• NickiC posted an update 1 month, 2 weeks ago

    30 days today! 🙂 That’s the longest I have been AF since the age of 15 (and believe me, I’m a hell of a lot older than that now). Pretty chuffed with self and am enjoying the freedom in this new existence 🙃

  • NickiC posted an update 1 month, 2 weeks ago

    Day 28 today! Yesterday I had my first ‘how am I going to deal with this request and stay sober’ day.. Was heading around to good friends house, and we were having a get together with other friends for the day as the weather was not up to anything else. So planned films, gossip, eating too much etc and I was keen as to join in the planned sober event. I hadn’t at this point told anyone (apart from you lovely guys on here) that I had stopped drinking. Then just before I was heading over to the house, my buddy texted and said that, as it was cold, she thinks we need irish coffees and so might I be able to pick up a bottle of whiskey on my way over to her house. Cue my minor meltdown about how to deal with this request. I first started a reply about how I could (and I thought I could run in the bottle shop and grab the bottle without thinking about it too much, give it to my friends and then not drink any of it). But then I thought about it and in reality realised that I actually couldn’t walk into the bottle store. I couldnt do it. I am not able for that yet without seriously risking myself and my sober days. So then I was like ‘oh crup, what am I going to do here..?’. So then I sat there for while and considered my options and then it hit me that actually I could maybe just explain the truth and why I wasn’t able to get the bottle? Go figure!!! πŸ™‚ So I told my buddy that I was 27 days sober and that the longest I have been sober in a very very long time, and you get the gist.. and I dont mind anyone else drinking, but I just can’t get the bottle!… She came back and said ‘oh thats awesome!’ (which actually made me cry a little bit as I was so relieved and happy about her response). Then followed it up with ‘dont worry about the whisky – we shall have a wholesome day’. I think sometimes we might be our own worst critics or build up disasterous scenarios in our heads – but I was so relieved at her response. I think I have a fantastic accepting buddy there…[Read more]

    • That’s cool
      She’s cool
      And so are you!

    • So awesome and congrats lovely❤️

    • So impressed with your commitment to staying AF NickiC – and equally impressed with your top quality friend – what a fantastic and easy and supportive response from her!

    • She sounds like a keeper! You are very lucky to have such a loyal and loving friend. Hope you had a great time.

    • Well done, NickiC. You handled that perfectly. There are wonderful moments on the road to sobriety; seems to me you just lived one of them. What a great friend. And well done on the four weeks; on to the one month! Yours is a really great post, there are some important lessons in it. Happy for you.

    • Aww that’s really cool! And hell no about buying booze for ppl. No way i will be doing that anytime in my future. U made the right decision and your friend is awesome!🌼🌼🌼

  • NickiC posted a new activity comment 1 month, 2 weeks ago

    Hey Shez. Totally get where you are coming from with the cravings when it turns cold and gets dark early. It seems to make the cravings come with full force. And if you are in NZ – its brass monkeys out there today! Maybe focus on your day tomorrow and how great it will be to start your day 15 with a clear head and another sober start to a healthy week? Hope your evening goes well and stay warm! πŸ™‚

  • NickiC posted a new activity comment 1 month, 3 weeks ago

    Thanks so much @mari135 and @timidwarrior. I’m up early, feeling great, have a day of fun stuff planned to do, and although still a bit gutted at missing last night, it’s done now, I’m still AF and still looking forward. Would have been so disappointed with myself if I had gone and ended up drinking as a result. So hey, grown up choices 😀 And a fabulous non-hungover day to enjoy now. Hope you both have a lovely weekend xx

  • NickiC posted a new activity comment 1 month, 3 weeks ago

    What an amazing post. Well done you. I’m going to remember these things and your post as inspiration xx

  • NickiC posted a new activity comment 1 month, 3 weeks ago

    Thats awesome @MalibuStacey. Well done you x

  • NickiC posted an update 1 month, 3 weeks ago

    Day 20 and Saturday night. Had a fantastic day – was at the gym at 8am working up a sweat, then spent the rest of the day doing active outdoors type stuff. Things I would never have done if I was hungover. But now missing a night out with friends that I really really wanted to go on. But it was going to be a boozy night out, and I know I wouldnt be able for that without drinking just yet. So I bailed. I am seeing messages flying back and forward on facebook about what they are doing and where they are going and I have serious serious FOMO πŸ™ However, I know in the morning I can get up, feel great, and go and do fun stuff. So just trying to hold onto that. Sober life is so fabulous, but also so fricken challenging right now. Amazing that someone can be torn in two ways at the very same time when its so obvious which is the best and healthiest path to take. The darker part of the mind doesn’t yet totally agree. Anyway, off to bed in half hour so day done. I’ll hear the stories of the night out afterwards… Roll on Sunday πŸ™‚

    • Day 20 and lots and lots of self-care!! That FOMO you described is very very normal. It WILL get easier. I promise you that. I went back to girls night once I felt stronger in my sobriety. Some social dynamics do change, but the sacrifice stopped feeling like I was giving up something because what sobriety made me gain was way more sustainable, healthy, and exciting. I didn’t believe it at first when others here told me that and got very very very bored with being sober. But I am so glad I stuck it out.

      oxoxoxox

      You got this.

    • Well done on knowing your boundaries and limits and not going out tonight! Your sobriety is precious and you have protected it beautifully x
      Also your friends will wakenup feeling like crap tomorrow whereas you will be feeling amazing! FOMO is definitely hard in the beginning but it will get easier ❤️

      • Thanks so much @mari135 and @timidwarrior. I’m up early, feeling great, have a day of fun stuff planned to do, and although still a bit gutted at missing last night, it’s done now, I’m still AF and still looking forward. Would have been so disappointed with myself if I had gone and ended up drinking as a result. So hey, grown up choices 😀 And a fabulous non-hungover day to enjoy now. Hope you both have a lovely weekend xx

    • Wow Nickic that’s brilliant. Peer pressure and the need to feel included is often one of the things that sent us down this path in the first place, and hey we love our friends!! Well done for prioritising your sobriety. It’s so worth it!!!

  • NickiC posted an update 1 month, 3 weeks ago

    I used to post on here quite regularly, but after a number of day ones (actually lots and lots) I was getting a bit embarrassed that I just couldn’t make it stick and so decided not to post again until I reached day 30. However, I am on day 19 today and coming up to the third weekend AF which for me has been the time I have always broken the run in the past (I think a combo of feeling better /feeling bored gets me on this weekend). So posting today in case it helps in the run up to weekend 3. I have some long dog walks planned and have cancelled a night out in town where I would be likely to be too tempted. So just going to focus and try my hardest to stay sober over the next few days. Keep reminding myself that I would love to see what day 30 feels like πŸ™‚

    • There are many of us that have had multiple Day 1s – you are not the first. The first part is the hardest, but sounds like you have made a plan. Can you add in something nice for staying in (besides the dog), do you like magazines, books, food treats or could you go to a movie, get your nails done or something? If you want to get to 30 and beyond, you need to treat yourself well.

    • Good job yet! Take care and stay strong – we meet on day 30!!! πŸ™‚

    • Hi @NickiC! Good plan for week-end. It is such an exhilarating feeling to push through, power through discomfort, and get beyond the usual day count. Maybe you could post here if you’re having a craving. We’ve got your back. : )

    • Please don’t dver feel embarrassed by number of day 1s, some very few lucky ppl here have only one, but most have several, its different for everyone, ive had a shed load! Im taking it a day at a time now, on day 13 and feeling a bit wobbly. when the cravings hit hard, i say.. ok ill drink tomorrow..to quiet my mind, and its working so far, the craving passes! good luck

  • NickiC posted a new activity comment 11 months, 1 week ago

    Yey @MaryPP Glad you are feeling positive – and yes – in only two weeks off the drink everything can turn around and the world can look so different. You are seeing the world now as it really is – and its pretty fantastic! πŸ™‚

  • NickiC posted an update 11 months, 1 week ago

    Day 22. An observation for the day – learning to reform social relationships as sober self. I dont mean those who are really close to us – although we are all aware of the damage we can do there – but those people we see at work, at the gym, in a social ‘passing the time’ sense. I’m a natural intorvert and so find social interactions quite challenging, even in ideal circumstances – but when drinking – and hungover during the day – I made quite an effort to avoid conversations with people in my social sphere who I didnt know too well, because – as I am sure many of you can relate – holding a sensible ‘small talk’ conversation with a hangover is bloody hard. I always ended up saying something stupid to just to attempt to respond to what the other person was saying. So it was safer to avoid conversations altogether when hungover. I am now realising that, in turn, people then avoided conversations with me. Compare this scenario to sober me, keen to talk to people and find out more about them, but then finding that these people are a little surprised when I initiate a conversation – as in the past I had done quite the opposite. They dont know its because I was hungover before and now I’m not! I’m the same person to them.. Anyway – it can all be fixed and I can start to build these relationships now – but its another thing to ponder for me as I head along this sober journey.

    • Amazing change and so well described.
      Enjoy your relationship building!

    • @nickic well done on day 22 πŸ™‚ I can relate to your post! I realise that a lot of my interactions with people were very superficial… I just wasnt able to pay attention fully. I was in my own world of being drunk or hungover! This way of relating is so much more fulfilling! X

  • NickiC posted an update 12 months ago

    Day 4. So my friends had a get together for one of their birthdays last night, together with a film and some ‘low level drinking’. I was invited/informed of this by text, so had some time to think about how to go about handling the fact that, in contrast to normal, I wasnt going to be turning up with 2 bottles of wine this time and getting shitfaced in front of said film, just because it was Friday. So I let them know by text that I wasnt drinking right now but would love to come (it was a special birthday, I know it was a risk, but I didnt want to miss it). When I got there they were drinking tea. It was quite late. Then they put on the film together with some murmerings of ‘its so late, I’m not going to start drinking now’ – which I wasn’t sure was the truth or not. But boyfriends etc were there too – so I didnt want to make a whole drama about it, so stayed quiet. It was a really lovely evening, and I came out feeling like ‘I really hope I didnt kill their buzz’, but at the same time ‘I have really lovely friends who did that for me’. Its not like I announced that I have a problem and so am trying to claw myself away from the clutches of alcohol, but they obviously read between the lines and did the best thing for me last night. And, I feel a bit guilty about it, but at the same time, so lucky to have them. So today, I am grateful for a sober Saturday, and for my friends, who cared enough to awkwardly try to make my sober journey that little bit easier. Have a lovely weeeknd all x

    • Beautiful friends indeed who value you highly, just like you are learning to value yourself. Awesome. Keep up the good work, it will soon be a week. Its still weird but gets much easier after that xo

    • Well done x and what great friends you have x

    • Aww, that is soo cool, what awesome friends you have… it wouldn’t have killed the buzz, just shows how much your friends care about you! xx

    • wow, that right there is the definition of ‘rainy day friendship’ and those guys are keepers @NickiC !

  • NickiC posted a new activity comment 12 months ago

    That sounds fantasic @mamatoamny. Imagine – being able to focus on the other people at the reunion, instead of how much you are drinking. That sounds like a fun relaxing night. Let us know how it goes!

  • NickiC posted a new activity comment 12 months ago

    Hello @Fifthrain and @Mari135 Thanks for your encouragement and advice. You are right about the additional help. I know that AA just isnt for me, but some councelling might be actually good in this. I guess I had thought of it, but not really considered it – which mirrors my classic way of dealing with emotional stuff – by avoiding it (kind of like drinking alcohol maybe?). But its a good idea and I’ll look into it. Thanks for your thoughts!

  • NickiC posted an update 12 months ago

    Just checking in on day 2. Not the easiest day – ended up with the combo of work being beyond frustrating, day 2 and getting slightly irritable, and a lack of exercise this week, and I noticed I got a little feistier a little quicker than usual. It was a classic day for a bottle (or two – lets face it) of sav after work. BUT managed to divert from that with ice cream and lollies, and now feel pretty sick – but am sober lol! And my colleagues are great and I’m sure will forgive my little work related freak out. So Day 2 – not very prettily – but you have been done πŸ™‚

    • Ha! Not all days are pretty but they can be bloody proud. Congrats on day 2… you did it πŸ™‚

    • Day 2! Rock on @nickic. Sounds like you woke up thinking about yesterday’s lows, but wasn’t it great that you weren’t adding β€˜I drank too much again’ on top of that?? Look to the little victories. They add up.

  • NickiC posted a new activity comment 1 year ago

    Thanks so much @janus2 and @mullycatNZ I really appreciate it πŸ™‚

  • NickiC posted a new activity comment 1 year ago

    Hi there @Magenta. Welcome πŸ™‚

  • NickiC posted a new activity comment 1 year ago

    I really like this – and needed this tonight. Thank you πŸ™‚

  • NickiC posted an update 1 year ago

    Day 1 for the 15th, 17th, 21st time – who knows.. Woke up this morning feeling less than happy with self and life in general, and then thought about the new book I have just ordered online ‘the unexpected joy of being sober’ by catherine gray, which arrived yesterday. Considered options, and chances of actually being productive at work, called in sick and have just read the book from cover to cover in one day. And cried. Alot. And I’m not a crier in general. Today was an exception. I dont know if it is the realisation that this ain’t going to change unless I change it, and submitting to the fact that I really have no other options, or just the pure exhaustion from the constant the battle in my head. I dont know. But today has been emotional. But probably in reading (a very very cool book for anyone who is looking for new literature) and thinking, alot more productive than fronting up at work TBH.. I havent posted on this site for a while, but going to post daily to try keep myself on track. Noone else in my world knows that I am struggling with this, and I think the social contact might actually be important for me to stay focused on the end goal. Thanks for being here to reach out to – and thanks for listening xx

    • Dont worry bout fact on day 1. All been that. Crying normal could help me fill the River Nile as i used to cry a concrete truck full!!! πŸ˜‰ do as you say and post often, when you need, advice and thoughts are free from us here πŸ™‚

    • Its a really great, book I loved it too. Post here as often as you need, that’s what LS is all about, we got ya! x

    • Hey @NickiC – while I hurt for you, I am also empowered by your honesty and determination. While this site is fantastic – I recommend that you seek additional support as well. AA, CR, enlist some sober friends, other websites / podcasts. While this journey is yours, you don’t have to travel it alone! I will keep you in my prayers and hope today you will join me in NOT drinking!

    • oxoxoxox

      I wish I could give you a hug right now, only if you would like one of course.
      It sounds like the book touched upon topics that released tension in you, and that you got to grieve maybe even. Let’s do day 1 and then we move over to day 2. One day at a time.

      If it feels right, now might be a good time to add additional tools to your kit. Like maybe trying out AA tonight or tomorrow. Maybe calling your doctor and being 100% honest about what is going on. Or maybe finding a good therapist.

      It will be ok again.
      You just hang in there and do not give up.

      Healing is a process more often than it is a single event. It takes time.

      • Hello @Fifthrain and @Mari135 Thanks for your encouragement and advice. You are right about the additional help. I know that AA just isnt for me, but some councelling might be actually good in this. I guess I had thought of it, but not really considered it – which mirrors my classic way of dealing with emotional stuff – by avoiding it (kind of like drinking alcohol maybe?). But its a good idea and I’ll look into it. Thanks for your thoughts!

  • NickiC posted a new activity comment 1 year, 7 months ago

    Finders keepers is a clever quirky real life documentary / story if you are after something a little different and funny.

  • NickiC posted a new activity comment 1 year, 7 months ago

    Thats just brilliant – huge congrats to you! πŸ™‚ I was just thinking on the way home as I passed the supermarket, and refused to go in whilst feeling a little wine vulnerable ‘they promise it gets easier with time, so I hope they are right!’ – so great to hear this today. Thank you πŸ™‚

  • NickiC posted a new activity comment 1 year, 7 months ago

    Nice read thanks @NoMore

  • NickiC posted a new activity comment 1 year, 7 months ago

    Its called ‘Fuel for Life’ by Diesel @Mari135 You cant usually find it in duty free or similar, its not that popular I suppose, so not too easy to buy as a ‘while I’m here’ item. I was just thinking that its quite fantastic that I drank so much on a daily basis, because now it means I get to spend up a storm on all the money I have saved by quitting, and not feel guilty about it huh? ;/

    • The extra money from not drinking has been SO nice….oxoxox
      Thanks for the recommendation, I’ll check the perfume out next time I am up for one. I haven’t had one since like 2013, and used to only use Dolce Gabbana Light Blue but since i don’t work full-time right now I cut out all of those things for now.

      oxoxoxo

  • NickiC posted a new activity comment 1 year, 7 months ago

    Hi @Dylan.John You have done the right thing reaching out to the community at the site here. We have all lived through similar challenges, and the effect that it has had on our lives, which brought us all to this site after 6 months, a year, 5, 20 or 40 years – and we are in this together. You may find you gather the strength to make the changes you seek by keeping close to this site, and knowing that we are all on a similar journey with you. Great to have you here.

  • NickiC posted a new activity comment 1 year, 7 months ago

    Big hugs KerrieBear. Its so hard when animals get old and sick. I hope the patch alleviates her pain and gives you some time longer with your lovely little pup xx

  • NickiC posted an update 1 year, 7 months ago

    D16. Was just surfing the net to pass the sober time in the evening and came across some perfume that I have wanted for literally years, but never bought any of it as I ‘couldn’t justify it’. I was just about to kind of dream over it again with big puppy dog eyes and move on, and then was like ‘oh hang on, how much does my counter say I have saved?’. The counter said good things πŸ™‚ So now I have a bottle of perfume on order, which, not being a girly girl at all, and not used to buying this sort of nice stuff, i am far more excited about than I really should be! Sober and smelling good πŸ™‚

    • Good for you! I bought myself a an Oroton bag (small) that l normally couldn’t justify, but never thought twice about pouring hundreds of dollars a month down my throat! Let’s spend it on things of indulgence and beauty.

    • It’s so nice to treat yourself isn’t it? And the little things can make us so happy, like smelling lovely with a new perfume. Enjoy!

    • @nickiC – love that you are being kind to yourself.

    • Day 16, well done!!!! And good on you for giving yourself extra pampering with that perfume. You deserve it. Which one did you end up getting, if I may ask? Sounds lovely!

      • Its called ‘Fuel for Life’ by Diesel @Mari135 You cant usually find it in duty free or similar, its not that popular I suppose, so not too easy to buy as a ‘while I’m here’ item. I was just thinking that its quite fantastic that I drank so much on a daily basis, because now it means I get to spend up a storm on all the money I have saved by quitting, and not feel guilty about it huh? ;/

        • The extra money from not drinking has been SO nice….oxoxox
          Thanks for the recommendation, I’ll check the perfume out next time I am up for one. I haven’t had one since like 2013, and used to only use Dolce Gabbana Light Blue but since i don’t work full-time right now I cut out all of those things for now.

          oxoxoxo

  • NickiC posted a new activity comment 1 year, 7 months ago

    Hello @TrashPanda. Lovely to have you here πŸ™‚

  • NickiC posted a new activity comment 1 year, 7 months ago

    That sound like a fabulous weekend! All good here – I did pretty much the same as you today with food and Netflix, just missing the 20k run lol πŸ™‚ Feel most comfortable hiding out in my home and trying to gradually gather strength right now. Yes – hoping it gets easier. D15 almost done and dusted anyway – and thats about all I can control for now.

  • NickiC posted a new activity comment 1 year, 7 months ago

    Thanks so much @kerriebear, @mari135 and @reema. I read your messages before I started my day today and they really helped my mindset. Tonight was another night away from the crowds, but I went for a walk and then watched a Michael Macintyre YouTube show (hilarious if you haven’t yet discovered him) and was quite happy being sober and quiet. Tomorrow evening I have to go out with the conference guys and I also get a free wine voucher! Oh good.. In the past I would have loved this. But I think someone else will love it more than me right now. One more night to go, so I can get through this. Thanks so much for your helpful tips and advice xx

  • NickiC posted an update 1 year, 7 months ago

    D11. Also at a 4 day conference where I know no one and the free wine is flowing. Not the ideal situation this early on. So am probably the most unsocial person at this thing and have removed myself from the situation this evening. I guess I want this new life more than I want to feel at ease right now, and that’s good. The next few days will be tough but I’ll see this as a challenge to meet. Will be proud of self if I get through anyway!

    • It does sound uncomfortable, but at least you will remember your conversations, stay classy and not regret a thing. If it is a work thing that matters-some colleagues have long memories. Stay strong. You’ll feel amazing once it’s over. X

    • Day 11 and a big out of comfort zone work trip.
      well done on removing yourself from that situation!!!

      oxoxoxxo

      Yes, let’s focus on how proud you will feel driving away from this temporary conference with a sober mind and strong mind.

      Hubby went to a conference a while ago, and two coworkers got drunk. They both regretted it. Said things they don’t remember. Hangovers left and right.

      It is not worth it.
      The “boring” person that goes to bed early and sober…is the true rock star here.

    • wow I drank at a lot of conferences and never was happy with the results. Can you find time to get up early and take a walk, I used to walk outside the hotels or ask at the desk if there is a trail nearby, getting out in nature feels great and is a good reset.
      Do you notice anyone else not drinking as much? Maybe suggest a meal or a show away from the group I used to do that too. Go to a show or have a coffee and desert with someone.
      Good luck you are amazing and you can do it.
      Ps shutting the day down is also an option, cozy hotel bed, nice linen and movies.

      • Thanks so much @kerriebear, @mari135 and @reema. I read your messages before I started my day today and they really helped my mindset. Tonight was another night away from the crowds, but I went for a walk and then watched a Michael Macintyre YouTube show (hilarious if you haven’t yet discovered him) and was quite happy being sober and quiet. Tomorrow evening I have to go out with the conference guys and I also get a free wine voucher! Oh good.. In the past I would have loved this. But I think someone else will love it more than me right now. One more night to go, so I can get through this. Thanks so much for your helpful tips and advice xx

  • NickiC posted a new activity comment 1 year, 8 months ago

    Hope you are feeling a little better today @pinotnomore In relation to telling anyone about this – up until yesterday, I had told noone that I was trying to get off the booze. But yesterday I found out from another family member that my brother, who lives on the other side of planet from me, has just started to try get off it too (I haven’t shared lives with my brother since I left home at 18 and moved to the Southern hemisphere, but, as adults, we both drink in a very similar manner – white wine to excess every evening while holding down a high stress professional job – so thats a good one for any sociologists looking for a case study to add to their nature versus nurture research out there! πŸ™‚ Anyway – I emailed him to say that I had heard that he was trying to quit and he wasn’t alone in this and that his sister had been on this path, with all its challenges for the last year – and etc etc. But apart from that, I haven’t told anyone. I guess for me, until I know I can do this with 99% of not relapsing, I probably won’t be telling anyone. I prefer not to – in case I do fxck up. Pride won’t let me. But thats just me – I’m a pretty private person and known for keeping things to myself – so dont take advice from this unsociable weirdie! πŸ™‚ If it would help you, maybe start with someone you know you can trust?

  • NickiC posted a new activity comment 1 year, 8 months ago

    Hey there @pinotnomore great to hear from you. I saw your posts below. Don’t beat yourself up. Be kind on yourself. I have only a week under my belt at this time. But we have both come back for another try. That’s because we want this. Tomorrow you will feel better and ready to give this new better life another shot. And that’s the important thing xx

    • yeah another shot it is. I hate myself, I am just torn with anxiety – what will people think/say will my boss find out etc. I like myself and my life so much better when I don’t drink abd the monthsI didn’t drink were balanced and sweet. Yet I started drinking again. And now I guess I’ve stopped. Am interested did you tell anyone you had stopped drinking? I’m wondering if I tell people it might help – just be honest that I can’tdrink because I don’t like the effects.

      • @pinotnomore ~ I posted about this in an earlier post. It’s funny when ppl say they’ve quit smoking, it’s high fives all around! But, it’s not quite the same for those of us that have stopped drinking. All of a sudden we are viewed as a problem drinker, a drunk or an alcoholic. Many of my friends, myself included, have stopped simply because we don’t like the negative effects, period. There is no shame in that. There is such a stigma around ppl that have decided to simply stop that it creates shame in ppl that want to reveal they have. It’s a feat, much like quitting smoking, to be celebrated, not to be looked-down upon.
        Congrats to you for coming back!! And, yes, be gentle, we learn much from our slips too.

      • Hope you are feeling a little better today @pinotnomore In relation to telling anyone about this – up until yesterday, I had told noone that I was trying to get off the booze. But yesterday I found out from another family member that my brother, who lives on the other side of planet from me, has just started to try get off it too (I haven’t shared lives with my brother since I left home at 18 and moved to the Southern hemisphere, but, as adults, we both drink in a very similar manner – white wine to excess every evening while holding down a high stress professional job – so thats a good one for any sociologists looking for a case study to add to their nature versus nurture research out there! πŸ™‚ Anyway – I emailed him to say that I had heard that he was trying to quit and he wasn’t alone in this and that his sister had been on this path, with all its challenges for the last year – and etc etc. But apart from that, I haven’t told anyone. I guess for me, until I know I can do this with 99% of not relapsing, I probably won’t be telling anyone. I prefer not to – in case I do fxck up. Pride won’t let me. But thats just me – I’m a pretty private person and known for keeping things to myself – so dont take advice from this unsociable weirdie! πŸ™‚ If it would help you, maybe start with someone you know you can trust?

  • NickiC posted an update 1 year, 8 months ago

    Day 6 and my first sober weekend in quite a while. Friday evening, a wild night in cleaning the house πŸ™‚ and looking forward to getting up early and non-hungover to enjoy the morning running with my dogs. Really looking forward to it. I had forgotten a little bit how good sober feels. Planning to make this weekend a good healthy one, start to mend the soul a little bit, and so spending Friday night optimistic and happy. Have a lovely weekend all you sober warriors out there x

    • Just think…..you will wake up proud of yourself, you’ll look around at all the cleaning you’ve done and then have all these options of what you can do. No time lost to hangovers or drinking.
      Have an awesome weekend xo

    • Day 6, well done!
      That one first full week is right in sight.

      And…did I mentioned yet how CUTE your profile picture is???Goodness!!!
      Enjoy that run with your doggos, and swing by here anytime you feel like it.

      oxxoxoxox

  • NickiC posted a new activity comment 1 year, 8 months ago

    I’m good thanks @HappinessAwaits I actually went out to dinner tonight for a work function that I couldn’t get out of. Everyone was drinking, but I stayed on the water. But I have found over the last few years that I dont enjoy drinking in social situations that I am not comfortable with. I don’t like the feeling of not being completely in control, especially at work functions. I was reflecting on this as I was driving home. However, give me my own space and living room and some bottles of sav and I will drink by myself until I pass out. I guess everyone has their reason for drinking. I think mine used to be to fit in in social circles or out partying in my 20s/30s. Now I think it is to just retreat and get ‘out of life’ for a while – at least in my head. Anyway – just some rambling thoughts. Day 3 done. I have read your posts below and happy to read that you are still doing well. We got this πŸ™‚

  • NickiC posted a new activity comment 1 year, 8 months ago

    Let us know how you go @Oceania

  • NickiC posted a new activity comment 1 year, 8 months ago

    I’m with you there. I’m day 2 and this is around my 7th try. I usually get to around 3 weeks and slip. Why, I still need to really work out. I guess from my point of view, I’m not sure each time gets easier or harder. What I do find however, is that each time I slip, I figure I can have one or two glasses of wine, you know, to relax and that. Which turns into the bottle, because like, it’s open, and then it’s the weekend, and then two bottles sounds like fun for a Friday evening, because damn I worked hard this week, and suddenly I’m on a weekend bender, hungover as hell and nothing has changed. Nothing. I can’t control this thing, and I guess each slip makes that more abundantly clear to me. And although that makes me a little sad, it also makes the options pretty limited if I want to have a positive future that I am not ashamed of. Keep on trucking. We will get there. And i know it will totally be worth it.

  • NickiC posted a new activity comment 1 year, 9 months ago

    Thanks so much guys. I was trusting this process, as I do, but something in me was pointing out that this isn’t all it seems. I very much appreciate your thoughts and will go another way outside work. Thank you! XX

    • NickiC You sound reasonably young , Quite successful in a stressful job , still have aspirations over promotion and although you have a self confessed Alcohol addiction you have managed to shield this from your employers. Initially you had turned to Alcohol to Mask medical problems and you have successfully controlled the amount you consumed to enable you to continue in your job. This shows you are in control ! but are tiring of the battle , Stay with this site aim to beat your 3 week average ,do not disclose this information to your employers unless you are a danger to yourself or others , I worked in a field where even the use of cough medicine had to be disclosed ( I never drank at work Impossible ) my problem was a needed the drink when I got home! you are still in control you can do this , As for referring for counselling and Alcohol testing ,these where part of my duties and unfortunately by the time an employee reached my office it was common knowledge to management that individual had a problem . give it more time . extend your control ,use this forum we do understand.

  • NickiC posted an update 1 year, 9 months ago

    I am looking for thoughts and if anyone has experience on this. I am trying to go sober, and failing, each time at around 3 weeks af. I have never tried councilling, but think it might help. I can get drug and alcohol councilling through work. But I need to ask my manager to do this, who will need to get permission from her manager for me to go. We are a very tight knit team, I have worked for my manager for ten years now, and I work quite a responsible job. I would like to ask for help, but it’s the same thing as saying ‘see the 50% of the time I haven’t been able to string a sentance together at work for the last decade, well here is the reason – surprise!’ I can see benefits in the councilling. I can also see a whole load of negatives in being recognised by my managers as ‘messy – and hence be careful with promoting that ones career..’. Does anyone have experience with this, and if so, I would love your thoughts and guidance on what to do (or not).

    • Ooh @NickiC that’s a hard one. How judgey are your colleagues? Do you need to say its D&A counselling that you specifically need or could you just say you need counselling for some stressors in your life or some such? I personally would be careful with revealing too much…but that’s me, I’m a bit cagey. Great idea to get some help…I took myself off to CADS and my therapist was great (but I wasn’t ready).

    • Hi @NickiC Tricky dilemma! Can you access counselling in your city that’s not through work? I know of one organisation in NZ where they offer 12 free alcohol counselling sessions.

    • Personally I would seek counselling outside of work.
      Honesty in this regard can backfire…unfortunately!
      This very thing happened to a colleague. News spread that she had a drinking problem and surprise surprise she only lasted another 3 months in the job.

      • Thanks so much guys. I was trusting this process, as I do, but something in me was pointing out that this isn’t all it seems. I very much appreciate your thoughts and will go another way outside work. Thank you! XX

        • NickiC You sound reasonably young , Quite successful in a stressful job , still have aspirations over promotion and although you have a self confessed Alcohol addiction you have managed to shield this from your employers. Initially you had turned to Alcohol to Mask medical problems and you have successfully controlled the amount you consumed to enable you to continue in your job. This shows you are in control ! but are tiring of the battle , Stay with this site aim to beat your 3 week average ,do not disclose this information to your employers unless you are a danger to yourself or others , I worked in a field where even the use of cough medicine had to be disclosed ( I never drank at work Impossible ) my problem was a needed the drink when I got home! you are still in control you can do this , As for referring for counselling and Alcohol testing ,these where part of my duties and unfortunately by the time an employee reached my office it was common knowledge to management that individual had a problem . give it more time . extend your control ,use this forum we do understand.

    • Ohh that’s mean that it has to go through manager. In !Nz we have EPAS for grief and I used it but I didn’t have to gro through manager. I have seen it used against people. In the meantime what’s your trigger at 3 weeks, what are your thoughts do you know?

      • We have free counselling ( and other services such as legal, financial, nutritional etc) for our employees but it’s strictly confidential. I would definitely encourage you to get counselling but from your doctor or some other avenue where it’s confidential. Managers are people with biases and opinions that drive their decisions for hiring or promoting and that’s just a little too much info for them to know about you in my opinion

  • NickiC posted a new activity comment 1 year, 11 months ago

    He’s not mine unfortunately @pinnerp. He’s just a cute random pic I found. I did have rabbits when I was young though. I like them! What sort do you have?

  • NickiC posted a new activity comment 1 year, 11 months ago

    Brilliant @D. Doesn’t matter what excuse you use. I use the same one, that I’m trying to shed weight. One day is just awesome. You should be proud and you will feel great tomorrow!

  • NickiC posted a new activity comment 1 year, 11 months ago

    That’s great @pinnerp. Glad you had a lovely evening out. We all know exactly how you feel and you did just great tonight. You got this xx

  • NickiC posted a new activity comment 1 year, 11 months ago

    Thanks guys xx

  • NickiC posted an update 1 year, 11 months ago

    Day 10. Double digits.. I have been off work sick yesterday and again today. I know from experience that when I am sick or tired, then these are the days when I want to reach for the wine. But this morning I had to go to the supermarket to get supplies, despite knowing that I was particularly vulnerable to the wine. So I’m in the supermarket at 10am, and of course, the internal dialogue begins, and I walk past the wine section trying to sort out what I am going to do, wanting wine, hating the fact that I want wine. Would one bottle hurt? Just to take the edge off? But one wouldn’t do for the day of course, so then I would need to buy two, and thats not good, and even is that enough at 10am? – I have the whole day.. So I wander around the supermarket for around 20 minutes passing the wine section over and over again having this ridiculous ridiculous conversation in my head. Then a young guy, say late 20s, walks in the doors of the supermarket and straight to the wine section. As he walked out, he walked past me, he smelled strongly of cigarettes and was carrying 2 bottles of wine and a 4 pack of beer. It was like a punch to the face. That is me. I gave up the smokes around year ago now, but before that, and in relation to the wine, that is basically me, buying wine at 10am to get through the day. I am certainly not judging him, not at all. I live/lived it. I understand it. I guess it really hit home to me that there are so many other people out there fighting this battle every day. I grabbed my bottled water and cheese and crackers and left the supermarket minus wine. Home now and a bit teary. This fight for a AF life is not easy, at least right now, but I’m certain I dont want my former life anymore. So another day when I have chosen, in the end, not to drink. And I’m so happy with that choice. For today. And so on we go.

    • Wow. First off you did really well to walk out of that store wine-free.

      I believe strongly in the power of the universe – i’m not particularly religious, but that interaction was sent your way for a reason. Well done on receiving it.

      Congratulations on day 10. You are doing great. It gets easier.

    • Congratulations. I’ve been there many times, and often caved in once having entertained the thought. the trick for me is to talk myself out of it before I get out of the car

    • OMG well done you! That’s a freaking hard battle to win. That argument constantly going on in your head! One more time you win and alcohol looses xxx

    • Thanks guys xx

    • Good for you. You rock!

  • NickiC posted a new activity comment 1 year, 11 months ago

    Just hold on @freyfreya. We are thinking of you xx

  • NickiC posted a new activity comment 1 year, 11 months ago

    Awesome – go Ro!

  • NickiC posted a new activity comment 1 year, 11 months ago

    Well done on your sober weekend too @freyfreya I hope tomorrow is helpful and that you have a lovely week too xx

  • NickiC posted an update 1 year, 11 months ago

    Day 8. First sober weekend completed (well, first this time around). Managed to get out early and take the dogs for a good walk before the rain came and forced me indoors for the rest of the day. Wouldn’t have managed to get up early enough hungover, so I am grateful for that. Even watching crap tv all day and listening to the rain on the windows, it was a nice, calm, and a little introspective, sober day. How did you get on @readyforchange12 hope you had a lovely weekend and walk today x

  • NickiC posted a new activity comment 1 year, 11 months ago

    Lets do this together @readyforchange12 Its my first weekend af for a long time too. We can do this. I find it helpful to find activities to do, and just keep going until its time for bed. Doesn’t really matter what they are, just do random stuff. I have found myself driving across the city and walking around the warehouse on a saturday night to just keep busy and avoid the supermarket and wine aisle. And thats ok with me. Whatever works (and the warehouse is much more pleasant at that time of night I have found out!) πŸ™‚ You will be so proud of yourself on Monday (and feel great too). You have this!

    • Yes @nickiC let’s do it together!! I am doing the same thing, I am keeping myself busy right now and I planned to go walking with a friend tomorrow night. It will be the evenings that really test me. We can do it!

      • movies, movie, books, books, snacks, snacks, delicious drinks, early to bed, fluffy blankets, comfy jarmies, soft music, candles, nurture nurture nurture. You both need to really love yourselves and be proud of yourselves and be very kind and gentle with yourselves. Just hold on. Just get through these first weeks. Go look at yourselves in the mirror. Look at that strength, determination, the realness that is you, waiting for the real chance to live life to the full oxoxo

  • NickiC posted an update 1 year, 11 months ago

    Day 7. First saturday sober after a couple of months drinking again. This time, I feel in a better place emotionally than I have for a long long while. Someone who was a toxic toxic influence in my life has finally left my life for good. Believe me, I tried for years to make that happen, but each time they came back with excuses and presents and promises to be a better person ‘next time’. And each time i was stupid enough to believe tham. But this time it was their choice to leave ‘us’ for someone else (while also telling me how weak I was for accepting them back into my life over and over again – go figure…). Anyhow – that was 2 months ago and their leaving this time seems to have stuck and right now I couldn’t be happier. So after a couple of months wading through a torrent of emotions with a bottle in my hand, I am at the place where I now have the chance to put the bottle down and continue the healing process without the artificial crutch, start to build myself back up, remember who I was before this toxic person came into my life, and start aiming again for my future. And I feel things are different this time. So Saturday morning, no hangover, fire blazing, horse riding lesson lined up for later today, and Mrs D’s book on order to help me through this process, I am so happy to be back on this site with a number of days to my name. Happy sober Saturday all xx

    • Welcome back NickiC and sounds like you are well rid of your toxic friend, however painful that has been for you. You are free now to put all your focus and energy into yourself and your healing from emotional pain and alcoholism. You are wise and so much goodness and happiness are in store for you. Go well x

    • Congrats on Day 7 @Nickic πŸ™‚

  • NickiC posted a new activity comment 2 years, 1 month ago

    I literally just finshed watching that doco. Recorded it last night – scared the bejesus out of me in terms of the complex effects that alcohol can have on the body. It was just a perfect storm of side effects of drinking came together to cause such devastating events really huh? Very sad. Yup – stay strong. We can do this! πŸ™‚

  • NickiC posted a new activity comment 2 years, 1 month ago

    Ouch! Bloody pumpkin. But awesome news on the 10 days πŸ™‚

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