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  • Lucy posted an update 1 week, 6 days ago

    Day 58 and I knew I’d struggle today. The wine witch is calling and I’m having an internal row right at this moment. It’s been a long day and I’ve had 2 weeks off work so tomorrow I’m going in for a few hours. I need to be busy even when at home, I’ve got my sober tools walking, swimming, meditation but need more I think so I might try yoga on Tuesday. Anything to keep this battle going. Can anyone recommend some sober movies, I’ve watched “when a man loves a woman” and “28 days” over and over . My son is still not speaking to me and this has never happened before and I really do feel upset, we are usually very close and he has supported me so well over my sobriety but it’s like he’s all himself and he’s just gone cold on me. Not used to these feelings and fighting the booze brain everyday is hard enough without having to deal with a stroppy teenager! Will check in tomorrow or later.. time for PJs, coffee , chocolate ( I have a huge sugar craving) and a movie.. much love to you all… we are brave, strong and sober. x

    • Hi @lucy. I’m guessing your son is at a transformation point in his life, like we are and it may be best to just try and talk to him a bit later. My parenting skills are limited as I haven’t had my own children but I’ve helped raise a few and the teenage years can be hellacious. I remember my own. Save yourself and liver from the drinking idea, although it is always a solution for making bad things a million times worse. I caved at 4 months last time under loads of stress and I can guarantee you that it doesn’t help. I did add plenty of negative reinforcement. Tough times will pass if we let them but interrupting the process with an undermining depressant has never worked out well for me at all. It sounds like your doing all the right things right now. Eat the chocolate. We are braver than we think! Much love back your way!

    • @lucy my 16 year old son has given me a run for my money. I love him but there are days I don’t like him if you know what I mean. Everyone said girls would be more difficult but my daughters were a breeze compared to him. I just keep reminding myself to do the next right thing by him. To love him with all my heart, but set boundaries and make sure he knows we’re the parents. I know my sweet, lovable boy is in there somewhere … we used to be the best of buddies. I know he’ll come around … I’m already seeing cracks in the teenage armor. God help us all! I don’t have a movie recommendation but I’m reading and loving The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray. Sending you lots of strength. Don’t let the wine witch use teenage troubles to invade your sober territory! Beat her back with a stick.

    • Hi @Lucy! Do you have Netflix? I like Russell Brand’s doc called From Addiction to Recovery. Hang in there, you’re doing so well. xoxo

    • Ugh teenagers… not talking better than yelling. It won’t last. He’ll need something. Have you watched Gervais- Afterlife or Humanity? We watched Humanity again last weekend, I laughed so hard I nearly pooed my pants. Ricky is comedy god bowing down over here

      • @ro Humanity has to be his funniest ever, I’ve seen it a few times and the anticipation just makes it more hilarious.

    • He Wont get Far on Foot is a good sober movie, Joaquin Phoenix plays the lead, an aspiring artist who gets in a drunken accident and his recovery story.

    • I love the thought of sober tools I use them too and like the idea of giving them a name
      I felt like this yesterday and the wine witch nearly persuaded me to just have a glass I’m glad I didn’t. Let’s keep doing this Lucy

    • @lucy I have a sixteen year old son. Mostly we get along really well, but I find every now and then things go off the rails.
      Here in NZ we had a wonderful champion of boys growing into men called Celia Lashlie.
      I recommend you hunt out her book ‘He’ll Be Ok’.
      She also has wonderful online resources including podcasts about teenage boys and how to understand them a little better.
      There’s also a wonderful documentary about her simply entitled ‘Celia’.
      She passed away and this is around her work on men in prisons, domestic violence and prison reform.
      Your son is growing into the man he will be.
      Some of that involves the natural separation from you.
      He’s new to this, so it’s going to be clumsy at times, on both sides

      Great podcasts on RNZ
      https://www.rnz.co.nz/national/programmes/ninetonoon/collections/parenting-boys-the-celia-lashile-collection

    • And here’s the link to Celia’s homepage and book.
      I re-read it very few years.
      Being a parent is hard!
      I keep telling my son, I’m doing my best but making this up as I go!
      I also tell him every day that I love him, and I try and hug him at least 5 times a week.
      He ‘tolerates’ this but I think he actually likes it. A lot.
      https://www.celialashlie.nz/boys-work#work

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