• lookingforcourage posted a new activity comment 5 months, 4 weeks ago

    Yep I know that rabbit hole. Trying to find my way out of it now. 🐇

  • Having a lovely NA drink and relaxing after a big day at work with hubby cooking dinner. Day 19 is going well 🙂

  • lookingforcourage posted a new activity comment 1 year, 1 month ago

    Thanks @embracingsober. I have just been out with a couple of girlfriends. The bar/cafe had some lovely non-alcoholic options available – it is definitely getting easier to have a non-boring non-alcoholic drink when out. But I have to say I found my own company very boring and one of my friends said “I wasn’t quite myself”. Still at least I will respect myself in the morning 🙂

    • I went out last night to, first time in ages, had a delicious mocktail, a part of the drinks menu I would never have considered, well done you for going out with your girlfriends and don’t be hard on yourself, your doing great… and the sober you is awesome… big hugs xxx

  • lookingforcourage posted a new activity comment 1 year, 1 month ago

    Hello JM. Lovely to meet you 🙂

  • Morning all. Pretty crappy weather here today but all good – have lots of house work to do so can just stay in and crank up the music. Love the posts about just deciding. It tells me that I haven’t fully committed hence the repeated day 1’s. I am still secretly in love with the whole social wine scene although I know it is marketing hype and that alcohol does much damage to our minds, bodies and communities. Anyway, happy morning with no regret and no sore stomach. Off to reward myself with a nice almond latte 🙂

    • Almond latte sounds good, happy Sun morning to you from Sat early evening in Canada! : )

    • Yip, I can relate to that… this time round I accepted that I wasn’t going to drink again.. no doubt no questioning… I have to say it was quite liberating… I did have a freak out moment about it but that passed and I thought about those times that I enjoyed with a glass of wine, and how they would be even better with a non alcoholic… same situation without the consequences of drinking alcohol…you can do this @lookingforcourage xx

      • Thanks @embracingsober. I have just been out with a couple of girlfriends. The bar/cafe had some lovely non-alcoholic options available – it is definitely getting easier to have a non-boring non-alcoholic drink when out. But I have to say I found my own company very boring and one of my friends said “I wasn’t quite myself”. Still at least I will respect myself in the morning 🙂

        • I went out last night to, first time in ages, had a delicious mocktail, a part of the drinks menu I would never have considered, well done you for going out with your girlfriends and don’t be hard on yourself, your doing great… and the sober you is awesome… big hugs xxx

  • lookingforcourage posted a new activity comment 1 year, 1 month ago

    Thought I’d pop in here and try and talk myself out of having a wine, saw your post and it reminded me that is just my witching hour and if I get past that I will be fine for the rest of the night! Thanks for posting 🙂

  • lookingforcourage posted a new activity comment 1 year, 1 month ago

    Morning Prudence, I am on housework today too. I’m in between contracts so no excuses! 🙂

  • For those that like dry NA drinks I can recommend Seedlip. It is called a “distilled non-alcoholic sprit” and is made in the UK. There are two flavours – I have “Spice 94”. I bought it at Moore Wilson’s.

    On its own it tastes watery but add tonic to it and it is a really nice dry drink.

    Only draw back – it is expensive!

  • lookingforcourage posted a new activity comment 1 year, 1 month ago

    I love that you are treating yourself 🙂

  • lookingforcourage posted a new activity comment 1 year, 1 month ago

    I love that you can let that go @prudence – much be so much lighter on the soul 🙂

  • lookingforcourage posted a new activity comment 1 year, 1 month ago

    Brilliant stuff @stopthatsnotme !!

  • lookingforcourage posted a new activity comment 1 year, 1 month ago

    I did, thanks @freedom1025. I couldn’t call it an early night tonight as I had lots of work to catch up on (another very good reason not have taken a drink!). But now at 2am I am sober, have my work done and will wake up knowing that I both delivered on a commitment and didn’t drink – double happy 🙂

  • lookingforcourage posted a new activity comment 1 year, 1 month ago

    Yes, I bought an expensive bottle of Seedlip (from the UK but got it from Moore Wilsons). It is a distilled non-alcoholic spirit. If you try it on its own it tastes very watery but you put tonic with it and it is really nice and not sweet at all.

    Had lots of work to power through so have got that done now and managed to see my counter tick over to 3 before going to bed.

    Thanks for your support xx

  • lookingforcourage posted a new activity comment 1 year, 1 month ago

    Thank you @Caramelcremebrulee. Such lovely advice. Sitting on my hands is a great physical reminder so that I don’t do anything automatically 🙂

  • Just checking in at the witching hours to summon some courage and have a cup of tea. I know if I can get over this time I will forget about the wine and be ok for the rest of the night. Thanks for being here xx

    • Mrs. D gave us a good trick to try. She said to picture yourself crawling into bed tonight and laying your head on the pillow and resting. And then again picture yourself waking up guilt free, and wine free, and hangover free, and regret free. Just sit and picture that.

      I had a wake up call once, and that wake up call said, “It’s not the big of a deal. You just have to get through a few restless nights, and you’ll be on your way. So, try to relax. Sit with your hands folded and watch some good show, and stop thinking.” And I did. And it was one of the best nights of my life. Just relaxing. Not having to manage the drink. Be at peace.

    • An early shower and getting into pj’s helped me through… whatever works for you, have you got a non alcoholic drink that you can enjoy instead? Mine is half a lemon squeezed into a glass of water, use my wine glasses… your doing fab! xx

      • Yes, I bought an expensive bottle of Seedlip (from the UK but got it from Moore Wilsons). It is a distilled non-alcoholic spirit. If you try it on its own it tastes very watery but you put tonic with it and it is really nice and not sweet at all.

        Had lots of work to power through so have got that done now and managed to see my counter tick over to 3 before going to bed.

        Thanks for your support xx

    • @lookingforcourage hope youbwere able to power through. Playing it forward and visualization are awesome tools! And as @embracingsober said, just calling it a night, getting in your pj’s and brushing your teeth signals the end of the evening and off to bed you go nice and sober. Waking up the next morning is the best feeling ever!

      • I did, thanks @freedom1025. I couldn’t call it an early night tonight as I had lots of work to catch up on (another very good reason not have taken a drink!). But now at 2am I am sober, have my work done and will wake up knowing that I both delivered on a commitment and didn’t drink – double happy 🙂

  • lookingforcourage posted a new activity comment 1 year, 1 month ago

    800 days is awesome – congrats xxx

  • lookingforcourage posted a new activity comment 1 year, 1 month ago

    beautifully said 🙂

  • lookingforcourage posted a new activity comment 1 year, 1 month ago

    Thanks @prudence. You are such an inspiration xx

  • lookingforcourage posted a new activity comment 1 year, 1 month ago

    Thanks @embracingsober – love your name. Gives the thought of being sober a good vibe.

  • lookingforcourage posted a new activity comment 1 year, 1 month ago

    Thanks @juliana – I so have that mental struggle and you are right, when I have managed to stop and get rid of it, it is very freeing. I shall keep that thought in my mind as I start again.

    • I think I was finally successful giving up my heavy wine drinking when I realized how wonderful I felt without all the shame and planning to drink/planning not to drink. What a nightmare that was. @lookingforcourage

  • lookingforcourage posted a new activity comment 1 year, 1 month ago

    Such good questions Morgan. I think my life is designed by trying to fit in and keeping people happy. It is a good life but I don’t think I am being truly authentic to who I am and what is important to me. I was good when I didn’t drink for two years – totally didn’t need it. But then fell in love with someone who is very social and likes a drink. So I started again – to fit in, not stand out and possibly to get some social courage. We married and are still together. He supports me not drinking but doesn’t judge me when I do drink – it would almost be easier if he did. So in summary, I need to learn to be myself and believe that I am enough just as I am.

  • lookingforcourage posted a new activity comment 1 year, 1 month ago

    Thanks Morgan. Two years is my longest but often I only last about 4 months. I think I might be needing to make changes in my life and am using alcohol to put them off!

    • That sounds really interesting. What do you most think needs changing?
      Two years is pretty awesome, how did you feel throughout that time? Any changes made then?
      What caused you to decide to drink again?

    • Such good questions Morgan. I think my life is designed by trying to fit in and keeping people happy. It is a good life but I don’t think I am being truly authentic to who I am and what is important to me. I was good when I didn’t drink for two years – totally didn’t need it. But then fell in love with someone who is very social and likes a drink. So I started again – to fit in, not stand out and possibly to get some social courage. We married and are still together. He supports me not drinking but doesn’t judge me when I do drink – it would almost be easier if he did. So in summary, I need to learn to be myself and believe that I am enough just as I am.

  • And so I am back. I have been once again trying to moderate – when will I learn that that is just not an option for me 🙁 I still remember, and totally believe in @prudence ‘s advice that you just need to decide. I know that is true, I just can’t quite get myself to decide – I don’t want to give up as much as I want to give up. People I talk to don’t think I have a problem as I don’t get totally wasted, but I know I have a problem, my mind and body is telling me that wasted or not, it is a damaging amount of alcohol almost every night of the week! This community is the only way that I manage that first step of stopping. Thanks for always being here no matter how long I stay away.

    • Yes, understand, I couldn’t face getting waster, hate feeling out of control,but the dangers of regular drinking more than a tiny amount, weighed me down heavily.
      How long have you stayed free before? It gets so much better if you hold on.. As I head toward my 4th year, I am sure I am getting healthier, fitter, younger and more energised.
      Nice 🙂

      • Thanks Morgan. Two years is my longest but often I only last about 4 months. I think I might be needing to make changes in my life and am using alcohol to put them off!

        • That sounds really interesting. What do you most think needs changing?
          Two years is pretty awesome, how did you feel throughout that time? Any changes made then?
          What caused you to decide to drink again?

        • Such good questions Morgan. I think my life is designed by trying to fit in and keeping people happy. It is a good life but I don’t think I am being truly authentic to who I am and what is important to me. I was good when I didn’t drink for two years – totally didn’t need it. But then fell in love with someone who is very social and likes a drink. So I started again – to fit in, not stand out and possibly to get some social courage. We married and are still together. He supports me not drinking but doesn’t judge me when I do drink – it would almost be easier if he did. So in summary, I need to learn to be myself and believe that I am enough just as I am.

    • Welcome back and thanks for sharing your thoughts about the struggle. I am so relieved to be free of the mental preoccupation with drinking, all the time spent resisting or giving in or planning ways to give up. Remembering all the time wasted on thinking about drinking helps motivate me to stay sober. If I tried moderation, I would be right back in the mental struggle, even if my alcohol consumption remained reasonable. I don’t want that awful life anymore!

      • Thanks @juliana – I so have that mental struggle and you are right, when I have managed to stop and get rid of it, it is very freeing. I shall keep that thought in my mind as I start again.

        • I think I was finally successful giving up my heavy wine drinking when I realized how wonderful I felt without all the shame and planning to drink/planning not to drink. What a nightmare that was. @lookingforcourage

    • Welcome back @lookingforcourage it’s a funny old area to be in when nobody around you thinks you have a problem but you know within yourself that your not happy with what you’re drinking.. I was sober for 3months last year before I got complacent and that little voice ‘just one will be ok, moderate’ got the better of me… I’ve come to the conclusion moderating is is not my thing, it’s exhausting … totally sober is sooo much better… and easier … eventually

    • Haha don’t wait as long as me to make your decision @lookingforcourage, I waitied until I was 58!! Your name is a good one as it does take courage to change your life. When you first give up you think it’s just about giveing up alcohol, and really it is about so much more than that. It is about growth in all ways. I understand your struggle, totally, I was there for a very long time. All I can tell you is where I am now in my life is the best place I’ve ever been. The growth does not stop happening either. Each stage has it’s challenges, little struggles, bitter sweet nostalgia for the good parts of what was, but there is really nothing better than living with complete clarty on a daily basis, knowing who you are and what you want, being able to achieve your goals easily, and having no shame or guilt or angst and no more of that head chatter of …..will I, won’t I, when, how much…..oh no I’ve done it again……cringe……
      Hey, go well good lady xoxo

  • Yahoo – just checking in and find that I have sailed right past the move to trip digits and am sitting on 104 days. Even better, I am not feeling tempted to start again! I don’t want to jinx it but it feels like a real breakthrough 🙂

  • lookingforcourage posted a new activity comment 2 years, 2 months ago

    Thanks @hyu12 🙂

  • lookingforcourage posted a new activity comment 2 years, 2 months ago

    Thanks Brad 🙂

  • lookingforcourage posted a new activity comment 2 years, 2 months ago

    Hey Groover – this is a great community. Posting really helped me early on so I would encourage you to jump right in 🙂

  • lookingforcourage posted a new activity comment 2 years, 2 months ago

    Congrats on Day 24. Being mindful about the thoughts and not acting on them is such a powerful thing to do – go you!

  • lookingforcourage posted a new activity comment 2 years, 2 months ago

    Checking in often really does help – especially in the early days. I love the counter as well. It is quite a buzz to see it go up along with the amount of money saved 🙂

  • lookingforcourage posted a new activity comment 2 years, 2 months ago

    Hey Optimiste, you will be surprised how much courage you have inside you. Keep checking in here especially at the times that trigger drinking habits.

  • lookingforcourage posted a new activity comment 2 years, 2 months ago

    I have had many day 1’s and it takes a while to get back into the habit of not drinking when I starting again. But it does come back. I’m on day 85 now and feeling calmer about not drinking than ever before. Don’t beat yourself up if you have to keep re-starting. Just keep checking in and keep trying 🙂

  • lookingforcourage posted a new activity comment 2 years, 2 months ago

    Welcome ColleenP 🙂

  • lookingforcourage posted a new activity comment 2 years, 2 months ago

    Welcome Trancey 🙂

  • lookingforcourage posted a new activity comment 2 years, 3 months ago

    No-one does Mrs D 🙂 Thanks to you and @Prudence (“just decide”) I am happy having my chai tea and don’t feel deprived at all! Probably could do with the yoga though!!

  • lookingforcourage posted a new activity comment 2 years, 3 months ago

    Yahoo, double digits – that is brilliant April 🙂 Before you know it, it will be triple! x

  • lookingforcourage posted a new activity comment 2 years, 3 months ago

    I didn’t even realise my authentic self is an introvert! Alcohol helped me pretend to be an extrovert for too many years to count. I’ve learned to relax into my introvertedness, it has its own strengths 🙂

  • lookingforcourage posted a new activity comment 2 years, 3 months ago

    I like teas that can take milk (soy in my case) but are caffeine free like rooibos and chai 🙂 I still have one coffee a day – but just one 🙂

  • lookingforcourage posted a new activity comment 2 years, 3 months ago

    There is much to be said for a little Netflix escape 🙂

  • lookingforcourage posted a new activity comment 2 years, 3 months ago

    Thanks @lizzy – it was weird when in the dream – but great when awake 🙂

  • lookingforcourage posted a new activity comment 2 years, 3 months ago

    Thanks @enzedgirl. It feels like quite a step forward 🙂

  • lookingforcourage posted a new activity comment 2 years, 3 months ago

    Happy day 80 to us @Lucy 🙂

  • lookingforcourage posted a new activity comment 2 years, 3 months ago

    People just assume I have kids too and when I say I don’t they get all embarrassed and don’t know what to say. Strange how uniform they think everyone’s life should be!

    • I’ve been thinking about you @janus2 and wondering how you are. I’m so pleased to hear from you even thou you’re feeling a bit yuk.
      You have to think very carefully about the question of children. I absolutely refuse deny my daughter but have a response that includes her without inviting further conversation.
      Have a play round with words and you will also find something that suits you.we have to protect ourselves.. it gets easier with practice. It’s horrible to have to say but people don’t really think before they ask us about children. Don’t get upset Janus just think it’s part of a conversation that others ask. Without thinking. I’m pleased to see you here. I think like me you’ve gone to ground a bit. Sometimes it all gets too much for us. Much love Denise xxcc

  • Many attempts and now 79 days and I have finally had that dream. The one where you start drinking again and then wake up so glad it isn’t true. I remember 30 years ago having the same dream about smoking and have never taken up smoking (or wanted to) again. So I feel I have turned a corner!!! YAY

  • lookingforcourage posted a new activity comment 2 years, 3 months ago

    What a lovely idea 🙂

  • lookingforcourage posted a new activity comment 2 years, 3 months ago

    Awesome – it is soo nice to wake up on a work day not having drunk the night before too. No beating yourself up with guilt before the day even begins 🙂

  • lookingforcourage posted a new activity comment 2 years, 3 months ago

    You and me both 🙂

  • lookingforcourage posted a new activity comment 2 years, 3 months ago

    Don’t do it Stella. You know it doesn’t work. It is just trying to trick you. Day 24 is awesome

  • lookingforcourage posted a new activity comment 2 years, 3 months ago

    ❤️❤️❤️

  • lookingforcourage posted a new activity comment 2 years, 3 months ago

    Such a wonderful post and reply. Courage is exactly what I am looking for. Not just in giving up alcohol but in life generally. You have made my day thanks ❤️

  • lookingforcourage posted a new activity comment 2 years, 3 months ago

    So very satisfying to be productive in the evenings

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