• MissFreedom posted a new activity comment 3 weeks, 4 days ago

    I wanna see the same @sober4real . 💙

  • Morning 498 .
    In Montreal , intense heat wave . Working outside and you could fry eggs on my head .
    If i was hungover i would not be able to endure this heat .
    Another advantage of being af .
    Being able to still enjoy life in satan’ s weather . Héhé.
    My inner turmoil has setlled down a bit .
    Still walking the path .
    One foot at a time .
    xxx

    • One foot at a time is all it takes as they add up to quite a journey 👍

    • Hi @Missfreedom. Heat is ridiculous here in NY as well. The mere thought of being hungover makes me queasy. 498 and still getting better!!?? You inspire. Thanks. Enjoy your day.

    • 106 here today, I feel you!! Satan’s weather, hahaha… I too, am so glad not to be hungover in this hot and humid wasteland lol.

  • MissFreedom posted a new activity comment 1 month ago

    Hahaha , that straight jacket comment is priceless . Thanks i was grumpy yet you made me laugh . I like your energy . You are doing great .

  • MissFreedom posted a new activity comment 1 month ago

  • MissFreedom posted a new activity comment 1 month ago

    Isn’ t it a great feeling to socialize sober ? It is the best feeling , really . I am very happy for you .

  • MissFreedom posted a new activity comment 1 month ago

    @mari135 , you’ ve always been there with me when the ride gets bumpy . Thank you my dear . I am holding on tight . xxx

  • MissFreedom posted a new activity comment 1 month ago

    @Lee , i am breathing between chewing on gummy bears . The raw ass comment is right on point . Thanks for reminding me that drinking was never ever the answer .xx

    • Lee@ replied 1 month ago

      Everything in moderation right? Even meetings for me. Most of the work I do is outside of the rooms anyway. I still need to go though. I don’t know many sober people apart from there, if any. Nearly all of my family and friends were/are hard core drinkers. I’ve had to claw my way out. AA has been good for me. There’s always going to be a few asshole in a large group of people. It’s one of the more unfortunate laws of nature

  • MissFreedom posted a new activity comment 1 month ago

    Good idea @dorothyparker , let me think of something and i’ ll get back to you . x

  • MissFreedom posted a new activity comment 1 month ago

    @teazy You know what ? Yeah .
    Because ever since i told myself and my partner a week ago i would drink again , strangely i have been wincing just thinking of actually having that first glass . And obviously , not drinking . Something inside ( my guts ) knows .
    I really appreciate your comment , thanks xx

  • MissFreedom posted a new activity comment 1 month ago

    I could not go every day .
    I will check out if there is an alternative .
    Thanks xx

    • JM replied 1 month ago

      Hi, yes everyday would be too much. There are online AA meetings, I participated in one a long time ago, people were very friendly. x

  • MissFreedom posted a new activity comment 1 month ago

    Keep going .
    Thanks xx

  • MissFreedom posted a new activity comment 1 month ago

    Temporary insanity 😂😂😂, well hahaha that made me burst laughing . Thanks for your sane comment my friend xx

  • MissFreedom posted an update 1 month ago

    Hello everyone , day 492 and have been feeling really tired lately . Thoughts of drinking bla bla bla . Even said to myself , yep i am gonna start again . A big blah about AA lately , dogmatism and all that jazz but i do love the fraternity .
    Sorry for such a negative post but there it is : blah .

    • JM replied 1 month ago

      Hi @MissFreedom! You’re so close to a big soberversary, 500! Do you go every day to AA meetings?

      • I could not go every day .
        I will check out if there is an alternative .
        Thanks xx

        • JM replied 1 month ago

          Hi, yes everyday would be too much. There are online AA meetings, I participated in one a long time ago, people were very friendly. x

    • I’m right behind you @MissFreedom, so let’s figure this out! I get blah. Now, whatever is behind the “maybe I’ll drink again” thinking? Temporary insanity? Tell that voice to piss off. Did drinking cure blah for you? It numbs it temporarily but then it wears off and there you are again, right back to blah but feeling worse about yourself. And then the cycle begins. Work on turning that thinking around and let go of some of AA’s dogma. Is there a less AA staunch person you can fellowship with? xo

      • Temporary insanity 😂😂😂, well hahaha that made me burst laughing . Thanks for your sane comment my friend xx

    • Keep going .
      Thanks xx

    • Even if you are doubting AA, please don’t confuse that with your choice to be alcohol free, i used to do that in the early days, submerge myself in some recovery system and when i found any fault, or something i didnt like, i woukd throw the towel in and start drinking again! really it was an excuse to start again, but at the time i couldn’t see that.

      • @MissFreedom I think you need to plan something really special for your 500 days. That is an amazing milestone! Its not blah blah. You should really push the waka out for that day. TREAT YOURSELF, YOU DESERVE IT. Tell us what you are going to do, I’d love to know!

      • @teazy You know what ? Yeah .
        Because ever since i told myself and my partner a week ago i would drink again , strangely i have been wincing just thinking of actually having that first glass . And obviously , not drinking . Something inside ( my guts ) knows .
        I really appreciate your comment , thanks xx

    • Lee@ replied 1 month ago

      @Miss Freedom, If you begin to drink again, that name that you’ve chosen will no longer suit you until you decide to stop again. AA certainly gives me the raw ass occasionally, did so just recently but what I have to realize is that all of those people are experiencing the same trials and tribulations as I and are no better or worse off at any given moment. Most importantly, we do what we do to save ourselves. I get it though, just breathe for now. Besides, was drinking an answer the last time?

      • @Lee , i am breathing between chewing on gummy bears . The raw ass comment is right on point . Thanks for reminding me that drinking was never ever the answer .xx

        • Lee@ replied 1 month ago

          Everything in moderation right? Even meetings for me. Most of the work I do is outside of the rooms anyway. I still need to go though. I don’t know many sober people apart from there, if any. Nearly all of my family and friends were/are hard core drinkers. I’ve had to claw my way out. AA has been good for me. There’s always going to be a few asshole in a large group of people. It’s one of the more unfortunate laws of nature

    • oxoxoxx You got this. It’s ok to not always feel ok, even in sobriety. Thise “blah” days pass…they always pass. oxoxo You hang in there. It will be worth it.

    • Blah happens for sure whether in AA or not. Just put one foot in front of the other and don’t drink so you can see what happens next! 🙂 I know what will happen if I drink and it will NOT be a good thing. I want to see what happens when we do not. Hang in there!!

  • I just came back from speaking in front of a fullhouse aa meeting . And it went well , very well . Hard to describe but i felt this strange calmness and also this sense of being exactly at the right place . When people after tell you your sharing helped or touched them , wow , what a gift .
    Thank you for your support when i was in pre-jitters .
    xxx

  • MissFreedom posted a new activity comment 1 month, 2 weeks ago

    What an absolute inspiring post , can relate so much 💙

  • MissFreedom posted a new activity comment 1 month, 2 weeks ago

    Yes . 💙

  • MissFreedom posted a new activity comment 1 month, 2 weeks ago

    💙

  • MissFreedom posted a new activity comment 1 month, 2 weeks ago

    💙

  • MissFreedom posted a new activity comment 1 month, 2 weeks ago

    😄

  • Yesterday , another gift from sobriety .
    The rain was pouring as if in a carwash , yet i went in my raincoat in the flowers beds to unweed . I felt this immense feeling of wellness while working , covered in mud . This feeling of being centered at peace and at the right place . This was all happening to me while my collegues were staying in their trucks because of the heavy pouring .
    Before , i would of had negative thoughts towards them , like : they are slackers , i am working more than them while they talk .
    I realised that and i was amazed by my not caring . I felt so free . Everyone was where they chose to be and that was allright .
    Letting go . What a lovely gift .
    Have a good day .
    xxx

  • MissFreedom posted a new activity comment 1 month, 2 weeks ago

    Great mantra 💙

  • MissFreedom posted a new activity comment 1 month, 2 weeks ago

    @Jm , @lee@, @elizabeth66, @mandles , @frog
    Thank you all for your feedbacks , i am doing better mentally , being sober for me really means letting go and i am trying hard to do that , so far so good . Thanks .

  • MissFreedom posted a new activity comment 1 month, 2 weeks ago

    Yabadabadou !!!!!!!

  • MissFreedom posted a new activity comment 1 month, 2 weeks ago

    Bravo !

  • MissFreedom posted a new activity comment 1 month, 2 weeks ago

    Wow that is great !

  • O.k need to let my anxiety talk . I was supposed to speak at my aa meeting with 200 persons in attendance on the 28th but it was moved for the 14th . THIS SUNDAY !
    Last night i kept thinking of my past , my experiences , where i come from , bla bla bla . And bla bla bla , very hard to sleep with a hamster on speed turning in your head .
    I keep telling myself : live in the present moment . Mmmm mmmm yeah .
    So , anyway , i am doing this because i feel it is the right thing to do , it is like another step , another hurdle , another involvement .
    Trusting and believing and putting myself out there , being vulnerable but true and honest . Yes that’s it , to speak my thruth .
    Anyway needed to write to you just to put it out there in the universe .
    So glad this place exist and you people exist .
    Bonne soirée .
    xx

    • You’ll be great!! If you feel a bit nervous, just let it in, smile as you talk and it will gradually lessen. You’re so brave. Bonne nuit. X

    • @missfreedom I’m sure you’ll be fine! I’ve recently begun chairing meetings and have been asked to speak at some as well. One coming up next week. It’s so very rewarding and I find that the right words always seem to make their way out even when I’m not prepared. Typically am not!

    • I suspect you’ve been asked to speak because you are respected and you have something strong to say. Everyone in the room wants the best for you. You’ve got this!!

    • Hi I found a really good book to keep me in the present, not what has happened and regrets, or what might happen, NOW… it’s the power of Now by Erkhert Tolle I think that’s how you spell his name, it’s really good.. hang n there x

    • You’re going to be fine! (Just don’t look up from the podium :))

  • MissFreedom posted a new activity comment 1 month, 2 weeks ago

    Yes @epsom baths are little miracles . I like your attitude . I am 55 and bike to work nowadays , 34 km . Yes mam . Haha . Day 222 and wow . We know what all those added days mean . Beautiful , very happy for you . Your positive spirit is inspiring . xx

  • 474 days ago i woke up after letting myself down yet another time . I was so desperate i felt i had 2 solutions : suicide or rehab . I chose the latest . This has been quite the journey . It has been a journey of finally loving who i am . Acceptance and forgiveness . I feel and visualise my emotions like the ocean , high tide , low tide with the sirene of addiction holding a bottle of rosé swimming by me every once in a while . I wave to it and say no thanks maybe tomorrow . She smiles back at me and swims away . Today is all i have and sober is what i want to be . The idea of being dizzy , slow in the brain , talking shit and igniting the fire of angerness within me beats the fantasy of 5 minutes of relief . No , it is not easy not drinking alcohol but it makes my life so much easier …..and i know i repeat myself but the peace of mind is the greatest gift .
    Bonne journée .xxxx

    • thank goodness you chose rehab, @missfreedom. I was at the same place, not rehab because I would not want anyone and I mean anyone to know I had a problem. You are so free and honest now, be well.

    • Love that. Thank you for starting my day on such a quietly joyous note.

    • So glad you chose rehab @MissFreedom! Alcohol certainly ignites the beast within us, so glad yours is back sleeping.

    • Glad you chose rehab. Love the idea of the ocean and the siren swimming by with Rose! Well for me, she is accompanied with a Grey Goose. I shall wave goodbye with my two fingers and whisper Fuck Off !!!!

    • Awesome work choosing rehab❤️❤️

    • Such a beautiful post @missfreedom. I also applaud your smart choice!
      Yes peace of mind is worth more than any fortune. There are so many precious, subtle gifts. For me a biggie is trusting myself.

  • MissFreedom posted a new activity comment 1 month, 2 weeks ago

    Fantastico 💙🌻🙆‍♀️😘

  • Morning 473 . Heat wave here in Montreal .
    Last night i was hosting the A.A meeting at the rehab center i went to last year , my speaker was my friend . What an amazing speech he gave . Wow ! I believe he inspired a lot of people in that room . Hosting made me feel good , i felt at my place . It is always a great feeling to give back . I feel more in tuned today .
    Wishing you all a peaceful / sober day .
    Time to water the flowers before the sun is bowling hot .
    Bye xxx

    • Great, @missfreedom. being of service, glad you have the opportunity to give. enjoy your day.

    • HI there @MissFreedom. Hot as hades down here at the tip of New Jersey too. I’ve always wanted to tour Canada. I’ve met so many wonderful people from there that vacation here. (Not to generalize, but you Canadians seem to have the best wicked sense of humor!) Maybe I’ll use some of this free time here to finally start planning that trip. I’m so inspired by many people here checking in on their solo travels abroad. Time to start a bucket list! Happy watering. Don’t forget the sunblock.

    • Can imaging hosting an AA meeting would really help ‘cement’ (my) position on where I’m at, too @MissFreedom. Powerful. Hope you find just the right ‘cool’ places to be for those grueling high-temp hours today. There’s just no way you can be out in it.

  • MissFreedom posted a new activity comment 1 month, 3 weeks ago

    Yeah @Ro !!!!!!!! xx

  • MissFreedom posted a new activity comment 1 month, 3 weeks ago

    Bravo you 💙

  • Exhausted but serene . Evening 471 or is it 472 …..too tired to check . Anyway , biked 34 km today to and from work , worked in sunny and too hot weather . Decided to take the day off tomorrow just because i can . La vie est belle . Grateful to be alive , present and raw .
    xxx

  • Day 470 .
    Biking to work at 5h25 am , the sky was amazing . 17 km . Thanking life for everything good in my life . Grateful prayer while riding my bike . Super hot here . Was able to stay calm all day and zen . Even though my brain was melting on concrete at about 40 celcius planting flowers in a median surrounded by passing cars . Life is funny . I feel confused about my sobriety , then i read some parts of This naked mind and then i am glad to be sober . Up and down i go . But today is a good day and that is enough . Bonne nuit xxx

  • MissFreedom posted a new activity comment 1 month, 3 weeks ago

    Never give up . I had 14, 980 days one . Addiction is an insidious bastard . We are here for you xxx

  • Day 468 .
    I am still feeling confused but i recognize the following .
    Standing under the entrance roof of my backward looking at the rain pouring down on my garden .
    Then watching the sky turn light blue and pink followed by a beautiful rainbow .
    Watching ” A beautiful boy ” with my boyfriend .
    Eating a nicoise salad with a glass of sparkling water while he drinks red wine .
    Realising that being sober has made me forgive the people who hurted me in my childhood .
    Being able now to hug my mom .
    Going to bed last night feeling calm and at peace because i am sober .
    These are simple things yet they feel grand .
    Thanks for all your support while i am going thrue a lot of questionning . And while i am still confused i still feel the benefits of being ALL THERE .
    Going to meeting this morning .
    Bonne journée xxx

  • MissFreedom posted a new activity comment 1 month, 3 weeks ago

    Thanks @mari135 💙

  • MissFreedom posted a new activity comment 1 month, 3 weeks ago

    💙

  • MissFreedom posted a new activity comment 1 month, 3 weeks ago

    💙

  • MissFreedom posted a new activity comment 1 month, 3 weeks ago

    💙

  • MissFreedom posted a new activity comment 1 month, 3 weeks ago

    Hey @hammer123 !!! You have inspired me too . 🌻

  • MissFreedom posted a new activity comment 1 month, 4 weeks ago

    Hi @sober4real , yes he is addicted to pot and booze . I have asked for only the weekends but to no avail . He just will not go for it .
    Thanks for your answer xxx

    • Hi @missfreedom the love of my life liked pot a bit but didn’t drink. He didn’t do it daily though. I think it’s about how you feel about your intimacy and if it is affecting your sobriety. I know you will make the right decision. When you love someone it’s definitely complicated!

  • Bonsoir .
    In need of your feedback ,feelings , experiences , ideas . I will accept all of them .
    Ok here goes my questionning at the present time .
    My boyfriend drinks every day , about 2-3 units , wine and beer and smokes pot ( a joint pretty much every evening ) .
    The pot makes him slow with a sort of potatoe talk , very long to get from A to B in a conversation . This annoys me . He says it doesn’t change him so i asked him ” so what is the point ?”
    Seeing him drinking triggers me . I am always surrounded by alcohol .
    At A.A everyone is making funny faces when i say my partner drinks and smokes like ” Oh oh …danger . ”
    Sometimes i feel that maybe i should leave to protect my sobriety . But damn , i love this guy .
    I feel confused . And a little scared. Of myself .
    This could be a very good excuse for going back to wine and thinking it is the intelligent thing to do .
    He says i stress him out because he feels i dissaproove of his smoking and drinking .
    O.k .
    Sooooooo . What do you think and is anyone living a similar situation .
    Miss Confused .xx

    • Hi there, no one can tell you what to do….if you love him you love him but it’s not ideal obviously. Maybe you could come to an agreement that he only does it on the weekends? If he cannot then he has a problem and you may want to consider that fact as you won’t be able to have the deep meaningful relationship with him you so desire and deserve. Hugs! xoxoxoxoxox

      • Hi @sober4real , yes he is addicted to pot and booze . I have asked for only the weekends but to no avail . He just will not go for it .
        Thanks for your answer xxx

        • Hi @missfreedom the love of my life liked pot a bit but didn’t drink. He didn’t do it daily though. I think it’s about how you feel about your intimacy and if it is affecting your sobriety. I know you will make the right decision. When you love someone it’s definitely complicated!

    • @missfreedom – I really don’t have anything to add to sober4real’s wise counsel, but i admire how long you have been in the situation. best.

    • HI @MissFreedom. I don’t know how long you’ve been in this relationship, but the part of your post that really jumped out at me is that you’re a bit scared that ‘This could be a very good excuse for going back to wine and thinking it is the intelligent thing to do.’

      I understand that you love him and all that … but really – drinking will never be a smart thing to do. Staying sober certainly is. And loving someone shouldn’t be scary – ever.

      In all honesty – and with deepest respect – this sounds like a pretty scary situation to me. I’d give the whole thing a great deal of thought and tread lightly till you figure it out.

    • That’s a tough one. When you were drinking you were two people isolating in a companionable way trying to build a relationship. Now you are being honest and investing your true self while he is still isolating himself from you. I hate to see long term relationships fail. He won’t be able to clearly hear or know you until he stops. So I guess see what you can put up with but it’s not worth giving up your sobriety. Can he do one or the other? Drink or pot? My choice would be pot because it doesn’t trigger me.

    • Someone once told me it’s ok to not have all the answers right now.
      oxoxox
      Let time be your gentle friend and give yourself permission to have this as a question mark in the room for now. It will be ok, either way. And you will know when you know. You got time.

  • MissFreedom posted a new activity comment 2 months ago

    @tom4500 , that would of been lovely but i am working both those days .
    Have a nice trip , first time in Montreal ? Jazz festival ?

    • Yes, first time, and just one full day. We leave the 28th and drive east through the states as far east as Maine, then take the shorter route home through Canada. We’ll likely get to the historic part of downtown Montreal. Haven’t planned the day, likely just wander around. Feel free to suggest!

  • MissFreedom posted a new activity comment 2 months ago

    💙 and you .

  • MissFreedom posted a new activity comment 2 months ago

    Nice post , love it 💙 To think for you it’ s winter and me summer . Strange indeed . Love planning trips . And hourra for almost one year , time flies.

  • MissFreedom posted an update 2 months ago

    Bonsoir .
    Day 463 .
    Having weird drinking thoughts like well in august i will drink.
    It reminds me of the trick of thinking tomorrow i will drink and tomorrow never comes .
    Funny when you are sober how you watch thoughts enter and leave then come back again . Like mosquitoes near a pond . Bizz bizzz .
    So yeah i am still calm and sober , working hard planting flowers , praying , eating like a 10 year old , sleeping like a log , pretty happy with my life and so grateful to be healthy after all i have done mistreating my nice body .
    Well that is enough blablabla . Hoping everyone is well , here in Montreal after a day filled with showers and mud on my rain gear , the sun is shining again .
    Have a wonderday , day , morning , evening or night , wherever you are , reading this post , on our beautiful blue planet 💙

    • Yay to you❤️❤️

    • My thoughts are I’ll never drink; shows how we’re all alike but we’re all different. Beautiful evening here in Michigan, busy getting ready for our trip east. Two stops before we get to the coast of Maine, then back to Michigan through Canada. Sandy and I are at the Montreal South KOA on the nights of the eighth and ninth, let me know if you would like Sandy and I to meet you for lunch somewhere.

      • @tom4500 , that would of been lovely but i am working both those days .
        Have a nice trip , first time in Montreal ? Jazz festival ?

        • Yes, first time, and just one full day. We leave the 28th and drive east through the states as far east as Maine, then take the shorter route home through Canada. We’ll likely get to the historic part of downtown Montreal. Haven’t planned the day, likely just wander around. Feel free to suggest!

    • Hi, @missfreedom, I have convinced myself no drinking until retirement and that is still 5 years away, but that thought keeps most of the drinking thoughts at bay!

  • MissFreedom posted a new activity comment 2 months ago

    @sober4real , yahou for your 8 months , c’est fantastique !
    Have a great weekend too . xxx

    • Oh thanks @morgan I have a thyroid disease and got put on new meds so that was the outcome, not necessarily from drinking. Hopefully we can fix it over time. I’m grateful to be able to say goodbye to my Dad the way that I had previously hoped because he was a dramatic difficult alcoholic as much as I love him he was not an easy Father to have and he’s been sober for a while too so this is definitely a gift for us both.

    • Thank you @missfreedom! xxx

  • MissFreedom posted a new activity comment 2 months ago

    @jaxisdry , hi ! Congrats on day 89 . I always felt that once you reach 3 months , you have gotten on a higher step . There is a shift in gear . Very good reflex to remember how you felt hungover . You are doing great . The peace of mind when we are sober is such a relieve .
    Wishing you a great day .
    xx

  • MissFreedom posted an update 2 months ago

    Waking up sober never gets old , morning 460 here , 459 days without feeling like i lost a piece of my soul . Even if that voice saying white wine , summer , unwinding and bla bla bla is flirting somewhere inside my brain , i keep it at bay . Always going back to that dreadful feeling of the day after . And kaboum , it fades away . Only to come back at a later time .
    Anyway , i am evolving , not going in circles in the same shitty feelings , i feel like my core is expanding in a peaceful manner .
    Soberness is quite the gift and i am glad for each days i offer myself this gift .
    Have a nice day everyone .xxx

    • Beautifully expressed – no pieces of soul lost. Mmmm this makes sense to me.

    • Sober was is quite the gift indeed! Love what you say about your soul … I love the physical changes of sobriety, but more importantly I love that I am restoring my soul.

    • wonderful, @missfreedom, your journey sounds beautiful.

    • Thank you @MissFreedom. I really needed to hear that this morning. I know how I felt when I was living back there in drunky drunk land – but the farther along I progress, the more I am beginning to wonder (worry?) about where I’m going. What can I expect – how will life be in the future? Does the healing and the changing go on? I guess I’ll find out when I get there (and get there I will!) Thank you.

    • Thank you MissFreedom. It is encouraging for me to read posts from those further down the hallway than I am.

    • Some impressive digits, you’ve got on goin’ on there, @missfreedom. There is no more ‘same ol circle’ of f-all. Hmph.

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