After a month of uncertainties and questionable life trials, I am once again feeling grounded. It felt like the planet had been yanked out from under me for a short while but I’ve managed to refind my footing upon it. It’s crazy how I can begin to lose faith in this recovery process when times get really hard, while it’s the one thing that has already greatly improved my entire being. I momentarily lost it last week and went for a bottle. I drank some and threw the rest away but it’s been rattling my brain for the last week and I couldn’t decide how to treat this but I’ve come to some terms. It doesn’t matter how much or how little I drank or for how long anymore, what matters is that I am still reaching for the shit as a non solution and it’s got to stop completely, therefore I’ve reset my counter and am at day 6. Subtracting a day may work well for some people but I know myself to well and I cannot allow any slack in this matter. I’d also stopped doing some of the things that were working very well for me in the past which basically meant, throwing away some tools but I’ve picked them back up and am moving forward. The greatest thing is that I am not ashamed at all this time. I am growing and getting better at life in general. Just knowing this brings me great relief today as I have come very far.
And you have come far @Lee, just keep doing what works for you because this is so tough,, honestly I could drink, the thing keeping me going is this site and you wonderful people, who really understand and support.. I’m proud of you lovely lady. x
That really is the greatest thing @lee-2. I found once I could really see that I was going through a process, and trust a little that if I did certain things I would get to where I wanted to with stopping – I did. It’s a funny balancing act but was part of learning to support myself like a good parent, with rules and structure and compassion, rather than punish myself.
So much amazing stuff in this post – ‘threw the rest away; can’t allow any slack; reaching for the shit – a non solution’ – and more! Love it. Smiling, hoping my feet are firmly on the planet too. I will keep that in mind today, feet firm
Thank you @mayfly. I’ll need it in a moment. Going to make an amends to boss (manager) that I worked for last year. He was one of 3 sober people there, including me, out of a few hundred. He really had my back at work and a sound relationship was blossoming but I began to drink again and blew everything to pieces, including the job. I don’t want the job back but he has really been on my mind since my last one, where I was treated like shit for being the only sober person out of 10. I just feel like he needs to know that I am sorry, that his kindness will not be forgotten and it meant and means so much.