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  • NewStartSteph posted an update 4 months, 1 week ago

    Bah. I just went off at my husband because I went to grab a cold elderberry drink from the fridge to have (instead of a wine or beer) and he had drunk it earlier in the day! He thought I was nuts for getting mad at him, but I felt like he was being completely selfish. I feel ridiculous for yelling at him over an item from the fridge (like we are flatmates and need to label things or something) but he also knew I had bought them as something to try instead of alcohol. Feeling miserable, upset, pissed off and misunderstood. He thinks I am being petty. He gave up drinking for 6 months with no drama (neither of us were daily drinkers – he just kicked it to be more focused about his business etc) – so I think he thinks I am being a bit of a drama queen about giving up when he hardly made a noise about it. But he always knew he was going to drink again; I feel like deciding to quit for good is a bigger deal. Arrggh. I don’t know. All teary now.

    • “But he always knew he was going to drink again; I feel like deciding to quit for good is a bigger deal.” ….There is a noticeable difference, in my opinion. I quit once for a couple of months to kick an infection, but I knew I was going back to drinking, so it was easier. And did I ever go back, wow, drank noticeably more than ever. So just tell him sorry, it’s the quitting, and stay the ___ away from my elderberry. I remember being with my two sons, the oldest had been married for years, and the younger was saying how his fiance had just gone off on him over nothing. The elder and I just looked at each other and laughed; it was like “welcome to the club”.

    • I get so pissed when my kids steal my drinks! They wouldn’t be able to do that if it was wine!! You might just be having an emotional day which is 100% ok… hugs x

    • Yes I agree with @tom4500; it was a lot easier to be all cool about everything when I knew I was just having a break. That’s a holiday; that’s having a sample. The stakes felt a lot higher when I stopped.
      But anyway if you needed different things when you stopped than he did for support, you needed different things, end of. People have different needs. I can totally relate to needing to know that AF drink is there when you want it @newstartsteph, esp in the early days.

    • totally understandable response imho 🙂

      • Thanks everyone. I feel understood! Update is he went out to pick up the kids pizzas and came back with a selection of lovely AF drinks for me.
        I can see that guarding AF drinks is going to be a challenge with both husband and kids!

    • Can totally understand you being upset about it. You are trying to protect your sobriety, give yourself a treat. It is about boundaries. You are not being petty. Hugs to you.

    • Just have to add in here too, oh hell no! I still get very mad if they do that, thank goodness they get it mostly but my husband just drank the last of mine last weekend because what he likes was gone. Not cool @newstartsteph I totally get it, I plan what I’m going to have and look forward to it. Glad he stocked up for you, it is nice to know others get it! You’re doing great!

    • You’re right, @jes stereotypes do suck. Sorry about that. Where would be be without emotions. It does seem emotions run a little higher for so many of us when we first give up the alcohol. And it’s no wonder, it’s such a big change for us.

    • like the update, he went out and got the af drinks for you. nice.

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