• MaryB posted a new activity comment 2 hours, 20 minutes ago

    Ditto here. My marriage changed a lot when we started working together, looking back that’s when I started drinking heavily. Now I still have all the stuff to deal with but no “anaesthetic” so to speak. Dealing with that bit is harder than not drinking, I’ve kinda got used to being sober but I’m still not used to the frustrations etc which come with living with your business partner who has forgotten you are actually his wife and not Mrs Fix It for his business. But this has helped. Thank you.

  • MaryB posted a new activity comment 1 day, 7 hours ago

    I used to think that choices in life were good or bad but now I know that some of them are bad, really bad or horrible. My Mum spent her last year in a nursing home as she could not look after herself but she was well cared for and safe we could not offer her that in her own home or mine. You have done good by your dad he is lucky to have you, love him and visit him and I agree with everyone here this is soooooo much easier sober. When Mum was in it was one of the times I stopped drinking cos I could not cope with this drunk. Keep safe x.

  • MaryB posted a new activity comment 1 day, 7 hours ago

    So true

  • MaryB posted a new activity comment 2 days, 2 hours ago

    Yeh sometimes it takes ages to see the bloody obvious!

  • MaryB posted a new activity comment 2 days, 2 hours ago

    Keep strong you have friends here x

  • MaryB posted a new activity comment 2 days, 2 hours ago

    Welcome @Charlotta stay close here it really helps and every one here understands

  • MaryB posted a new activity comment 2 days, 2 hours ago

    Thanks for asking the question @gola01 this has been really helpful. I allow myself the occasional drink when out but somehow there is a tension in it. Will I allow another one, how quickly will I let myself drink it, can I sneak a large glass or a double? I don’t think “normal” drinkers get this and I thought this tension would go now I’ve cut back so I’ve been thinking quite a bit about moderation and what it really is recently. These comments were good to read.

  • MaryB posted an update 2 days, 8 hours ago

    I’ve realised 2 things lately.
    1 how restricted my diet was cos I kept calories back to cover the daily wine intake. I went into town yesterday and ordered a coffee and a slice of carrot cake. Carrot cake and me have a long standing love affair but I dumped it (along with a lot of other things) when I needed the calories for booze. This slice was nice I loved every mouthful and absolutely no guilt cos it had less calories than a bottle of wine. I’ve just treated myself to some salted caramel ice cream – bring it on …
    2 I didn’t realise how difficult it was to function through a continual handover and keep all the balls in the air. I don’t have that stress now ok life is not always easy but if things go wrong now its not my fault or my life style choices its cos life is a bit of a shit at times and sober I can cope with what it gives me. So much better.

  • MaryB posted a new activity comment 2 days, 8 hours ago

    Don’t switch anything stay you. Comics, games, hair accessories are good and they make you you keep the faith girl don’ t change for no one.

  • MaryB posted a new activity comment 2 days, 8 hours ago

    Sorry about your sister in law I don’t like mine either so I know how you feel. But its still the ending of a life which makes us all feel a bit odd probably cos we all know that one day …….. Hope today brings you some good things and no problems. Take care xx

  • MaryB posted a new activity comment 4 days, 1 hour ago

    Take it easy. My husband was my soul mate until we started a business together. This changed our relationship a lot and I often get hurt by him. Drinking took the hurt away I did not realise what was happening until I stopped. I read somewhere that marriages (or close relationships) are a meeting of minds and hearts that nurture and protect us… except when they don’t and when they don’t we have to build our own defences. I now pick my battles and walk away when I need to. I tell him how I feel and if he ignores me I let him be. I am not responsible for him. I love him dearly but I’ve learnt to build boundaries. Belle @tired of drinking says we build boundaries by looking after ourselves. You are important. All this collapses if you collapse so start with you, what you need and what you want. Let go of the stuff you don’t need to deal with now. Take care.

  • MaryB posted a new activity comment 4 days, 2 hours ago

    I found the same still felt “fuzzy” in the mornings but it does wear off I think it takes a while to get the poison out of the system.

  • MaryB posted a new activity comment 5 days, 7 hours ago

    Welcome @Flyingfox this is a safe place to be keep tight here.

  • MaryB posted a new activity comment 6 days, 2 hours ago

    Stay strong @Saoirse it sounds like you have come a long long way I think many of us will be with you on Tuesday.

  • MaryB posted a new activity comment 1 week ago

    Here you just have to ask there is a whole wealth of good information and advice based on experience. I’ve learnt loads.

  • MaryB posted a new activity comment 1 week ago

    @leslielily & @dennyd Thank you.

  • MaryB posted a new activity comment 1 week, 1 day ago

    Welcome shells7

  • MaryB posted an update 1 week, 1 day ago

    Odd day today. Looks like I’ve got to deal with something that used to send me straight to the Merlot but now I’m going to deal with this sober so I will have a controlled discussion with my nearest and dearest and not a drunken shouting match but somehow the fact that I’ve been put in this position hurts a lot more now. Going to get a nice cup of ovaltine and go to bed and thank God that I no longer have drinkable alcohol in the house.

  • MaryB posted a new activity comment 1 week, 1 day ago

    I do pretty much everything at home I still get resentful but sober I’m a lot more organised and I do things quicker so I have sometime for me. Pick something for you and do it, a bath when everyone is settled, a book, go on line and choose a treat for you with the money you are not spending on booze. I makes you feel good about yourself.

  • MaryB posted a new activity comment 1 week, 1 day ago

    Welcome @MKCC

    • MKCC replied 1 week ago

      Thank you. I’ll need your help when quit day comes along.

      • MaryB replied 1 week ago

        Here you just have to ask there is a whole wealth of good information and advice based on experience. I’ve learnt loads.

  • MaryB posted a new activity comment 1 week, 1 day ago

    Are you happy with this “chore roster”?

    • Something has got to be better than doing everything… I spend my whole weekend doing house stuff. This way I hope I can have Sundays off. I usually do it all drunk to get me through… dust, a few slugs of whiskey, vacuum, a few slugs of whiskey, washing, a few slugs of whiskey….

  • MaryB posted a new activity comment 1 week, 2 days ago

    The tiredness does get better, for me it was a real problem come the afternoon I was not functioning. Sleep when you need to if you can, be kind to yourself, eat well. You are spending a lot of mental and emotional energy on staying sober and your body is chucking out a lot of toxins so you will feel tired. Hang in there day 7 is good.

  • MaryB posted a new activity comment 1 week, 2 days ago

    Sounds good you’r doing ok keep posting

  • MaryB posted an update 1 week, 3 days ago

    Been lurking here for a while trouble is when I get to read here its so late I’m seeing double. So if (like me) you are off to bed sleep well and sound and if you are getting up have a good safe day. To those of you who post “thank you” I would not have got as far as I have without you.

  • MaryB posted a new activity comment 1 week, 3 days ago

    You may not be completely lost @Sam27 you are here asking for help, you are concerned about your child and you are trying to stop taking a substance you know is harming you, there some good “signposts” there. Stick close here we are all with you.

  • MaryB posted a new activity comment 1 week, 3 days ago

    At the beginning I thought I’d never stop sleeping I got really worried so I “googled” stopping drinking and exhaustion and it took me here livingsober.org.nz/tiredness. Mrs D has written a lovely bit it really helped.

  • MaryB posted a new activity comment 1 week, 4 days ago

    I’m so sorry to hear what you are going through @Sam27 . It seems wrong to give you advice but the only thing that helps me is not to have the stuff in the house, it does not get through the front door, period. If I don’t buy it I can’t drink it. And for the record you are not failing you are still trying else you wouldn’t be on the site. I’ll pray for you.xx

  • MaryB posted a new activity comment 1 week, 4 days ago

    Welcome here

  • MaryB posted a new activity comment 1 week, 4 days ago

    Welcome @AnnieR

  • MaryB posted a new activity comment 1 week, 4 days ago

    I quite like frogs, feathers are lovely they float on the wind and go where they are taken frogs make decisions and go where they want they are vibrant quick beautiful little creatures that don’t like being caught or handled. Don’t give up on your frog side.

  • MaryB posted a new activity comment 1 week, 6 days ago

    I failed abysmally on holiday a few weeks ago. I don’t fly well, my IBS is bad on planes so I don’t eat or drink on flying days. That evening I hit the restaurant dehydrated and starving, for some reason I started on G&T it didn’t take many. I’d forgotten what hangovers feel like!! That was a bad one but I learnt more from that one than any of the others. We go away again in a couple of months and this time I’m concentrating on the lovely weather, reading material (yes I’ve got some stuff put away that I don’t get time for at home) I’m taking my journal and I’m going to write and spend some time with “me”. I’m going to have some lovely coffees, some gorgeous cakes and lots of beautiful food I don’t have to shop for or cook for. I can’t enjoy any of this when I’m drunk and you know what its not worth it. I ruined the first 2 days of my last holiday. So silly. Enjoy your holiday (free of troublesome patients) and pick the most expensive mocktails you can find and have a lovey time you deserve it.

    • Thanks so much @maryb for your honesty. You’re absolutely right about focusing on all the lovely things that a holiday provides. Changing the way I think is my challenge but you’ve helped me here so thank you. Enjoy your holiday!

  • MaryB posted a new activity comment 1 week, 6 days ago

    I think this carries on for a long time. I still get a “stab” about 5 o’clock (don’t know why 5 o’clock cos I never started drinking this early) but it gets weaker and easier to deal with. Well done on day 2.

  • MaryB posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 2 days ago

    Thank you @MalibuStacy I often wondered why we did this and how my mail picked up the mentions.

  • MaryB posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 3 days ago

    Welcome you will find help here when you need it.

  • MaryB posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 3 days ago

    Welcome keep close here its a good place to be.

  • MaryB posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 3 days ago

    The only thing that is necessary for sobriety is not to drink today. I think that for many people counting is a good tool to help them not to drink and to plot their progress. There is probably many other reasons as well personal to each one. If you don’t count and I don’t (although I have real respect for those who do) I think its important to keep some sort of log. Ativan is a really difficult drug to come off of you did well but after you flushed it down the toilet you might have had problems if you could pop into a newsagents and buy more. Alcohol is everywhere and its easy to slip into “just the one mode”. Logging or counting keeps a tally. It also gives you an excuse to feel good and treat yourself at the end of the week when you see lots of x’s by the dates cos this can get a bit tough at times. Day 5 is good so whatever is working for you keep doing it.

  • MaryB posted an update 3 weeks, 1 day ago

    I became an auntie for the second time this morning. I don’t see much of my first nephew, his mum has withdrawn from us all but this little mite I think I will get to know. I was sent a pic after he was born, what a little love it brought everything back to what really is important to me and it doesn’t come in a bottle. His mum had a c section so she is still in hospital I’ll visit when she gets home can’t wait for a cuddle.

  • MaryB posted a new activity comment 3 weeks, 2 days ago

    Sounds like the games children play, they hand something out to us like a sweet or something else we might like then as we reach for it they pull their hand away and giggle. We laugh too cos its a child but when adults do it its sad. This guy needs to grow up you are so way beyond him.

    • MaryB, this was GOLD! I got your reply at the right time and whenever I felt like the situation was pulling me down a bit I thought of what you said…Pictured him as a toddler that pulls the toy away and giggles. It felt REALLY good to hear you write “I am way beyond him.”
      I hope one day I fully embody that feeling and feel like I truly am. Getting there….

      oxoxoxo

  • MaryB posted a new activity comment 3 weeks, 6 days ago

    Thanks all of you it was nice to hear.

  • MaryB posted an update 3 weeks, 6 days ago

    I’ve just read Mrs D’s may 2016 blog on lurking & feel I want to cry. I lurk here on a daily basis but sometimes I have felt uncomfortable doing this. I read the stories of brave strong people and want to add to this but feel I can’t. Several years ago my life changed on many levels very suddenly and not for the best. Since then I have struggled with all this but on holiday 155 days ago I made a decision to deal with my life and change the way I dealt with things and that involved reducing my drinking.
    I had a doctors appointment a few weeks ago and she suddenly asked me how much I drank a week. I wasn’t expecting the question as the reason for the appointment had nothing to do with alcohol but i answered truthfully 0 – 2/3 a week. I explained about my decision in January and she smiled and said that was good and I felt amazing cos last year I would have lied cos I was way up into double figures. The problem I feel is that my drinking journey has been a bit different from some people on this site. I didn’t drink much socialising. I hate social occasions, I always have done. I’m really short probably now I don’t even make 4ft 10 people don’t see me in crowds and they fall over me and spill their drink down me. Last year I lost a really nice white top cos someone fell over me and spilt red wine down it. I left then. Cos course every one thought it was my wine and I was drunk! I can laugh about it but I do miss that top. I used to do my drinking at home when I got sad and lonely which meant no one knew even hubby probably had no idea just how much. I never passed out and if I got sick I was in my own home. Now I don’t have wine or gin in the house, the “2am terrors” have stopped (thank god) and I’m much more centred and I have managed to adapt better to what has happened to me but I do still enjoy a glass when out with hubby. Gin tastes horrid now and larger blows my tummy up but expensive wine (yes I pick the best and the smallest glass) I enjoy. BUT I…[Read more]

    • Hi @MaryB! Of course you have the right to post here, I’m glad you shared what’s happening with you! And I’d be angry about that white shirt! That’s amazing that you’ve reduced your alcohol intake so much! Maybe moderation works for you, doesn’t for me or for most, but it sounds like your life is better with a lot less alcohol. Happy week-end ahead! xo

    • The beauty of this site is that we all work out own ‘program’s but come here to unload and get support. And sometimes, a gentle (or not!) suggestion. I’m glad you are here!

    • Glad to hear your “voice.” Everyone’s path is different … none are better or worse. It has to fit you and what you’re ready for. Glad you’re here. 😊

  • MaryB posted a new activity comment 1 month ago

    Yes I agree I really missed this when things were not working well, thanks loads.

  • MaryB posted a new activity comment 1 month ago

    You will enjoy “this naked mind” it taught me a lot.

  • MaryB posted a new activity comment 1 month ago

    There is some good stuff here thank you. Yesterday I went to my uncles funeral it was a bit more difficult than I thought it would be, he was the last adult in our family I knew from my childhood. It was a long day I was really tired at the end of it and wot did I do on the way home I went into a shop brought a bottle of wine, took it home and drank it. I haven’t done that for months. I’m painting my office today and I feel much better than I deserve to be but I’m a bit worried why I gave in. “this has to happen” may help next time so ta tons all of you and keep safe today x

  • MaryB posted a new activity comment 1 month, 1 week ago

    I still have bad nights I had one last night, I woke up bout 2pm, heart racing, hot sweats and mind going at many miles per hour the difference is I know I’m just having a bad night. There’s no self loathing or raging thirst or fear about what I’ve done to myself. I don’t get up and look at the wine bottle(s) to see just exactly how much I did have then worry about it. This is just a bad night and in the morning I will be ok not ill from a hangover. So often I can relax and go back to sleep. Stick with it you are doing well @morgan is right I read up on PAWS and it really helped me to understand that giving up the booze can bring other problems and not the instant euphoria we are often lead to believe happens.

  • MaryB posted a new activity comment 1 month, 1 week ago

    Welcome Marcia I’m going to wish you good night and sleep well cos in England its nearly 11pm and I’m off to bed. Keep close here its a good place to be.

  • MaryB posted a new activity comment 2 months, 1 week ago

    You too @Krisb

  • MaryB posted a new activity comment 2 months, 1 week ago

    Really pleased you said that cos sometimes I feel guilty here cos I can’t say how many days AF. Its 110 days since I made a decision to change my life and I realised I could not change anything whilst downing red wine by the bucket. So that had to be the first “stop”. Since then I have had an occasional drink but very little and recently realised I don’t like it as much as I did (did’nt expect that) ! But unlike so many wonderful people here I cannot say how many days AF I am but the days without far outnumber the days with. In the early days I lurked for hours here, it was that or getting the car out and going the 1 minute drive to the off licence (open all hours) for a bottle). I could’nt have done it without this site. Take care @Jaxisdry thank you for posting.

    • I’m with you @maryb , I figured out my count one day it was a lot with a handful of one day slips. I call that amazing progress. I don’t like it anymore either which is crazy but also feel like I should be able to say never had a drop. My mindset has completely changed from the day I first logged on, still here mostly lurking too, most helpful thing for me. Thanks for sharing, always good to know someone feels the same. Have a great weekend!

  • MaryB posted a new activity comment 2 months, 1 week ago

    Sounds you’ve got a lot going for you at the moment. New chances at work and a good training program. Work on these. Chuck out all the booze (I started in January and threw all left over Christmas booze down the sink and yes I did cry) and don’t go out. Tough but it gets you over the first few days. And visit here lots I read posts and made notes of info I could use to help me. You will do this believe in yourself cos the fact you want to stop makes you pretty special. PS Love your picture mine looked like that once.

  • MaryB posted a new activity comment 2 months, 1 week ago

    Welcome stay close here it really helps.

  • MaryB posted a new activity comment 2 months, 1 week ago

    Its funny you should write this cos I was thinking about this as I logged on. I’m not having a good evening not cos I want to or have had a drink I love my sober evenings now but because I feel lonely and on my own although hubby is watching telly downstairs I don’t want to watch rubbish any more. I was told once that I always seem to be “searching” I never felt I fitted in even as a kid, maybe this is why many of us drink it numbs these feelings.

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