• PeterW posted a new activity comment 1 week, 1 day ago

    Thanks @maryb, I think you are right. In the meantime I shall plod on one day at a time for a bit, like Eyore.

  • PeterW posted a new activity comment 1 week, 1 day ago

    The only thing I can think of to say is that this is the sort of thing that I get when I take my eye off the one day at a time approach and think that this is forever.

    I think that limiting ones view to let’s get through today and worry about to tomorrow, well, tomorrow seems to work for me.

  • PeterW posted a new activity comment 1 week, 2 days ago

    Welcome to this exclusive club.

    • Haha @peterw – the exclusive club that’s inclusive – I like it 😀 @nedimm you’ve found a good place to hang with same same people will same same problems 😀

  • PeterW posted a new activity comment 1 week, 2 days ago

    Excellent news. These is some hope then that I will finally feel better in 200 or so days.

    • You may do it quicker than that @peterw everyone’s journey is different. I had a lifetime of poor self esteem to get through and had to start liking and forgiving myself which was tough cos I’d not bothered before cos another glass of wine stopped me worrying about it all but IT DOES GET BETTER. Hang in there x

  • PeterW posted a new activity comment 1 week, 2 days ago

    Thanks for all the comforting messages. I have to say that yesterday was the hardest yet but I am still hanging on. I think that the good days and bad days will continue for some considerable time. They are however just days and, at the moment, I continue to focus on the smallest elements of time as that helps.
    Sorry to hear about your mum Lucy. Well done for not giving in. My mum died 10 years ago (aged 90) and, although she didn’t have dementia she could be very difficult. In those days I did of course drink heavily (and so did she).

    Love P xx

  • PeterW posted an update 1 week, 3 days ago

    Made it through day 3 (not without a few jitters) but made it anyway.
    It is looking at the encouragement offered by this wonderful community and knowing that you are all fighting similar, and often greater, problems that is keeping me going.
    I really do feel a metaphorical hand on my shoulder when I start to weaken.

    Love, P

    • Well done Peter, we all get the jitters and think a drink will help, my mum was vile to me today (she’s 82 and has dementia is in a care home), the first thing I wanted was a bloody big vodka when I got home but sent husband out for fish and chips and I had a coke. The feeling has passed and I’m so glad I didn’t buckle. Keep going. x

    • Stronger with connection. We’re all cheering you on @peterw. 🙂 Into D4, great going.

      • Its the jitters which keep me on my toes, stop me getting over confident a sure recipe for disaster. Going good @peterw.😊

    • Thanks for all the comforting messages. I have to say that yesterday was the hardest yet but I am still hanging on. I think that the good days and bad days will continue for some considerable time. They are however just days and, at the moment, I continue to focus on the smallest elements of time as that helps.
      Sorry to hear about your mum Lucy. Well done for not giving in. My mum died 10 years ago (aged 90) and, although she didn’t have dementia she could be very difficult. In those days I did of course drink heavily (and so did she).

      Love P xx

  • PeterW posted a new activity comment 1 week, 3 days ago

    How awfully sad, I’m very sorry to hear of it.
    I have had a number of dog’s over the years and I truly sympathise.
    You obviously have a great family and I am sure that they will keep you strong.

    Love, Peter

  • PeterW posted a new activity comment 1 week, 4 days ago

    Thanks Lucy, it’s going fine so far. I just took my dog for a walk and she couldn’t understand why we walked past the pub. She will learn. 😊

  • PeterW posted a new activity comment 1 week, 4 days ago

    Thanks Happy, you are certainly living up to your name.

    I know exactly what you mean. I think that my drink problem seemed to be a way of dulling my senses because I didn’t know how to fill time. I have never really cultivated much in the way of hobbies but I certainly intend to start.

    This site is a fine place to turn when the doubts creep in.

    • It is the best place! I think with alcohol we forget self-efficacy, it copes senses and self initiative for a very long time. So it may take a time to recover what you like to do and perhaps you try to listen to yourself and hear – nothing! Doesn’t matter, needs time, not pressure. Do you know what my daughter loves to do sometimes? She stares. Just sits there staring at a point in the garden, at the wall or wherever. She gets angry when I disturb her “Mama, I’ve got a staring-point!!!” My children are idols for me in this way. They can always get along with themselves, never need substances to deal with their emotions. We can learn this again, I believe!

  • PeterW posted a new activity comment 1 week, 4 days ago

    Welcome Karin, this is a nice place.

  • PeterW posted an update 1 week, 4 days ago

    Hello everyone,
    I can happily report that day 2 went quite easily without a drink. Thanks once again for all your support and encouragement.
    Tonight my wife is at her book club and I will be left to my own devices, normally a bad thing – but not this time.
    When I get through today it will be my longest run since Christmas. I know that it sounds good that I wasn’t drinking at Christmas but I did actually have Pneumonia at the time.

    Very Best Wishes,

    Peter

    • Hey @PeterW, I’m going with you through the evening! Evenings without a drink are wow so long! That’s frightening first, but then there are so many possibilities. I really had to think about it – what do I do when I DON’T DRINK??? I remember looking around in the house and I can tell you, I found enough possibilities to spend a 1000%better evening than with boozing! From painting the kitchen chairs spontaneously over recovering forgotten hobbies like drawing and photographing up to lazing on the sofa and binge watching Netflix there were enough things to do. When it gets hard it’s always a good idea to come here and read, read, read 🙂

      • Thanks Happy, you are certainly living up to your name.

        I know exactly what you mean. I think that my drink problem seemed to be a way of dulling my senses because I didn’t know how to fill time. I have never really cultivated much in the way of hobbies but I certainly intend to start.

        This site is a fine place to turn when the doubts creep in.

        • It is the best place! I think with alcohol we forget self-efficacy, it copes senses and self initiative for a very long time. So it may take a time to recover what you like to do and perhaps you try to listen to yourself and hear – nothing! Doesn’t matter, needs time, not pressure. Do you know what my daughter loves to do sometimes? She stares. Just sits there staring at a point in the garden, at the wall or wherever. She gets angry when I disturb her “Mama, I’ve got a staring-point!!!” My children are idols for me in this way. They can always get along with themselves, never need substances to deal with their emotions. We can learn this again, I believe!

    • Here’s to day 3 ! 😀@peterw

    • Thanks Lucy, it’s going fine so far. I just took my dog for a walk and she couldn’t understand why we walked past the pub. She will learn. 😊

    • I came on here to see how you’ve got on today Peter, stay strong tonight you’ve got this. Filling time is my biggest challenge too I think I’m bankrupt from buying books to read
      I’ll look forward to hearing you success in the morning xx

  • PeterW posted a new activity comment 1 week, 5 days ago

    I could have written that myself – but I’m glad you did.👍

  • PeterW posted a new activity comment 1 week, 5 days ago

    That all sounds so familiar to me. There are so many things about me that I am unhappy with that I have always felt that I don’t know where to begin (enter a drink). Now I do know where to begin – Stop drinking! and that is only the beginning.

  • PeterW posted a new activity comment 1 week, 5 days ago

    Absolutely the right attitude. Life can and will go on and we may as well be driving it.

  • PeterW posted a new activity comment 1 week, 5 days ago

    Enormously well done Lucy. It really does amount to knowing that moderation isn’t possible for us.

    Enjoy what sounds like a really delightful day. Your story is helping to inspire me.

    Love and best wishes, Peter

    • That all sounds so familiar to me. There are so many things about me that I am unhappy with that I have always felt that I don’t know where to begin (enter a drink). Now I do know where to begin – Stop drinking! and that is only the beginning.

  • PeterW posted a new activity comment 1 week, 5 days ago

    I know what you mean about considering it an illness makes it worse. I prefer to view it as a very silly and expensive habit. I find that helps a bit. Best wishes, Peter

    • Thanks for your response. I do think it can become a very bad illness. It certainly made me ill. I just feel deciding to get on with life and not sitting around saying I have an incurable disease is helping. But I know if I pick up I will activate the madness all over again. Born with it? Chicken or egg I don’t really care at this point. I just know I can’t drink and I need to deal with life with a sober head.

    • Absolutely the right attitude. Life can and will go on and we may as well be driving it.

  • PeterW posted a new activity comment 1 week, 5 days ago

    Thanks Lucy, when the craving was at it’s worst I tried to think of the most un alcoholic drink tyat I could and I ended up having a cup of – Ovaltine.

  • PeterW posted a new activity comment 1 week, 5 days ago

    Thanks SoberBrightongirl. I also live in Sussex, near Haywards Heath.
    Best wishes, Peter

    • Very local then. It’s tealky tough to start with but the cravings gain more distance. Keep logging on to here it’s amazing support and helps avoid those trigger moments

  • PeterW posted a new activity comment 1 week, 5 days ago

    Thanks MaryB, one day at a time and I haved managed to bag the first. Thanks for your kind thoughts and, as they say,keep calm and carry on soberly.

    Best wishes, Peter

  • PeterW posted a new activity comment 1 week, 5 days ago

    Hello Lucy, how did yesterday go? I hope you got through without having to chew the furniture. It was a close thing for me and it was your comments that swung it.

    Very best wishes, Peter

  • PeterW posted an update 1 week, 5 days ago

    Hello everyone,
    Thanks for the tremendous number of posts that I received from you yesterday, all so encouraging.

    Well, about last night. It got to 7 o’clock and, as it was my turn to do the cooking, I was in the kitchen. This usually turns into various secret drinks that soon amount to a dozen or more units.

    I had taken the precution of keeping the the minimum amount of booze in the house but the idea of how long it would take me to run to the supermarket was taking hold. In the end I somehow managed to get through the angst and make it to bed sober – a rare thing for a Saturday night.

    So, here we are on day two and, as many of you have said, it really is one day at a time -that’s all you can afford to look at.

    My postings will be a little variable in timing as I don’t have a smartphone (I know it’s the 21st century) but I will keep you informed.

    Thanks again for all your support and good luck and best wishes to you all.

    Peter – 1 day sober.

  • PeterW posted a new activity comment 1 week, 6 days ago

    Thanks Lucy,
    I am sure that you will stay strong. 58 days is almost 2 full months and twice as long as anything I have managed in the last 40 years (till soon).

  • PeterW posted a new activity comment 1 week, 6 days ago

    Thanks for your kind reply. Encouragement from those who understand the problem is worth it’s weight in gold.

  • PeterW posted a new activity comment 1 week, 6 days ago

    Thank you, I do have a few sobriety tools to try.
    In the past I haven’t been able to see beyond the very short term but now it’s time to knuckle down.

  • PeterW posted an update 1 week, 6 days ago

    Hello everyone,
    Well, I joined a couple of weeks ago and my drinking to non drinking ratio has been about 50%. The slip ups have been dramatic and, as I really need to quit, I need a new plan. I think that one of the problems is that I have been watching all your good news and encouraging comments without joining in.
    What I plan to do is leave a message each day of my success or otherwise. I think that if I report in I will have an added incentive to deliver good news. Please don’t feel compelled to reply to anything but I am sure that the odd encouraging reply will really help me. I will try to do the same for others.
    By the way, I live in England so the times of my comments will be when many of you are all tucked up.

    Very best wishes to you all,
    Peter x

    • Hi Peter, good on you for hanging in here and posting! It does make a difference in the early days to submerge yourself in all things sobriety. I listened to podcasts, read books, articles and relied on this site for support. But I also had one key element: I WANTED to live without alcohol. If you keep going back to it, do you really, really want to live without it? (That’s not meant to be a judgement but a gentle, probing question.) xo

      • Thank you, I do have a few sobriety tools to try.
        In the past I haven’t been able to see beyond the very short term but now it’s time to knuckle down.

    • Sounds like a very good plan. It’s amazing what connection and words of encouragement can do for our recovery journey. It gives us the petrol we need! 😊

      • Thanks for your kind reply. Encouragement from those who understand the problem is worth it’s weight in gold.

    • Thanks Lucy,
      I am sure that you will stay strong. 58 days is almost 2 full months and twice as long as anything I have managed in the last 40 years (till soon).

    • Hi @peterW, there are lots and lots of people from the UK and US here so don’t worry about the time thing.
      Yes it does change something, shifting from reading only to posting. The encouragement is really a help. Agree with what Scared said – that’s an extra layer of encouragement. We need it as the rest of the time we’re surrounded by the normalisation of drinking.

    • That’s a great plan @peterw and one I decided to do three weeks ago – it’s working and like you I felt (and sometimes still do) like I was posting too much. Bit bonkers really – that’s exactly what it is here for – to vent, share, support and be supported. All of those things are important on there own but wrap them up together and it’s quite a powerful mix. Congrats!

      • It changed for me as well when I started posting, the support was amazing all from people who did not know me but who cared enough to encourage me and validate me! I also live in England and I love reading the new posts in the morning, all that has been going on whilst I’ve been asleep it makes you realise what a wonderful great big world we live in. Keep safe and remember @PeterW all you have to do is NOT DRINK TODAY👍

        • Thanks MaryB, one day at a time and I haved managed to bag the first. Thanks for your kind thoughts and, as they say,keep calm and carry on soberly.

          Best wishes, Peter

    • Yep I reckon checking in each day helps. I am up to day 28 (several times I hve been here) and find it helps. people are generous in their support. Yep you can do it

    • I’m also in England but the support has been amazing
      Well done Peter let’s keep doing it from this side of the pond

      • Thanks SoberBrightongirl. I also live in Sussex, near Haywards Heath.
        Best wishes, Peter

        • Very local then. It’s tealky tough to start with but the cravings gain more distance. Keep logging on to here it’s amazing support and helps avoid those trigger moments

    • It’s kind of fun watching the various portions of the globe light up the feed as the world turns.

    • Hello Lucy, how did yesterday go? I hope you got through without having to chew the furniture. It was a close thing for me and it was your comments that swung it.

      Very best wishes, Peter

  • PeterW posted an update 3 weeks, 6 days ago

    Many thanks to those of you who have welcomed me. 40 years of drinking too much have lead me here and I am looking forward to knowing you all
    Best Wishes,

    Peter

  • PeterW became a registered member 4 weeks ago