alcohol addled brain. Even today on day 70 after a crap day at work with hormones raging I WANTED a wine. It’s powerful that shit. Keep going xxx

    • Well you can’t have any wine @preparedtochange. So there. I gave up my 65 days to that stuff. I’ve just had 2 crumpets dripping with butter and jam and a hunk of cheese. I want to throw up. No more bad food either. Actually I remember a little gem that mrs d said about it being OK to go to bed at 7pm. Might try that one tomorrow and step AwAY from those crumpets xxx

  • preparedtochange posted a new activity comment 2 years, 4 months ago

    Hi @kjpeche. Three weeks is a tricky time. I don’t know why but there’ll be some explanation somewhere. Personally I think it’s got something to do with hormones! My first 4 attempts all failed at 3 weeks. How bout you keep going and just see what happens? I can tell you that if you push through you’ll feel so proud, and you will start to feel good. Hang in there. It’s worth it xxx

  • preparedtochange posted a new activity comment 2 years, 4 months ago

    Hi @FunnyFace. On my doctors advice I had to wean myself off alcohol and so I did 3 days of 2 drinks and 3 days of 1 drink and then nothing. I was kinda frustrated about that as a plan but actually I think it helped cos the other times I tried by going cold turkey it was too overwhelming. Fuck it was hard. It still is. I had to go and sit or lay down on the floor in my room, with my heads in my hands and the anger coming out of me in really bad language. It felt like that’s how it would be forever but each time it eased and then it passed. There’s no way to avoid the urge. You have to FIGHT it. Good luck. It’s do worth it xxx

  • preparedtochange posted a new activity comment 2 years, 4 months ago

    Great pos @madandsad. Straight from the heart xxx

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