• morgan posted a new activity comment 4 hours, 14 minutes ago

    That first paragraph – exactly the situation for the teens and children I look after. Tragically, the ones who cannot stay silent, and develop obnoxious reactive behaviours, are rejected by everyone (no surprises there, they do horrible things, repeatedly). The teens I care for quite a bit at present are at the reflective age, realising no one wants them. One, miraculously, said this weekend she understands how she wrecked every placement. I am still stunned, as I had (wrongly) judged her as too brain/drug/alcohol damaged to ever see herself through the eyes of those she has burnt out – like, I wreck this home and test you, make you reject me before you do. Maybe there is a little hope (god she is obnoxious though … a test of my character constantly!) I wonder if you would have been saved years of torment and torture if you had got into a good foster home? One of my other charges tried for years to get away, and now she finally has, she is a honey – but she did just wreck a placement, but with her intelligent arguing, political views, imagine … hopeless foster parents couldn’t see what a treasure she is. Maybe if I get a bigger home soon …

  • morgan posted a new activity comment 4 hours, 29 minutes ago

    Yes, self medicating is ok for a while, but then it only makes things worse. Haave you got meds to help? Or lots of natural remedies? I swear by St John’s wort, heaps of Bs, omega 3s, magnesium and when under more stress, L-theanine, ashwaganda – more Bs! And cutting caffeine drastically. Camomile tea by the truckload can really calm our whole nervous system. All cheaper than alcohol too. Let us know how it is going, and keep sticking up for your son, unkind people can learn to suck it up!

  • morgan posted a new activity comment 18 hours, 18 minutes ago

    The beans and good grains are so beneficial for us too – perhaps add more oils and nuts/avocado and see if it helps quell the sugar urges. Magnesium is what we need when craving sugar I think – or something like it. I think I will add quinoa now I feel so much better. I do eat some humous

  • morgan posted a new activity comment 18 hours, 24 minutes ago

    If you leave, what happens to the house? is it yours? could it deteriorate? Here it can be so hard to get a settlement.

    • @morgan, we still owe on our mortgage, the house would have to be sold, the bank given their due, creditors paid off and we divide anything remaining. The only way I could buy out my husband’s share would be to do a refinance and then the mortgage would be far bigger, and, even with a housemate that and the kind of upkeep it’s starting to require at 120 years old would be more than my salary would cover. The money my husband borrowed was supposedly going to go for much needed repairs that have not occurred so it will end up selling for less than the current town tax assessment once an actual real assessment happens. I will not make out well there.

  • morgan posted a new activity comment 18 hours, 28 minutes ago

    Fantastic to see the comparative lives that we can live – one with a toxic poison that we are told is the elixir of life by deceptive manipulating advertisers, and the other, supposedly dull – sober = a sense of dullness, unsmiling, measured. What a mixed up culture for sure

  • morgan posted a new activity comment 18 hours, 33 minutes ago

    Not my post though – tipsytoegal’s – I am the best at reposting brilliant things people write so that more members can see them! hahaha – I often realise people haven’t noticed I am quoting someone else. I have very few ideas and those I have I am not good at expressing sadly 🙁

  • morgan posted a new activity comment 18 hours, 55 minutes ago

    I long for a sauna – used to be my go to after class – couldn’t even do a class if there was no swim afterwards. Now I am too rushed, so forego all that.

  • morgan posted an update 1 day, 1 hour ago

    The best Sunday morning read, from our very own @tipsytoegal – reprinted without permission; apologies. Thank you gal, you have provided the much needed inspiration for my weekend at work – gratitude will see me through.

    “Having a clear, calm
    mind and body is so POTENT of a motivator now. As @morgan and I were
    discussing in a previous post of mine, the desire for calm and peace
    has become more “addicting” than drama and adrenaline.

    I spent over an hour randomly pulling weeds from my very flourishing
    and well-kept garden yesterday. There weren’t that many…but in the
    act of it, I felt more alive than I have felt in a long time. Just
    picking weeds. Who knew! I know I have felt that way before but
    there is something different now where instead of it just “happening”
    and me being surprised by it, I now intentionally SEEK to CREATE these
    moments.

    It is like, my life before was like being in a canoe going down wild
    rapids all my life, having no control, little shelter from danger and
    no idea how to navigate it except to survive…. and maybe once in
    awhile, I might hit a calm spot and feel relieved, but then get thrown
    right back into the rapids after a short time.

    Now, it is like being in that same canoe, purposely STEERING it to
    calmer waters, and then relaxing consciously while I enjoy the peace
    of the ride. I am not surviving but am living instead. And EVEN IF I
    hit a patch of wild rapids now, I don’t have to just survive them, I
    can consciously navigate them with wisdom, patience and confidence as
    I know it is now the exception in my life, not the rule.”

    • Morgan, I have been on here under many guises for about three years and your posts are still the best! Your consistency is so impressive. Thank you x

      • Not my post though – tipsytoegal’s – I am the best at reposting brilliant things people write so that more members can see them! hahaha – I often realise people haven’t noticed I am quoting someone else. I have very few ideas and those I have I am not good at expressing sadly 🙁

    • Thanks for sharing@morgan it is a lovely lovely post xx

    • Awww! no permission needed! SOOO glad it inspired you!!! 💜 💜

    • Ohh thanks heaps for sharing her post, morgan!!!! oxoxo I love you both and miss you!!!

  • morgan posted a new activity comment 1 day, 1 hour ago

    I must look up her earlier books. Yes, loved and was appalled and afraid of Fahrenheight 451 – perhaps I should re read. I saw an incredible documentary about those saving a famous library amidst the horror of the Yugoslav craziness – heartbreaking, but amazing that they were willing to die by sniper as they carted the books through the town in banana boxes, to safety.

  • morgan posted a new activity comment 1 day, 2 hours ago

    ‘Now we are 6 I am clever as clever/ I think I’ll be six now forever and ever’

    Memorise @Wakingowl – whole book? gosh, that’s a strange one. I did love The Poisonwood Bible – have you read that?

    • yes I did @morgan I love Barbara Kingsolver, especially her earliest writings like The Bean Trees.

    • @morgan, the premise of Fahrenheit 451 ( the temperature at which paper ignites) is that books have been banned and there is an underground that keeps them alive by memorizing and “ becoming” a book to save it from being lost.

  • morgan posted a new activity comment 1 day, 2 hours ago

    Your spirit guide is ganging up with me and querying these cigarettes hon – save yourself in one way, kill yourself in another 🙁 🙁 🙁 : ( – of course I am dead jealous as got rid of my 1 a day AGAIN a few months ago – lord, I hang on like a drowning person, so stupidly, as when I do the why not thing, the list is loooong, just as with wine, and I think, thank god I don’t do that. Why the hell do I want to sooo much?!

    • Lol I know another addiction to quit.. I will get there.. I’m in total denial over it to. X

      • Keep the cigs for as long as you have to, if it helps with staying sober. That can be the next project once you feel grounded in sobriety. I ate my weight (and then some) in sugar…for MONTHS…almost an entire year, really….. which doctors now say is just as bad as drinking/smoking. I needed it or else I would have relapsed. Tug that away for when you feel ready. You so got this. oxoxoxo

  • morgan posted a new activity comment 1 day, 2 hours ago

    That is so hard @Lilly15. How dare he treat you like this?! How long have you been together? I hope there are not children watching. Let the lioness ROOOOOAAARRRR

  • morgan posted a new activity comment 1 day, 2 hours ago

    You are doing a fantastic job of this, so inspiring. And the things you speak of are not simply 1st world problems, they can be crippling – are crippling and must be addressed for a purposeful life to be led. Big issues!
    How is your son? I remember the big hassle with the other parent – phew, tough stuff.

    • Thank you so much for replying. I’m blown away you remember me Morgan that’s some memory you have there. My son is hard work, school isn’t great for him and I’m fighting for better provision. In terms of the other parent, it’s awkward but I refuse to stop taking him and really I have nothing to be ashamed of…I handled it pretty well.

      I think I did have expectations of the sober life…I expected to come back refreshed (because id been sober) from holiday and got disappointed when I felt poorly and tired. I’m just not on a pink cloud right now I suppose.

      I should have known that once I stopped drenching it in booze the dust would kick up with my mental health. I’m thinking that it’s time to stop hiding, address some of the thoughts and things I struggle with…open the windows! I want to live life not just manage it.

      Just writing it all down helps…Thank you all for listening x

      • Yes, self medicating is ok for a while, but then it only makes things worse. Haave you got meds to help? Or lots of natural remedies? I swear by St John’s wort, heaps of Bs, omega 3s, magnesium and when under more stress, L-theanine, ashwaganda – more Bs! And cutting caffeine drastically. Camomile tea by the truckload can really calm our whole nervous system. All cheaper than alcohol too. Let us know how it is going, and keep sticking up for your son, unkind people can learn to suck it up!

  • morgan posted a new activity comment 1 day, 2 hours ago

    You are going to have – well, will have had the best of days. Great progress indeed. Poor hubby – as we get older, recovering is even more hellish…

  • morgan posted a new activity comment 1 day, 2 hours ago

    Sometimes my friend gives me a sip, or I try the man’s to see if the cheap red I get him is ok – tastes FOUL! When our taste buds heal, we can taste the ethanol first and foremost. Vile.

  • morgan posted a new activity comment 1 day, 2 hours ago

    How special! Well done to glide through so easily

  • morgan posted a new activity comment 1 day, 2 hours ago

    Sounds delicious. I must add some to my menu. My latest dish (which lasts 3 meals) is a Thai green curry sans any chillies which seems so wrong. I hope to get to some markets today, so who knows what will be added. I wish I could be trail walking … is running going to do your knees in completely? Time to preserve them?

    • Curry without chillies? That’s not possible! As for running, it’s getting to be pretty much self destructive. I used to be a competitive runner but those days are behind me. Now on most days I walk at a fast pace (a bit over 8km per hour over rough terrain) but I get bored so I’ll start running which is glorious for a while and then I realize that I know better. I do still run one race a year just for fun.

  • morgan posted a new activity comment 1 day, 2 hours ago

    Welcome. Hope you find lots of inspiration and support here.

  • morgan posted a new activity comment 1 day, 2 hours ago

    ‘Courage, success, refusal to surrender, confronting the unknown’ – such powerful words. Love this

  • morgan posted a new activity comment 1 day, 2 hours ago

    Well done! And the benefits????

    • The biggest benefit comes when I wake up tomorrow morning with a clear head and able to enjoy a lovely sunny day. For today though, I feel quietly pleased with myself

  • morgan posted a new activity comment 1 day, 2 hours ago

    Thank goodness you can take time off – as the sound of a mother’s voice on the phone can help by raising their children’s dopamine/oxytocin levels etc, imagine how much more comforting if you are near. Way less painkilling meds needed, and faster recovery times for those of us with a loved one near. It will also be so healing, even if terribly difficult – she is not an easy patient, right? or are these procedures simply so vile no one could be?
    I hope the sun comes back. 17 degrees here today apparently, and I might be stuck inside at work with recalcitrant teens who wont even walk to a local farmers’ market. Sulk sulk rage rage. There have been some magical moments though, real breakthroughs – I cried with happiness over one. They think I’m weird lol

    • And super duper luckiest of all is that MY Aunty, her partner and her daughter ( the one in the band travelling the world as a rock and roll star) will all be there at the same time so other members of our family will be able to provide some comfort too. For me as much as anything . My girl is not so much a bad patient. None of her collarbone surgeries were successful. And she is still in pain from that injury as you know. She is weaning off the medication she is on, so her pain, stress and anxiety are all starting to rise. Also stopping smoking in there too. Its not a wonderful time.
      Bummer the kids didn’t want to get out and about-perhaps the sun will burn their eyes lol. You are weird embrace it lol lol 😉

  • morgan posted a new activity comment 2 days, 17 hours ago

    Try keto eating – really fantastic. The only thing that got me off sugar, stabilised energy swings, mind as clear as a bell, no cravings – awesome.

  • morgan posted a new activity comment 2 days, 17 hours ago

    Great work. I just hope you can stop any debt occurring that you will be liable for. Have you got a good lawyer? Here once you declare separation, you can have some sort of order that stops liability for the partner. Get onto it fast as who knows what he will do when in such an unpleasant state.
    IT is very sad he is descending into insults, however it does make it clearer what you need to do. Life will get a lot better, hopefully sooner rather than later XXX big hugs

    • Hi @wakingowl. Sorry that your having to deal with this now, while your still grieving. What Morgan said makes perfect sense. It appears that he’s already manipulated funds without your consent and is incredibly irresponsible and has been for some time. Verbal abuse is abuse and he’s cutting at your scars. Protect yourself. Fuck drinking. That’s just us abusing ourselves because that negative voice is actually listening. It’s a scam. I was a month behind you for a while until I gave into it. Doesn’t sound like you will or intend to, it’s just not worth it. Do take care of yourself. We can’t make people get the help that they need. I’m sure you already know this, They have to want to change, we do.

    • @morgan there is barely money for food let alone a lawyer and he’s smoked every penny we could have banked for years now and I let it happen out of guilt and shame for my past behavior and the passivity my childhood built into me. @Lee you’re right, fuck booze the last thing I need to do is make myself more vulnerable, he’s convinced I can’t take care of myself but sobriety has shown me I have options.

  • morgan posted a new activity comment 2 days, 18 hours ago

    Some stunning Brand quotes – need to read a few times. Thank you xxx

    • Ohh thanks so much morgan!!! Thank YOU for being the relentless and absolutely compassionate companion here on this forum. It would not be the same space without you here. oxoxoxox I am looking forward to more quotes from you, and posts about life. I have learned so much from you, and have no doubt I will continue to do so. oxoxox

  • morgan posted a new activity comment 3 days ago

    Will your workplace not pay? Im sure this happened on the job 😉 and needs them to sort you to keep you fit and well.
    What about an osteopath? I love their gentler methods and have had great success. Out of interests, what sort of charges over there? It sounds a scary place not to have insurance. What about Obamacare?

  • morgan posted a new activity comment 3 days, 3 hours ago

    I wonder if it is more useful to see it as an addiction to adrenalin, to the feeling of a life and death battle to make life ok. This becomes ‘usual’, the norm.
    And being creatures of such habit, we tend to be drawn back to the usual life – and if addictive substances (including adrenalin) are involved, that includes a strange longing for the awful painful stuff – wrapped up in other disguises of course.
    ‘Neurons that fire together wire together’ so the need is to fall n love with peace. How long this takes, who knows?
    I don’t think I am a good person to comment on this as my work places are pretty adrenalin fuelled at times, and I do so much of it that the quiet, peaceful times at home are heaven.
    Do the endorphins from physical activity help? (even 14-20 mins walking does it.)

    • @morgan Great questions! Yes, I think you are on to something there. Especially the “neurons that fire together wire together.” It IS a brain habit and the brain looks for stimulation in the ways it is used to.

      So it, to me, is definitely a matter of retraining the brain. And you rightfully pointed out that falling in love with Peace is the answer! I don’t know how long it takes either but I know I am on my way with it.

      And yes, exercise DEFFFFINITELY helps that. I have really stuck to my 3X a week 1/2 swim laps schedule (followed by a whirlpool and steam room session) and wow what a difference that makes!

      I think once school starts and definitely once I enter the world of paralegal work that ole “adrenaline fueled by deadlines and drama” brain link may kick back in! We’ll see!
      I

      • I long for a sauna – used to be my go to after class – couldn’t even do a class if there was no swim afterwards. Now I am too rushed, so forego all that.

  • morgan posted a new activity comment 3 days, 3 hours ago

    It sounds as if there is no doubt you WILL get to the end of 2019. You will like you a lot better too

  • morgan posted a new activity comment 3 days, 3 hours ago

    I felt a bit like that for the first 200 days – and I was quite a moderate drinker, unable to take much. I think a lot depends on our age, health, other stressors (I had over a decade of hellish stuff to recover from). Check out PAWS – post alcohol withdrawal symptoms. They can stick around, of and on, for a long time.

  • morgan posted a new activity comment 3 days, 3 hours ago

    Congratulations!!!! And another baby – how lovely, I am envious XXXXX

  • morgan posted a new activity comment 3 days, 3 hours ago

    Fortunately not attractive to me at all, just long to be clear and myself again.
    Have a lovely day XX

  • morgan posted a new activity comment 3 days, 3 hours ago

    Sorry to hear about your cousin Ro.
    The cake sounds very interesting indeed – mmm parsnip, lowish carb, could be a possibility
    How long now til daughter’s op? Is she doing ok?

  • morgan posted a new activity comment 4 days, 14 hours ago

    Look forward to a detailed description along the way or when you return – please !

  • morgan posted a new activity comment 4 days, 14 hours ago

    What happened to the heart broken Italian? The sober woman who travels sounds perfect!
    Rest up

    • He’d given me a deposit and I gave it back to him the following day @Morgan. That was when I was at my witts end and had decided to sell everything suddenly and leave. He has since found other place and shoulder to cry on. Likely for the best while my patience have been limited although I’m finding my way back to serene.

  • morgan posted a new activity comment 4 days, 14 hours ago

    So much death around those in the tribe here at present – scary when it is the healthy and fit.
    Lots of love to you xxxx

  • morgan posted a new activity comment 5 days, 4 hours ago

    So sorry! I hope the waiting is ok and the surgery goes well XXX

  • morgan posted a new activity comment 5 days, 4 hours ago

    Absolutely. I wish I had known this as a teen, and younger. I have complicated traits though – I love to work with people, damaged ones mainly, and as a team, so this can really be costly to my energy and drives my body to screamingly cry STOP with migraine. I wonder what life would have been like if I had taken on a calm career …

  • morgan posted a new activity comment 6 days, 4 hours ago

    Everything will be ok, if you are ok. Hold on, the waves will become gentler

  • morgan posted a new activity comment 6 days, 4 hours ago

    So good to see you hon – have missed you and your songs. Hopefully the Spring will lure you out of the black hole and you will sing love songs to the flowers. XXXXX

  • morgan posted a new activity comment 6 days, 4 hours ago

    Exciting! No ideas at all sorry. Tell us what you decide XXX

  • morgan posted a new activity comment 6 days, 4 hours ago

    Welcome. Hope you find plenty of helpful things, and people, here.
    Sounds as if, from your post above, the anxiety and impending doom stuff must be dealt with asap as it makes you want to run and numb with alcohol. Have you had treatment for anxiety? Any strategies? Who supports you?

  • morgan posted a new activity comment 6 days, 4 hours ago

    Wonderful. Have been wondering how you are XXX

  • morgan posted a new activity comment 6 days, 4 hours ago

    It sounds a beautiful, healing and forgiving memorial. Than you for describing it to us. I will always remember your mother and how she has shown that things can change, love can overcome the past.

  • morgan posted a new activity comment 1 week ago

    Answered on LH – not meant to comment on work 🙁

  • morgan posted a new activity comment 1 week ago

    Oh yes! My friend I share my house with keeps me from ever being tempted yo go back. I am so much older than her, but getting thinner, fitter, more motivated every week, while she has increasingly half hearted attempts to change, then slumps back to regular drinking and overeating. It is so sad.

  • morgan posted a new activity comment 1 week ago

    I downloaded from Amazon to my kindle. $12 I think.

  • morgan posted a new activity comment 1 week ago

    I love this lot of helpful things! Just catching up with some messages. Sharing your deepest things with someone you trust can be miraculously healing.

  • morgan posted a new activity comment 1 week ago

    Tai chi could be really good – settling of the mind and body, and apparently really helpful as we get older – haha, I need it. Probably more calming than sex – tell your man to get along to it to! lol

    • Ro replied 1 week ago

      Yeah I’m going to go and see what’s it’s all about. How’s your day Morgy @morgan ?

  • morgan posted a new activity comment 1 week, 1 day ago

    Very good to have a decent vehicle, that is for sure.
    The ‘culture’ shock and change sounds massive.
    Are you feeling the freedom with occasional drinking, or are you playing with fire?
    So glad your friend came to you and is going to get help. Ghastly.
    Challenges scaled down – good idea! Keep in touch xxxx

  • morgan posted a new activity comment 1 week, 1 day ago

    So are relationships worth it? 😉

  • morgan posted an update 1 week, 2 days ago

    My most negative, bleak, spiky bestie has actually sent me something beautiful after a few spiky comments. I have had to ask her not to messenger me all the horror and torture in the world, especially late at night when instead of a friendly goodnight I see a tragic headline about prisoner organ theft etc. Im sure she thinks I am a shallow, trivial person for avoiding the deluge of world horror😐😶🙄
    Love this though:

    TO COME HOME TO YOURSELF

    May all that is unforgiven in you,
    Be released.

    May your fears yield
    Their deepest tranquilities.

    May all that is unlived in you,
    Blossom into a future,
    Graced with love.

    JOHN O’DONOHUE

    From his books: TO BLESS THE SPACE BETWEEN US (US) /

    • Oh I do like that. I had to tell mum to stop sending me death notices when I was overseas. She was onto such a good thing I was getting one a fortnight! Small town.

    • It doesn’t sound like she thinks you’re shallow. Sounds like she’s getting the picture. You’re just protecting your mental health and maybe a little more sensitive. I’m like that too. Good friends may grump at you but they will understand on a deeper level ❤️

    • I love this so much @Morgan!! xo

    • Lovely! I have to censor myself from the media too. And it’s almost impossible even just opening a browser to go to LS or FB. What a nice sentiment.

    • My bestie constantly sends me articles about horrible things that have happened to children. Her intent is to make me aware so I’ll keep my kids safe but omg. Sometimes I have to tell her to stop!!!

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