• Mari135 posted an update 2 weeks ago

    Day 841

    Morning coffee….still sober…still not back here as much as I need and want to…..but one last day of crunching numbers for final grades for the two courses I taught over the summer and then…I should have a normal 100% job like most people do….This “not enough or too much” is not working for me long-term…it probably isn’t for anybody….in any area of life.

    But I reckon part of life means it’s not perfect….or seldom, at least.

    I did have time to catch up with Tara Brach’s talks….and this one hit home….

    Longing to Belong: Bringing Presence through the Three Refuges


    Even rode a craving wave at a social event Friday when all around me people were “oooohhing” and “ahhhh-ing” over different wines….(Pinot was and always will be my Achilles Heel) and I felt boring and sad and unhappy for a few minutes….wishing I could “for once have a good time again and get wasted real good.”

    Thank God I didn’t….The temporary shit storm of FOMO always passes….always…..and EVERY.SINGLE.TIME I am glad I stuck to my “no”.
    Without an exception. Someone on here once told me when I had just gotten sober how “You will never regret not-drinking the night before. The same cannot be said about the other option.”
    Oh how true….

    The hardest part of not having enough time to be active on here is not even that I need to check in daily to stay sober (I should though….people with years more of sobriety than me lapse after all so I cannot become complacent….) but because I have NO CLUE what is going on with anyone…and that feels shitty. Like these are the human beings out there in this world, online stranger or not, who had my back when I couldn’t do it alone, and who again and again shared their compassion generously and without exception. I want to know how they are and give back.


    Final grades are due Tuesday …I shall aggressively make time for myself after that. The world gets 7.5 hours plus lunch and in exchange I get the rest of the day to live this life.


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