In August 2014, I thought it was time to clear the toxins out of my life and focus on what really matters: health, clarity, loving my family & friends with nothing to get in the way.
Using alcohol too often to cope with a decade of chronic stress, earthquakes, sadness, and disappointment was frighteningly failing to help. Moderating was tiring and depressing.Life is not easier now, but I realise that without alcohol I am calmer, happier, far more able to face change and sadness, & have increased confidence in my abilities. No going back.'We can let the circumstances of our lives harden
us so that we become increasing resentful &
afraid, or we can let them soften us, & make us
You always have the choice.'
I was right about the colleague who can’t stand me @prudence– not that she has had a chance to get to know me. That in itself is scary as my experience has been, some people get off on bullying, and when looking for a victim to relish ripping up, guess who gets chosen??? After being savaged several times yesterday, twice in private, but fortunately twice with onlookers-who-care, I really did get that GET ME TO WINE!!! feeling. And yes, it would have been bloody nice, at first. BUT … now we know better, right tribe ? 🙂
On the surface, I felt calm and even answered assertively twice (not usual or me as I go into freeze and niceness – definitely a Nice Girl @Mari135 ) but when the initial shock had worn off, I felt all the gut kicked sickness join up with past trauma … and the WHY? why why why me?
Waking to reflect, the powerful thought is thank god I don’t drink. Never going back there. Even with my moderation carefulness, I would be feeling low, weak, a bit seedy, in danger of migraine, and the bully would have won.
I need to focus on the vulnerable people we work with, not a vicious nasty, and be creative with those who don’t really want to work on their problems, or are not quite ready (lord, the pressure to succeed – strange job – short term ‘fix’ and get out, when faced with families who have deep and complex issues … what does one do @Enzedgirl?! It all depends on building trust – not a short term thing.)
Right, moaning rant over, focus! Happy Wednesday – you can do it people, get determined!!!! You will never regret it
Oh @morgan–I so hear you. i always seem to cop the bullys wherever I am but you are so right—stay determined and move foward. im trying to do exactly that after my partner of 9 years left me for someone else. I refuse to be the victum this time round. Thanks for your post.
Ahh but why should they work on their problems? Maybe they dont think they have a problem. All we can do is make sure we have set our own boundaries. Good on you for being assertive in such a horrible situation.
Thank you – no, I’m sure she believes she has no problem. She is ‘RIGHT’ about everything. Obnoxious. Horrible, both aggro and passive aggressive. Slippery. I will not engage, but I think as my boss has seen her in action, I will ask her to act – the old nip it in the bud. Thanks for your comments on pump classes too. Life is speeding by and I am not keeping up 🙁 I need to get my sessions in before another gym membership year begins. I am so slack on my own
I hear ya’ @Morgan. Ugh. What’s worse than a person who hates you at work for no reason? I had years of working with a bully. Fortunately he bullied others as well. Actually thinking back on it, he bullied the people I preferred so I guess it was a type of person he hated. He yelled at me one too many times and I repeated back to him exact words he had used to belittle me in front of others. That stopped him in his tracks. He actually took a breath in and said “that was inexcusable”. We tolerated each other after that. 20 years later he is now coming to our work reunions but I don’t go now because of him. People don’t understand why, they think I should leave it in the past. I think this man so traumatized me I never have to see him again. I can forgive him but I don’t have to see him. So I won’t. I get to see the same people at our monthly luncheons without him and that is more fun and far less stressful!
That is serious. Seriously horrible. Heck … My boss said a few of the groups doing our job in other areas have fallen out. One so badly they all quit. It is truly unbelievable as we are supposedly helpers, healers, like WTF????!!!
It is traumatizing to deal with toxic people at work. I had only one narcissist-abuser experience so far and that person tried “divide and conquer”. Learned from it. It sucked. I cried a ton. I pray it won’t happen again but might…they are out there, these people. I know it is easier said than done…but whenever possible may you be able to do the “like water off a duck’s back”… oxoxoxo You deserve to be treated with respect and kindness, wherever you go. We are here if you need to vent. Keep being assertive-kind and this will pass. Like a kidney stone, but it passes.
I hoped to ignore, but I am feeling quite unnerved and not wanting to be anywhere near her, especially alone, so I will ask my boss to do something. Trouble is, she is a younger woman. She has seen this one in action for a few years, so may not want to take her on … At least she assured me I was acting well, and she could not fault my responses. She also surprised me by saying I am a strong woman. Like, wtf? I am a little mouse, a frightened deer. No, she said, quite strong. Mmmmm My friend whom I live with – with whom I live? said yes, quietly, powerfully strong. Insecure power mongers hate my type as we quietly believe in our ideas without needing to make a fuss. Just hold on. Food for thought
Oh @morgan, this is very true. It winds them up more if they don’t succeed in getting a bad reaction from us. Don’t give in and eventually they explode regardless but we get to keep our clean slate. One of the many beauties of being sober!
You know I have to agree with your friend and @Lee. Quiet, strong people who do what they know is the right thing to do just enrage others because it so unnerves them. She’ll continue to try and trip you up but others will also see that and admire you all the more. I wonder what would happen if you said you just want to do your job and if she has a problem with that then spit it out and clear the air. It could get worse or better. Some people just live with so much anger, or maybe hurt, they take it out on others who seem to be the kind of people they want to be.