• Liberty posted a new activity comment 2 days, 21 hours ago

    Woohoo! Congratulations you inspirational woman. How proud your Aunt would be. xxx

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 4 days, 20 hours ago

    Lovely. Just love it.

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 5 days, 7 hours ago

    Hope you get a good sleep.

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 5 days, 8 hours ago

    I’m so sorry @ro. 12….
    Devastating. Is anyone with you tonight?

    • So tragic 😢 yes thank you liberty I’m about to go to bed. My friend is in Dunedin. I just said to my partner that if I was there I would prob be drinking at a private club

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 5 days, 18 hours ago

    Love that post @jocord.

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 5 days, 18 hours ago

    I love that city too. Easy to get around, friendly, interesting, beautiful, has personality, affordable…great drinkers though. I went out to a gig by myself there and walked home at 2 in the morning in the old city & felt very safe. Wonen out & about at that time of night, cycling, walking. Plus heaps of people seem to speak 4 languages. Unassuming lovely city.

    • Exactly! We walked back from the restaurant at 10 and it seemed the young ones were just getting started. Loads of people out and about and lots of young girls in pairs walking or riding. We felt quite safe. Loads of smokers here which means you swallow smoke and your food if you eat outside which is a shame. Smoking near eating places is not common in NZ but it happens occasionally.

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 6 days, 21 hours ago

    How frustrating to still have to deal with this BS. Good luck @tipsytoegal.

    • @robynb. dang straight. If all of this is his blowing hot air again, I am literally going to ask my atty to go to the judge and have a bench warrant put out for his arrest for violating my restraining order on him. Put his ass in jail for a few nights, that outta chill his ego. The bail is set already at 7500 dollars (judge tripled the standard dollar amount when he issued the order). His brother/sister lives over 3 hours away, they would be the only ones who would be able to bail him out.

      @Liberty….I snickered at your post… BS is actually his initials. LOL.

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 1 week ago

    I love all the subtle changes at the beginning, it’s so magical. The beauty of writing about them all here is it somehow cements those changes and makes them more real. It’s like consciously building a foundation. In previous AF phases, before being on the site, I would miss those precious things. I’d notice them at the time but lose track, undervalue them, not build on them. Part of staying AF I’ve come to realise, is properly valuing those subtle things.
    The are like jewels in the dust, these changes. Have to be paying attention or we don’t see them. πŸ™‚ xx

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 1 week, 1 day ago

    Aw. Welcome @agirl and thanks @jocord.
    I’m having more thoughts bubble up but it’s time to go to work. πŸ™‚ xxx

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 1 week, 2 days ago

    Tricky aye, @agirl.
    It can almost feel like I’m being fake, being happy with all the s**t going on in the world. Or being a flake, unable to face ‘the truth’. But reality is I just can’t carry it all. I just can’t. Anyway, what is ‘the truth’. Whatever we tell ourselves gets strength, but is not necessarily a truth. I think maybe lightness of heart, joy, laughter, they are medicine we need for survival….and for thriving. It seems that way anyway. They give me strength to carry the sadness. How to nourish it. xxx

    • Yes there’s nothing I can do about the state the world is in and moping about it certainly doesn’t help. I’m always aware of this, but for some reason when things get black for me it suddenly seems a disaster that becomes insurmountable. Actually it probably is insurmountable, but I can’t let that stop me from functioning and being there for my family. So the feelings have to go on the back burner. It works most of the time.

    • Wow @Liberty! I bow down to your superior wordsmithing skills. Nice thread @Agirl.

    • I feel like I have just read your post properly @liberty. Thank you. Beautiful words. “Whatever we tell ourselves gets strength but is not necessarily a truth.” Absolutely. Thank you.

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 1 week, 2 days ago

    So glad for you Lee. Almost 3 digits as well, 90 is a corner turned and 100 is another. I think some major brain changes start to happen around now, if I remember rightly.

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 1 week, 2 days ago

    I know there are people here who say, ‘just make the decision’, but I found I didn’t get to that point until well into my 2nd year of being free of alcohol. I couldn’t make that decision, forever was too overwhelming. But I did want to have a truly open-ended space of time without it. Not a ‘hedge-my-bets’ 3 months, or a dry year – I knew nothing would fundamentally change if I did that. A total change, without alcohol in my days. When I looked back at my life, there had been very little time without booze. I had managed a few months in my early 40’s and then it was almost 10 years before I got some momentum up again. 10 years! It just slid by. All the while with a part of me feeling unsatisfied, disappointed with myself.
    You know what, that particular voice is saying something valuable. So it sounds like failure even while you know that’s too harsh – can you take a mental step back and look at what that particular voice wants for you? The disappointment, the sense of let-down – that’s the part of you that wants more for you, that knows more is possible, that believes you are worth more than this horrible daily struggle. Let the hurt be felt. That’s your heart calling to you. That’s the part that can lead you out. Once I saw that I was pretty amazed I even still had such a part of me, and then I wanted to nourish that.
    Different strokes for different folks. It’s possible to stop without making the forever call, and still make a decision to stop totally. But, I think to stick with it, some realness about the part alcohol plays in our lives is necessary. At least that’s how it was for me. The desire to stop has to be greater than the desire to keep going.

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 1 week, 2 days ago

    Yes, you’re on the shelves @Mrs-D!

  • Liberty posted an update 1 week, 3 days ago

    Great article in this week’s Listener about women and alcohol, including an article with Mrs D as one of those interviewed.
    I learnt something – one of the articles is about Foetal Alcohol Syndrome and how it shows up in young people. Much more prevalent than realised.
    I’d post a link but the website is always about a week behind.

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 2 weeks ago

    Yup, also hear ya. It’s lonely and isolating. Join things they say, get out and meet people, take up a new hobby….etc. Umm. I manage to hold down my job and that’s about it now. The rest of the time I rotate btwn bed and couch. On a good day I can go out to meet a friend and I’ll probably look relatively normal. They won’t see that I pay for that small jaunt for the rest of the weekend. Oh well. Still think I’m lucky seeing how other people do. Thank goodness for the internet, I don’t know how I’d manage the isolation otherwise.

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 2 weeks ago

    Haha, love it @robynb πŸ˜€ Yeah we don’t really want to rule the world; too tiring. And not enough dancing.
    Rather moving reading about this new phase with your colleague. xx
    No Drama Mama.

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 2 weeks ago

    It’s hilariously cheap @Ro….starts around $28 per day up here….

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 2 weeks ago

    $6!!!!!! Wow. Hope you keep dry @ro

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 1 day ago

    Bon voyage Ms @prudence!
    Nah don’t worry about the boots, you will be FINE.

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 2 days ago

    Powerful

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 2 days ago

    Haha! Not without spellcheck I didn’t πŸ˜€

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 2 days ago

    So nice. At this other end of life, that kind of family get together is a distant memory. Precious. xx

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 2 days ago

    We get to start again every day.

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 2 days ago

    Not a downer Lee, the opposite. Beauty in your post and strength.
    Thank goodness for her, holding a space in your life where a different way of being was possible and celebrated.
    Yes time to pick up that baton, honour her by holding that space for another. Much love to you. xxx

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 2 days ago

    Dear @jesss, I join my condolences
    How special to have meant so much as an Aunt. It sounds like she lived heartfully, if she left such a big hole.
    Yes thing change. There is still potential for more change yet. xxx

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 2 days ago

    What you get to see @robynb, yes what a privilege. I can’t even imagine that kind of cold.

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 2 days ago

    Oh I missed it. Congratulations on a year @malibustacey, phenomenal!

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 3 days ago

    So great!

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 3 days ago

    A beekeeper says that one’s an internet myth @morgan. The apple ferments so the bees can get sick on it. They don’t need food at this time of year apparently.

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 3 days ago

    I relate to the desire for something not-sweet; even sour in the heat. Kombucha seems to hit that between space for me. It’s what I always wanted beer to taste like! Plus it’s good for me. However as it’s fermented it does have a small % of alcohol in it (as I think do all fermented things).
    I also found a 0% beer which sometimes in summer I like to have. I don’t find it triggers me. For a start it’s extremely dry and seems to hurt my stomach a bit if I have too much. Also beer was never my thing. It’s just a bitter thing to have in the heat. AF wine however – forget it. Felt weird as you described, and triggered me badly. Also gave me a hangover, it had so much sugar.

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 4 days ago

    Gotta leave room for all the shopping you’ll do @prudence.

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 4 days ago

    Yes, and we can end up with a real sense of failure or disenfranchisement when the mental-field tools that seem to work for others don’t seem to work for us. I do’t know if you’ve read any books about trauma? The Body Keeps The Score is good on this stuff. Helped me feel a lot more normal to understand it.

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 4 days ago

    Got worse for me AF too. In fact it really ramped up when I was studying in my late 40’s & working too. I eventually came to understand it was a sign I was pushed past my limit, but was still non-plussed about what to do as I wanted to complete the study. Rock & hard place.
    These are the joys of life with ptsd I think aye? Carrying around an embodied, visceral sense of dread. It’s not necessarily thoughts although it might be thoughts too.
    I hear ya.

    • What you say is helpful. It’s more than fucking head shit isn’t it. Anyone that makes that assumption obviously haven’t been there and know diddly squat. It’s all feeling and panic an the thoughts that follow is trying to make some sense of this surreal and bizaar stuff. My head has a very rational view against what’s happening. The body and emotions just won’t shut the fuck up no matter how much rational logic an positive thinking I throw at it

      • Yes, and we can end up with a real sense of failure or disenfranchisement when the mental-field tools that seem to work for others don’t seem to work for us. I do’t know if you’ve read any books about trauma? The Body Keeps The Score is good on this stuff. Helped me feel a lot more normal to understand it.

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 4 days ago

    That’s about it isn’t it? No matter what, just don’t drink. xxx 600 days of awesomeness.

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 5 days ago

    That’s annoying @timidwarrior. πŸ™ Who knew that about peanut butter.
    But good the problem can be fixed I suppose.

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 3 weeks, 1 day ago

    Well that’s a heartbreaking motivation to stay sober @jen40. I’m so sorry to hear of that loss and how it happened.

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 3 weeks, 1 day ago

    Have you wondered whether this definition of alcoholic might be getting in your way?
    It did for me for a long time.
    Eventually I accepted that I just didn’t like the relationship with alcohol I had, regardless of what name anyone might give it.
    But, you know, people who can have one or two and not think about booze again for a week or weeks after – they aren’t posting here. The people who are posting here find their drinking behaviours are getting in their way or taking up too much time and focus in their lives, or are having unwelcome consequences.

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 3 weeks, 1 day ago

    Kindness is a superpower πŸ™‚

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 3 weeks, 2 days ago

    Woohoo, three years, congratulations @tnt8030!

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 3 weeks, 2 days ago

    Guest post @Mrs-D?
    So well said behind-the-sofa.

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 3 weeks, 4 days ago

    O for awesome @ro. πŸ˜€

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 3 weeks, 5 days ago

    900 – woot! Our ability to forget is powerful isn’t it @tom4500. Useful in many situations but not this one. Cruise control is nice but we’ve still got to watch out for hidden rocks and so on. Actually I’ve got no idea how cruise control works so that metaphor probably doesn’t work. Anyway, congratulations!

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 3 weeks, 5 days ago

    You won’t lose your job cos you’re sober. If that was even a possibility @lee-2 you know that would mean it was never going to be a keeper, because it would be a 100% nuts reason to let an employee go. But that won’t happen.
    Is there someone you trust enough to ask, wether it’s okay that you just skip that part? Could you stay for a soda now and then? Yup I’d find the every night ritual overwhelming too.
    Just keep doing what you’re doing, which is your job and being great at it, and I bet they don’t really care.

    • I’m just being a bit paranoid @liberty. It’s probably just the wine witch trying to get me to cave. My little addict voice chiming in, telling me that I don’t fit in. All they do is have one drink, really, and it’s complementary at the bar, at work. It’s not like they are getting smashed or making plans to hit the town. All are a bit older folk, some with big drinking histories like me (we tell stories). I’m just trying to not make a big deal out of it, my being a non drinker that is, and it looks like I am the only one making a big deal out of it. lol. thinking that’s typical for a lot of us when we quit. Thinking the moon might fall down any moment when things are good. And they are very good right now πŸ™‚

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 3 weeks, 6 days ago

    Oh @ro….. oh man. What a massive let down, I’m so sorry.

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 4 weeks ago

    @begoodtomyself, so appreciate your update, it’s good to hear your news; beautifully articulated and soulful as always. What a huge change, yet a gradual process. It’s been such a privilege witnessing this unfolding. A new chapter xxx

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 4 weeks ago

    I’m sure you know it’s very common to have long-suppressed feelings come up once AF. I find anger a tricky one. What to do with that amount of old rage? Truthfully it kept me from being AF for many years, it felt impossible to manage that rage. I still find it melts my head at times, fills it up with a hard sensation that drowns out everything else.
    But the redrawing of boundaries; so necessary, so important.
    @truthangel, I suspect we’re not always that aware of our own boundaries toward ourselves either. Meaning for instance, I have often over or under estimated my own need for care or support or protection in the way I treat myself. It sounds like you are isolated and you say you are depressed. I’m wondering how much nourishing stuff is coming in. Please be careful with what you ‘feed’ yourself. Does it feel possible to reach for something tender or joyful? What would that be? You are here and pursuing your own dream, despite everything that has happened.
    Yes great moves with the woman in the car. Maybe she was on something. High meth use here. But also, we’re a pretty angry nation.

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 4 weeks, 1 day ago

    It’s exhausting & profoundly unfair that you experienced that and have to work so hard now.
    Doing great at 105 days. Take good care, you deserve it πŸ™‚

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 4 weeks, 1 day ago

    very cool @kjpeche πŸ™‚

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 1 month ago

    I don’t think you come across that way here @iowadawn. You’re being hard on yourself. Can you be your own bestie today? Can you be to yourself, the way you’d like someone else to respond to you?
    Love what morgan said and how she said it.
    Being alone with that kind of wordless anguish; it’s real how our psyche fights tooth and claw not to feel it. It feels like a bottomless void. Took me a long time to believe I could feel it and emerge. The grief hurts.
    Also yes, Predisone? steroid rage is a real thing. It sounds like you are meandering your way down the internal cave to a good cry. The kind that feels like it scoops us out, leaves us weak and washes us clean. (If so I hope the steroids don’t get in the way of that.) xxx

    • Your words are so spot on
      and I thank you @liberty ❤ What a good call…the steroids. There are side effects…and I’m a very little person with overly sensitive reactions. Thank you!!
      Ok…lol now…a 110 lb woman downing wine with no dinner….and I am..as I said, sensitive to drugs…
      Oh man, what WAS I doing 625 days ago(with the 🍷)

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 1 month ago

    What a powerful insight @LadyCaz. So do you still feel like you belong now, after that drink/night?

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