• lushnomore posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 5 days ago

    Yay that’s awesome. I’m looking forward to getting as far in as you are.

  • lushnomore posted a new activity comment 2 months, 4 weeks ago

    Wow congratulations on six years!

  • lushnomore posted a new activity comment 2 months, 4 weeks ago

    Thanks @aprilfools 😊

  • lushnomore posted a new activity comment 2 months, 4 weeks ago

    Thanks @winner 🙂

  • lushnomore posted a new activity comment 2 months, 4 weeks ago

    Thanks @jm that’s good advice.

  • lushnomore posted a new activity comment 2 months, 4 weeks ago

    Thank you, every little thing counts. Made myself a coffee and thought this tastes yuk. So I tipped it out and have made a green tea – so much better for me.

  • lushnomore posted a new activity comment 2 months, 4 weeks ago

    Thank you, we can do this! Let’s do it!

  • Morena everyone, I’m on day 4 today. I got absolutely trollied on Friday night and ended up so sick and poisoned. As everyone else was too, my beautiful children had to get me into bed – enough said – rock bottom. Started taking my mood pills again as well to help take the edge off and so my moods are more balanced. I have not been looking after myself and now know I have to, or else everyone I love has to pick up the pieces. The other thing I want to do is start exercising regularly, 4 times a week, purely for my mental and physical health, so I sleep better and so I feel good about myself. I really enjoyed reading the 2 stories on the home page this morning. Have a lovely day everyone xo

    • Your doing so well !! I’m on day 2 !!!! My beautiful daughter has on more than a few occasions had to put me to bed… then in the morning g she will say to me… mum u were drunk last night.. omg my heart would just break !!!!!!!!!!!! We can do this my friend .. and yes exercise is amazing… I got to the gym 5 times a week .. mind u lately iv been working out hungover which is no fun so now I’m looking forward to much more energy to come!!! Xxx

    • it’s so hard to practice self care when you’re in a rut, that’s what I find.. but if I start doing little things that are kind for myself it’s like a snowball effect and it starts getting easier to do more kind things for me… so keep going! You deserve the very best x

      • Thank you, every little thing counts. Made myself a coffee and thought this tastes yuk. So I tipped it out and have made a green tea – so much better for me.

    • Hi @lushnomore! Everything gets better after you’ve said to yourself ‘rock bottom’ and truly have decided you’re done w alcohol. Best pieces of advice in starting the ‘sobriety journey’ is go easy on yourself, avoid overwhelm, and go to bed early if you’re having a bad day. You can do this. : )

    • Keep going lovely❤️

    • Keep doing the best you can to take care of yourself. Try not to schedule yourself to tight. Exercise when you want to or can – but if you don’t feel like it at the moment, be kind to yourself. Have a cup of tea. Take a hot bath. Go to bed. Meditate. Whatever feels good – other than to drink. Be good to you first. The rest will come in time.

  • lushnomore posted a new activity comment 4 months, 2 weeks ago

    Thank you @daveh I am downloading it!

    • Hi @lushnomore I hope you find it useful. I wrote it to help people, specifically I wrote it to answer the confusion about our condition that we see here time after time. The book is offered as a free download so that anyone that has need of it can get a copy but I’ll only be able to do that for as long as Amazon doesn’t notice that I’m giving it away. When they do I’ll have to remove the free link as they are very firm about getting their cut!

  • lushnomore posted a new activity comment 4 months, 2 weeks ago

    This makes heaps of sense, thank you. It’s a bastard this poison!!

  • lushnomore posted a new activity comment 4 months, 2 weeks ago

    Thank you that makes sense. I drunk even more when I gave up ciggies!

  • lushnomore posted a new activity comment 4 months, 2 weeks ago

    And I’m holding yours 🙂

  • Many years ago when I gave up cigarettes I remember it took me many goes and wasn’t easy but eventually it stuck. Why is it so much harder with alcohol? Is it more addictive than nicotine? Any wisdom would be appreciated, I need to understand this drug to kick it to the curb once and for all.

    • Well, the difference is that alcohol actually relieves our symptoms, i.e. Anxiety, distress, etc. Cigarettes satisfy a craving, but they aren’t mind altering. I’m not sure if it’s not a addicting, but it’s very addictive! I admire u could quit smoking while still drinking..I never could have done that. Had to give up booze to given up cigarettes.

    • Hi @lushnomore Nicotine is a much simpler addiction. With cigarettes we only have to deal with cravings… that’s the “reward system” instructing us to smoke. But with drinking we don’t just have the reward system to beat we also have memory that biases recollections of drinking as good not bad, and emotional shifts towards anxiety, depression and hopelessness. These changes happen as we become alcohol tolerant; when we are sober were are on-edge, unhappy, and socially withdrawn. And guess what? alcohol fixes the very issues it creates. When we drink we become happier (relative to where we were), more socially engaged, and more relaxed. We don’t just have to fight the cravings we also have to endure the certain knowledge that a drink will also (briefly) fix all our emotional problems too… and that is the seat of all the self-sabotaging thoughts. So there’s a lot more ammo’ in alcohol’s gun than nicotine’s.

    • Hi @lushnomore You write “I need to understand this drug to kick it to the curb once and for all.” This is precisely why I wrote “Alcoholism in a nutshell” (I write about recovery and alcoholism under the name Stan West), so that people could understand what they are trying to fight and the challenges they will meet. Anyone that has use of it is welcome to download a free eBook copy of the book here: https://lyingminds.sixboats.co.nz/alcoholism-in-a-nutshell/ It is similar in intent to “Alcohol Explained” except it covers more ground as is less based on opinion and guesswork. It covers the subject more widely than “This naked mind” and is less repetitive.

      • Thank you @daveh I am downloading it!

        • Hi @lushnomore I hope you find it useful. I wrote it to help people, specifically I wrote it to answer the confusion about our condition that we see here time after time. The book is offered as a free download so that anyone that has need of it can get a copy but I’ll only be able to do that for as long as Amazon doesn’t notice that I’m giving it away. When they do I’ll have to remove the free link as they are very firm about getting their cut!

  • lushnomore posted a new activity comment 4 months, 2 weeks ago

    Yes I’ll join you in not drinking today. It will be day one again for me. Currently up at 2.30am feeling dumb and sick.

  • lushnomore posted a new activity comment 4 months, 2 weeks ago

    Thanks for your post, so honest and true.

  • lushnomore posted a new activity comment 5 months ago

    Yes stay close, we all get it and can support you and each other.

  • lushnomore posted a new activity comment 5 months ago

    Your son will love having you present this weekend xo

  • lushnomore posted a new activity comment 5 months ago

    I think I might go to my doctor next week and ask about anti abuse. I’m on day one 1 again! So sick and tired of this merry go round. I am sure every morning that I’m done and won’t drink wine today but by midday my brains already looking forward to it. I’ve been drinking (probably binge) since I was 12, I’m now 42 – that’s 30 bloody years. More than half my life and I guess it’s all I know as a way to unwind, handle any emotion good or bad, connect with people etc etc. I know it’s not the right way and I don’t need it to do all these things, I just don’t know how to break this heavy ingrained habit. At the moment I probably drink a bottle of wine every couple of days.

    • Hi lushnomore. I don’t know what it will be like with ANTABUSE but I’m hoping it will help put a buffer in place between me and the booze so I can work on this. Sending you empowering vibes for your day one x

  • lushnomore posted a new activity comment 5 months, 1 week ago

    I know how that feels! That was my Monday night. Just keep trying, it’s all part of the journey.

  • lushnomore posted a new activity comment 5 months, 1 week ago

    Love your message this morning! You’re amazing 😊

  • lushnomore posted a new activity comment 5 months, 1 week ago

    Thanks for this.

  • Morning everyone, I made it past day 3, it was touch and go, luckily I didn’t have any wine in the house or I may not have made it. Got out of the house with the kids to the beach at witching hour and we had fish n chips, it was a really good idea. Morning coffee and living sober catch up now before I start the day. Quite headachy and sleeping quite light, waking early, but better than being drunk and hungover! Have a great day everyone. I feel like I am making steps in becoming authenticly me xo

    • Well done getting through day 3! Going to the beach with the kids sounds like a very positive way to deal with the booze-craving hour 👍

    • Awesome idea to go to the beach @lushnomore. When the pull is strong – get out! What a nice way to put it- being authentically you. I know exactly what you mean. It’s like alcohol put a grey shade of funk/ drama over absolutely everything in my life. So nice to be coming out the other side and seeing in colour 🙂

    • That’s awesome! You did so well ❤️❤️❤️

  • lushnomore posted a new activity comment 5 months, 1 week ago

    Day 6 is awesome!

  • lushnomore posted a new activity comment 5 months, 2 weeks ago

    That is so cool and inspiring!!

  • lushnomore posted a new activity comment 5 months, 2 weeks ago

    I agree!

  • lushnomore posted a new activity comment 5 months, 2 weeks ago

    Day 3 is awesome! You are doing great 😊

  • lushnomore posted a new activity comment 5 months, 2 weeks ago

    Awesome!!

  • lushnomore posted a new activity comment 5 months, 2 weeks ago

    Thank you @daveh you always have such great advice and wisdom.

  • lushnomore posted a new activity comment 5 months, 2 weeks ago

    Thank you

  • lushnomore posted a new activity comment 5 months, 2 weeks ago

    Awesome plan. Day 3 yay!!!

  • lushnomore posted a new activity comment 5 months, 2 weeks ago

    Thank you all. Went back to sleep for a bit but not much. Got to get up now and start the day. Day 1, no wine xo

  • Didn’t make it past day 3 AGAIN! Feel sick, it’s 3.22am and I’ve been awake since midnight, plus I have a big day at work tomorrow. Think I slipped up yesterday because people around me seemed stressed and tense and I’m really sensitive to that so it made me anxious and then by the end of the day, stressed and grumpy. Feel like a bad role model for my kids. Don’t want them to drink alcohol but that’s all they’ve seen me do growing up, having wine at the end of the day on nearly a daily basis. Hope I can go back to sleep. Day 1 again, I have to try harder. Getting a lot from everyone’s posts tonight/morning.

    • @lushnomore – don’t beat yourself up for this, you’ll only cause yourself more stress. I too am highly overtuned to the emotions of people around me and it’s hard. I’m constantly reading the room and trying to figure out how other peoples tensions pertain to me instead
      of just concentrating on my role. Take a deep breath and tell yourself you’ve got this. You made day 3, you can make day 4.

    • @lushnomore We just have to keep on trying. Know that your worth it and that alcohol causes a big part of the stress. Hugs!

    • The ‘ol wake up at 3 a.m. dehydrated, mad, thoughts whirling, and stressing about upcoming day merry-go-round. Yep, been there lots of times! Once you get some AF time other peoples’ stress won’t bother you so much. You’ll be able to read it as their problem, not yours. As other people have said here “not my monkeys, not my circus!”

      • So now you have learned something about why you drink. My advice? Stay away from the ppl that seem stressed and tense. In the beginning of my sobriety, I felt guilty about leaving some of the ppl behind until I learned that guilt was a feeling that never left me while I was drinking. Being sober means being selfish in a good way. We become selfish in taking care of ourselves, by not exposing ourselves to toxic ppl, places and things.
        As far as your kids go, it’s never too late to change your behavior. My daughter was 16 by the time I stopped drinking. I didn’t write myself off and neither did she. Don’t go to the pity party, you don’t belong there.
        Stay strong, keep running to that sober door until you break it down and you will if you keep trying. The key is to never to quit quitting. You’ll get it, I know you will.

    • Thank you all. Went back to sleep for a bit but not much. Got to get up now and start the day. Day 1, no wine xo

    • Hi @lushnomore. Day 3 was my nemesis too. Stopping drinking is hard and until I realised just how hard it was, and how devious, I didn’t bring enough to the attempt… that’s my experience. But relapse isn’t failure, it is education. It is an essential step on the path to recovery. It is only through successive failures that we finally learn how to overcome the addiction and then how to remain alcohol-free. Relapse is not the end of a recovery effort; rather it is another step along the recovery pathway.

      Learning to be alcohol-free is very much like learning to ride a bicycle. The first challenge is to manage staying upright while making forward progress. How many times did I fall before achieving that? But once I’d learned how to maintain balance and move in the direction I wanted there were still many occasions when I fell… because the problem had changed. Yes, I knew how to keep my balance, but sometimes I grew over-confident, and sometimes something unforeseen happened and I’d be down on the tar seal again.

      We don’t just get one chance at learning to ride a bike. If we did, then nobody would ever succeed. When we fell it wasn’t because we chose to, it was because we lacked the expertise not to. We had to fall in order to learn; we learn by our mistakes. Stopping drinking requires similar learning. Relapse isn’t failure; it is the growth that allows us to succeed. But that isn’t how it feels at the time.

      Relapse is a part of the process of recovery, not the end of it. We don’t have to go right back to the beginning and start the process all over again. When I fell off the bike I wasn’t put back at the start of learning how to ride, I was exactly as far advanced along that path as I was when I fell. Nothing was lost other than a bit of pride and skin. Everything that had been learned was still learned and because of this I would achieve more at my next attempt. Relapse while trying to stop drinking is precisely like this. Nothing is lost. We are n…[Read more]

      • I haven,t been on the site for a while but am happy with the way my life is progressing. Just wanted to say it,s good to read your responses DaveH and see that you,re still on here giving sound wisdom. Maybe you are someone trained in recovery counselling, or possibly even a paid member of the team. Anyway, I think your support is invaluable.
        regards,
        Nina.

        • Hi @Nina I can claim neither of those I’m afraid. I don’t think there is any organised “team” here as such and I’m sure that no-one is getting paid. As I understand it the website has some funding to cover basic running costs, but that’s all. We’re just a bunch hopeless drunks that have got free of alcohol and want to help others do the same. This website gives us a forum to do that.

      • Thank you @daveh you always have such great advice and wisdom.

  • lushnomore posted a new activity comment 5 months, 2 weeks ago

    That’s interesting, thank you. May have to try one. Just like ginger beer I guess!

  • lushnomore posted a new activity comment 5 months, 2 weeks ago

    Omg that’s scary. You are brave! We are very lucky here in NZ, not much to worry about. I don’t like spiders either, but don’t come across them all that often.

  • lushnomore posted a new activity comment 5 months, 2 weeks ago

    Congratulations on 6 weeks!

  • lushnomore posted a new activity comment 5 months, 2 weeks ago

    Just causally fend off a coyote while on your morning walk – omg! I live in New Zealand and would probably be too scared to go for a walk if that might happen. Enjoy your morning walk and fresh air, hope all the scary animals stay sleeping 🙂

    • I moved back here this past summer and we had bears coming to the garden. That was upsetting to me. People stopped walking. Mom and I had to make a lot of noise every time we went out the door. I was glad when Late Fall came and they went into hibernation. Now I hear about coyote sightings. I haven’t seen one but they have been seen. Apparently there are ways of dealing with one being near. Two is tricky, three and it’s all over!!!.. Seriously though. I haven’t heard of any attacks here. NZ is pretty free of anything dangerous hey! No poisonous stuff? My son investigated because he is looking at living there maybe. He is terrified of spiders. lol

      • Omg that’s scary. You are brave! We are very lucky here in NZ, not much to worry about. I don’t like spiders either, but don’t come across them all that often.

  • lushnomore posted a new activity comment 5 months, 2 weeks ago

    We all do. I’m on day 2 and have had thousands of day ones. I’ve been trying to be sober – or started to realise I was reliant/addicted to alcohol for the past 11 years. Just keep on trying, it is different for everyone. Reading sobriety books, coming here, knowing your life would be better without alcohol is all part of your journey. You can do this – today is an opportunity to try again. You should go and see your doctor to see if they can help with your detox so you are safe.

  • lushnomore posted a new activity comment 5 months, 2 weeks ago

    You are doing awesome at two weeks! That’s huge!!

  • lushnomore posted a new activity comment 5 months, 3 weeks ago

    Hi @daisy I’m there with you. I’m on day 1 again. I feel like every second day It’s day 1. It seems like the more I try to not drink, the more I drink! It’s like my rebellious self says fuck it I can do what I want and I want to drink wine. Even though in my heart I don’t. Is that me, or is it what everyone calls the wine witch? I don’t know. But what I do know is I keep trying, I’m just not sure trying is working for me. I read, I listen to podcasts, I check in here daily, I’m really frustrated. When I had a wine yesterday I did notice it tasted like rotten fruit, so maybe something is working as I’m being more mindful. We just have to keep trying. Good on you for being strong and keeping on going.

  • lushnomore posted a new activity comment 5 months, 3 weeks ago

    Love your posts @daveh, thank you 🙂

  • lushnomore posted a new activity comment 5 months, 3 weeks ago

    Awesome post. Enjoy your salmon eggs Benedict, yum! I’m still in bed too! Enjoying my morning coffee.

  • lushnomore posted a new activity comment 5 months, 3 weeks ago

    Thanks @agirl

  • lushnomore posted a new activity comment 5 months, 3 weeks ago

    Thanks @chardano

  • lushnomore posted a new activity comment 5 months, 3 weeks ago

    Thanks @daveh

  • Morning everyone, day 2. I feel an anxious mess. Had a stressful day at work on Friday and dealt with it by drinking wine. Had to fight not to yesterday afternoon as hubby opened a beer, so I cleaned and visualised a decent sleep and no hangover on mon at work. I’ve woken up at 5am so anxious, thinking about work and worried I’ve said the wrong things that might fuck people off or make me look like a dick who’s clueless (although that’s exactly how I felt on Friday). Feel like I’m freaking out and unraveling.

    • That is not a good feeling. Something that helped me when I was facing some tough stuff was to train myself to recognize when I was using “what if?” Thinking. Do not allow your mind to start creating scenarios about things that may never happen. Deal with what is right in front of you. This was something I learned in behavioral therapy. I also learned that deep breaths through the nose and out the mouth for a few minutes will activate your brain into a relaxed mode. Sending a big hug. Feel better.😊

    • Great advice @chardano. Deal with what is right in front of you in this minute. Nice. I really hope you feel better soon @lushnomore. My thoughts are with you.

    • Hi @lushnomore Not being able to sleep and anxiety are completely normal; they will start to out over the next week or so. They are caused by how our brain adapts to a large and regular dose of alcohol and at first our brain goes into a bit of shock when the regular alcohol doesn’t appear, then it very slowly adjusts various brain chemicals back towards their pre-drinking levels. The initial shock period lasts a week or so, then the brain chemistry settles into it alcohol-free state over a period of weeks and months. Don’t be alarmed… this is what SHOULD be happening and it shows your brain is trying to get back to normal.

  • lushnomore posted a new activity comment 5 months, 3 weeks ago

    @enzedgirl @dreamer88 @wakingowl @winner thank you all for responding. When I got into work the morning conversation turned to enjoying a drink, argh. It definitely made me think I was normal, but I know I have to ignore that thinking.

    • @lushnomore I work with a lot of folks that drink a lot outside of work and I used to join them on occasion. Now I simply tell anyone that asks me to join up that I’m doing a 100 day challenge “with some folks I know”. It conveys I’m not drinking and doesn’t come across as judgmental.

      • @wakingowl that’s so clever!! @lushnomore congrats on day 2 and making a plan ? So I’ve used these to drinking/going out…”in training for marathon, gotta stay hydrated” or..”im driving ? ” or..”I haven’t drank in so long, if I have one drink ill be stupid silly(humor) I have no tolerance””if I have wine I will fall asleep, I’m so tired right now”
        Or…I order a huge kick ass salad and nonchalantly say “I’m good, just water/something light. i’d be stuffed if I ordered a beer” etc. Etc
        I’m at 545 days…and my close friends know I don’t drink…but others/social media/co workers…well, I laugh and joke around about “needing a drink” jokes, etc etc when they talk about drinking. In early days I just smiled, but now I will joke with them. And I don’t feel guilty, weird, etc etc

  • lushnomore posted a new activity comment 5 months, 3 weeks ago

    What an inspiring post. Have a lovely first day of spring!

  • Hi everyone, day 2 today. I’m trying to set good habits in place and have just done a small meditation and having my morning coffee before waking up the family for work and school. Looked at a pile of magazines on my coffee table and thought I might be able to get through those this weekend as I’ll be sober and will be able to sit and focus. Will try and be strong today and fight those urges. Stupid how I want wine when it just makes me so sick. I have to remember that I don’t have control of it and can’t just have a couple of glasses, it has control of me!

    • Hey lushnomore huge congrats on this decision!

      What I always say is you can’t plan too much to be alcohol free (AF).

      Plan by having nice snacks in, alcohol free drinks, herbal teas etc.

      Plan by having a list of alternatives to drinking – reading magazines, going for a walk, movies, catch up with a friend, jigsaw puzzle, knitting, you name it.

      Plan by *intending* to wake up AF on Monday morning (weekends are tricky for a lot of us)

      Plan on posting here every day

      Plan plan plan 😊😊😊

      We got your back 👍🏼

    • @lushnomore, congrats on 2 days! I’m on day 6. The cravings are definitely still there, but not as bad. Plus mentally and physically, I feel better. And that’s only 6 days. So much more good days to come for both of us! Stay strong, keep going!!!

    • I’ve made it to day 23 and actually woke up feeling good today. You’ll feel better every day you keep to it.

    • Awesome insight! ❤️❤️

    • @enzedgirl @dreamer88 @wakingowl @winner thank you all for responding. When I got into work the morning conversation turned to enjoying a drink, argh. It definitely made me think I was normal, but I know I have to ignore that thinking.

      • @lushnomore I work with a lot of folks that drink a lot outside of work and I used to join them on occasion. Now I simply tell anyone that asks me to join up that I’m doing a 100 day challenge “with some folks I know”. It conveys I’m not drinking and doesn’t come across as judgmental.

        • @wakingowl that’s so clever!! @lushnomore congrats on day 2 and making a plan ? So I’ve used these to drinking/going out…”in training for marathon, gotta stay hydrated” or..”im driving ? ” or..”I haven’t drank in so long, if I have one drink ill be stupid silly(humor) I have no tolerance””if I have wine I will fall asleep, I’m so tired right now”
          Or…I order a huge kick ass salad and nonchalantly say “I’m good, just water/something light. i’d be stuffed if I ordered a beer” etc. Etc
          I’m at 545 days…and my close friends know I don’t drink…but others/social media/co workers…well, I laugh and joke around about “needing a drink” jokes, etc etc when they talk about drinking. In early days I just smiled, but now I will joke with them. And I don’t feel guilty, weird, etc etc

    • I like your screen name, well done on day 2 @lushnomore! : )

    • I’m with you on day 2; enjoy your magazines!

  • lushnomore posted a new activity comment 6 months ago

    Enjoy the yoga retreat that sounds lovely!

  • lushnomore posted an update 6 months ago

    Hi everyone, trying again on day one today! Got to day 4 and went away for weekend with loved ones who are normal drinkers – never more than 2 wines, and I really enjoy having a wine with. So triggered! Of course I didn’t have two wines though, I had a bottle on both nights. And then a bottle when I got home over 2 nights. Back to day 1 today, will try recovery elevator podcast on my way to work this morning. I’ve got to stop thinking it is my relaxant and play it forward, past the first two wines. I always get stuck there.

    • Ah that ol’ chestnut- alcohol as a relaxant. Not for me! Because I can’t stop at 1 (or 2) its just an express train to pain. I’ve experimented enough with that “relaxant” to know it just doesn’t work. Take care of yourself today sweetheart.

    • just a reminder of something that helped me, i always get stuck there (at day 4), try thinking i have been getting stuck there, but NO MORE. i wish you best of luck. for me, i just change the way i think about things as often as i can. when i can. congrats on day 1.

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