• MissBennet posted a new activity comment 2 days ago

    Oooo yay. Is it to do with sugar? I can’t wait.

  • MissBennet posted a new activity comment 2 days ago

    Welcome to our humble abode. 🙂

  • MissBennet posted a new activity comment 2 days ago

    And making such positive memories! Drive safe.

  • MissBennet posted a new activity comment 2 days ago

    @sober4real you are wonderful. Thanks for your support. Perfect timing.

  • MissBennet posted a new activity comment 2 days ago

    Thanks so much for your comment @Deester I think you are so right. I’m day 35, 5 to go.

  • MissBennet posted a new activity comment 2 days ago

    My bridge is so narrow I can feel the dragon’s breath lol. I’m hanging in there.

  • MissBennet posted a new activity comment 2 days ago

    Hey @suzkep we can keep each other company.

  • MissBennet posted a new activity comment 3 days, 12 hours ago

    All good. It’s a sleeping volcano lol. We do have a lot of them.

  • Is anyone else on day 34 today? I seem to have lost my buddies and I’m starting to dream about drinking. I don’t want to drink but I have to admit I’m weakening. I’ve got a big event on Thursday and I’m starting my sixth and final week of the ‘Six Week Plan’. I like to sabotage a good thing so I’m laying it on the table. It could just be the entry last night required me to think about why I started drinking. Extreme stress. But I remembered the taste so well. Oh dear here I go again. Maybe I am a dry drunk. Is there anyone who has achieved sobriety who hasn’t gone to AA? Mrs D? Anyone? Someone wrote you wouldn’t be successful without it. 🙁

    • @missbennet, Let me grab your hand and walk with you. Don’t let the demon talk get in your brain, as you know the window is cracked, so slam it down and lock it tight. If it is too stressful Thursday be honest and tell the people that you are too sick to attend. (Just think how sick you will feel if you cave.) And the dreams, those are natural for many who withdraw from many types of drugs, including nicotine and sugar. Keep on walking forward.

    • I think it’s normal to get the wobbles for your first few events. Ride it out and you will get through it. Lots of people on here and lots of sober stories I have read get sober without AA. I think it is about what works for you. I haven’t been and so far this community is giving me what I need in terms of connection with others like me. Do what works for you. This is just a wobble and it’s normal, I’ve had lots of them😀.

    • I’m about the same day count as you @missbennet about to embark on a very tricky time, don’t feel up to it at all, but will be doing it by taking it in very very small chunks and checking in here – before I know it will be over and I won’t know what all the fuss was about. AA isn’t for me and plenty of others it doesn’t suit. I’m going to write a list of what I need to get done today – and all the other competing things can just disappear for a while – take care and stay close X

    • Morning I’m close with day 41….stay focussed on your happiness and health….sometimes it feel like a narrow bridge across hot lava…but it is the treasure..unfortunately guarded by the drinking dragon. Focus on your success

      • My bridge is so narrow I can feel the dragon’s breath lol. I’m hanging in there.

    • Hi ya MissBennett. I’m at day 111. In the first 30-40 days I did have many occasions where I had an urge. I pulled out my list of treats and picked up one of those instead. No AA for me. Remember – it takes 90 days for the alcohol to leave the body. Be good to yourself.

    • I know lots of people that are happy in sobriety but didn’t need a formal “program.” Everyone is different. Most people like that haven’t really been alcoholic – maybe just heavy drinkers/abusers but once they made up their minds they quit. Then there are those of us….well, like me – that pretend I don’t need a program but I do. LOL. Thanks for the reminder. Mine sort of works me nowadays but it’s easy for me to forget about it so it’s always a good reminder. We love to overcomplicate things and yes, sabotage. It’s never fun for me anymore – is it fun for you ever now? Because it was just complete shit show every single time I drank for 3 years. I always drank till I passed out and I couldn’t go to social functions any more if I was drinking because I would get sloppy. There are many types of programs – AA, RR, etc. Any of us that quit and it’s been just 34 days can feel like a dry drunk -you haven’t had time to start working a program but you are doing so good – all through physical detox which is such a win. I would ask – what kind of life do you want to have? If you want to go back to the way it was or WORSE because it will be that – you probably know that or do you want to find out how much better and different it can be if you stay sober? There are many gifts but they take time. I’m glad you are here! I don’t know about other people but I have to have tools….I have to be reminded over and over certain things about this issue for me. Because even though I’m successful, and smart, well educated with degrees and a good job/own my own home – I cannot drink like a normal person and when I drink my life goes down the shitter. I want to be there for my family when they need me too and my folks are getting older – if I start drinking I may just send my poor Mommy to an early grave. Lots to consider and even though we think we are making this split second decision to start drinking it’s actually a very long term permanent decision because we never know…[Read more]

    • Hi @MissBennet . It is a surprising thing to learn, but we can only see into about 20% of our brain… we have no direct knowledge of what’s happening in the rest. Unfortunately for us the root our addiction, the reward system, lies in that part of the brain that we can’t see into. This is where the demand to drink comes from and unfortunately for us we can’t directly alter how it works and we aren’t even directly aware of when it is manipulation our behaviour. It operates entirely automatically. It doesn’t require our consent or conscious involvement in any way whatsoever and we can’t turn it off. It is the reward system in our brain that wants us to drink, and even when we have decided at an intellectual level that we want stop this part of our brain carries on demanding that we do.

      Initially our challenge is dealing with powerful cravings and these come directly from the reward system. The “reward” for doing the thing that the craving urged us to do is a big dose of dopamine released into the brain. It is this dopamine (not the alcohol) that gave us the “aaaahhhh!” sensation when we took that first drink of the day. But this dopamine reward didn’t just make us feel good it did something else in our brain; it chemically amplified formation of the memory “That was good! Do it again”. This memory was reinforced every single time we took a drink in response to a craving, so over time the reward system causes us to form an incredibly powerful memory: “drinking is good!” Ultimately it becomes something we know more confidently than anything else, and it causes us A LOT of trouble. It is what’s causing you trouble right now. This memory is incredibly deeply learned and real, but it is false.

      All the self-sabotage comes from the reward system and that biased memory that remembers “drinking is good” far more powerfully than the abundance of evidence to the contrary. When a trigger gets fired the reward system launches a craving and then the brain moves to…[Read more]

      • “unfortunately for us we can’t directly alter how it works”
        “We can’t stop the sabotaging ideas coming”

        Actually we can. It’s called NLP. Neurolinguistic programming. The sub-conscious mind is the computer hard drive which stores all experiences operating at the speed of light, whereas the conscious mind is like the keyboard and operates at the speed of sound. I listen to Eldon Taylor’s InnerTalk on substance abuse. I listen while I’m working or as I drift off to sleep. I purchased five programs including quitting cigs (which I did 4+ years ago), but I didn’t listen to the other four programs. I’m listening to them now. Now Eldon Taylor gives the MP3s away with a subscription to his free newsletter. The “Price” is receiving a few emails a month offering other mind training programs to buy, which I delete. You can find an in depth description of how it works on their website. Good luck!

  • MissBennet posted a new activity comment 3 days, 13 hours ago

    I’m a kiwi. Check out Mount Maunganui. You will all wonder why someone from there would drink lol. Well I don’t! I walk the beautiful beach and walk (read ‘die’) up the Mount. And we have salt water hot pools – natural. Winter is good. Wish I was rich and could look at the water each morning rain, hail or shine. Nice to meet you’all (tee bee).

    • @MissBennet wow! That is gorgeous! It reminds me a bit of Morro Bay, CA, where my Uncle lives. Smaller town, but one big rock 🙂
      I wonder how I’ve missed this on my radar. Not that I’m a world traveler, but been around a little, and love geography. Thanks for sharing.

  • MissBennet posted a new activity comment 4 days, 1 hour ago

    I think adopting a bat is great!

  • MissBennet posted a new activity comment 4 days, 1 hour ago

    I’m so glad it’s coming together for you. Slowly slowly catch the Monkey. Nice that you can breathe through your panic attacks now too.

  • MissBennet posted a new activity comment 5 days, 11 hours ago

    Hey Ro, the best book I read this year is Shaun Blythnell’s Diary of a Bookseller. He does his daily jottings from behind the counter of his bookshop in Wigtown somewhere in the wops near scotland. Hell’s funny. Dry as f*k and I know it’s right up your alley. Just be careful he’s just brought out his second so if you order it is not Confessions of a Bookseller.

    • Hi! That book sounds great! Thank you for the recommendation. I’ll get both of them and let you know when I’ve read them. I’m re-reading a series at the moment so they will be next. Hope you’re having a good weekend 🙂

      • My old man used to deliver books to pretty much every dairy and bookshop in Dunedin for several years when I was a kid. I have many great memories of bookshops and the people in them. I can’t wait to read those books

    • I brought it today. Might start it today maybe- love having a new book! Thanks @missbennet 🙂

  • MissBennet posted a new activity comment 5 days, 22 hours ago

    You will love yourself so much more tomorrow. 🙂

  • MissBennet posted a new activity comment 5 days, 22 hours ago

    I love that comment about ‘having to deal with everyone else’s crappy behaviour’ – so true. The more I travel this road the worse their behaviour gets.

    • @missbennet yes, it is sometimes very hard to keep my mouth shut. I makes me tense and awkward at times, on other occasions I just get angry. My life would improve immeasurably if I could just let it go…and accept that it is ok to feel awkward, tense or angry, I am human after all…

  • MissBennet posted a new activity comment 5 days, 22 hours ago

    Imagine the worse and hopefully it won’t be quite as bad lol. Sorry laughing with you not at you.

    • Thanks and I know you’re not laughing at me. If you heard some of the weird conversations that I have with my MIL, you might laugh, though. But the day was OK and I’m home now.

  • MissBennet posted a new activity comment 5 days, 22 hours ago

    Top stuff. I feel like each one of us fight a battle most weekends and I love hearing people beating the urge. It makes all of us stronger.

  • MissBennet posted a new activity comment 5 days, 22 hours ago

    It’s like being side-blinded. It comes from out of nowhere. I’ve been through the same last time. Keep looking forward and making detailed plans for the next day. They say each day gets easier but I still watch for the one that comes out of left field and really fight it. Well done. Feel strong not worried. You won.

    • Yes @MissBennet. I did feel blind sided. Just as I thought I had got to a place of where the feelings had subsided, and it totally came from the left field! Thank you for giving me the words of the emotion I need to connect too. To be strong over being worried. I did win over that moment, and right now I am winning.

  • MissBennet posted a new activity comment 6 days, 8 hours ago

    Oh I do like that. I had to tell mum to stop sending me death notices when I was overseas. She was onto such a good thing I was getting one a fortnight! Small town.

  • MissBennet posted a new activity comment 6 days, 23 hours ago

    Outstanding efforts! Good on you. Make me feel super lazy and I just ate chocolate. 🤭

  • MissBennet posted a new activity comment 6 days, 23 hours ago

    Lol caved tonight. Had a crappy day and better chocolate than wine.

  • MissBennet posted an update 1 week ago

    Day 4 for no sugar or rather no chocolate and lollies. I’ve got a power of a migraine. Hells my head hurts. Lost 1kg lol

    • Lucy replied 1 week ago

      Your doing better than me @MissBennet.. just devoured large peice of carrott cake and cream. My sugar craving is horrndous just lately so well done to you.. hope your head gets better soon.

    • Wow, fantastic! Cold turkey is something else. I wonder if the stevias and fake sugars help at all with symptoms as they do with cravings – have to be the plant based ones I think as the chemically alcohol ones spike insulin and keep us at square one anyway.

  • MissBennet posted a new activity comment 1 week, 1 day ago

    Fight the good fight Lee. You do what you need to do. I restart too and figure one day I’ll just keep rolling. It’s yourself you need to answer to, not us. We support you no matter. 😌

  • MissBennet posted a new activity comment 1 week, 2 days ago

    It only hurts for a week. It’s just bloody hard to not drink. Curl up with a hot chocolate, put the saddest movie on and cry your heart out. He’s a dick. Sorry but you will wonder why you were so into him a year from now. If you’re anything like me, you’ll kick yourself for being so stupid. My apologies but I used to go out with this type. I’m astounded at my own stupidity and neediness. Gosh I’m sorry but stay strong. You’re worth it.

  • MissBennet posted a new activity comment 1 week, 3 days ago

    I’m on day 0 sugar except in my coffee and coca-cola. No cakes, no chocolates and no lollies. With me? I’ve put on 3 kgs instead of dropping it!

  • Day 27 – happily mossying along. Gosh I love having these great sleeps. Life is so much easier.
    Day 0 for sugar free. I’m really struggling there but I think it’s just because I said I can’t have any that I want it.

    • Hey @MissBennet, you’re doing well! I’m meanwhile used to eating and drinking sugar free, after a while it becomes so normal. I avoid industrial food (fast food, dressing, dips…) and sweets. Sometimes on special occasions I eat a peace of cake or some icecream and it smells so, so sweet that I can’t eat much of it. Even bananas are so very sweet for me now, that I eat them like chocolate…

      • @missbennet yep I’m moving back to no sugar, cut back on processed stuff and carbs. Well sugar intake coming from fruit. Looking forward to getting ontop of it all cause I know how it’s going to feel and I want a piece of that 😀

    • Make Fatbombs – the desire for sugar just falls away. And check out the keto cakes, bisuits, cheesecakes – it is a heavenly way to eat, no struggle, wonderful clarity. The trouble with our carb eating, is that carbs convert to sugar/glucose, leaving us weak and hungry, craving.
      I know exactly what you mean about bananas @Happy2019 , and apples – explosion of sweetness! Amazing, beautiful, but a treat. 12 gms of sugar in a small banana, 10 in an apple, 4gms in a piece of brown bread – and mega carbs.
      Who would have known?

    • Mmmm cake…sugar is definitely my downfall. I did Dry July before starting up with Dry Life, and I ate sooooo much sugar that I gained weight eeeeeeek!

  • MissBennet posted a new activity comment 1 week, 3 days ago

    You are like Action Man. You rock! Pun intended because I love that you are stable and you are sticking to what you know is best. Sobriety where we enjoy life. Thanks for sharing.

  • MissBennet posted a new activity comment 1 week, 5 days ago

    Top stuff and high five. Bloody awesome. 👏

  • MissBennet posted a new activity comment 1 week, 5 days ago

    Congratulations to both you and @winner. 🎉

  • MissBennet posted a new activity comment 1 week, 5 days ago

    Gosh this is great to know. The other day I thought my vocabulary was starting to come back. I thought I was imagining it. I’m miles away from your days but I’m excited thinking about this good news! Thank you.

  • MissBennet posted a new activity comment 1 week, 5 days ago

    It takes 18-24 months from the time he started grumping for him to turn back into the adorable young man. Usually late 14 years to 16.5 years. Also depends on build. In this instance the bigger the quicker the development. None of this is good news at 15yrs in the middle.

  • MissBennet posted a new activity comment 1 week, 5 days ago

    Have you been tested? Sugar seems to be the common denominator because they use a tonne of it in alcohol and junk food. Nothing like diabetes is it? I’m the worst doctor in the world though.

  • MissBennet posted a new activity comment 1 week, 5 days ago

    I used to drink really hot drinks whenever I felt like one.

  • MissBennet posted a new activity comment 1 week, 6 days ago

    Gosh I’m behind you but boredom, winter and the mundane days are taking their toll. I guess we play it forward to summer or a couple of months and look forward and plan for exciting things now they are not found in our imaginary worlds.

  • Day 24 – yay sober Saturday. I love sober Saturdays. And sober Sundays. I’m clocking in because I have a massive bridge tournament today and I might be so tired I will cave in. But I won’t! (I hope). I’ve been battling a little bit this week but strangely not last night. End of the week is usually a mare. No, it’s okay. I’ll be fine. And sorry to all my lovely respondents, I will catch up with you when I get to stay home for a day. Unfortunately it won’t be this weekend. Golf tournament tomorrow. And I just commented on boredom. Good Lord!

  • MissBennet posted a new activity comment 1 week, 6 days ago

    Post away! Giving up smoking is tough for the first ten days and then you should be fine. Gutsy effort!

  • MissBennet posted a new activity comment 1 week, 6 days ago

    Bloody well done getting through that. If he’s a teenager, it’s his hormones going nuts and he’s not lashing out at you. They use loved ones as their verbal punchbag. It’s safe.

    • It takes 18-24 months from the time he started grumping for him to turn back into the adorable young man. Usually late 14 years to 16.5 years. Also depends on build. In this instance the bigger the quicker the development. None of this is good news at 15yrs in the middle.

  • MissBennet posted a new activity comment 2 weeks ago

    Your story is similar to mine. The occasional night off. Panic attacks followed by terrible skin reactions that the world could see. I came out in dermatitis and hives. I was sweating and I stunk despite perfume. How the hell anyone didn’t say anything I’m buggered to know because I couldn’t have got much worse. You know your drinking is out of hand. Read your piece again from your family’s perspective. Sorry but …

    • something in my body just changed 1 day last year….. id drink regularly 2 or 3 times a week wake up with a hangover and thats it. its a hangover your just sick for a few hours than i shake it off in the afternoon. than something inside of me changed the hangover turned into straight panick attacks, hyperventilating rediulously fast breathing and my mind was racing alllll over the place. when i turned 31 this started. and i actually noticed that i feel a bit less strong and maybe lost about 10 pounds? maybe the old T levels are started to go down damn aging is depressing lol….whats also weird is that if i drink pop, eat fastfood or sugary junk, chocolatebars i get the sammmmmme bad anxiety and hyperventilating and the same sysmptoms with not a drop of beer being touched! soooooo im trying to figure out whats going on with me…uhggg

      • Have you been tested? Sugar seems to be the common denominator because they use a tonne of it in alcohol and junk food. Nothing like diabetes is it? I’m the worst doctor in the world though.

  • MissBennet posted a new activity comment 2 weeks ago

    Lol me too. I’m feeling fat and bloated but I’ve a new love for chocolate.

  • MissBennet posted a new activity comment 2 weeks ago

    Gosh big changes. Breathe. Slowly but surely. We are with you every step. 🙂

    • Lee@ replied 2 weeks ago

      I appreciate this very much @MissBennet. Things get tougher as we get to be a bit older, of course but at what point do we call it quits. Booze took up and saturated such a huge part of my life, and for now, everything around me is a reminder and a specific part of history that involved it all. I’m not running but I see no reason to drag it all along with me as I continue to clear my path.

  • MissBennet posted a new activity comment 2 weeks ago

    Gosh I’m off to work in the rain. 😂

  • MissBennet posted a new activity comment 2 weeks ago

    Well done on your first step.

  • Day 21 – yay three weeks and feeling good.

  • MissBennet posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 2 days ago

    Welcome.

  • MissBennet posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 3 days ago

    Lol I forgot to mention I had parent interviews and I was equally dreading and mine went well too. I was blindsided by another one but I’ll deal with her anon next time she wants something from me. I’m also treating myself tomorrow. I’ve booked a hair appointment and taking off early. Bliss! Well done and I’m glad for you. Enjoy your treats. 😝

    • I’m glad your meeting went well! It’s the unknown that’s so treacherous, huh? A good lesson for me, but I also want to make sure I’m prepared for anything so I’m not blindsided. However, you can’t prepare for everything, so why even worry. 🙂 I hope you enjoy your short day and hair appointment! You should take yourself out after getting your hair done!

  • MissBennet posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 3 days ago

    It so is! I love this analogy.

  • MissBennet posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 3 days ago

    Awesome bridge. I just looked it up as well. This may kick start your wanting to do all sorts of walks. 66..that’s way young! You can do anything still. 🙂

  • MissBennet posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 3 days ago

    Hi @lars after listening to whinging and sometimes hostile parents for 20 years – no reflection on myself lol – there are two things that may or may not help. People like to have a TWO rants. The first they let rip and can go on for quite some time. The second comes about a minute after the first, sometimes three minutes. The second thing is they want you to listen – like really listen – and they want to know they are being heard. I paraphrase. But then you probably know this but just in case no point in reinventing wheel.

  • Morning all – freezing here in NZ but I’m counting my blessings I’m in the north as it’s been snowing on the beaches down south. I’m a happy camper but my counter has flicked back to zero (not me). Must be a glitch. Day 19 with a busy week ahead but I managed two drinking occasions without crumpling onto my knees and crying or combusting. I was miss cool, calm and collected. Actually by the second one my mind had convinced me they were poisoning themselves and I was fascinated with the effects. Not completely easy but I’m very happy with the decision. Be kind to yourselves this week. 🙂 I hope the girls are doing well @SandyB @MaryB @malibustacey @kitten @chasingthe dandelion and @mari135 and all the lovely people I never get around to answering, my apologies. I’ll try harder to catch up this week.

    • Oh wow – just saw the news/weather – looks really bad down south. I’m in the north too so appreciating it not raining today. Congrats on Day 19 and staying AF through trying times 🙂

    • So good it is not your day 1 hahaha
      Briiliant to observe others, and use your thoughts to rewire your brain from FOMO to thank god I am not poisoning myself and calling it fun.

    • If you clear your cookies and or history etc the counter goes back to zero, sounds like your doing really well

    • congrats on day 19, keep on, @missbennet.

  • MissBennet posted a new activity comment 3 weeks ago

    Go us with sober weekends ahead. Wish I could go walking with you. I need a walking buddy.

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