• My kids were such a challenge today. Being rude to one another and bickering nonstop. They were driving me totally bonkers all day long. I could feel my blood pressure rising!! I used to go STRAIGHT to chugging two beers on a day like this, griping about how I “needed” it and my children were driving me to it. Booze is ALL I would think about when they were acting up like this.

    Today, I got to 5pm, annoyed, irritable and cranky before I realized that I had been so busy actually FEELING my emotions and lecturing my kids on being nice to one another, I honestly had not thought once about alcohol. This is so ridiculous but so huge for me, haha! I can’t believe I was that angry, and the thought of a drink didn’t even cross my mind. I immediately felt better when I realized that too. Also my husband is finally home and I’m hiding in my office now. It’s totally his turn. haha!

    • @leslielily – I sure get this! and love that you are labeling how you are feeling. That was such a vital step for me.

    • Bickering kids can really grind down the most patient saint. You go hide in that office and let someone else (aka the hubby) handle the storm for a while, haha. Take a much-deserved break, mama.

      oxoxoxoxxoxo
      I hid in the bathroom when my brother left me alone all day with his oh-so-lovable but also very feisty-fighting kidlets last week, haha.

    • Hey well done! Those times with my kids were a huge trigger for me!! I know it’s not easy. You’ve got this!

  • LeslieLily posted a new activity comment 10 hours, 25 minutes ago

    Yup, same for me – making dinner was the time I would toss back the most. So much so that often times I was totally drunk throughout actual dinner, which really isn’t that fun. It helps to have another delicious beverage on hand during that time (for me anyway), and as more and more days sober pile up for me, dinner time is no longer scary to face without booze. πŸ™‚

  • LeslieLily posted a new activity comment 10 hours, 27 minutes ago

    It’s scary at first, but you’re life and health will be so much better without it. Wine is a big fat liar. You don’t need it and you’ll never regret waking up hangover free. Welcome and check in often! πŸ™‚

  • LeslieLily posted a new activity comment 10 hours, 28 minutes ago

    Welcome! There is tons of support here, you are in a good place!

  • LeslieLily posted a new activity comment 10 hours, 29 minutes ago

    It’s daunting but once you get under way it’s very much rewarding. Welcome, and check in often! You will find so much support here.

  • LeslieLily posted a new activity comment 10 hours, 29 minutes ago

    Remember if you end up going to a SMART meeting that everyone is there for the same reason and everyone has had a rough road. Nobody will be judging you. Like here, I imagine everyone will want to help you find a better path.

  • LeslieLily posted a new activity comment 10 hours, 31 minutes ago

    @getclear Please don’t give up. Everyone here has been where you are. Everyone here has suffered in darkness and felt they couldn’t make the right choice, or couldn’t make a choice at all. We have all been where you are. We all care for your well-being. You say you have a lot to live for – please hold on to that and keep posting here.

    • @leslielily….do feel exactly like I have no choice sometimes. Feel like it’s my destiny , like it’s just st in the cards no matter what I do. Feel like it’s a failure to keep coming here admitting defeat. But yet I keep coming here.

  • LeslieLily posted a new activity comment 10 hours, 33 minutes ago

    Sending love and strength for you and your family during a time of difficult decision making. I hope you get some decent sleep <3

  • LeslieLily posted a new activity comment 10 hours, 34 minutes ago

    The more nights I am present reading to my girls and tucking them in sober, the more I regret all the nights that I didn’t. They are young and I don’t think they were the wiser… hopefully they never will have to be and I can be 100% there for them going forward. <3 This is a big win for us mums!

    • I hear ya, my boys are older but all they’ve known is alco Mum, all be it high functioning and mostly pretty easy going but alco all the same. I couldn’t even take them to the cinema during the day without a water bottle full of wine, same as any function at the school. So full of regrets and total guilt that wine was my main priority. Not any more though and we got there in the end. I sat today talking my boy through his career options as we looked for 3 hours at different courses and career paths. We were so engaged with cups of coffee and biscuits, it struck me afterwards how up to pretty recently that probably wouldn’t of happened or if it did, I’d of either been very hungover, drunk or clock watching to get drunk, either way that would of been pretty pointless and lasted for 20 mins Max and likely end in an argument. Alcohol steals so much from us, it’s important that we remember that. Great that you’re spending quality sober in the moment time with your kids now, even if it’s crazy mad, I know I’m enjoying experiencing this too xx Good on us Mums xx

    • It sure is!

  • LeslieLily posted a new activity comment 21 hours, 43 minutes ago

    I need this quote tattooed to my forehead, lol !

  • LeslieLily posted a new activity comment 22 hours, 46 minutes ago

    @InkPink please hang in there. I had the exact same experience. Your body is trying to get through all those toxins. Expect headaches for several more days at least. I’m just getting over mine now, still have a bit of one first thing but I promise you, it’s really really worth it to not have a full on hangover.

  • @enzedgirl I just went back and read your list of shitty things done while drinking vs. benefits of being sober, and then read through most of the comments. Wow. What incredible motivation it was to me to continue on this journey. Important right now when it’s been half a month and some times the little voice inside is saying “you’re fine you can have a beer you weren’t an alcoholic.” Reading that list and the comments of course had me creating a mental list of all the shit things I’ve done drunk and repeatedly thinking “yup, did that too.” Sure did add to my resolve to stay sober!! Thank you for that post – still helping people all these years later. <3

  • LeslieLily posted a new activity comment 23 hours, 15 minutes ago

    I have baked my own cake several times! I think it’s fun, and I get to make it exactly as I want, lol! Happy birthday πŸ™‚

  • LeslieLily posted a new activity comment 23 hours, 16 minutes ago

    Not gone – not at all. Think of alllll those sober days. They are still there regardless of this blip. I’m not familiar with your story as I’m fairly new, but hoping you are able to find peace of mind.

  • LeslieLily posted a new activity comment 23 hours, 20 minutes ago

    I second that – here’s to another clear day, yes! Have a great trip πŸ™‚

  • LeslieLily posted a new activity comment 23 hours, 21 minutes ago

    @Lucy Boredom is a pitfall for me too. Half of what drove me to this site was leaving my full time job to move for my husband’s job. Once I was home all day with my kids, I was starting to drink a malt beverage by noon. It started to scare me how early my drinking was getting, and how everything revolved around “staying sober enough for the kids until hubby gets home”. I was more and more freaked out by so much time at home, and used to working a very busy full time career. Biggest reason I am here. I never realized once I was here I would see how shitty my life back home was getting even with my busy job making week night drinking minimal. Every weekend I was getting trashed, and a lot of week nights I would just drink really fast while cooking dinner -be drunk through dinner and put my kids to bed while trying my best not to sound drunk reading them bedtime stories. I feel such shame and guilt even talking about that as my beautiful kiddos deserve so much more. <3

  • LeslieLily posted a new activity comment 23 hours, 29 minutes ago

    @cleareyes – Welcome back!

  • LeslieLily posted a new activity comment 23 hours, 31 minutes ago

    @Lee@ So sorry to hear about your stress. Thinking of you and hoping for a better day today.

    • Thanks @LeslieLily, This is a hiccup in comparison to how my drinking looked before. I could never just drink one day or a few hours and stop, nor could I make it past a few months. I couldn’t even really go through with it this time. My body rejected it which in terms was my minds work as well. Still starting back on day one. I need to hold myself accountable. It was a very bad idea, always is. I’m making progress which is really what counts and next time I host my own pity party it’s bound to be AF.

  • LeslieLily posted a new activity comment 1 day, 17 hours ago

    I do enjoy socializing and what it brings to my life. But I am absolutely someone who enjoys just a few hours tops before my batteries start to drain!

  • So about seven years ago I somehow got connected to a penpal online who lives in Tokyo, never even imagining, of course, that one day I would be living here with my husband and two children. Last night my penpal and her husband came to our home for dinner and I got to meet her for the first time. This was extremely exciting, but I am also very social awkward and fairly introverted, so of course I was very very stressed and anxious before meeting her. I was so worried she would think I was weird, not interesting, not fun. There was also the language barrier and cultural differences to worry about. She speaks English somewhat, but had already asked us not to speak too fast or use too much slang. And Japan is very strict with cultural expectations and traditions, I was terrified I would somehow offend them or embarrass myself. Normally, I would drink two beers first to “relax”. Last night I knew that wasn’t an option, which both scared me and brought relief because the worst thing I could have done was drink and be completely oblivious to everything I just said I was worrying about.
    **
    Fast forward to the end of a fun evening – the language barrier was there, yes, but it was not impossible to have a conversation. We shopped together and cooked dinner together. Her husband absolutely adores children and played with our kids all evening. We laughed a lot, and they left before the conversation became stagnant or awkward (we were not rushing them out but they explained they are quite introverted as well and like being home in the evening. A win-win!)

    Best of all she sent me a message later in the evening to tell me how much fun she and her husband had, and that she hoped to see us again (relieving my fears that they were only pretending to enjoy themselves and couldn’t wait to head home, haha!)

    What a challenging night for me! In a good way. It has always been a bit of a struggle for me to make friends without a third friend there as a buffer. So to go out on…[Read more]

  • LeslieLily posted a new activity comment 1 day, 19 hours ago

    These reminders are so good for me to read. I’m constantly wondering if I could just learn to moderate. But I’m not sure I want to even bother trying because sliding back down the slope and starting sobriety over just sounds like… so much work I don’t want to repeat.

  • LeslieLily posted a new activity comment 1 day, 19 hours ago

    The second week felt brutal to me. Stick with it, it’s calming down for me now and I am feeling less inclined to turn to alcohol going into week three.

  • LeslieLily posted a new activity comment 1 day, 19 hours ago

    @Mandles Oh such a good post to wake up to! Proud of you for talking to your husband! I have been going through the same. I kept telling him something vague like “I think I need to cut back on drinking, I’m spending too much on it” or hedging around the fact that I can’t moderate. I have just finally started to tell him how bad the problem actually was and that I struggle with moderation. He has been nothing but supportive and loving. Sounds like your husband is too. I’m so so happy for you and well done. πŸ™‚

  • LeslieLily posted a new activity comment 1 day, 19 hours ago

    I have the same symptoms and I think they are all related to no longer pouring booze into my body. They are getting better… very slowly.

  • LeslieLily posted a new activity comment 1 day, 19 hours ago

    I agree 100% with @AprilsFool. I often have to check my counter to remember what day I’m actually on because that piece isn’t as important to me as the changes I see happening. I have become keenly (sometimes painfully) aware of my thoughts and feelings because I spend so much less time thinking about “what time is it? Is it too early to start drinking? Do I have enough beers? Do I have some change to run to the store with? Will I want more than two? ” on and on and on. Now, there is so much more SPACE in my brain. My body feels different, and I have had a lot of time to really deeply consider booze in a way other than getting it, having it and having more of it. I can look at my entire history without because I am no longer focused on just getting to the time of day that I can start drinking. It’s scary and sometimes unbearable. It is also amazing and feels like healing. It’s going to take a long time to work through. I’m up for the challenge and I hope you will join me. πŸ™‚

  • LeslieLily posted a new activity comment 1 day, 20 hours ago

    Feels like the story of my life. I’m 35 and was calling out because I was hungover, lying that I was just sick. Going to important work conferences and ending up distracted by hangovers after a night of doing embarrassing things in front of co workers…. All impacting my actual ability to be productive at the conference… I also have INTENSE social anxiety and feel the same about giant rooms full of strangers even though they are a regular and important part of my job. I also see boozing normalized at events like this by people in positions above and equal to me. I feel your social anxiety pain as I read this post because it is so so so familiar to me. I am so proud of you for sticking to your guns and rising above. Get some well deserved rest and recharge! πŸ™‚

  • LeslieLily posted a new activity comment 1 day, 20 hours ago

    @happymoods I feel 100% the same. I can’t even let myself think about “no alcohol for the rest of my life” because it completely freaks me out. For now I’m totally content taking it one day at a time. I’m not drinking today. I didn’t drink yesterday. So much more manageable.

  • LeslieLily posted a new activity comment 1 day, 20 hours ago

    I want some cinnamon toast! πŸ™‚

  • LeslieLily posted a new activity comment 1 day, 20 hours ago

    @Jocord sounds like a blast, so glad you had a fun night! πŸ™‚

  • LeslieLily posted a new activity comment 1 day, 20 hours ago

    You can complain to us!! Sounds like a crap movie. How annoying after a rough day. Trying to think of a good comedy I’ve seen recently… and can’t. Not much help from me I guess, hah!

  • LeslieLily posted a new activity comment 1 day, 20 hours ago

    @CascadeClimber Enjoy the mountains, I’m jealous! Good job on three weeks down. πŸ™‚

  • LeslieLily posted a new activity comment 1 day, 20 hours ago

    @jmtn Well done!! I have found that one my very worst days so far, treating myself to something delicious has been a marvelous cure. So glad for you, congrats on day 25!!

  • LeslieLily posted a new activity comment 1 day, 20 hours ago

    @Lucy Wow that sounds annoying. A few weeks ago my husband did the same, polished off a bottle of whiskey by himself in two nights and ended up snoring on the couch both nights. I was SO jealous. But I wasn’t jealous when he woke up feeling like shit and I was fine, so I held on to that feeling. Stay the course, we can all do this and you are doing wonderful. Your husband might be treading on eggshells at the moment…. tell him to get over it, haha! I was irritable with my husband all week last week because I wanted to drink. I have faith this will pass and our relationship will be better for it.

  • LeslieLily posted a new activity comment 1 day, 20 hours ago

    @Mandles sounds beautiful. Have a good night πŸ™‚

  • LeslieLily posted a new activity comment 1 day, 20 hours ago

    @Ro My kids are very young still, but I do understand having relatives you love but don’t like very much. It is very grating on the nerves to watch someone make bad choices and disagree with them on many things and still call them family and wish the best for them, instead of just writing them off. Prayers for your relationship with your son and for pain management for your girl. What an awful lot to be dealing with at once.

  • LeslieLily posted a new activity comment 1 day, 21 hours ago

    @Andlan I don’t bother with AF cocktails or beer. Personally I don’t much see the point. Like you I drank to consume maximum alcohol, not for the taste. It has been fun finding drinks I actually find yummy these past few weeks. I have tried more types of iced and hot tea then ever in my life and really enjoy them!

    That being said I have several sober relatives that drink AF beer every day. Not sure if it’s for the taste or the routine, but seems to help them stay sober. Who knows.

    • I have to say I am the same as @stevef here. I love a decent mocktail.
      Definitely not trying to deceive anyone, I’d be the first to admit its virgin but why should people drinking alcohol have all the fun. I’m actually fascinated to see what bars and restaurants around NZ have the best AF cocktails I’m offer
      I’m based in Wgtn, but heading to AK soon for work.
      Anyone have any recommendations?
      In Wgtn Charlie Nobles has a few creative ones. I hear Nightflower does too.
      Havana Bar was incredibly disappointing with its AF selection.
      Perhaps we could start a list of recommendations around the globe in site menu @mrs-d?

  • LeslieLily posted a new activity comment 1 day, 21 hours ago

    @InkPink I didn’t share with my family at first that I had joined this community or how deep my problem with alcohol was. It is day 14 and I finally shared with my husband last night that I had joined a community to help with my addiction. He was very proud of me and said he thought it was a good idea. I no longer feel embarrassed when I talk to him about my problem with moderation, and saying “I’m done” is getting much easier as the days stack up.

  • LeslieLily posted a new activity comment 1 day, 21 hours ago

    @MalibuStacey This sounds like so much fun!!! Good for you, hope you found some stellar coffee and enjoyed the circus πŸ™‚

  • LeslieLily posted a new activity comment 1 day, 21 hours ago

    @Lars hoping it will get a little better. Good decision not to drink today – you will be very thankful when you wake up clear headed tomorrow. Hang overs suck and I am starting to wonder why I ever drank in the first place. Waking up feeling good is way better.

    @MalibuStacey … ow! πŸ˜›

  • LeslieLily posted a new activity comment 1 day, 21 hours ago

    Ow! πŸ™ Sounds painful… I hope a good sleep helped!

  • LeslieLily posted a new activity comment 2 days, 10 hours ago

    Hi @jennah – I am doing well! Ending day 14 with new friends over for dinner. I’m the only one with iced tea in hand, everyone else is having beer – but I am feeling ok about it and not sad to miss out on a hangover. How are you holding up?

  • LeslieLily posted a new activity comment 2 days, 19 hours ago

    @jmtn I was actively involved with my kids while drinking, but I was living with this CONSTANT feeling of guilt when I would be doing projects with them while chugging back malt beverages and always making sure not to get “too” drunk before my husband came home. Same when my husband would travel for work – I would be just responsible enough to not be “too drunk” while being the lone parent in the house at night, and then would have intense guilt the next day for drinking at all while caring for them, knowing that at some point they would be old enough to catch on. What a huge relief to know that I am 100% in control and competent and can enjoy time with them and know they are always safe and secure with me. Definitely one of my biggest motivators.

  • LeslieLily posted a new activity comment 2 days, 19 hours ago

    @jennah Checking in here every day has literally saved me from drinking. Good luck on Day 2 and hope to hear from you often. πŸ™‚

    • Hi @leslielily. I’m on Day 3 now πŸ™‚ How are you doing?

      • Hi @jennah – I am doing well! Ending day 14 with new friends over for dinner. I’m the only one with iced tea in hand, everyone else is having beer – but I am feeling ok about it and not sad to miss out on a hangover. How are you holding up?

  • LeslieLily posted a new activity comment 2 days, 19 hours ago

    Happy Birthday from a fellow “almost” 36 year old who is excited to celebrate a sober Bday this year!

  • LeslieLily posted a new activity comment 2 days, 19 hours ago

    @Lucy going AF is definitely not a fix-all for the rest of our messy human-ness, huh?? It’s so good that you recognize it for what it is though, and know that you are needing some self care. Eat the chocolate! And keep remembering how shitty those hangovers feel and how great you are feeling now. Hoping your mind calms a little for you – I have been in the same place off/on all week long. It’s been a long one. <3

  • LeslieLily posted a new activity comment 2 days, 19 hours ago

    @malibustacey Happy happy happy birthday!!! 406! That’s amazing! πŸ™‚

  • LeslieLily posted a new activity comment 2 days, 19 hours ago

    @Saoirse Almost a year AF! Amazing. I believe it is never too late to repair relationships and you are obviously putting in the work to repair yours. I can’t imagine how difficult it will be to read the report, so I am sending you so many positive wishes for strength through that process. I’m sure this entire community is here to support you and hoping for a good outcome. Stay strong. <3

  • LeslieLily posted a new activity comment 2 days, 19 hours ago

    I agree with @Teazy – don’t feel rushed to act while you are still working on the biggest issue. At least you can confront the situation with a clear mind and know that what you feel is what you actually FEEL, and not what booze is making you feel. Hoping the best for you <3

    • Thanks. I feel pretty clear headed without the booze after 90 days. Actually clearer than I have ever felt. I will sit with these emotions and try not to over think. Early days yet.

  • LeslieLily posted a new activity comment 2 days, 20 hours ago

    @Noodle71 you and I are right around the same timeline for committing to being AF, so I feel your struggles! I have the same mindset as you – it is to be expecting. I think just reminding myself there will be difficult periods of temptation instead of trying to deny them has really helped me surf through them. Even on Day 14 for me – they are already starting to be more spaced out and I am not spending nearly as much time thinking about buying alcohol. πŸ™‚

    @Mandles – boy I am only just now starting to see what a strong “it won’t happen to me though” attitude I had about the dangers of heavy drinking. I seriously kept thinking that “maybe someday” I would have issues if I kept on drinking more and more, but I was so so blind to the effect it was already having on me. I was sleeping poorly, very restless, headaches on sober days which should have been a huge indicator which I missed until I finally stopped drinking 14 days ago… and of course being puffy/bloated/weight gain. All of this is turning around now and it has honestly shaken me how much of a toll all that alcohol was taking on me with me being in complete denial!! Congrats on 20 days – one month here we come!! Hope you had a lovely visit with your daughters πŸ™‚

  • LeslieLily posted a new activity comment 2 days, 20 hours ago

    I follow a wonderful nutrition and life coach mentor on Instagram who for almost a year has been doing a “I’m not drinking right now” campaign. Her philosophy is that opposed to saying “I quit drinking”, nobody who offers you a drink (including your own brain), needs more of an explanation than “I’m not drinking right now”. This frees your mind from some idea that you are restricted from ever having a drink for the rest of your life (even if you know you will not/should not). It recognizes you are a person with free choice and that instead of forcing yourself not to do something, you are choosing the option not to. I have been using this in my own internal dialogue – “I am not drinking RIGHT NOW.” It has truly helped me to shut down those thoughts of “omg, how am I supposed to go the REST OF MY LIFE without a drink” even if the latter IS my end goal. <3

    • Thanks Leslie, this makes. a lot of sense. I know in AA they adopt a similar method of just sticking to one day at a time. Their members never say never. It quietens the addictive voice for sure. All my past binges have been because i panicked and suddenly thought forever is unrealistic. Well it seems that way when you’ve ben drinking forever!

  • Load More