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  • LeslieLily posted an update 3 weeks ago

    My posts have been kind of emotionally all over the place recently but I am crying out for support right now. I am down and out, I am feeling like total shit. I am not seeing the way forward. Everything is feeling so so so difficult.

    • Hang in there @LeslieLily life in the raw is not easy, and I can only imagine how difficult it is being away from home and dealing with all those emotions. Having small children means finding time for self care is difficult but do your best to find some time for yourself today even if it’s just journaling and your favorite cup of tea.

    • My heart is breaking for you, honey! Is there an ex-pat community or a group from your husband’s workplace in which you can get involved? I wouldn’t blame you for sitting on the shower floor and having a good cry. Then reach out to the embassy and see what support they offer. xoxoxo

      • @Jocord There is, and we have made friends with a few people. To look at the situation from the outside (or my Instagram), you would think life was a dream. But internally I feel like I’m screaming. It’s not so much about being in Japan as just knowing I can’t drink and want to that is making me feel crazy.

    • Oh no, I hope you feel better soon. You have come so far.

    • Oh, what is going on for you? I am so sorry you are having such a hard time. 💙💚💜

    • @LeslieLily Stay strong and just go minute by minute while you need to. Life will improve. Have you just moved to a new country? My father was in the foreign service and I moved a lot in Asia growing up which was very painful for me. Please keep reaching out here. Who can you talk to where you are? xx

      • @ Juliana Yes – we moved to Japan a couple of months ago and that is when I decided to be sober, two big life changes at once.

    • Oh…that grunt-work can be excruciating…hour by hour @leslielily. You’ll make it to your clean-sheets by the end of the day ~ is all that matters right now. Sending love.

    • That is a hard place to be , but it will pass.. There will be some light , but in the middle of it all it is hard to get that eh.
      Keep on posting, write it down, get those feelings out. All our good wishes and vibes being sent to you .

    • Lars replied 3 weeks ago

      Hang in there. We’re here and we’re listening. Sending lots of love and support. xo

    • Ro replied 3 weeks ago

      Hope you’re feeling better now. It’s ok to ask for help. Can you talk to your husband? How long are you where you are for? Is it the place that’s freaking you out?

    • Big hugs friend. We are all here for you. Post as often as you need. xoxo

    • There’s nothing easy about this. Hugs, my friend xoxo

    • @jennah @WakingOwl @freedom1025 @Ro @Lars @lynnelowe @MalibuStacey @Juliana @robynb @whynot @Jocord (Hopefully didn’t forget anyone) This outpouring of support and love and encouragement is what I need right now. Thank you so much for all of your kind words. Today is a fresh day. Tonight will be a sober evening. I keep reminding myself how badly I do NOT want to go through those first two weeks of sobriety again where I was constantly obsessing over not drinking. It had already gotten so much easier to be alcohol free, I don’t want to repeat that phase. Doing my very best to stay centered today and focus on the positive. Thank you thank you thank you for all of the support <3

    • Hi @LeslieLily I didn’t find stopping drinking easy, I don’t think anyone does. What I found was that it was worthwhile. I was desperate for some quick fix that would straighten everything out, but unfortunately there isn’t one. There’s no simple pill I can take that fixes up all my problems, no medication, no therapy, no counselling no anything that suddenly puts things right. It took years and years for my addiction to gain strength to the point that it completely dominated my thinking and it takes time to undo all that mess. The really great news is that recovery is far quicker that the descent into hopelessness.
      The intensity of the cravings we have to fight does not go on forever; they get smaller until they reach a point that they no longer stop us in our tracks when they hit; we can move around them fairly easily… then we stop even noticing them unless we get hit by an unusually big one. It takes a few months to get there, but it took years for them to build up to their controlling intensity. Hang on; it gets better.
      We don’t try to get sober simply to stop the hangovers… that’s not why we do it at all. We do it because drinking is destroying us in every conceivable way; physically, mentally and socially… it has to stop or we spiral down until life becomes utterly unbearable. While we drink we stay locked into a vicious cycle of drinking to relieve our distress, which makes us even more distressed so we drink more. The horror of living in that state is what we fight to escape but it is exactly that…. a fight. It seems impossible to escape, but it isn’t. It doesn’t seem worth it, but it is. It doesn’t seem necessary, but it is actually absolutely essential. Our brains lie to us, and it is this that makes the fight so difficult.
      You are doing the right thing; it is hard but it is what has to happen.
      Our emotions are created in response to our thoughts, and what we dwell on persists and grows… and as the thoughts grow in a tangled mess our emotions build with them; frustration, anger, resentment, hopelessness and so on. We have to somehow break that chain of thoughts and replace them with a more helpful thought-line. This takes practise but absolutely can be done. Try compiling a mental list of the thought strings that get you down. Now, when you find yourself dwelling on one or more of these things move deliberately to replace those thoughts with something completely different. Go and talk to someone. Go and DO something. Go somewhere different. Do something different. How about finding some things that need doing that you’ve been putting off?… do some of them. Do anything that will distract your brain from the miseries it wants to play with, force it to be so busy that there’s no space for the unhelpful ideas. If you have life problems piling up them do something that helps towards making them easier; you don’t have to completely fix them, you only need to do something towards fixing them to gain some relief.
      This isn’t an easy road, but it is immensely worthwhile. There are hard patches, but we emerge into sunshine. Find things that help and keep doing them. Find things that harm and stop doing them. You’ll get there; keep going.

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