• lifelover posted a new activity comment 5 months, 4 weeks ago

    Hi @Michael6. Good on you for reaching out and thank you for sharing that you feel vulnerable today. I’ve had one of those days today and was just slinking off to bed when I read your post – you’ve helped me to not feel alone with it. Great idea to spend time with your son and I hope you have a fabulous day. You’ve got this!

  • lifelover posted a new activity comment 6 months, 2 weeks ago

    Hi @ellislou. Just want to say I think what you are doing and how you are managing your life is amazing. Living with a family member with chronic illness or disability of any form is very very difficult and when this has occurred unexpectedly, as result of an accident, grieving for what was seems to hum in the background under all the busyness but needs acknowledgment at times. I hear you stating all you are grateful for and I really take my hat off to you. Your post has really stirred my heart and I send you much love.

  • lifelover posted a new activity comment 6 months, 2 weeks ago

    Loving the added mint leaves idea!

  • Feeling pretty good right now. Just winding up day 49 and thinking about how well I’m doing when my hubby pulls out all the Christmas booze he’s been given as gifts and starts sampling them in front of me. He’s fighting his own demons as he has just quit smoking and I’m really proud of him – so I won’t begrudge him his taste testing even though it’s making it a wee bit tough on me at the moment. The thing is that wine soaked me would have seen this as a total reason to create a major ‘it’s all about me’ drama. It’s soooooo nice to have reasonable me back and just pour a lime and soda and relax through this. Yay yay yay!

  • lifelover posted a new activity comment 7 months, 3 weeks ago

    Yes @Jocord, double digits today. Yay! Chocolates and flowers it is.

  • lifelover posted a new activity comment 7 months, 3 weeks ago

    Hi @kitten and @Hoosier_Fan. That sort of thing just gives permission to vulnerable people I feel. Strong role models who live great lives without alcohol are what we need.

  • lifelover posted a new activity comment 7 months, 3 weeks ago

    Thank you for your reply @Amy.

  • lifelover posted a new activity comment 7 months, 3 weeks ago

    Thanks for sharing @freedom1025. It will be worth it, I’m sure.

  • lifelover posted a new activity comment 7 months, 3 weeks ago

    Agree @Deede I’m steering clear.

  • I did some online Christmas shopping today snuggled up at home drinking tea. I enjoyed it but was staggered that whenever I clicked on ‘gifts for her’ so many gifts were alcohol related. Loads of hampers full of bubbles which I kind of expected but gin and tonic bath bombs, prosecco lollies etc etc made me a wee bit sad ( also made me think about having a glass or 2 myself but just poured more tea). Our culture is so alcohol motivated and women have alcohol marketed to them in a way I hadn’t recognized before. It’s made me think of what I’ve modelled to my daughters over the years and that it’s time for me to be honest with them about what alcohol was really doing to me. My girls have seen me using alcohol to ‘relax, express myself, enjoy some irresponsible down-time’ all the fun mum stuff, for years of their lives and it has influenced them a lot. I’ve only been alcohol free for 9 days this time around so have been quiet and just owning it for myself. I’d be interested to know how other mums have handled this with adult children.

    • Hi lifelover! Congrats on 9 days. We really see how alcohol-saturated our culture is, and a lot of the lies built into it when we’re sober. Alcohol is a terrible Xmas gift.
      Happy holiday season ahead for you!

    • @lifelover interesting question! When I first started my sober journey, I didn’t tell many people at all. I wanted to hunker down and stay close here and that was about it. But, gradually over time, as my sober days grew, I started to share with my kids because I’m hoping they can learn from my mistakes. Bit if they’re anything like me, they’ll want to try it for themselves first!! I told them I was using wine as a coping tool and it was wrong. That what started as a glass or two an evening had become 3-4 and I was no longer in control of how much I was consuming, that alcohol was now in the driver’s seat. I also told them with our family history of alcoholism (3 out their 4 grandparents are alcoholics) they drew the short straw when it comes to probably inheriting “the addictive gene.” I think it’s important to share our vulnerability with our kids. I wish my parents had done that with me. But don’t feel like you have to do it now. You’ll know when the time is right. Day 9 is awesome … keep going. It’s so worth it!!

    • no really responsive, @lifelover, but this holiday I was watching tv with my sister in law and my two nieces (14 and 16). Hoda from good morning america was on tv and I said, did you know that she sits on tv with a glass of wine every monday t friday at 10:00 am. I told them when i googled it that it said that the two hosts believe that it is always time to party. They started laughing. I said, I don’t think it is funny. I also said, i used to love Hoda, but I have lost respect for her promoting morning drinking to mothers and others home in am. They all looked at me differently, but I could see that all three of them were thinking, not judging. I guess someone has to say something, not judgy, just say it.

    • Congrats on 9 days maybe 10 by now. Double digits you rockstar! I also see a lot of pj pants covered in wine bottles, ads for “Momy juice”, plaques, nail polish, purses with hidden wine pockets, yeesh. I think you’re smart to tackle the issue with your girls now before it becomes the norm to turn to wine for every activity. My friends are all in for the wine jewelry, art, games, etc. as the new fun fad but are turning to pot for the real escape. So, daily wine for fun and pot for the escape. I take that back, they are not my friends, acquaintances. My real friends hardly drink, lunch without alcohol, go to bed early and get up early, are concerned about gloab warming and do something about it, and shop for others. Their indulgences are flowers, chocolates, and purses without hidden wine pockets. 💕

    • Thank you for your reply @Amy.

  • lifelover posted a new activity comment 8 months ago

    Good on you! Thanks.

  • lifelover posted a new activity comment 8 months ago

    Thanks. Good to be here again.

  • lifelover posted a new activity comment 8 months ago

    Just read through everything on the rational recovery site. Wow! Thanks heaps. I will return to the 28 bullet points often.

  • lifelover posted an update 8 months ago

    Hi. I joined this community a few years ago and made a good start at living alcohol free BUT the wheels fell off and I just kept trying to manage on my own. Feeling really stuck now and needing to reach out for support. I really need to get the alcohol out of my life as its doing so much harm. Every bit of support will be so appreciated. I’d forgotten how important this community is.

    • Yep alcohol free for life will be the best decision you ever make! Lovely @ro steered me to rational recovery ! Google it! Day 98 onwards!! Honestly, when the decision is made the struggle and clouds disappear !

      • @Winner which site do you like for Rational Recovery? I’ve used it years ago but forgot. Interested in reviewing their philosophies.

        • I just googled that rational recovery and poured over every thing there . Also there is a book too!

      • Just read through everything on the rational recovery site. Wow! Thanks heaps. I will return to the 28 bullet points often.

    • Hiya @lifelover. I’m sort of new to the site, but welcome back. I get a feeling most turn up for role-call, the same as when you were here a few yrs back. 🙂

    • Yep this place is so supportive. I need it and here to offer all the support I can… Great to see you back. I am on day 28…. again.

    • Hi @lifelover. You are at the right place!! We’ve got your back!! You know you can do this..welcome back☺
      I won’t drink with you today!!

    • So glad you are here now!
      oxoxoxox

  • lifelover posted a new activity comment 2 years, 9 months ago

    Love it!

  • lifelover posted a new activity comment 2 years, 9 months ago

    I’m always so encouraged by your posts! Your children are very lucky to have such a great mum. I hope your Tuesday goes well. It’s tricky when kids are unwell and I really admire the way you handle it.

  • Today is day 2 and such a new day! I’ve woken up this morning with such a different mindset. I realise that I had done nearly 70 days AF – i had lost sight of that – that’s the most in 20 years! I’m feeling as though I can be kinder and more accepting towards myself this time round. Recognising what a huge part low self esteem and negative self talk has played in my life for so long …. only I can change that. Knowing I wasn’t coming on this site because I felt ‘ less than’ … I feel like I’ve taken a huge step away from these patterns. It’s just very different and feels good. A huge thank you for the encouragement and wisdom yesterday and for all the posts I caught up on. Not quite sure what was in my teabag last night but today feels awesome!

    • I love this. We’re in a similar frame of mind this morning!

    • Yay for day 2 ! and good for you for giving it another go, I did 132 days my first time and the old moderation Voice got the better if me. You are so much stronger this time. You have got this 🙂

    • Well done on Day 2! You sound great! Negative self talk takes a lot of practice to turn around.

    • This total shame about day 1 and all the swirl of guilt has to go. You had many sober days, more to come, you are learning you are choosing to be sober. Choice. Not willpower which is guilt and shame but choosing ok, lets take a breath and realize being drunk is not what I want.

  • lifelover posted a new activity comment 2 years, 9 months ago

    What a lovely comment – thank you!

  • lifelover posted a new activity comment 2 years, 9 months ago

    Thank you so much for this Anne.

  • lifelover posted a new activity comment 2 years, 9 months ago

    Sounds like a plan. Hope you’re ok. Thanks.

  • lifelover posted a new activity comment 2 years, 9 months ago

    Thanks.

  • lifelover posted a new activity comment 2 years, 9 months ago

    Very cool post. Thank you.

  • lifelover posted a new activity comment 2 years, 9 months ago

    I’m really feeling for you. In the same boat myself today and it sux. I know we can do this again and please know you are very much in my thoughts.

  • Help. Took my eye off the ball, got busy, stopped coming here and wham…. starting again. It’s scary and very humbling. What makes it harder is that i was a total self-righteous cow to my husband last night – the worst booze hag I’ve ever been.
    Fortunately I’m not working today and am trying to be gentle with myself – but really I’m beating myself up pretty badly.
    I have learned though that I must stick to this group like glue, my life literally depends on it. I have learned that the rawness of my sober emotions is very very hard to deal with and I need to reach out at those times. I have learned that I have a very special man who much prefers me sober and deserves to have me that way. I have learned that I am so much more vulnerable than I imagined. So I have learned. But I feel like shite.

    • Tomorrow is a new day and it sounds like you have learned a lot.
      Take care of yourself.

    • Yeah I let myself down on friday night and am still suffering a little. Just stay strong and remember that each day will take away a little of the guilt til the day arrives when we need to try to remember that guilt all over again to prevent a relapse. Sounds vicious but its not so bad..hang in there xx

    • Alcohol is the shite, not you. It lures you back in and then treats you like dirt, makes you feel bad about yourself emotionally and tears you up physically so that it can tempt you to reach for it again to feel better. But life is never better for us with alcohol, is it? Yes, I totally agree, the sober raw emotions are tough. Living with those emotions sober and accepting them and ourselves will make us stronger and more resilient, but, for me, at least, that is something to do with the help of a good therapist. You’re right: This just can’t be done solo. Glad you are back and will keep coming back. Hope you can love yourself for being open to learning, being brave enough to live life a whole new way, and just for being yourself.

    • Baby steps @lifelover…. try to be kind to yourself (the guilt and self loathing can be overwhelming I know). For me, it is easier to relapse if I’m feeling like shite and telling myself I am shite – self fulfilling behaviour etc. What a fabulous person you must be to have such a fabulous husband who adores you so much and is supporting you through all of this.

  • lifelover posted a new activity comment 2 years, 11 months ago

    Just awesome!

  • lifelover posted a new activity comment 2 years, 11 months ago

    I am totally impressed by the way you handled this situation – true integrity. You have really inspired me, thanks.

  • lifelover posted a new activity comment 2 years, 11 months ago

    Thank you for this lovely post. Gratitude is infectious!

  • Very shitty, bad day. On the way home went to supermarket to buy stuff for the weekend and stood in front of the red wine – had a massive conversation with said wine ( hopefully silently but frankly wouldn’t be surprised if not). Wine wanted to win but – I bought peppermints! Drove all the way home to find no water in the tank. Very, very, shitty,shitty, bad,bad day. Drove back through torrential rain, thunder and lightening to local store which is right beside bottle store. Red wine, white wine and everything in between screaming at me. Very hard. Screamed back and bought – a magazine! ( and mega bottles of water). Now it’s night, the day is nearly done ,Pj’s on and I feel -triumphant!

  • lifelover posted a new activity comment 2 years, 11 months ago

    Loved your post! Congratulations on the 2 weeks.

  • lifelover posted a new activity comment 2 years, 11 months ago

    Hi Noelle. Definitely! I gave myself a real fright the last night I drank – just really woke up to the fact I was powerless to this ‘wine voice’ in my head if I tried to moderate. I had known it for a long time but it was a real ‘stop or else’ moment.

  • Gosh, I just realised it will be 3 weeks tomorrow that I have been AF. It has been the longest/shortest hardest/easiest 3 weeks ever. I hadn’t expected the ride to go this way but am so very pleased that the choice is made and every day i make the choice again. I have lurked large on this site, read post after post and gained so much strength from everyone here. Thank you all so much – I’m hoping to find the confidence to lurk less and post more in the future.

  • lifelover posted a new activity comment 2 years, 11 months ago

    Hi. I had massive anxiety in my first 6 days too. Fizzy vitamin B’s and Magnesium capsules from the supermarket totally helped me. I am just at day 12 now and find I need to keep my Magnesium up still when I feel tense at night. Congratulations on Day 4!

  • lifelover posted a new activity comment 2 years, 11 months ago

    Welcome MrsK! This is a great place to belong.

  • lifelover posted a new activity comment 2 years, 11 months ago

    Hi Julie. This site is the most encouraging and supportive place, it’s great that you are here.

  • lifelover posted a new activity comment 2 years, 11 months ago

    Me too! I’m going to use that. Thanks hummingbird.

  • lifelover posted a new activity comment 2 years, 12 months ago

    Hi Sue20 !

  • lifelover posted a new activity comment 2 years, 12 months ago

    Hi Shann. This site is awesome. Login lots!

  • lifelover posted a new activity comment 2 years, 12 months ago

    Congratulations! So inspiring!

  • lifelover posted a new activity comment 2 years, 12 months ago

    Welcome. I’ve just been here a week and it really is my lifeline. Congrats on Day 3!

  • lifelover posted a new activity comment 2 years, 12 months ago

    Wonderful!

  • lifelover posted a new activity comment 2 years, 12 months ago

    Just reading your post right now helped me heaps. For so long the ‘all or nothing’ pull was and is an internal and private battle for me, as I am convinced it was/is for most of us here. For me, just to read someone else’s words and know I’m not alone is powerful. Thank you for posting – your experience and viewpoint is precious.

  • lifelover posted an update 3 years ago

    Just did a quick lunchtime shop at the supermarket. I am actually excited to get home and break open the new herbal teabags! This is truly a first – loving it! Day 6 and so very grateful to everyone here -I’m reading posts and stories constantly to keep me going and it’s just awesome. Thank you!

  • lifelover posted a new activity comment 3 years ago

    Thanks SueK – I’m going to do that! I’m a wee bit scared so want to cover all bases. Thanks for replying.

  • lifelover posted a new activity comment 3 years ago

    Thanks Petunia – yes I’m feeling like I should double check this too, just in case. Really appreciate your reply.

  • lifelover posted a new activity comment 3 years ago

    Thank you – It’s good to know the physical stuff gets better – I wasn’t expecting to feel this way. I’ll try the ginger thing x

  • lifelover posted a new activity comment 3 years ago

    Thank you for your support. i relate to the fuzzy feeling but think I should get this checked out too. I’m hoping that it’s ‘just’ withdrawal.

  • lifelover posted an update 3 years ago

    I’m just wondering if what last night was like for me is ‘normal’ ? I am just on day 3 (yay) – yesterday I had the expected need to have a wine that started about 2.30 and it was pretty strong but I was fine with that. Then at 3.30, kerbam! I felt like I had guzzled 2 bottles of red in 30 seconds! I was disoriented, a wee bit slurry and felt very very sick. Good thing was I felt so lousy that if anyone had offered me a wine i would have puked all over them. It passed by 6pm and I felt great but at 2.30 am the whole thing started again. Today I feel hungover. It feels pretty confronting, as I think this is withdrawal and I’m facing the fact that it’s pretty ugly and that I am a real addict. Drinking heaps of water and just taking it easy but is this what others have gone through too?

    • Hi Lifelover. I’m so glad you found this site! Depending on how long and how much you were drinking you may be experiencing withdrawal effects. Some have needed medical assistance in order to do so, or they needed to gradually quit. Going cold turkey can be a shock to your system. Wondering if you feel safe telling your physician about your symptoms? For me I drank for so much for so long every day that I had horrible headaches when I quit, and I felt very fuzzy like I had been drinking. I couldn’t sleep either. I had some shakes as well. It’s scary to realize that a poison had taken over my body. At 12 days I feel stronger and have none of those feelings anymore. I wish you luck and maybe someone else here has some ideas?

      • Thank you for your support. i relate to the fuzzy feeling but think I should get this checked out too. I’m hoping that it’s ‘just’ withdrawal.

    • Well done on day 3! That’s great going!

      I have no idea regarding your symptoms but I suspect withdrawals are possible. We abuse our bodies pretty horribly and they certainly become accustomed to the regular alcohol levels. Hang on tight. The first week is the worst then the physical stuff gets lots better.

      Be especially kind to yourself the next few days. Ginger is good for nausea, perhaps some ginger ale or a fresh ginger beer mock tail if you are up for it may help.

      You can do this!

      • Thank you – It’s good to know the physical stuff gets better – I wasn’t expecting to feel this way. I’ll try the ginger thing x

    • Hello Lovely another 53 yr young woman here!! Well done coming on here, I don’t use Facebook either but I feel safe twittering (old fashioned meaning…) away here. Those symptoms your’e describing are not ones I experienced in early sobriety. I don’t want to be alarmist, but I think you should eliminate the possibility of a stroke. I wonder @lifelover if you should go to the Dr asap.

      • Thanks Petunia – yes I’m feeling like I should double check this too, just in case. Really appreciate your reply.

    • SueK replied 3 years ago

      Our bodies go through enormous change when we stop boozing, but if I were you I’d see a doctor or phone an alcohol help line and ask them what they think/recommend.

      • Thanks SueK – I’m going to do that! I’m a wee bit scared so want to cover all bases. Thanks for replying.

    • Definitely get yourself to a doctor. Alcohol withdrawal can be serious. If you were drinking heavily and regularly you may need medical support during detox, like I did. Take care. Xx well done on Day 3.

  • lifelover posted a new activity comment 3 years ago

    Thank you. This is such a helpful post for right now.

  • lifelover posted a new activity comment 3 years ago

    Big happy birthday wishes to you. You will do this just fine – looking forward to your post weekend updates! But will be thinking of you too x

    • Thanks @lifelover. I am overwhelmed by this positively and kindness of strangers. I haven’t told a soul I’m on this site and meanwhile bare my soul here to y’all. Thanks for listening!

  • lifelover posted a new activity comment 3 years ago

    Hi there – I so relate to the ‘drunk old lady’ image. My work colleagues would comment on how drained I looked ( one said haggard)and they felt I was over achieving and should maybe look at part time work … hopefully there will be new spring in my step now. I have wine thighs too – gross!

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