• A handful of days from the 9 month milestone. I listened to a podcast (alcohol free life) on the weekend because it featured Mrs D as a guest. At one point Mrs D said that removing alcohol from your life was heroic, which makes us & our efforts heroic. The message was EXACTLY what I needed to hear, at exactly the right time. Sometimes it really feels like a grind. But the bigger picture of what I’ve accomplished, given where I started, is titanic.

  • Lightness posted an update 2 weeks, 1 day ago

    Day 257. A beautiful (chilly) Saturday morning. The longing for a glass of wine is rare and fleeting. I’ve filled my life up with yoga & Pilates, I suspect a little addictively, but I’m much more ok with that addiction. What I’m still wresting with the most is the shift in my social life. It’s like my friends don’t know what to do with me. I suspect they were waiting for me to get over this “sober project”.

    • Congrats on 257 days @Lightness! So great! Many of my friends realized drinking isn’t as cool as they thought and have stopped or slowed down significantly. My social life is definitely different – but it works for me. It’s been over 4 years for me now so I appreciate the little things more, probably because I can remember them. Your friends will be here for you or not, and if not, they were a part of a season that you don’t need. Seek the joy! Enjoy your day ๐Ÿ™‚

    • Day 295 for me and it feels so good. The battle continues. It does get easier. I can see the days turning into months now and the months turning into years. It’s been a long time coming. Nice to have folks I can vent with. If I knew then what I know now. I’m in St. Louis and we’re in the Stanley Cup finals! Let’s go Blues! Happy Sober Weekend!

    • What a wonderful,addiction! I have recently had a glimpse of how it could be if one enjoyed those activities – normally I drag myself there reluctantly.
      I wonder how long your friends take to realise you are not on a little project, but doing this for real???? We will watch this space

  • Lightness posted a new activity comment 1 month, 1 week ago

    I really appreciated this post. I recently came across a shirt amongst my gym stuff that reads “first run, then wine”. I bought that at the same time I was murmuring those 3am prayers for help. How tragic. Day 232 now, so grateful.

  • Lightness posted a new activity comment 1 month, 3 weeks ago

    the self-hate is the worst, @angiex Hence my ‘name’ here is Lightness – the only way I could describe how I felt after a month AF, without all that self-loathing weighing me down. Amazing job, keep going, it gets better.

  • Lightness posted a new activity comment 2 months ago

    Thankyou Lars

  • Lightness posted an update 2 months ago

    For years I wished I was a morning person, and could jump out of bed and hit the gym, hit work and get into bed earlier. I just couldn’t do it. 206 days AF and…hurrah!…I think I’m a morning person: not exactly jumping out of bed but certainly not the waking horror I used to have. So grateful.

    • Isn’t it a great feeling to remember we didn’t drink the night before? That is a wonderful feeling in the morning for me.

    • Isnโ€™t that the best? Iโ€™m the same; sober Iโ€™m more of a go to bed early, wake up early gal. Forget it if Iโ€™m drinking, though. Happy day 206! Enjoy your day!

    • Fantastic! I have remained a night owl, but the mornings are certainly waaaay easier even though I was a fairly careful, moderate drinker (not safe levels of course ๐Ÿ™ )

  • Lightness posted a new activity comment 2 months, 1 week ago

    I listened to a podcast about relapse which described the disease as incredibly patient, lying in wait. It doesn’t jump off you to someone else once you’ve kicked it. It waits for thoughts just like these. A bit spooky, but it’s stuck with me.

  • Lightness posted a new activity comment 3 months, 1 week ago

    You have a lovely day too. And a lovely week.

  • Lightness posted a new activity comment 3 months, 2 weeks ago

    I remember a good month of tiredness. Perhaps the body repairing itself?

  • Lightness posted a new activity comment 3 months, 2 weeks ago

    Congratulations! I’ll be joining you in 16 days! Who would have thought we could do this??!

  • Lightness posted a new activity comment 3 months, 2 weeks ago

    7 days is such an achievement. Well done!

  • Lightness posted a new activity comment 3 months, 3 weeks ago

    Sometimes half. Often closer to a whole, 100 gram block of Whittaker chocolate (with sea salted caramel 😀)

  • Lightness posted a new activity comment 3 months, 3 weeks ago

    Hadn’t heard of brightline. Thanks – love to hear of good resources.

  • It’s time. My next AF milestone is 6 mths – 👏 – and it’s time to tackle the sugar. I eat healthily all day til my old wine o’clock. I almost can’t wait for dinner to be over, definitely can’t wait for the child to be in bed, so I can open the foil on the chocolate. This feels like it won’t be easy. Anyone tackled it? Are there any good resources which might help or inspire?

    • I personally prefer eating chocolate than drinking . And i do . Eat chocolate that is . What i mean is maybe for now the main thing is staying sober . I try not to tackle too many battles at the same time . So i treat myself .My sugar rush has slowly died down when i started feeding it fruits about 3 months ago . Really helps . x But a pistacio croissant is hard to resist . 😉

    • My sugar rush died down significantly after 7 months or so but I found I just kept feeding it. I found I’m just as happy with tea or quinoa, I just have to make that happen. I know, quinoa?

    • dark chocolate is full of antioxidants. that being said, that is not my ONLY sugar problem. it is a definite thing. i need to tackle it too. it is a lot like booze, i won’t i won’t and then i do.

    • I also found that my craving for chocolate (which I never had in my life before) naturally faded away the longer I was quit. Like others, I found that fruit ended up replacing it of which, I was also not a big fruit eater before either. I understand your thoughts on the sugar though as that is something I believe we should all cut down/out of our diets for sure! How much chocolate do you actually eat at night?

    • Mine has been snakes jelly like sweets and airplains. Not wanting them so much these days. Trying the fruit infusions in my water.

    • @Lightness I coming up 9 months and I am still using sugar too much. I never ate chocolate, icecream, lollies, cakes etc when drinking. Totally changed. BUT, I have stagnated and not lost weight that I thought I would. I had also started eating potato chips (but have stopped this). Like wine, if I have a chocolate, I have the packet. I am getting a sugar burst recently from maple and coconut almonds (they are devine), and dried mango. I find that I can have less of these, they fill me up and I can’t eat a whole packet. @MrsD and @enzedgirl both use the brightline eating programme, if you have heard of that? You might want to check that out. However, I still think that at 6 months the main thing to concentrate on is continuing AF.

    • I could never beat the afternoon sugar desperation, or lose the weight I gained having children ( youngest now in 20s 🙄😏Then I began eating for ketosis and was saved!
      Love it so much. Feel really energised, younger than I can remember.

  • Lightness posted an update 4 months ago

    In 5 days I will reach the 5 month milestone. It’s feels so huge (it was unthinkable for so many years) but I’m conscious it’s still early days. I’d love to hear from people who have crossed the 1 year threshold: how do things change/get better after 12 months?

  • Lightness posted a new activity comment 4 months, 2 weeks ago

    Yin yoga has been huge for me. It’s deep stretching with meditative breathing. It can always accomodate injuries. I joined a yoga studio and go 4-5 times a week (usually during the time I used to pour a glass of wine).

  • Day 138, creeping towards 5 months. I’ve noticed that sometimes I wake up feeling “hungover”. What is that? Is it dehydration? Too much chocolate? Any ideas?

    • Pretty broad question, @Lightness. What’s your diet, exercise, weight, fitness, etc. like? Whatever your condition is, I’ll bet you’re so so relieved it’s not alcohol-related, as far as you know. A good 4 & 1/2 mos or so is outstanding. Congratulations. (Sometimes, I find getting a general check-up with my GP assures me things are heading in the right direction. Our liver, the processing center, does a remarkable job, but does get tired when overloaded with sugar)

    • Yep both! ❤️

    • Congrats on nearly 5 months! How’s your sleep? Have you had you blood checked? I only woke up once feeling like I had a hangover, dragging myself out of bed. I don’t know what it was but hubby looked at me and told me to go back to bed. I did and felt much better. Now, if I’d been drinking he would’ve made me stay up and work it off as punishment!

  • Lightness posted a new activity comment 4 months, 2 weeks ago

    I listened to the Bubble hour podcast to keep focussed and positive. There are so many back episodes you can do one a day. I listened in the car on the way to work each morning. With my poor husband 😉

    • Thanks so much, I really appreciate your reply. I was browsing the bubble hour last night, will keep at it, thank you.

  • Lightness posted a new activity comment 4 months, 2 weeks ago

    Hi, someone on here recommended a podcast called Soberful. I have been listening to it and there is an episode on why people relapse. Might be helpful.

  • Lightness posted a new activity comment 4 months, 3 weeks ago

    This site and I subscribe to the Bubble Hour podcast, which is a great regular reminder through others’ stories.

  • Lightness posted a new activity comment 4 months, 3 weeks ago

    I’m on day 125. After so long struggling to even have a single AF day, I’m still stunned at my singular lack of desire to touch alcohol since I stopped. My resolve is firm and clear and easy. Other stuff’s been hard though. What to do with myself if I’m not drinking, how to be with my girlfriends at social events, how to work through anxiety without the numbing alcohol. It’s all do-able when you have AF clarity of mind, though.

  • Lightness posted a new activity comment 4 months, 3 weeks ago

    Perfect!

  • Lightness posted a new activity comment 4 months, 3 weeks ago

    I love your posts and the joy you find in being in touch with yourself. Helps me create my own goals.

  • Lightness posted a new activity comment 4 months, 3 weeks ago

    So sorry to hear this. Our dogs are such a blessing in our lives. It’s a big loss.

  • Lightness posted a new activity comment 5 months, 1 week ago

    @ellislou I am so impressed by your strength and continued sobriety through this incredibly challenging time. Keep strong. & be kind to yourself.

  • 107 days. Just made it through my first sober holidays and it’s just hit me how much I have achieved. I did have to put some serious structure in place, though. Having 10 (cavernous) days of holidays stretching ahead of me made me feel anxious about what I could possibly do instead of drinking. So I sat down and made a schedule: day one: forest hike; day two: beach; day three: gallery; day four: hit the sales; day five: movies…..it worked. It dissipated a lot of the anxiety and I got through. And I felt like I did some good stuff. Here’s to 2019….🤘

  • My 100 day milestone is creeping closer. Can anyone suggest cool ways to celebrate 100 days sober.

  • Lightness posted a new activity comment 6 months ago

    I made it through 90 days!! 👏

  • Lightness posted a new activity comment 6 months ago

    Thank you! I think you’ve nailed it. Something to reflect on. And the cake was good 🙂

  • Lightness posted an update 6 months ago

    90 days today. Such a huge milestone that I’ve been looking forward to. But I feel so flat. That euphoric kick-ass sense of being the captain of my ship has puddled. I made myself a cake and I’m thinking: really? Is this it? Maybe it’s the time of year. Maybe it’s noticing less invites to join celebratory get togethers (drinks). And there’s lots of anxiety. Sigh.

    • @lightness you know what this reminds me of? (As it’s happening to me now and has happened to me several times in my times of sobriety…) I think it has to do with our expectations…..like we build up what it is going to be and when it’s not what we think it should be we get bummed out. They say expectations are premeditated resentments. I do this to myself in so many ways. It will pass. GREAT JOB ON 90 days! That is a major milestone and I would do anything to sit with you right now and eat a piece of cake! xxxxx

    • Congrats on 90 days what a fantastic milestone to achieve!

    • JM replied 6 months ago

      90 days is so amazing! Congrats! Sometimes the big soberversary days can be letdowns. And then on another day you feel so damn happy and relieved to be sober. It does get easier and better. But a changed social life has been part of my experience too, that’s a bit hard. I know I need to do something in the new year – join something or volunteer. Celebrate yourself today, you rock. : )

      • Agree with @jm I found my โ€œbigโ€ soberversaries weโ€™re sometimes a let down. Iโ€™d just ride it out knowing on another day Iโ€™d feel the euphoria of sobriety. Hang in there. It will pass. And awesome job on 90 days!

    • @sober4real you are so right. Normal life has its ups and downs. I think that’s a big part of what I am having to learn too.

    • Thank you! I think you’ve nailed it. Something to reflect on. And the cake was good 🙂

    • I made it through 90 days!! 👏

    • Dear @lightness, sorry you’re feeling a bit flat. Remember feelings aren’t facts..90 days is such a huge accomplishment, so give yourself a reward and tell yourself you are a kick ass sober warrior!! These feelings will pass. xox

  • Lightness posted a new activity comment 6 months, 1 week ago

    Thanks everyone. I guess I feel confident that I understand that alcohol isn’t the answer to anything, it won’t help difficult situations. But that means I have to feel it all. And deal with it. And I’m feeling it already. I think I’ll jump in, but not without some trepidation.

  • Nearly at 3 months. What do people think about taking a big new challenging job at this stage?

    • You’re the only one that can decide when is the right time for that challenge, @lightness. I think everyone’s experience of soberness is a totally different story, some ppl need more time and patience and others can get over it quite quickly and start embarking in new projects right from the beginning of their sober life. If you feel you’re up to the demands of that new job as a teetotaler there shouldn’t be a problem though. x

    • The key change about getting sobriety to stick I reckon (personal experience and being here) is being kinder and more genuinely supportive of ourselves. Easy to say and really a profound change to develop. So three months is soon.
      I think, take a good honest, KIND look at your personal resources. Both your own personal capacity to deal with stress, self-criticism, tiredness, cravings etc and also the support systems you have around you. The stronger those are, the better a chance you have of riding out the challenges of a new role.
      It’ll still be a big new challenge!

    • things started to change for me at about 90 days, i felt more comfortable in my skin, but i am still having times when I am just not sure how to cope, AT ALL. usually the cope was a sit down of beer, more beer and then blankness. it seemed to do the trick. where are you? are you feeling comfortable in your skin? are you comfortable that you can handle new stresses? is the job a must have for money purposes or other kinds of purposes? would love to hear how you think your way through to your answer. be well.

    • @lightness I have done it before and been successful. ๐Ÿ™‚

    • Thanks everyone. I guess I feel confident that I understand that alcohol isn’t the answer to anything, it won’t help difficult situations. But that means I have to feel it all. And deal with it. And I’m feeling it already. I think I’ll jump in, but not without some trepidation.

  • 71 days. I’m doing this!

  • Lightness posted a new activity comment 6 months, 4 weeks ago

    Congratulations! A huge milestone!

  • Day 55. Sitting on my deck in the warm sun, dogs snuggled next to me. There are days when I wish I could fast forward, be one of those people on day 252, with all this fragility and vulnerability behind me. And then there are days like today when I feel content that I’ve got this.

    • Well done @Lightness, enjoy your day.

    • Day 55 is awesome! The days mount up quickly !

    • Day 55 sounds like a perfect day and a perfect number for today. oxoxoxox
      You got this. And before your know it you will be a day 200 plus sober legend! You’re already one. oxxoxoxo

    • In a couple of months, the day counter will pick up speed. In the meantime, try to enjoy it. This can be one of the most defining, most memorable, and one of the best years of your life. Look for the wonderful moments, and drive the others from your mind.

  • Day 36 – I’ve been so cranky, irritable and unpleasant for the last 36 hours. Stress. Usually wine would be my go-to circuit breaker. I tell my self it wouldn’t help and I believe that. But it leaves me with this mood.

    • And this too shall pass @Lightness! May be something about 5 weeks in because I was a bit of a mess then as well but it is subsiding. thank God!

    • Bloody hard to feel the emotions that we normally knock off with our drinking habits. Sleep, read, bath, walk, stand under the shower, do anything that changes your environment. @Lightness and steer clear of people that piss you off if you can.

    • If only we could grab that bottle of whatever. If only…
      But we know what that means,
      We have ruined for ourselves
      Thank god

    • Better to be cranky for a little while than drunk for a lifetime.

  • 5 weeks today!! A friend said to me yesterday: “you seem…lighter”.

  • Lightness changed their profile picture 7 months, 4 weeks ago

  • Lightness posted a new activity comment 7 months, 4 weeks ago

    thanks!

  • Lightness posted a new activity comment 7 months, 4 weeks ago

    Thankyou!

  • Day 33 and I’m wondering about this pink cloud concept. I feel so happy. I’m not carrying any shame. I feel no longing for a drink at all. I’m just counting and counting the new joys that I’m experiencing being AF. Is this too good to be true? Should I be prepared for a shift?

    • I think it’s just wonderful. I think you are exactly where you should be.

    • enjoy the lightness @lightness ๐Ÿ˜€

      i think life is what it is – some times are wonderful, some times not so wonderful …. being prepared for that is just part of the wisdom we gain as we get older (and free of alcohol ๐Ÿ˜‰ )

    • Enjoy it! The pink cloud is awesome, save this post and if you should get a blah day look back on it to remind yourself blah days pass and the pink cloud is never far away! Well done on 33 days, nice number xx

    • My pink clouds never turn dark. They can shrink for a little while, but the good news is they are still in the forecast. Day 684 here. Really pleased that you’re feeling the joy. As for preparing for a shift, I would instead say be on guard for tough moments. I had a really bad day at about day 60 that had to do with socializing, but with a little resolve, we get through it and we bounce right back. The key, of course, is to not drink!

    • 33 days is amazing!!!! And you know what? Let’s ride that sweet pink cloud…..If or when it shifts, we can take care of that day when it is here. oxoxoxo Give yourself credit for being vigilant. It will probably come in handy down the road. But if not, it is also ok to be pink-cloud all the way. We all recover differently.

  • Lightness posted a new activity comment 7 months, 4 weeks ago

    Day 33 (and 7 hours) here and I spent my night with Mrs D’s book too, also basking in the happiness of sober sleep time. So many positives! Enjoy your hang-over free day!

  • Lightness posted an update 8 months ago

    1 month and 2 days…pinch me! There was a time, like only 1 month and, say, 3 days ago, when this was inconceivable.

  • Lightness posted a new activity comment 8 months ago

    Thankyou!

  • Lightness posted an update 8 months ago

    Day 28 (yay!). I’ve noticed that after decades of being “not really a chocolate girl”, it’s now a must and the highlight of my evening. Is this common? And, if so, will it pass?

    • Yup as i said above change to vege and nuts.

    • Hahaha. Chocolate is vital, especially in the early days. Very good for us too! Enjoy.

    • 28 days is amazing!!! And yes, chocolate/sugar cravings are so very very normal in early sobriety. It does go away, I promise you that. oxxox Keep going.

  • Lightness posted a new activity comment 8 months ago

    Thankyou!

  • Lightness posted a new activity comment 8 months ago

    Love the idea of focussing on a year long goal to start with. I think I can do that! Thanks

  • Lightness posted a new activity comment 8 months ago

    Haha…woman + 100% feminist

  • Lightness posted a new activity comment 8 months ago

    thankyou – this has made me feel much better about thinking about not drinking all the time. Your 230 days has really inspired me.

  • Lightness posted an update 8 months ago

    First post: so grateful for this place. 27 days and I still can’t believe I’m almost at four weeks. I’m reading voraciously: advice, stories, blogs. I had no idea there were so many resources available. How much is too much? Can you be a bit obsessive about these things? And I’m still struggling with the forever concept. Intellectually, I know it makes absolute sense. After the first week, I promised myself a month, then three months. Once, I referred to it as a ‘reset’. But I was doing all that reading at the same time. And now a voice is saying it has to be forever. Anyone experience similar thoughts?

    • Hiya @Lightness, 27 days without a drop is a gigantic achievement. Bravo. Yeah…nah…since any one of us could get hit by a bus tomorrow, I ‘reckon most still go with the ‘one day at a time’ thing. My 2cts.

    • Oh i can relate to everything you just said. I am (unbelievably to me) at day 230 and for the first three months at least, I was obsessed with sober reads, blogs and podcasts. I read and re-read Mrs Ds wonderful book, Jason Vale, Lucy Rocca to name a few. i also listened to the bubble hour and visited this site daily. I too felt obsessed and thought about not drinking every minute of every day. I could not have gotten this far without it. Every read was encouraging to me and reinforced my decision to quit. And it has worked! I think about alcohol much less now, and it is no longer part of my routine. I never ever thought that would happen. I am mid 60s and have had DECADES of drinking behind me. 27 days is brilliant, and a real achievement. Keep going, keep reading and revisit sober blogs. You should be proud of yourself and it WILL get better. Life gets better, your brain heals (a big one for me), sleep improves. So many benefits. So pat yourself on the back and be obsessed as you need to be!

      • thankyou – this has made me feel much better about thinking about not drinking all the time. Your 230 days has really inspired me.

    • Yep forever for me and it’s ok. If u can’t moderate it has to be. I love all the reading and info too. Don’t think u can ever learn too much about anything. At day 63 the non alcohol brain just hoovers it all up like an excited little sponge!!!!!

      • @lightness i read so much sober literature when i stopped drinking i got sick of it and stopped abruptly after a few months, and haven’t really read anything since ๐Ÿ™‚

        but i’m getting into a new sober website atm called the temper. it’s so good. it’s totally focussed on women, and it’s feminist and anti-racist. i love it.

        thetemper.com

        PS i just realised i don’t know if you’re a woman or not.

    • Bravo @lightness! For 27 Days! I am right there with you at 31 days. Thinking in terms of being af for 24 hrs at a time is great and works for a lot of people. This go round I had to face reality and say forever but start with a year that will be broken down into 24 hrs at a time. Whatever works right! Also counting the days down from a year. 334 days left this year.

      • Love the idea of focussing on a year long goal to start with. I think I can do that! Thanks

    • Hi @Lightness. Well done on 27 days! I can relate to every single word of your post. I’m a bit further ahead in my AF journey but still obsessively reading everything I can. But I figure it’s doing no harm, keeping me occupied & informed. I too struggle with forever … at this early stage the important thing for me is that, through reading & self care, after 32 years of daily drinking, I am managing to dramatically change my whole attitude & relationship with alcohol. I am just staying positive & focusing on what I am achieving every day. My goal is for alcohol to be totally irrelevant in my life, I’m definitely on my way and so are you!

    • You are rockin’ it! I read everything I could for several months then I started to get overwhelmed and confuse my readings, podcasts, and actual conversations so I backed off a lot. I catch up several times a week just to keep myself on track now. Many people have a problem with forever, but I don’t. I asked myself why would I want to drink again. I don’t like the taste enough to jeapordize my sobriety so it would just be for the buzz. And if I need a buzz then I’d better deal with whatever I need to escape from, not drink. So, forever it is for me. I’m a non-drinker, I don’t drink. Period.

      • I don’ want to increase my cancer risk, and yes, let’s face stuff instead of numbing it ๐Ÿ™‚

      • And that post completely resonates with me. Forever is an ok plan when it truly makes life awesome and clear.

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