• marmite posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 6 days ago

    Hi @mindfuljo and @justine, there’s a gang of us in chch who catch up every now and again. I’m over the hill in Lyttelton. Maybe we could go for coffee at the tannery and a movie or a mooch around the shops?

  • marmite posted a new activity comment 2 months, 1 week ago

    I’ve found gardening since getting sober too @prudence. I love putting headphones on and getting lost in podcasts. Can’t seem to find the time at the moment but i know i will in the future. For now i am dreaming of my garden design at the new house… I’m aiming for a bird paradise

    • Yeah you’re not going to know yourself when you get into that cool new house @Marmite, it is such a big buzz to have created something from the ground up. I t will be amazing for your whole family. All power to ya xoxo

  • marmite posted a new activity comment 2 months, 1 week ago

    Yes, I’m am happy to say @mrs-d that one of my daughters was taught by her.
    She was an incredible lady, they have started a book of condolences at the school
    Much love to you xo

  • marmite posted a new activity comment 2 months, 1 week ago

    I’m so sorry, she was one of life’s special ones Lotta @mrs-d. She touched so many children’s lives, she brought fun, humour, music and love into the classroom. She will be greatly missed by our little community. She was one of our most favourite teachers ever. The tributes to her have already begun on our Facebook page. No one forgot being taught by her. Much love to you all xx

  • marmite posted a new activity comment 2 months, 2 weeks ago

    Thanks @mrs-d i think that’s going to be handy for educating myself

  • marmite posted a new activity comment 2 months, 2 weeks ago

    Thanks @enzedgirl, i called a helpline and have forwarded a contact to him x

  • marmite posted a new activity comment 2 months, 2 weeks ago

    Thank you @daveh . Yes, my husband opened up to him about his oxycontin addiction and i have been open about my alcohol addiction. He wants help. He wants to quit again. He can see that it’s destroying his life. I’m so proud of him for being honest about what’s really going on. We’ve had a few issues with his attitude and it’s all starting to make sense now, the mood swings, the egomania ( he’s a chef so initially that didn’t worry me too much!) I’m quickly trying to educate myself

    • Hi @Marmite Whereabouts in the country are you looking in terms of treatment options? Until you find somewhere suitable (yes, this may take weeks) what are you doing with him? Are there NA meetings in your area? Please be careful with Doctors… if they don’t understand addiction they can intervene with medication in ways that are really unhelpful. If the doctor recommends diazapan then check that they understand what they’re doing. Here is a meeting list for Narcotics anonymous. It’s definately worth a try: http://www.nzna.org/meetings-lists/

  • marmite posted a new activity comment 2 months, 2 weeks ago

    @mrs-d , @behindthesofa @enzedgirl

  • Hi everyone, i need some advice. I have a staff member with a meth addiction. He cleaned up once but had fallen back into the trap. I’ve booked a doctor’s appointment but I’d love advice on getting him help. What’s the most successful treatment for meth? Where are some great rehabs? It’s there a massive wait? How can i help him? All advice and suggestions welcome x

    • @mrs-d , @behindthesofa @enzedgirl

    • there’s some great information on here @marmite https://drughelp.org.nz/a-bit-about-drugs/meth I don’t know much about rehabs etc but there’s a helpline here and the people there will know more. Sounds tough x

    • Hard work Marmite. You are an awesome boss trying to help him. The key thing is that he decides he wants to get meth-free.

      If he does there are places to go get help.

      https://www.odysseychch.org.nz/meth-help

      I can’t comment on wait times sorry x

    • Hi @marmite If you talk to someone with a meth problem about your own addiction they will get it. If you talk about what happened to your mind, your emotions and feelings they will completely understand you and you will strike empathy straight away. Just change up “alcoholism” to “addiction” and never specifically mention booze.

      Meth makes precisely the same mess of peoples’ minds as alcohol does and their challenges in recovery are the same except you may have one more hurdle with a meth user… attention span. For about the first month or so they only have a very short attention span… so keep the messages brief and the listening long. You are attempting to get them to go “me too!” in their minds when you describe what happened to you, and when they talk about themselves you keep confirming “me too!” to them. This breaks their isolation and they become able to open up and speak more honestly.

      As with all recovery options, none is worthwhile until they are committed to drastic change. When they ARE ready then all therapy options will work. It’s about the timing not the treatment. So your immediate challenge is to foster acceptance and willingness. Good luck. Meth is a tough one.

      • Thank you @daveh . Yes, my husband opened up to him about his oxycontin addiction and i have been open about my alcohol addiction. He wants help. He wants to quit again. He can see that it’s destroying his life. I’m so proud of him for being honest about what’s really going on. We’ve had a few issues with his attitude and it’s all starting to make sense now, the mood swings, the egomania ( he’s a chef so initially that didn’t worry me too much!) I’m quickly trying to educate myself

        • Hi @Marmite Whereabouts in the country are you looking in terms of treatment options? Until you find somewhere suitable (yes, this may take weeks) what are you doing with him? Are there NA meetings in your area? Please be careful with Doctors… if they don’t understand addiction they can intervene with medication in ways that are really unhelpful. If the doctor recommends diazapan then check that they understand what they’re doing. Here is a meeting list for Narcotics anonymous. It’s definately worth a try: http://www.nzna.org/meetings-lists/

    • @marmite I have a cousin with an on and off again addiction, who did go through odyssey house here in Auckland. Don’t have much contact recently to offer any update on how he found it. However, read a book you may find interesting called “A very fine house: a mothers story of love, faith and crystal meth”. The book is very enlightening and heartbreaking about sitting on the outside wanting to help someone who is incredibly deep into her addiction.

    • Less wait for the ones in Baili and Thailand there was an article on stuff a while ago.https://www.stuff.co.nz/life-style/well-good/108560758/should-kiwis-go-to-southeast-asia-for-addiction-treatment

    • You could try CADs, a guy in my group sessions had a meth addiction and he got a lot out of the groups!

    • He’s so very fortunate to have you in his life 😘

  • marmite posted a new activity comment 3 months ago

    @mrs-d Oh Lotta, I’m so pleased. I hoped it would be a source of strength. I will never be able to thank you enough for lighting up the path for me. I don’t think i would have seen it or known that i belonged on it for another decade without your book. It is my favourite book in the world for that reason, it gave me my life back. I realise now that stopping drinking was just the beginning of my journey. I did 2 things today to shake things up a bit. I went to my first AA meeting, cos why not? And i outed myself on Facebook cos it’s time to shed the shame and stop hiding this wonderful thing I’ve done! Love and hugs to you, Caroline xx

  • marmite posted a new activity comment 3 months ago

    Ha ha! True, my girl Tui. Tell you what, next photo will be both of us!

  • marmite posted an update 3 months ago

    Two years done and dusted! Thank you all for helping me so much to get here @prudence @janus2 @normaleelucid @agent99 @liberty @april @mrs-d @mac007 @enzedgirl. You were some of the ladies who got me through those first hideous months and i am so thankful to you all

    • Congratulations on two big years! It is great to see people succeed and be happy in their life!

    • what a superstar you are!! You know, I still wear your bracelet all the time (and I’m not just saying that ! 🤗) and look at the message and really feel it throughout the day. Honestly one of the lovliest things I’ve ever been given and a lovely reminder of why I do what I do. Thank you a million and CONGRATULATIONS on today! Hope you have a lovely day planned xxx

      • @mrs-d Oh Lotta, I’m so pleased. I hoped it would be a source of strength. I will never be able to thank you enough for lighting up the path for me. I don’t think i would have seen it or known that i belonged on it for another decade without your book. It is my favourite book in the world for that reason, it gave me my life back. I realise now that stopping drinking was just the beginning of my journey. I did 2 things today to shake things up a bit. I went to my first AA meeting, cos why not? And i outed myself on Facebook cos it’s time to shed the shame and stop hiding this wonderful thing I’ve done! Love and hugs to you, Caroline xx

    • Thanks for posting. Letting me/us newbies know it’s possible.

    • congrats @marmite, used to be a beautiful dog nose right? going to miss that one. 🙂 2 years is supposed to be a good milestone, you have done everything twice now WITHOUT alcohol. congrats. again.

    • HUGSSSSSSS xoxoxox

    • Oh H U G E congratulations to you @marmite……a lovely little winner if ever there was one!!! See you on the 29th. House coming along beautifully by the way, had a wee peek, love the stone work, cant wait to see more xx

    • @marmite congratulations on your fantastic accomplishment!

    • Very nice, Marmite. Big congrats!

    • Congrats on 2 full, wonderful AF years @marmite!

    • Congrats Marmite ! Love the alias . xx

    • OMG @marmite that means that I missed my 2 years yesterday! Our son and d-i-l are over for a quick trip from Europe so I have been busy having a good time with them. I think having them here is a wonderful 2 year present. Looking forward so much to meeting up with so many LS people at at the end of the month!

      • congrats to you too @gojo 🙂 how awesome is that, having too good of a time to remember about sober anniversaries ❤️

    • Congrats @marmite. I look forward to catching up soon xx

    • You clever cookie!! Happy Anniversary xxx

    • Lol shit i thought it was a mnth ago. I dont do days on here. Dam it another week or 2. Bigus dikus am i 😉

    • Congrats to you amazing lady !! Love your profile pic too xxx see ya very soon !

    • Wow 2 years!!!! Thanks for the inspiration!

    • Clever cookie is right, WOOHOO!

    • Oh that is fantastic. I’m so happy with you and its been very special sharing the journey with you. I’m bummed I can’t get to the next ChCh gathering but I do get to Christchurch a bit for work this year so maybe I’ll come and visit your pub sometime!.

    • Good on ya @Marmite Wowie 2 whole years. So cool! Flippin marvellous xoxox

    • Congrats! Freaking amazing xx

    • Just saw this @Marmite. How cool! So proud of you xox

  • marmite changed their profile picture 3 months ago

  • marmite posted an update 3 months ago

    Hey team Living Sober. Tomorrow i am 2 years sober and it still feels like a bit of a dream to be here. Just wanted to shout out to @mrs-d. Lotta, your book is the reason i took the plunge. Maybe i would have got there eventually on my own but by then my kids would have been grown and who knows what my marriage would have looked like. Maybe one of us would have died, maybe my depression and suicidal thoughts would have caught up with me. I’ll never know, but what i do know is that i am so thankful for my life now and i shall forever be grateful to you, my friend and sober luminary Lotta xxoo

  • marmite posted a new activity comment 4 months, 1 week ago

    You did all the hard work on his birthday, this can be your party @enzedgirl!

  • marmite posted a new activity comment 4 months, 1 week ago

    I hope you make it, it’d be lovely to catch up with you again @agent99 xx

  • marmite posted a new activity comment 4 months, 3 weeks ago

    P.s. @janus2 hell yeah, the change in you was incredible, it was like someone had breathed life back into you. Shining bright my rainbow friend

  • marmite posted a new activity comment 4 months, 3 weeks ago

    Nice to see you @begoodtomyself 😘

  • marmite posted a new activity comment 4 months, 3 weeks ago

    @Janus2 oh no, I’m so, so sorry. Lovely fatbum, thank you for helping our friend get sober. Somehow, fatbum got through to you in times when no one else could eh? Yes, you should do something special to celebrate this milestone 2 year mark and to celebrate the life of your best buddy, fatbum. Love you mate. I feel the same about Lizi’s retreat and Whangamata, they changed everything, i wouldn’t be approaching 2 years either without you all. I’m getting another tattoo, probably an addition to the one i got last year, might be a growing artwork on each anniversary xxoo

    • P.s. @janus2 hell yeah, the change in you was incredible, it was like someone had breathed life back into you. Shining bright my rainbow friend

  • marmite posted a new activity comment 4 months, 3 weeks ago

    Freakin’ love you @janus2 and your honesty. My date is 13.3 and you were what a week or so behind? We are 2 batshit sober superstars to be approaching 2 years no booze! xx

  • marmite posted a new activity comment 5 months ago

    Aww @janus2 what an amazing guy. I want one! I romance myself these days, buy my own flowers ha ha! Glad to hear fatbum happy xx

  • marmite posted a new activity comment 5 months, 1 week ago

    Hi my lovelies @janus2 @ellislou yes I’m good. Still sober but not on here much. To be honest i find it hard with so many new members all the time, i can’t keep up! We’re crazy busy at the pub, I’m only working days, refused to do night shifts so I’m not stuck in the middle of drinking sessions. We’re 2 years next month jane! Xxoo

  • marmite posted a new activity comment 6 months, 1 week ago

    @enzedgirl what shame. So sad they are caught up in that loop that we know all too well

  • marmite posted a new activity comment 7 months ago

    Just gotta say a “hell yeah” to @ro. Mate, i love how you type, it’s like sitting next to you, i just wanna lean over and high five you for your comments here x

  • marmite posted an update 7 months ago

    So, got some general bloods done this week. Didn’t realise doc was checking liver function but felt very proud to see gold star results! No way if i was still drinking the equivalent of 1-2 bottles of wine a night. I love you liver, i promise, no more abuse, you & me 4 ever xxoo D.613

  • marmite posted a new activity comment 7 months ago

    Ooh, sorely tempted @enzedgirl ….. Need to chew on it a while….

    • ooOOOOooh @marmite you’ll make my year if you can come!!!

      I’ve got a spare room …. comfy bed…. pick you up from the airport ….. 🙂 🙂 🙂

  • marmite posted a new activity comment 7 months, 1 week ago

    He’s amazing @ro, he’s from my little port town, used to serve ice creams at the dairy and now he’s in a movie with Lady gaga!!

  • marmite posted an update 7 months, 1 week ago

    Jeez @ro, you were right, I’m a blubbering mess after watching a star is born. Incredible movie and i loved seeing our Marlon on the big screen

  • marmite posted a new activity comment 7 months, 1 week ago

    Ha ha! So true @enzedgirl!

  • marmite posted a new activity comment 7 months, 1 week ago

    Were you uploading from a phone @sythie? Maybe try a laptop, i remember there used to be an issue with this

  • marmite posted a new activity comment 7 months, 1 week ago

    I don’t understand why your friend suggests that @frog? I have the opposite approach with my two. I want them to understand that their words and behaviour are powerful. I want them to understand the effect they have on others, isn’t that part of learning compassion?

  • marmite posted a new activity comment 7 months, 1 week ago

    P.s. i am sooooo happy to see you back xx

    • Oh, thanks @marmite! I am happy to see you too!

      One of my friends tells me to never let him see me feel hurt by his rudeness. So, I am hurt and I know this isn’t his burden. He’s really just exploring his own boundaries. But, dang. I also can’t just pretend, so I figure if I go to bed early, it keeps me sober and keeps me real.

      • I think our kids should see us hurting or crying etc, they need 2 know we are human 2 & there’s consequences 2 there own behaviour & actions. I try & explain how I’m feeling & why 2 my son, especially if we get frustrated with one another I’ll talk about it after we’ve cooled down? Each 2 there own on parenting matters, id see what works best 4 u & your family.
        Big massive hugs @frog, things always seem better in the morning get a good nights sleep xxx

      • I don’t understand why your friend suggests that @frog? I have the opposite approach with my two. I want them to understand that their words and behaviour are powerful. I want them to understand the effect they have on others, isn’t that part of learning compassion?

  • marmite posted a new activity comment 7 months, 1 week ago

    Oh froggie, parenting is so fucking hard sometimes. You are a great mum, none of us get it right all the time, i make parenting mistakes daily. Go easy on yourself @frog you are an involved, loving, wonderful mum xx

  • marmite posted a new activity comment 7 months, 1 week ago

    Hey @temperence I’ve gained weight since quitting drinking! My daughter has challenged the family to 30 days no sugar and it’s fucking killing me!! Yeah fitness is a goal of mine too, I’ll get to it one day lol!

    • One day is totally fine. NO SUGAR! fuck me. Not ready for that, although I have reduced sugar in my coffee, which is a big step for me.

  • marmite posted a new activity comment 7 months, 1 week ago

    Yeah, I’ve heard it’s a real tear jerker @ro. Bit nervous about seeing it with a normie, she’s a good mate but i haven’t shared a lot of my journey, want necessary as it didn’t bother her at all when i quit unlike many of my other mates who i collected cos they drank like maniacs like i used to

  • marmite posted a new activity comment 7 months, 1 week ago

    Aww shit, it was an old notification from @prudence from last time you were down! Bum tits, would have been good to see you!

  • marmite posted an update 7 months, 1 week ago

    Hey all, haven’t been here much but all is well. Day 605. Yep, I’m around Friday @janus2 and @prudence except I’m going to see the lady gaga movie with a mate at the tannery at 12.40. i could push it off but we’ve already postponed a couple of times and so want to see this movie. otherwise free and no plans on sat. Would love to see you both xx

    • Take a hanky @marmite 😉

      • Yeah, I’ve heard it’s a real tear jerker @ro. Bit nervous about seeing it with a normie, she’s a good mate but i haven’t shared a lot of my journey, want necessary as it didn’t bother her at all when i quit unlike many of my other mates who i collected cos they drank like maniacs like i used to

    • Lol ? I aint in your part of the woods @marmite 🙂 me neither on here really. I am too frantic at work, ha with principal micro managing my letters home for camp and its driving me farkn nuts. She totally changed letter i had done, then put my farkn name to it wtf. Then on gear list, she put EVENING WEAR jeans etc, what the fuck, little black dress for girls, suit,tie for boys. Fark so pleased not there nxxt year o would defo pick up. Farkn fucked so gnite

  • marmite posted an update 8 months ago

    Hey all, haven’t been here for a few weeks. @seedynomore i send you all my love gorgeous lady. I can’t find the words but please know i am heartbroken for you, you are such a special lady and you deserve so, so much better. My heart aches for the pain you are in right now. I hope it eases a little when he gets his filthy cheatin arse our of your house. Ooh i could punch him on the nose for doing this to someone as lovely as you. Stay strong and stay sober. I know that you will eventually rise like a beautiful phoenix xxooxxoo

  • marmite posted a new activity comment 9 months, 1 week ago

    Oh @kitten that sounds very scary. I relate as we went through deadly earthquakes and aftershocks. I drank my way through the anxiety, hats off to you for doing this sober x

  • marmite posted a new activity comment 9 months, 1 week ago

    I’m so glad you have chosen a different path @malibustacey x

  • marmite posted an update 9 months, 1 week ago

    Guy with bushy white hair and a Santa beard on side of road with a big sign saying “love everyone” today so I took him a pie and an oj. Biggest bear hug from him, he felt good and so did i!

  • marmite posted a new activity comment 9 months, 1 week ago

    Thanks @mari135 it really is so amazing how far you and i have come x

  • marmite posted a new activity comment 9 months, 1 week ago

    Should add, i genuinely would have thought it would be no fun at all without alcohol, how wrong i was, i loved every minute

  • marmite posted an update 9 months, 1 week ago

    Took the girls to a kids choir tonight. Miss 8 was singing. Had a really confronting moment just before the concert. We’d dropped the kids who were singing off to their teacher and were waiting for the main doors to open for us to take our seats. It was general admission so first in gets the best seats. Another mum, a mate of mine, as soon as she dropped her girl off said “right I’m off for a drink, i need to preload” they left the venue in search. I meanwhile waited with miss 10 for the doors to open and we got great seats.
    2 years ago i was that mum. I would have preloaded and then probably smuggled more into the concert. Tonight it didn’t occur to me and i was horrified when i saw this mirror to my past. I am so very thankful that is no longer my life x

    • Should add, i genuinely would have thought it would be no fun at all without alcohol, how wrong i was, i loved every minute

    • Great to be the one at the door getting the great seats, @marmite!!! Sober is so much better!! Congrats on your daughter’s concert – what a fun night! xox

    • @Marmite, a gentle reminder of what not to do. Way to carry on!

    • Interesting what you new normal is. congratulations. waking feeling good, no mints to hide your breath, etc. sounds like a fun time.

    • I love how you no longer need that drink, because I have been there, too….just like the mom you saw during the choir night today. Give yourself credit for the changes YOU made happen in your life. oxoxoxoxox So good to have you here, marmite!! Your post motivated me to keep going on this sober path. It is so very worth it….and the examples of how the alternative (drinking) looks like are all around us…each and every day.

    • Glad those days are over!!

  • marmite posted a new activity comment 9 months, 1 week ago

    Time to get your rainbow scarves out again @janus2!

  • marmite posted an update 9 months, 1 week ago

    Hi LS crew. Had a lovely afternoon yesterday with the Chch gang and @wildchild. So lovely in fact that I think it’s time we all caught up again .
    @prudence @morgan @mullycatnz @oceania @begoodtomyself @emjaycee @wildchild @tim @enzedgirl @janus2 @agent99 @normaleelucid @mtedenmummy @april @nina @redredwinegoestomyhead @mrwtf @mac007 @mrs-d @bondi @pearl @ange @songbird @ro @seedynomore @scared @watergirl @kerris @mslsober @temperance @marylourocks @trace @liberty @soberstylist …… ok I’m running out even though I know there are plenty more Kiwis please tag them everyone.
    How about a trip to the top of the south island in Oct / Nov? Maybe to head to where @janus2 is? Was thinking maybe nights of 26/27 Oct which is the weekend after Labour weekend. What do you think? Anyone keen????

  • marmite posted a new activity comment 9 months, 1 week ago

    Congrats @kate1975 it sounds like the fog is starting to lift. Lots of cool sober chicks in chch!

  • marmite posted a new activity comment 9 months, 1 week ago

    Yep, that’s what finally clicked for me too @daveh. I got honest with myself and accepted and knew that the first drink would lead to many many more. So, when i thought about the idea of having “a” drink”, i forced myself to accept i was making the decision to have either “zero drinks” or “too many drinks” those are my only two options. That made not drinking much, much easier. There is no “moderation” option for me, i have proved that for decades!

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