Rant over, a decision has been made. I am going to sell everything that I own and start over somewhere, in a new place and likely country. I will likely go to NZ first as I have been highly inspired by what I’ve experienced here, with you lovely people and am captivated by it’s natural beauty. I aim to do some much needed traveling first, before I make a final decision of where I will land. All that I leave behind will still be here, always has been, and this will not be my first excursion but it could very well be my last as I am getting older and don’t feel like spending the rest of my life living for it’s current offerings and especially in a place that I am beginning to despise. (Have been)I will leave behind some family but that doesn’t mean that I am gone. It will benefit us all If I continue to grow but that’s something I fear that I can’t do here any longer. My soul is begging for challenges so I’ll set up a few that I can see as being doable but am aiming in a direction to where less is more and I can continue to develop my inner self in a more natural setting and with less demands. This can very well be considered as running away from or to something but I’ll accept that as I still have feet. I look at that as being the same myth that alcohol was/is, which was something designed to hold one back and or make them fall further into whatever the trap may be. Solitude confinement that is based on fear alone. I am done with that part and will not have it define me. I will take whatever talents I have, rely on them and hopefully discover and be able utilize some new ones. I am already musically inclined but would love to learn a new instrument, maybe the horn but it would be best to find a deserted beach for that I reckon. The possibilities are endless if I put my mind to them first but I need to begin somewhere. The desire to do this has been lingering far to long, for many years and it just feels like the right time.
@lee@ – I closed up one shop a few years back – I needed to allow something new in my life and I knew it could not happen where I was when I was. Sold house, put son in boarding school (he had wanted that), daughter headed off to Uni (so nothing to do there), closed down business and bought a small van and travelled round NZ slowly – I needed that space and no certain future to allow something new in my life. It worked – I grieved, I continued to struggle with alcohol but that’s OK, it still worked. And now I’m more than ready to stop the self poisoning and am in a place I never in my wildest dreams imagined I would be – so go you I say Xx
This, @suzkep, just expanded my heart into an entirely new dimension and I thank you dearly for that. It already feels freer and is aware of the consequences since I’ve made the decision. Maybe sometimes we have to look at our own hearts as if they are not ours, because we have burdened them for so long with our own tireless shit. I am so not afraid of this and have already began to notify loved ones as well as persons of interest. It feels spectacular to be able to advance into the unknown. It’s not like a black hole is going to get me any time soon. Some of the fears we have keep us so complacent while the healthy ones push to move us forward. It’s an extreme battle within it’s self
One good thing about having food service skills in any capacity, cooking, waiting etc, you can find work anywhere and usually fast if need be. I’ve worked with people that have travelled extensively on those skills.
Lee – thank you for this post. I’m 63 and your words are exactly what is in my heart. I tried moving to another part of the country and it is not working for me. I love the city I previously lived in, however the money fears of living in an expensive city, close to retirement, you’re an older female no one will hire you, blah, blah, blah. Then I read your post and I feel anything is possible. And if moving got me sober then it was well worth. Thank you Lee and keep us posted.
I live in the USA. So I moved from one state on the east coast, and lived in a most remarkable city. Then we moved to the southwest, in a desert. We have been here 4 years and I think about returning every day. The USA is very, very large and each state is quite different from the other so it is kinda like traveling from one country to another. Also, the climates are varied.
That’s exactly where my mind goes @DaveH. The time just seems very right as well and if I keep on waiting well then that’s just what I do. I’d rather exhaust what energy I have left going in bigger circles than what I have been.