• Lightness posted a new activity comment 1 week, 2 days ago

    Thanks Lucy. Needed to hear this.

  • Lightness posted an update 1 week, 2 days ago

    Very close to 11 months, so I’m pretty close to 12, that huge milestone. Little voices are telling me that maybe it’s ok to have the odd glass once I reach the other side. I’m conscious of what’s happening but it’s very unsettling.

    • I get this @Lightness I got to 18 months once and thought sod it I’m having a drink.. but I went exactly back to square one. Couldn’t moderate like I thought and the depression returned along with hang overs, horrible nights drunk and guilt, shame and remorse. It is a struggle yes to stay sober as it looks so normal and it’s everywhere. Ignore those voices you are doing so well.. treat yourself you deserve it x

    • congratulations @lightness that first year is almost under your belt. That little voice is so unsettling but you’ve got this!

  • Lightness posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 6 days ago

    Thanks for the reassurance @happy2019 and @lucy;

  • Went to dinner with a close friend for a birthday catch-up. Reservation at 6 and we were walking home at 7.15. Somehow, this felt like a social fail, compared with our previous long boozy dinners. 10 months in and this is the hardest part for me.

    • I know this @Lightness, the nights where they used to go on for hours are now very short. If I get to go out I go eat and go home… big life change for me but I’m happier now, not agonising where the next drink is coming from and getting home sober… it’s not a social fail it’s you changing your life (for you) and for the better, so well done.

      • it’s okay and even more natural to enjoy and then leave the scenery when YOU feel it’s over – you are tired, things get boring, everything is said or whatever. Alcohol stretches evenings until we leave exhausted and much too late

    • Thanks for the reassurance @happy2019 and @lucy;

  • Lightness posted a new activity comment 1 month ago

    For my first sober holiday I researched yoga studios close to my hotel and went every day. It kind of grounded me. Or maybe just helped me feel in control.

  • Lightness posted an update 1 month ago

    10 months AF today! Once upon a time, this was unthinkable.

  • Lightness posted a new activity comment 1 month, 3 weeks ago

    I’m interested…and I’m in Qld!

  • A handful of days from the 9 month milestone. I listened to a podcast (alcohol free life) on the weekend because it featured Mrs D as a guest. At one point Mrs D said that removing alcohol from your life was heroic, which makes us & our efforts heroic. The message was EXACTLY what I needed to hear, at exactly the right time. Sometimes it really feels like a grind. But the bigger picture of what I’ve accomplished, given where I started, is titanic.

  • Day 257. A beautiful (chilly) Saturday morning. The longing for a glass of wine is rare and fleeting. I’ve filled my life up with yoga & Pilates, I suspect a little addictively, but I’m much more ok with that addiction. What I’m still wresting with the most is the shift in my social life. It’s like my friends don’t know what to do with me. I suspect they were waiting for me to get over this “sober project”.

    • Congrats on 257 days @Lightness! So great! Many of my friends realized drinking isn’t as cool as they thought and have stopped or slowed down significantly. My social life is definitely different – but it works for me. It’s been over 4 years for me now so I appreciate the little things more, probably because I can remember them. Your friends will be here for you or not, and if not, they were a part of a season that you don’t need. Seek the joy! Enjoy your day 🙂

    • What a wonderful,addiction! I have recently had a glimpse of how it could be if one enjoyed those activities – normally I drag myself there reluctantly.
      I wonder how long your friends take to realise you are not on a little project, but doing this for real???? We will watch this space

  • Lightness posted a new activity comment 3 months, 2 weeks ago

    I really appreciated this post. I recently came across a shirt amongst my gym stuff that reads “first run, then wine”. I bought that at the same time I was murmuring those 3am prayers for help. How tragic. Day 232 now, so grateful.

  • Lightness posted a new activity comment 4 months ago

    the self-hate is the worst, @angiex Hence my ‘name’ here is Lightness – the only way I could describe how I felt after a month AF, without all that self-loathing weighing me down. Amazing job, keep going, it gets better.

  • Lightness posted a new activity comment 4 months, 1 week ago

    Thankyou Lars

  • For years I wished I was a morning person, and could jump out of bed and hit the gym, hit work and get into bed earlier. I just couldn’t do it. 206 days AF and…hurrah!…I think I’m a morning person: not exactly jumping out of bed but certainly not the waking horror I used to have. So grateful.

    • Isn’t it a great feeling to remember we didn’t drink the night before? That is a wonderful feeling in the morning for me.

    • Isn’t that the best? I’m the same; sober I’m more of a go to bed early, wake up early gal. Forget it if I’m drinking, though. Happy day 206! Enjoy your day!

    • Fantastic! I have remained a night owl, but the mornings are certainly waaaay easier even though I was a fairly careful, moderate drinker (not safe levels of course 🙁 )

  • Lightness posted a new activity comment 4 months, 2 weeks ago

    I listened to a podcast about relapse which described the disease as incredibly patient, lying in wait. It doesn’t jump off you to someone else once you’ve kicked it. It waits for thoughts just like these. A bit spooky, but it’s stuck with me.

  • Lightness posted a new activity comment 5 months, 2 weeks ago

    You have a lovely day too. And a lovely week.

  • Lightness posted a new activity comment 5 months, 3 weeks ago

    I remember a good month of tiredness. Perhaps the body repairing itself?

  • Lightness posted a new activity comment 5 months, 3 weeks ago

    Congratulations! I’ll be joining you in 16 days! Who would have thought we could do this??!

  • Lightness posted a new activity comment 5 months, 3 weeks ago

    7 days is such an achievement. Well done!

  • Lightness posted a new activity comment 5 months, 4 weeks ago

    Sometimes half. Often closer to a whole, 100 gram block of Whittaker chocolate (with sea salted caramel 😀)

  • Lightness posted a new activity comment 5 months, 4 weeks ago

    Hadn’t heard of brightline. Thanks – love to hear of good resources.

  • It’s time. My next AF milestone is 6 mths – 👏 – and it’s time to tackle the sugar. I eat healthily all day til my old wine o’clock. I almost can’t wait for dinner to be over, definitely can’t wait for the child to be in bed, so I can open the foil on the chocolate. This feels like it won’t be easy. Anyone tackled it? Are there any good resources which might help or inspire?

    • I personally prefer eating chocolate than drinking . And i do . Eat chocolate that is . What i mean is maybe for now the main thing is staying sober . I try not to tackle too many battles at the same time . So i treat myself .My sugar rush has slowly died down when i started feeding it fruits about 3 months ago . Really helps . x But a pistacio croissant is hard to resist . 😉

    • My sugar rush died down significantly after 7 months or so but I found I just kept feeding it. I found I’m just as happy with tea or quinoa, I just have to make that happen. I know, quinoa?

    • dark chocolate is full of antioxidants. that being said, that is not my ONLY sugar problem. it is a definite thing. i need to tackle it too. it is a lot like booze, i won’t i won’t and then i do.

    • I also found that my craving for chocolate (which I never had in my life before) naturally faded away the longer I was quit. Like others, I found that fruit ended up replacing it of which, I was also not a big fruit eater before either. I understand your thoughts on the sugar though as that is something I believe we should all cut down/out of our diets for sure! How much chocolate do you actually eat at night?

    • Mine has been snakes jelly like sweets and airplains. Not wanting them so much these days. Trying the fruit infusions in my water.

    • @Lightness I coming up 9 months and I am still using sugar too much. I never ate chocolate, icecream, lollies, cakes etc when drinking. Totally changed. BUT, I have stagnated and not lost weight that I thought I would. I had also started eating potato chips (but have stopped this). Like wine, if I have a chocolate, I have the packet. I am getting a sugar burst recently from maple and coconut almonds (they are devine), and dried mango. I find that I can have less of these, they fill me up and I can’t eat a whole packet. @MrsD and @enzedgirl both use the brightline eating programme, if you have heard of that? You might want to check that out. However, I still think that at 6 months the main thing to concentrate on is continuing AF.

    • I could never beat the afternoon sugar desperation, or lose the weight I gained having children ( youngest now in 20s 🙄😏Then I began eating for ketosis and was saved!
      Love it so much. Feel really energised, younger than I can remember.

  • In 5 days I will reach the 5 month milestone. It’s feels so huge (it was unthinkable for so many years) but I’m conscious it’s still early days. I’d love to hear from people who have crossed the 1 year threshold: how do things change/get better after 12 months?

  • Lightness posted a new activity comment 6 months, 3 weeks ago

    Yin yoga has been huge for me. It’s deep stretching with meditative breathing. It can always accomodate injuries. I joined a yoga studio and go 4-5 times a week (usually during the time I used to pour a glass of wine).

  • Day 138, creeping towards 5 months. I’ve noticed that sometimes I wake up feeling “hungover”. What is that? Is it dehydration? Too much chocolate? Any ideas?

    • Pretty broad question, @Lightness. What’s your diet, exercise, weight, fitness, etc. like? Whatever your condition is, I’ll bet you’re so so relieved it’s not alcohol-related, as far as you know. A good 4 & 1/2 mos or so is outstanding. Congratulations. (Sometimes, I find getting a general check-up with my GP assures me things are heading in the right direction. Our liver, the processing center, does a remarkable job, but does get tired when overloaded with sugar)

    • Yep both! ❤️

    • Congrats on nearly 5 months! How’s your sleep? Have you had you blood checked? I only woke up once feeling like I had a hangover, dragging myself out of bed. I don’t know what it was but hubby looked at me and told me to go back to bed. I did and felt much better. Now, if I’d been drinking he would’ve made me stay up and work it off as punishment!

  • Lightness posted a new activity comment 6 months, 3 weeks ago

    I listened to the Bubble hour podcast to keep focussed and positive. There are so many back episodes you can do one a day. I listened in the car on the way to work each morning. With my poor husband 😉

    • Thanks so much, I really appreciate your reply. I was browsing the bubble hour last night, will keep at it, thank you.

  • Lightness posted a new activity comment 6 months, 3 weeks ago

    Hi, someone on here recommended a podcast called Soberful. I have been listening to it and there is an episode on why people relapse. Might be helpful.

  • Lightness posted a new activity comment 7 months ago

    This site and I subscribe to the Bubble Hour podcast, which is a great regular reminder through others’ stories.

  • Lightness posted a new activity comment 7 months ago

    I’m on day 125. After so long struggling to even have a single AF day, I’m still stunned at my singular lack of desire to touch alcohol since I stopped. My resolve is firm and clear and easy. Other stuff’s been hard though. What to do with myself if I’m not drinking, how to be with my girlfriends at social events, how to work through anxiety without the numbing alcohol. It’s all do-able when you have AF clarity of mind, though.

  • Lightness posted a new activity comment 7 months ago

    Perfect!

  • Lightness posted a new activity comment 7 months ago

    I love your posts and the joy you find in being in touch with yourself. Helps me create my own goals.

  • Lightness posted a new activity comment 7 months ago

    So sorry to hear this. Our dogs are such a blessing in our lives. It’s a big loss.

  • Lightness posted a new activity comment 7 months, 2 weeks ago

    @ellislou I am so impressed by your strength and continued sobriety through this incredibly challenging time. Keep strong. & be kind to yourself.

  • 107 days. Just made it through my first sober holidays and it’s just hit me how much I have achieved. I did have to put some serious structure in place, though. Having 10 (cavernous) days of holidays stretching ahead of me made me feel anxious about what I could possibly do instead of drinking. So I sat down and made a schedule: day one: forest hike; day two: beach; day three: gallery; day four: hit the sales; day five: movies…..it worked. It dissipated a lot of the anxiety and I got through. And I felt like I did some good stuff. Here’s to 2019….🤘

  • Lightness posted an update 8 months ago

    My 100 day milestone is creeping closer. Can anyone suggest cool ways to celebrate 100 days sober.

  • Lightness posted a new activity comment 8 months, 1 week ago

    I made it through 90 days!! 👏

  • Lightness posted a new activity comment 8 months, 1 week ago

    Thank you! I think you’ve nailed it. Something to reflect on. And the cake was good 🙂

  • 90 days today. Such a huge milestone that I’ve been looking forward to. But I feel so flat. That euphoric kick-ass sense of being the captain of my ship has puddled. I made myself a cake and I’m thinking: really? Is this it? Maybe it’s the time of year. Maybe it’s noticing less invites to join celebratory get togethers (drinks). And there’s lots of anxiety. Sigh.

    • @lightness you know what this reminds me of? (As it’s happening to me now and has happened to me several times in my times of sobriety…) I think it has to do with our expectations…..like we build up what it is going to be and when it’s not what we think it should be we get bummed out. They say expectations are premeditated resentments. I do this to myself in so many ways. It will pass. GREAT JOB ON 90 days! That is a major milestone and I would do anything to sit with you right now and eat a piece of cake! xxxxx

    • Congrats on 90 days what a fantastic milestone to achieve!

    • 90 days is so amazing! Congrats! Sometimes the big soberversary days can be letdowns. And then on another day you feel so damn happy and relieved to be sober. It does get easier and better. But a changed social life has been part of my experience too, that’s a bit hard. I know I need to do something in the new year – join something or volunteer. Celebrate yourself today, you rock. : )

      • Agree with @jm I found my “big” soberversaries we’re sometimes a let down. I’d just ride it out knowing on another day I’d feel the euphoria of sobriety. Hang in there. It will pass. And awesome job on 90 days!

    • @sober4real you are so right. Normal life has its ups and downs. I think that’s a big part of what I am having to learn too.

    • Thank you! I think you’ve nailed it. Something to reflect on. And the cake was good 🙂

    • I made it through 90 days!! 👏

    • Dear @lightness, sorry you’re feeling a bit flat. Remember feelings aren’t facts..90 days is such a huge accomplishment, so give yourself a reward and tell yourself you are a kick ass sober warrior!! These feelings will pass. xox

  • Lightness posted a new activity comment 8 months, 2 weeks ago

    Thanks everyone. I guess I feel confident that I understand that alcohol isn’t the answer to anything, it won’t help difficult situations. But that means I have to feel it all. And deal with it. And I’m feeling it already. I think I’ll jump in, but not without some trepidation.

  • Nearly at 3 months. What do people think about taking a big new challenging job at this stage?

    • You’re the only one that can decide when is the right time for that challenge, @lightness. I think everyone’s experience of soberness is a totally different story, some ppl need more time and patience and others can get over it quite quickly and start embarking in new projects right from the beginning of their sober life. If you feel you’re up to the demands of that new job as a teetotaler there shouldn’t be a problem though. x

    • The key change about getting sobriety to stick I reckon (personal experience and being here) is being kinder and more genuinely supportive of ourselves. Easy to say and really a profound change to develop. So three months is soon.
      I think, take a good honest, KIND look at your personal resources. Both your own personal capacity to deal with stress, self-criticism, tiredness, cravings etc and also the support systems you have around you. The stronger those are, the better a chance you have of riding out the challenges of a new role.
      It’ll still be a big new challenge!

    • things started to change for me at about 90 days, i felt more comfortable in my skin, but i am still having times when I am just not sure how to cope, AT ALL. usually the cope was a sit down of beer, more beer and then blankness. it seemed to do the trick. where are you? are you feeling comfortable in your skin? are you comfortable that you can handle new stresses? is the job a must have for money purposes or other kinds of purposes? would love to hear how you think your way through to your answer. be well.

    • @lightness I have done it before and been successful. 🙂

    • Thanks everyone. I guess I feel confident that I understand that alcohol isn’t the answer to anything, it won’t help difficult situations. But that means I have to feel it all. And deal with it. And I’m feeling it already. I think I’ll jump in, but not without some trepidation.

  • 71 days. I’m doing this!

  • Lightness posted a new activity comment 9 months ago

    Congratulations! A huge milestone!

  • Day 55. Sitting on my deck in the warm sun, dogs snuggled next to me. There are days when I wish I could fast forward, be one of those people on day 252, with all this fragility and vulnerability behind me. And then there are days like today when I feel content that I’ve got this.

  • Lightness posted an update 10 months ago

    Day 36 – I’ve been so cranky, irritable and unpleasant for the last 36 hours. Stress. Usually wine would be my go-to circuit breaker. I tell my self it wouldn’t help and I believe that. But it leaves me with this mood.

    • And this too shall pass @Lightness! May be something about 5 weeks in because I was a bit of a mess then as well but it is subsiding. thank God!

    • Bloody hard to feel the emotions that we normally knock off with our drinking habits. Sleep, read, bath, walk, stand under the shower, do anything that changes your environment. @Lightness and steer clear of people that piss you off if you can.

    • If only we could grab that bottle of whatever. If only…
      But we know what that means,
      We have ruined for ourselves
      Thank god

    • Better to be cranky for a little while than drunk for a lifetime.

  • Lightness posted an update 10 months ago

    5 weeks today!! A friend said to me yesterday: “you seem…lighter”.

    • That’s because you ARE! No more carrying that burden. I bet it was nice to get that affirmation.

    • Good on you!!!! A couple of people have told me something similar. Feels great doesn’t it?

  • Lightness changed their profile picture 10 months ago

  • Lightness posted a new activity comment 10 months ago

    thanks!

  • Lightness posted a new activity comment 10 months ago

    Thankyou!

  • Lightness posted an update 10 months ago

    Day 33 and I’m wondering about this pink cloud concept. I feel so happy. I’m not carrying any shame. I feel no longing for a drink at all. I’m just counting and counting the new joys that I’m experiencing being AF. Is this too good to be true? Should I be prepared for a shift?

    • I think it’s just wonderful. I think you are exactly where you should be.

    • enjoy the lightness @lightness 😀

      i think life is what it is – some times are wonderful, some times not so wonderful …. being prepared for that is just part of the wisdom we gain as we get older (and free of alcohol 😉 )

    • Enjoy it! The pink cloud is awesome, save this post and if you should get a blah day look back on it to remind yourself blah days pass and the pink cloud is never far away! Well done on 33 days, nice number xx

    • My pink clouds never turn dark. They can shrink for a little while, but the good news is they are still in the forecast. Day 684 here. Really pleased that you’re feeling the joy. As for preparing for a shift, I would instead say be on guard for tough moments. I had a really bad day at about day 60 that had to do with socializing, but with a little resolve, we get through it and we bounce right back. The key, of course, is to not drink!

    • 33 days is amazing!!!! And you know what? Let’s ride that sweet pink cloud…..If or when it shifts, we can take care of that day when it is here. oxoxoxo Give yourself credit for being vigilant. It will probably come in handy down the road. But if not, it is also ok to be pink-cloud all the way. We all recover differently.

  • Lightness posted a new activity comment 10 months, 1 week ago

    Day 33 (and 7 hours) here and I spent my night with Mrs D’s book too, also basking in the happiness of sober sleep time. So many positives! Enjoy your hang-over free day!

  • 1 month and 2 days…pinch me! There was a time, like only 1 month and, say, 3 days ago, when this was inconceivable.

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