• Liberty posted a new activity comment 2 days ago

    Congratulations @ladyhawke, what a huge year you’ve had.

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 2 days, 3 hours ago

    Absolutely, it’s a hard skill to learn but truly life-changing.

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 2 days, 3 hours ago

    It’s a powerful insight @erica375
    I can relate. Any powerful emotion felt potentially unstable; too big. They can Lead To Things.
    Yes, neutral is neutral but highs and lows give life so much texture and variation. πŸ™‚

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 3 days, 4 hours ago

    At 4 days you’re still in the worst of the immediate detox. A lot of us found something seems to ease a little after 5, and then after 10 we can start to feel quite a bit better. Here is the body’s information about what regular drinking was actually doing to us! Plan lots of rest and nothing too demanding for the next wee while, lots of water, good food, supplements if that works for you. Help your body heal. You’re doing great.

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 6 days, 5 hours ago

    So good to hear from you πŸ˜€ *waving* Welcome back xx

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 1 week ago

    I’m so sorry @thewillie
    Painful & just awful πŸ™

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 1 week ago

    Giving yourself a break, in so many ways, love it @kitten. I get that it’s not comfortable at times, and it sounds so powerful in a quiet way.

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 1 week ago

    Not TMI at all. A brave front gets to be pretty heavy to hold up all the time. Yes old hurts keep hurting don’t they, like old tender scar tissue, maybe at best like a dull ache. But sometimes it’s as fresh as if it’s just happened.
    We’re never too old for healing it seems, it’s a life-long thing.
    Thank you for your post, I relate to a lot you’ve said. xxx

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 1 week, 1 day ago

    Fair enough!

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 1 week, 1 day ago

    Welcome πŸ™‚

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 1 week, 1 day ago

    Beautiful post @dennyD

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 1 week, 1 day ago

    You don’t have to. If they’re her words she can own them. Doesn’t mean a lack of understanding or compassion, quite the reverse I think. It’s important we realise how we are and what we do when we drink.
    Also when we stop drinking our boundaries seem to change…we stop settling for crap quite so much.

    • I’ve never been great at taking crap, but now I feel like saying…hey if you must preload for a family event maybe order food as soon as you arrive cos you’re mean on an empty stomach.😆😆😆

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 1 week, 1 day ago

    Yes I think that scrutiny is there. A person who ‘needed’ to give up must have had A Problem. I’ve seen the mental cogs whirl through this in friends’ eyes when I tell them I or someone we both knew stopped drinking.
    Therefore at any time The Problem might rear its head again. They might slip. How bad was their Problem? What’s the social etiquette? Can they be trusted? Should we keep an eye on them?
    It’s subtle but there. Frustrating and limited. Yup no rush to out ourselves to that kind of thing.
    I love how you describe working relationships. They can be so important. Glad there was some enjoyment at the wedding.

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 1 week, 1 day ago

    I’m so sorry. πŸ™ Sending much love. xxx

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 1 week, 1 day ago

    I think at first it may feel uncomfortable but it’s more important to stay focused on what you need to, than to explain yourself to everyone else. Some people will make those cracks even if you have been sober for 10 years and they know it. They don’t really care what you’re actually doing; it’s just something social to say. If there are others who do actually care you can comment when you feel comfortable to. It’s not really anyone else’s business. If you’re outgrowing an old sense of yourself, focus on the growing.

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 1 week, 1 day ago

    Loved Peaky Blinders, the sets and costumes just so fab and it’s a glimpse into a part of history I didn’t know. Albeit with much poetic licence. Tom Hardy is mind-blowing as Alfie Solomons.
    I’m settling into some hard-core relaxing on the couch Ro. A rellie is going to visit this arvo (it will cut into my relaxing time but ok) and I made it out of the house yesterday for a short social visit which was an achievement. This is an action-packed weekend for me.
    Have a pile of books I ‘should’ read – work related. Interesting but wish I could just absorb them through touch rather than have to actually read them. Yes have just read Dairy of a Bookseller as well, it was enjoyable. Then got one of his recommendations: Any Human Heart by William Boyd. Which is a good read; absorbing. xxx

    • Isn’t Alfie a maniac? I love that character! I also love the costumes. So flapper. And the men look sharp, although I could leave the haircuts lol. Hope you have a lovely day πŸ™‚

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 1 week, 1 day ago

    So sorry for this loss in your community @sober4real, what a tragedy and a sad waste. Look after your sore heart. xxx

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 1 week, 2 days ago

    My understanding is it’s someone who isn’t drinking, but hasn’t made any of the deeper changes that shift patterns out of ‘addictive thinking’. Not my favourite phrase but it does the job. So that the perspective is on going without something, rather than shifting into living in a different way with a different focus.
    Maybe an analogy is someone who is constantly on a diet and focused on what they can’t eat/are being deprived of, rather than shifting their eating patterns to support their body and finding ways to make that food delicious. Idk. That might be too simplistic.
    So it seems to me to be a hard-work thing and perhaps a more-likely-to-fall-off-the-wagon thing.

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 1 week, 3 days ago

    Another trick to help slow/deepen breathing is to try blowing breath out slowly and steadily, as if you are blowing into a straw.

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 1 week, 3 days ago

    Hi @fridaymay92014. *waves* Great you posted.
    Is there ever a good time to quit? Some times are a bit better than others I suppose. I know when I last had a family member in the hospital, I felt so anxious and sick I couldn’t tolerate drinking at all. Although I didn’t stop fully then, it was a relief to know that when times were bad, alcohol didn’t help and wasn’t wanted for once. It didn’t add a thing.
    I hear you on the trust thing. So important. I had to flip my thinking about self-trust a bit, before I could stop. A part of me wondered if I would EVER stop, I’d had so many tries, so many times. That could become a really toxic voice quite quickly. A lack of faith in myself. i somehow had to forgive myself for finding it so hard, before I was able to really stop.
    I don’t know if that will make any sense or be any use. We’re all different. But I agree self-trust is the most precious thing, and I’m not willing to give it up now.

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 1 week, 3 days ago

    Beautiful.

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 1 week, 3 days ago

    Oh my, that’s brave and how releasing I imagine it felt, to step through that doorway.

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 1 week, 3 days ago

    You might need some medical help to figure out what’s happening there. It could possibly be a panic attack but I’m not a doctor. Alcohol does mess with our body and brain chemistry something chronic, so it may be that your system is out of kilter trying to right itself. Tried breathing into a paper bag? It’s not good for your health that you haven’t slept all night – would it be possible to get to a Dr today?

    • Another trick to help slow/deepen breathing is to try blowing breath out slowly and steadily, as if you are blowing into a straw.

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 1 week, 3 days ago

    Welcome πŸ™‚

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 1 week, 3 days ago

    Welcome πŸ™‚

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 1 week, 3 days ago

    I take everything more personally/revert to old ways when tired and overwhelmed @lynnelowe.
    Music does help expand the world a bit aye. Go gently today and this weekend.

    • Just because you have been treated like s**t does not mean you are s**t. This says more about them than it does you. You’re tired and overwhelmed not good for getting a perspective. Chill, relax, sleep you are good, here’s looking at day 33😺🐱‍👓

    • thanks

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 1 week, 3 days ago

    Oh @wakingowl ….I’m saddened and so sorry to read of your loss.
    That was a beautiful, beautiful tribute to your mother that you wrote there. Take care, much love. xxx

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 1 week, 4 days ago

    Glorious story @wildchild. I remember that D5 trip to Bali. Been a privilege to be along for the ride with you. xxx

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 1 week, 4 days ago

    That really is the greatest thing @lee-2. I found once I could really see that I was going through a process, and trust a little that if I did certain things I would get to where I wanted to with stopping – I did. It’s a funny balancing act but was part of learning to support myself like a good parent, with rules and structure and compassion, rather than punish myself.

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 1 week, 4 days ago

    Hearing ya. Work before 3. Awake a couple of yours perhaps, then make myself doze a bit more, then have trouble getting up. How the insomnia panned out the night before determines how the next morning will pan out. Ruinous, but still a better quality of insomnia than when booze was added (that involved much more pain). May the coffee gods support you today.

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 1 week, 4 days ago

    PS : that question mark in the above post was actually a small heart when I posted from my phone…. *sigh* πŸ˜€

    • thanks all for your encouraging words. It’s such a huge help to feel there are others dealing with this stuff too. @laurali I get what you mean about creating a comforting routine to replace the booze, I will get that started asap. @tgrim pleased to hear TNM has been useful for you, I’m making steady progress through it and I do feel it’s helping. @liberty I completely agree with what you say about kids noticing everything, whether or not they “show” it. I just want to be a better dad and partner and ultimately to escape the thought that I can’t stop doing something I really don’t want to do. It’s such a powerless feeling and I resent the amount of energy and brain space it’s taking up. Thanks again to all of you and good luck – you’re all very inspiring.

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 1 week, 5 days ago

    Thank you for your post @joesdad, it will help others. It’s different for us all. Yes, it happens when we’re ready, but how do we get ready? A subtle thing with no simple answer to fit all. Perhaps it’s worth considering that some people only post when they’re struggling. They might have 200 days of no triggers and post the one time they do.
    It does sound like a deeper change is it for you-as you say something deeper takes the controls. I utterly empathise on how demoralising & undermining that feels. But I’ve learnt too the piling in on myself in response was part of what kept me trapped in that loop.
    Anyway it’s great you are here to be curious with support. You have a lot of insight. I have faith in you. ?
    Yes, having a sober Dad would’ve been great. More than that, having a Dad who is genuinely present. It baffles me how parents think their kids don’t notice (not saying this is you). Kids register everything to do with their parents’ presence or checked-out-ness. Our young brains are wired to do that.
    It is hard though to learn different coping strategies-we wouldn’t all be here if it wasn’t. Great you are here.

    • PS : that question mark in the above post was actually a small heart when I posted from my phone…. *sigh* πŸ˜€

      • thanks all for your encouraging words. It’s such a huge help to feel there are others dealing with this stuff too. @laurali I get what you mean about creating a comforting routine to replace the booze, I will get that started asap. @tgrim pleased to hear TNM has been useful for you, I’m making steady progress through it and I do feel it’s helping. @liberty I completely agree with what you say about kids noticing everything, whether or not they “show” it. I just want to be a better dad and partner and ultimately to escape the thought that I can’t stop doing something I really don’t want to do. It’s such a powerless feeling and I resent the amount of energy and brain space it’s taking up. Thanks again to all of you and good luck – you’re all very inspiring.

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 1 week, 5 days ago

    I think this time you are going through will change you whether you choose it or not. Sometimes, seeing that, we can ride the current a little and stay on the front foot somewhat. 7 years is a good time to make a change. I doubt you are the same person you were when you met him & so it is hard to imagine who you’ll be without him-but you’ll grow. While it’s a loss, ALL losses leave room for new growth. And yes…we settle for stuff…it’s sometimes not til afterwards we see we didn’t need to. So glad you have the study as it’s structure and a bridge to the next thing. You are creating that. πŸ™‚ Just keep going. xxx

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 1 week, 5 days ago

    So sorry for your loss @kirst, a bit of our heart goes with them I think.

    • I’m really sorry @kirst I’ve been here nothing stops the hurt. We lost one of our cats in February and I broke my heart. I read a lovely bit after “your wings were ready, my heart was not”. So true. @robynb is right you have a lovely family, something to be proud of and you gave your boy a wonderful life. Keep safe and well done for staying off the juice. xx

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 1 week, 5 days ago

    Stronger with connection. We’re all cheering you on @peterw. πŸ™‚ Into D4, great going.

    • Its the jitters which keep me on my toes, stop me getting over confident a sure recipe for disaster. Going good @peterw.😊

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 1 week, 5 days ago

    Baha! πŸ˜€
    You crack me up Tom4500

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 1 week, 6 days ago

    A week is great, keep going, more goodies ahead. πŸ™‚

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 1 week, 6 days ago

    Touched by your post @max-alabama
    I can relate, I didn’t want to still be doing this same pattern in this part of my life (after 50). I didn’t want to be doing it before either, but that has been and gone now. In some ways the fatigue is a help; our bodies just aren’t tolerating it anymore. And deep sleep was a forgotten treasure, and what a treasure it is. Astonishingly good.
    Will you try another night tonight? Go well.

    • Same – I wanted to stop at fifty – guess I’m stopping at 52 – that’s not bad going 😀

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 1 week, 6 days ago

    Pedicure is a goodie for me, feet in a tub of hot water…major disincentive to go out to the corner store during/after that. Yes or hot bath. Skype a friend (only if they’re not drinking). Early night.

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 1 week, 6 days ago

    75 days is great. πŸ™‚ It’s strength in numbers here, we hold each other up.

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 1 week, 6 days ago

    It’s great to have that solid foundation isn’t it @R51?

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 1 week, 6 days ago

    Less than month to 500, woohoo @jocord!
    I feel a bit turd-on-a-stick myself this morning but think I’ve caught a bit of your cheer reading your post. Thanks for sharing πŸ™‚ xxx

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 2 weeks ago

    Great post and great number. You’ve been carrying a lot. Nice plans to nourish and nurture you xx

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 2 weeks ago

    Oh I love this post so much @kitten, I feel relaxed just reading it. Can picture big and little dogs (Love GSD’s).
    Presence and being. xxx

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 2 weeks ago

    Congratulations on 97%, that’s fantastic @jesss!
    You’re really going through it right now and you are finding personal resources to draw on. I think if you have to be alone you’ll find a way to cope somehow because you already have more capacity to cope than you realised – but, I hear you, you don’t want to be. It’s important too to recognise we need connection too isn’t it. We all need help and support. So glad you’re here. So glad your Dad got through pneumonia! What a pair of survivors they are. You all are.
    It seems that Dr’s are quick to ascribe things to anxiety (or some other psychological ‘problem’) if they don’t know what else it is, rather than seeing that anxiety might be a natural reaction to having a body that is not functioning as it should. For the life of me I don’t know why that’s hard to understand. Anyway, I don’t know if that’s the case for you of course.
    9 days, YIPEEEE!!
    You’re going through such a transformation in so many ways. Lots of love to you xxx

    • Thanks so much @liberty. It does feel like a transformation! I am so looking forward to a career, new place, and no more cheating ex….sigh. It will come💪🙏💗

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 2 weeks ago

    Not any more. Now it just clears by itself.

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 2 weeks ago

    Insight Timer is a good app. Not entirely Mindfulness but a range of stuff, some paid, some free.
    Tara Brach is also good – just go to her website. Might take a while to slow down to her pace though πŸ™‚

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 2 weeks ago

    Dizziness is the pits @sober4real
    “I feel so grateful for my sobriety otherwise I wouldn’t be able to take care of my health the way that I am able to now.” Ditto
    You’re a legend to be thinking of volunteering when not feeling good but so right about the effect of giving. xxxx

    • Thanks @liberty YES it is!! Man! I know you understand the health stuff. I look forward to getting through this so I can do more ….thanks for the sweet comment. It feels good to help others. I’ve given out my phone number like crazy at meetings (I only go maybe once a month) but it’s amazing how many people go to meetings and cry for help but never follow up or reach out. Hope you are doing well sweet soul! xoxoxo

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 2 weeks ago

    Haha! πŸ˜€

  • Liberty posted a new activity comment 2 weeks ago

    Yellow-headed! I’d like to see that.

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