• Liam posted an update 2 weeks, 6 days ago

    I came back to post an update and get some support to stay strong. Recently it had been harder to stay clean. I guess my long period of not drinking the stuff has ended. It started when my spouse got into making very fancy cocktails and I had just a sip of this or that, Some yucky some less yucky. Then there were some fine wines or whiskies around the house and where I told myself just a tiny sip could not hurt, then my job stress ramped up quite a bit, and I starting finding excuses and my sips turned into a shot here or there. I convinced myself that a tiny bit here and there couldn’t hurt, after all it has been over 4 years sober, and now I am in a place where I am back here logging in to gain some strength and courage to stop before it goes any further. I would not say I have fallen down entirely, nor have I got flat out drunk, but I have had a few next day headaches, and generally feeling lousy several times. So I guess I came here to confess and warn that even after a long clean period of over 4 years sober, one can still slip up. I have worked too hard to let myself fall any further into what I know is the abyss. I feel like I am on the edge looking at it and saying yes, I am not as strong as I thought I was, but I know where I can go to get some help. So here I am being honest with you. I will go and change my profile line, and get my self back to visiting this community more often to check in.

    • @liam i know how challenging it can be! I’m not at 4 years (almost 20 months) but i so understand where u are coming from! So awesome u can see it clearly and u know exactly what to do about it. Two major thumbs up👍👍

    • There’s nothing stronger than somebody who admits his weakness and doubts and than starts to fight again!

    • @liam, So familiar with that sneaky drinking progression. Wonderful that you are catching yourself and making changes. Seeing it for what it is and being honest with yourself is key. Denial is a complete bitch and will suck the life out of us if we let it. Big grand congrats to you!!!

    • Hi @liam I understand completely. I had five years and relapsed. The quality of our sobriety is very important and easy to take for granted. I’m learning how to gauge it on a daily basis – it’s just taking time.

    • Hi @liam Don’t look backwards, that’s not where you are headed. You been there, done that and you’ve checked it before anything bad happened; nobody got hurt. The big take-away from this is that being sober for a spell doesn’t make the slightest difference to our inability to control our drinking… that is still the same and will be for the rest of our lives. The bottom line is that we can never safely drink again, and you have proven this to yourself now. This means your course is even clearer this time; there are no doubts whatsoever. You’ve done this before so you know that this isn’t beyond you. Please stay in touch and let us know how you’re getting on.

    • I totally get it and thanks for the warning. I am nearly 5 years sober. I haven’t had a sip. But that is not to say the thoughts don’t come along to haunt me and tempt me. Especially with long periods being alone. Good for you for not succumbing fully to it. Very wise. It’s a one way street really isn’t it? Even if we weren’t rock bottom type people, even if we were high functioning, we know well the guilt and the shame and the knowledge that we have a problem and need to deal with it. It is so good to be on the other side of that. I would hate to be back there knowing it is all in front of me. I don’t know if I could do it all again. I will take my sober life and continue to make the very best of it. You will too xo

    • Yep great to stop now. Unfortunately if you don’t you will end up worse than before you stopped for four years sober. Moderation honestly didn’t work for me. I ruined three years sober and this second time was much harder. Best wishes. I’m nearly 290 days and I will never touch alcohol again after that experience! ❤️❤️

    • @liam – glad that you stopped by. So, no more, huh? Moderation is a myth? hoping you don’t slip and slide too much more before you once again say, ‘no, thank you, i don’t drink’ be well.

    • Hi @liam. I too am back on this site for some support. My highest record was nearly 3 years and then tried a cocktail on holiday on the romantic island of Raratonga. That lead to wine and the story sounds like yours. There was a little voice inside my head warning me about the amount and regularity of my drinking and it slowly crept up. When I look back at sober me I can honestly say that I felt a lot better then. No guilt, heaps of confidence and a lot lighter in spirit. Alcohol takes that away from me. I just got to my first week after reaching out to these amazing people. Promise yourself to check in every day at wine o’clock and report another great day of non drinking under your belt. I’m finding that method is working well and I hope it does for you too. You’ve done it before and you can do it again. Remembering the good old days of not drinking rather than the bad old days of drinking helps me look forward and feel strong. Hope to hear from you again.

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