• Lars posted a new activity comment 16 hours, 59 minutes ago

    Welcome back!

  • Lars posted a new activity comment 2 days, 16 hours ago

    Enjoy it. And happy weekend!

  • Lars posted an update 4 days, 3 hours ago

    I want to get past this first bit; I want to get momentum. I will. I see it. I must do everything to protect this.
    I’ve recently added on an anti-inflammatory diet along with my already limited diet, and not drinking. I know that this is dangerous territory, but my body has been upset lately and we can’t pinpoint exactly what the issue is. Which brings me to my complaint: I want chocolate. My justification is this: chocolate is better than booze. 😉
    I think I’ll have some chocolate… Haha!

    • mmm….chocolate!!! Treat yourself!! 🙂

    • Oh yeeeees, @Lars, chocolate is a friend! I guess you won’t wake up tomorrow and moan “Gosh, I had twenty-four bars of chocolate last night, just couldn’t stop until I had to vomit. Such a headache, how am I supposed to work today…” But even if it goes like this, you will not repeat this experience I bet 🙂

    • Gosh I know that feeling, sitting on the couch scoffing a large block of chocolate all to myself and saying at least it aint booze. The sugar hangover feels similar though.

    • Yes I have used sugar as a crutch to get me through some of my worst days and I don’t feel a bit of guilt!!

    • Chocolate everything – as much and as often as necessary. Whatever it takes. Chocolate will never give you a killer hangover the next day …. Maybe a tiny case of the guilties – but it will never make you feel as bad as a long night with a bottomless bottle. Eat up and enjoy. You can worry about cutting back on chocolate some other time.

  • Lars posted an update 1 week, 3 days ago

    I caved tonight, for no good reason except to get rid of the alcohol. I’m low and bored now, nothing spectacular. I could happily go to sleep, and maybe I will. Tomorrow I’m starting a 30 day anti-inflammatory diet, which is just a few more things on top of what I already can’t eat. I’m mostly worried about fat – when those cravings come up, will avocado suffice?
    My body very obviously hates alcohol now, so that will be a big plus to this plan. I can’t believe it’s still a thing for me, but as we all know, it’s a monster that’s hard to shake.
    I’m excited for these changes, scared I won’t stick with it, but hopefully my plan will help keep me accountable.

    • Hang in there, Lars. Remember, every day is a new one, a new start. It might sound trite but take one day at a time and be kind to yourself. 🙂 I’ll be thinking of you.

    • Are you going to be on a low fat diet? I’m eating super low fat for my gallbladder and it’s not that horrible. I choose my battles and save my fat grams every few days so I can have a treat, be it a few bites of yummy crackling along with a small chop or a piece of chocolate.

      • Ha, I’m the opposite – super high fat usually, but pretty healthy fats. How do you feel full and satisfied? What are the best foods for gall bladder?

        • @morgan, lean proteins and lots of fruit and veggies, whole grains, no coffee unfortunately -too much acid and oil- limited citrus, Otherwise I can eat just about anything. Four or five mini meals a day so your system always has something working helps prevent the reflux it can cause. Not too difficult really, not counting fat grams but being careful – a few days a week I avoid anything fatty during the day so I can indulge a bit at night. The other night I actually enjoyed a few scrumptious onion rings and a small handful of fries. Deep fried foods are a gallbladders worst enemy.

  • Lars posted an update 2 weeks, 1 day ago

    Things still feel heavy, but there are moments of lightness and I’m really trying to focus on right now. I’d have a meltdown if I thought too much about things, so I just keep going moment to moment. I’m hoping to get work done before my shift this afternoon so that I can take tomorrow off, or at least mostly off. Since my health is wonky, the desire to drink has been killed which is quite a blessing – I’m so thankful I haven’t had to fight that demon the last week. Well, I’m off to it.

    • Hope your work day is going well Lars.

      I’m not around so much do I might have missed something – your health? Hope you’re ok?

  • Lars posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 1 day ago

    I hope you’re having a nice time with your special vistor! And I just looked up autophagy – how interesting!

  • Lars posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 1 day ago

    That’s really encouraging to hear. Thanks @happy2019!

  • Lars posted an update 2 weeks, 3 days ago

    Morning number two of intermittent fasting. Yesterday the last hour was difficult, but I did it.
    My lips are swollen and red, which is pretty painful at certain times. I’m really not sure if it’s linked to my inflammation or if I got a sunburn. I’m just hoping it heals soon.
    @morgan I see a naturopath so she’s pretty great, and I really like her approach to healing. Cat’s Claw is an herbal tincture that helps with joint pain, digestion and fatigue. Apparently it’s also good at boosting the immune system also.
    I’m not really paying much attention to my sobriety, I’m just not drinking. When I get to 30 days I’ll really believe that I’m back on. Thankfully I have a lot of other things to focus on, and I know that if I drink my inflammation will go wild, which is way worse than the 30 minute pleasure that alcohol brings.

    • Hey @Lars, I do intermittent fasting an 4 or 5 days a week and it makes me feel really good. My blood pressure became normal again, I’m fitter and lost some pounds. I haven’t had a cold for a pretty long time. I think it’s a good thing for body and mind in many ways 🙂

    • Interesting indeed. I would like a holiday and to do some real fasting… mmm I could this weekend, no, very special visitor – no doubt we will eat heaps … one day soon. Have you read up on autophagy? Quite a miracle

      • I hope you’re having a nice time with your special vistor! And I just looked up autophagy – how interesting!

  • Lars posted an update 2 weeks, 5 days ago

    @morgan I went to the doctor today and guess what she has me doing? Intermittent fasting. She also has me starting to take cat’s claw. As soon as she asked about fasting I thought about you. Let the trial begin!

    • @lars, let me know how it goes. @morgan, keto and IF?

    • Heck, I.F. is a pretty cool thing for our bodies and brains. But cat’s claw? what is that? Your Dr sounds interesting for sure. Does she know about keto?
      I try to fast for a good 16 hours, no breakfast although cream in coffee, so not an entirely real fast. Trouble is, I often eat so late as home late, disorganised, nee to walk or go to yoga etc etc
      Lord, this was 2 days ago, how are you going? Better post and let us all know, at the top 🙂

  • Lars posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 5 days ago

    I’m glad your meeting went well! It’s the unknown that’s so treacherous, huh? A good lesson for me, but I also want to make sure I’m prepared for anything so I’m not blindsided. However, you can’t prepare for everything, so why even worry. 🙂 I hope you enjoy your short day and hair appointment! You should take yourself out after getting your hair done!

  • Lars posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 5 days ago

    I completely understand. I’m a pretty private person, but I open up here. It feels safe to me, and it’s necessary for me to air my thoughts so they don’t bog me down too much. Even if you just “lurk” you gain a lot from reading this site; you don’t feel so alone or different. And not wanting to feel gross is a perfectly great reason to give it up. We have enough to weigh us down, we don’t need to add to it. Keep it up, and keep coming back here. 🙂

  • Lars posted an update 2 weeks, 5 days ago

    My meeting went well!!!
    Thank you @prudence @mrschurchill @maryb and @missbennet , I read your comments over and over before my meeting, which was really encouraging.
    Now I’m going to eat junk food and watch tv…because I want to! No booze needed.

    • ‘Because I want to”is a perfect reason to eat junk food. Glad your meeting went well. You sound elated. Enjoy!

    • I’m so glad. I think complaining clients are usually pretty decent after they get the complaint out and they’re usually nicer in person.

    • Lol I forgot to mention I had parent interviews and I was equally dreading and mine went well too. I was blindsided by another one but I’ll deal with her anon next time she wants something from me. I’m also treating myself tomorrow. I’ve booked a hair appointment and taking off early. Bliss! Well done and I’m glad for you. Enjoy your treats. 😝

      • I’m glad your meeting went well! It’s the unknown that’s so treacherous, huh? A good lesson for me, but I also want to make sure I’m prepared for anything so I’m not blindsided. However, you can’t prepare for everything, so why even worry. 🙂 I hope you enjoy your short day and hair appointment! You should take yourself out after getting your hair done!

    • Yeah!!, @lars.

  • Lars posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 6 days ago

    I love that analogy! For me, the deciding is difficult so I completely understand. However, once in clear water the choice is obvious. 🙂

  • Lars posted an update 2 weeks, 6 days ago

    I got some good sleep last night, but woke up feeling emotional. I have a meeting with that disappointed client today, which I am really nervous about and equally ready to get it over with. My boss is hoping that they don’t say anything more, but I’m not counting on that. This is completely out of my comfort zone, but I’ll do the best I can.

    • Hi @lars after listening to whinging and sometimes hostile parents for 20 years – no reflection on myself lol – there are two things that may or may not help. People like to have a TWO rants. The first they let rip and can go on for quite some time. The second comes about a minute after the first, sometimes three minutes. The second thing is they want you to listen – like really listen – and they want to know they are being heard. I paraphrase. But then you probably know this but just in case no point in reinventing wheel.

    • @Lars Just remember people get disappointed for a lot of reasons, its not always down to what you have done or not done. It may be a “transference” from something or someone else, it maybe that they have to high expectations, it maybe that someone sold them the wrong service. Be honest, be open and if a mistake has been made try to put it right and watch for an altera motive like trying to get money etc. Hope goes all keep us posted.

    • It might go much better than you anticipate. Good luck!

    • Hope it goes well Lars. Just listen and appear to care should do the trick. You obviously do care or you wouldn’t be awake worrying about it. Just think how great you’ll feel when meeting is behind you xxx

    • Good, get it done and over with, @lars. it is part of life, you cannot make everyone happy, right? it usually is not even about you. like what every one else has said and thinking of you.

  • Lars posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 6 days ago

    Have you considered going to A.A.? This site is also wonderful, but in person support can be powerful. I’m also a fan of Belle from tiredofthinkingaboutdrinking.com – she’s marvelous and a great support. You have options, and you have support in all of us here. Hang in there.

  • Lars posted a new activity comment 3 weeks, 2 days ago

    Perfect. WAy to go!

  • Lars posted a new activity comment 3 weeks, 2 days ago

    @morgan you crack me up!!! I’m so glad to hear that you had such a wonderful day. I love that feeling of amazing myself, and I’m glad you experienced it. It’s so rewarding.
    Yes, I definitely need healing. First steps have been taken, and I will continue.
    That’s neat and also strange that your body shows signs of depression. Your acupuncturist sounds very talented! keep them around 🙂
    I take b12 and c every day, and just got some b6. I should get a b complex, huh? I’ve also been taking turmeric since my joints have been acting up. I also take iron, magnesium and probiotics. There may be others but I can’t remember right now.
    I just cooked some steak, broccoli, cabbage, mushrooms and kale for lunch. It was really satisfying! I even ate it with a little horseradish cream. Oh, and avocado! Now I need a nap.
    Have a great weekend, @morgan! xo

  • Lars posted an update 3 weeks, 3 days ago

    i’m so sad. i can’t sleep in, no matter how late i get to sleep which is making things worse. it just feels like life has gotten tough, a lot of my own doing (turns out i’m terrible at writing my own schedule) but outside curve balls are also flying. i know i’ll be ok, but things just keep going in difficult ways. i want a break.
    i’m seeing my dr about hand / joint pain, then getting a massage, and i got on a waitlist for counseling. i’m taking steps, but i also just want to curl into bed and not have to deal with all this shit. it makes cravings unbearable. i know one day, hopefully soon, this will all be in the past and i’m really looking forward to that day.

    • It’ll get better. I found having a massage helped, as did counseling. The counseling seems like a particularly good idea in case there might be some other underlying biochemical issues that are making this more difficult.

      In the meantime, be gentle and kind to yourself @Lars (while not drinking, because that is neither kind nor gentle).

    • I was my absolute worst boss when drinking, I basically ran myself and nearly all of my personal business into the ground. Getting sober helps immensely and is absolutely necessary to begin with but I’m finding out myself that the rest of it takes time. Be a better boss to yourself. Allow yourself breaks and be kind to yourself. Flowers and chocolate are not unheard of.

    • Oh my friend. We’re here for you. Can you possibly get away for a weekend? Change of environment? It sounds like you need distance. Hugs for you.

    • I’m sorry you’re in a difficult place. This too shall pass. In the meantime lean on us, and your sober toolbox xoxo

    • Oh to curl into bed, days of drifting … but no, sometimes it is not our time for such things. Yours seems to be the get-healed time. Well done for booking a massage – my acupuncturist said I need one, + a holiday (haha) as my body is verging on depression (what?!). My mind is fine, but my body tells her something else. Well well…
      Do you ever try mega Bs and C when in a bit of a slump and funk? It can be quite a boost – o, and tumeric, esp with pain. Sometimes I shock myself, like last night when I did a killer gym class after a killer day, then waltzed home and made the healthy dinner I felt like from scratch (left overs can wait) then made keto bread, then cracked walnuts and did some work. Packed for my weekend work… Astonishing for me. Remembered I had taken some vitamins with lunch. Better than coffee 🙂 🙂 🙂
      Bla bla, sorry, this is your time and I have made it all about me me me
      Hope the day works out well. Have you got some health wonders planned for dinners?

      • @morgan you crack me up!!! I’m so glad to hear that you had such a wonderful day. I love that feeling of amazing myself, and I’m glad you experienced it. It’s so rewarding.
        Yes, I definitely need healing. First steps have been taken, and I will continue.
        That’s neat and also strange that your body shows signs of depression. Your acupuncturist sounds very talented! keep them around 🙂
        I take b12 and c every day, and just got some b6. I should get a b complex, huh? I’ve also been taking turmeric since my joints have been acting up. I also take iron, magnesium and probiotics. There may be others but I can’t remember right now.
        I just cooked some steak, broccoli, cabbage, mushrooms and kale for lunch. It was really satisfying! I even ate it with a little horseradish cream. Oh, and avocado! Now I need a nap.
        Have a great weekend, @morgan! xo

  • Lars posted a new activity comment 3 weeks, 5 days ago

    I’m sacrificing enjoyment of life for work. Change is in order!

  • Lars posted a new activity comment 3 weeks, 5 days ago

    And as for the craving I’m having, alcohol gets in the way of my dreams for my life. There is no end to drinking, unless I simply (hah) don’t drink. If I’m drinking, alcohol goes everywhere with me, it starts as early as 10am, it takes over and I’m ready to grab that control back, thank you very much! It’s most certainly a different experience, but isn’t that what I want? Right now my drinking voice is telling me what I want is booze, and that is true but I want to do other things in my life.

  • Lars posted an update 3 weeks, 5 days ago

    I’m in a fuck it moment, but I came here and already feel better.
    I’m in a place where I’m evaluating my life; wondering if the daily grind is worth what I’m sacrificing; recalculating my priorities. Even typing that I had a thought of drinking. “What does it matter?” IT MATTERS!
    @morgan suggested I post this in the feed:
    Living a life I love, which looks like: vacations, walks in nature, exploring new places, exercising regularly, spending quality time with loved ones, creating on whatever level that is satisfying (that changes from time to time), reading regularly, always learning, watching beautiful films, laughing often, loving always.

    • And as for the craving I’m having, alcohol gets in the way of my dreams for my life. There is no end to drinking, unless I simply (hah) don’t drink. If I’m drinking, alcohol goes everywhere with me, it starts as early as 10am, it takes over and I’m ready to grab that control back, thank you very much! It’s most certainly a different experience, but isn’t that what I want? Right now my drinking voice is telling me what I want is booze, and that is true but I want to do other things in my life.

    • Hi @Lars what is it you are sacrificing to get to your beautiful life?

    • @Lars, Your doing very well to get on here and let it out. I didn’t when I was in the shit and ended up drinking. Don’t do that. Those moments pass. I totally get the wanting change part although it can’t always happen so fast. Never fast enough for me, anyway. Drinking does change things fast. It feels good for 30 minutes and then it’s right back to hell.

    • @Lars good that you came on here when having an F it moment. I fully believe now that it is not enough to ‘stop drinking’, yes we are here to stop drinking, but we have to want to reach a place where there is a benefit to not drinking, otherwise it just feels like a penalty/sacrifice/something you are going without. Your list looks good, so when you feel like a drink, maybe you need to say “I’m not having a drink now because I am going to read a book, watch a film etc” – do something that you enjoy. For me, I did not give up drinking to do more work, chores or housework.

    • So glad you reposted – beautiful. I hope the daily grind allows for some smelling of the roses today.
      Heck, my glide time has gone over, better rush 🙁 🙁 🙁

  • Lars posted a new activity comment 3 weeks, 5 days ago

    Aw, I love all this @morgan. Thank you! I’ll give this a listen after I finish the other episode.
    Your day sounds great, even if it had some challenges — that’s balance, right?!
    Big hugs. xoxo

  • Lars posted a new activity comment 3 weeks, 6 days ago

    Thank you @morgan. I was thinking of you on my walk this morning, as I was listening to Tara Brach. 🙂
    Living a life I love, which looks like: vacations, walks in nature, exploring new places, exercising regularly, spending quality time with loved ones, creating on whatever level that is satisfying (that changes from time to time), reading regularly, always learning, watching beautiful films, laughing often, loving always.
    xo

  • Lars posted a new activity comment 3 weeks, 6 days ago

    My heart goes out to you @kitten. Your words resonate with me. I isolate, too. That’s a part of my mess, that I prioritize work over friends/family, and myself. It’s all backwards! I know it’s also easier to stay sober if you’re alone…well, for some people, some days, but it’s also important to connect with others. I definitely know that everything I’m feeling would feel worse if I drank, and that really does help build confidence. Thank goodness for AF living! Take care, @kitten.

    • thank you @lars, the less time with people was because of school and changing my office, fortunately both of those are about to end. AF living is really nice, if you dream, then those dreams can come true. be well.

  • Lars posted a new activity comment 3 weeks, 6 days ago

    Thank you @leslielily!

  • Lars posted a new activity comment 3 weeks, 6 days ago

    Thanks @noodle71! I’ve been reminding myself how far I’ve come, and how grateful I am for it all. I really love the idea of writing achievements in the back of my journal. Great idea, thanks!

  • Lars posted a new activity comment 3 weeks, 6 days ago

    I’m right there with you @chasingthedandelion. I, too, have been so caught up in work that I need to refocus and draw boundaries (like not checking my email over the weekend — hello automatic response). “see it as what I do not who I am.” A great focus!

  • Lars posted a new activity comment 3 weeks, 6 days ago

    Thank you for the reminder @aria. I’m definitely looking forward to these painful feelings to flit away!

  • Lars posted a new activity comment 3 weeks, 6 days ago

    Oh, my heart goes out to you. That’s really tough stuff, but you have a good perspective which is no doubt helped by the lack of booze. Congratulate yourself on all this, because it’s seriously worth a celebration. You are taking care of yourself in a really difficult situation. Sending love your way, dear. xo

  • Lars posted a new activity comment 3 weeks, 6 days ago

    Way to go!!!

  • Lars posted a new activity comment 3 weeks, 6 days ago

    Hang in there. We’re here and we’re listening. Sending lots of love and support. xo

  • Lars posted an update 3 weeks, 6 days ago

    I’m really bummed out right now.
    BUT!
    I went on a walk this morning, have a massage and dr appointment coming up, and have papers to fill out for counseling. My life has been a bit rough lately, but I’m rolling with the punches and trying to be gentle with myself. I see this as a phase not as a permanent, which helps quite a bit. Since I’m not drinking I’m able to take action that will propel me forward and help me get through this phase more intact. I’ve thought about drinking, but I know it will only exacerbate my troubles, so I resign to taking it easy and comforting myself with multiple breaks on the couch or even hopping back into bed.
    This too shall pass.

  • Lars posted a new activity comment 3 weeks, 6 days ago

    I’ve struggled with momentum for years. I finally had a year and a half and fucked that up on NYE. It’s been a real struggle getting back up, but I don’t stop trying. This Naked Mind has been helpful to read. Checking in here regularly, as well as focusing on daily habits that feed and restore me also helps.
    You get to a point where you simply can’t keep doing the same thing that makes you feel terrible, you add in supports, you go to bed when it gets too difficult, and you gain momentum over time.
    This is at least how I’m doing it. Only 12 days this time, but I’m pretty committed because I’m tired of feeling like shit all the time. You can do this! Maybe this weekend you should plan for movies, or something equally low pressure and relaxing. What’s one weekend out of 52? Take it off. 🙂

  • Lars posted a new activity comment 4 weeks ago

    That morning glow! It’s satisfying, isn’t it? Congrats on 21 days! I hope you enjoy your day.

  • Lars posted a new activity comment 4 weeks ago

    Thanks for your words, it’s nice to hear your reaction and perspective. This is the first complaint (to my face, errr…eyes?) I’ve had so it’s quite a punch. I’m sure it gets easier. I hate it, too! I mean, I’m sure most people do. I know it’s a stepping stone, but right now it feels like it was thrown at me. No matter, I know I’ll be ok. It hurts, though. Anyhow, thank you!

    • Ouch Lars. Can understand why that feels like a knock.

      Be kind to yourself and keep going. The only way to get through the hard part of stopping drinking is to stay alcohol free. Eventually you get where it is so much easier. I’m at something like 1210 days and I can honestly say it’s not at all hard any more.

      Keep going if you want to be free xxx

  • Lars posted a new activity comment 4 weeks ago

    Way to go!

  • Lars posted an update 4 weeks ago

    I made it through the night without drinking, but I’m devastated. I’ve been working to change my career while still keeping my “day job”, constantly learning and growing, putting myself out there. It’s hard. I had a really depressing realization last week, “what if I die soon? If this is what my life was, I’d be really disappointed.” Morbid, melancholy, dramatic. I get that. It’s a grand realization, though, to wake up from the day to day and see that what I’m doing isn’t working FOR ME.
    Tonight I checked my email for an obsessive reason, and received words from a disappointed client. My world crashed. I’m already stressed and not putting my needs in front of work, and to feel that it’s all for little felt terrible. Dramatic again, I know. I don’t know what to do except to cry and take necessary actions to keep moving forward, but damn do I want to give up. I’m grateful I didn’t drown my sorrows in booze. I know failure is a part of success, but it fucking hurts and I can’t wait until November when things slow down. And that no way to live! I’ll reroute myself; I know I’ll get back on track, but I am definitely wallowing now. 2019 had been difficult so far. I just want to hibernate now.

    • I run a small business and I HATE getting negative feedback. It always takes me about a week to get over it. I can honestly say, though, that I’ve learned a lot from unhappy customers and it’s helped me to improve. I don’t want to go all pollyanna on you but I try to remind myself that it’s an opportunity to learn and grow. I hate it when it happens but I ask myself if there’s some validity to it and if there is, then I take it on board and move on (but I still feel angry and hurt). Take care of yourself, however you can. And good for you for not drinking.

      • Lars replied 4 weeks ago

        Thanks for your words, it’s nice to hear your reaction and perspective. This is the first complaint (to my face, errr…eyes?) I’ve had so it’s quite a punch. I’m sure it gets easier. I hate it, too! I mean, I’m sure most people do. I know it’s a stepping stone, but right now it feels like it was thrown at me. No matter, I know I’ll be ok. It hurts, though. Anyhow, thank you!

        • Ouch Lars. Can understand why that feels like a knock.

          Be kind to yourself and keep going. The only way to get through the hard part of stopping drinking is to stay alcohol free. Eventually you get where it is so much easier. I’m at something like 1210 days and I can honestly say it’s not at all hard any more.

          Keep going if you want to be free xxx

    • Aria replied 4 weeks ago

      Sorry to hear you have had a set back in your work due to some negativity. One of my biggest learnings in recent times is the notion that painful feelings will go in time. They are transient. I have only come to terms with this recently, I am embarrassed to say! (I am in my 60’s). It has been very helpful to hold this information to the forefront, especially when I do something stupid or start to put myself down.

    • @lars negative feedback sux. I also know how hard it is when you are striving towards your goals and working so hard for the future it sometimes feels like the right now is no fun.
      I actually talked to a counsellor earlier in the year as I was really struggling with receiving tough feedback. What I learned was that my job is so tied to my identity that I take it really to heart. I am working on seeing it as what I do not who I am and that has really helped me handle the tough bits. You are doing great!

      • I’m right there with you @chasingthedandelion. I, too, have been so caught up in work that I need to refocus and draw boundaries (like not checking my email over the weekend — hello automatic response). “see it as what I do not who I am.” A great focus!

    • Hey big hugs Hun xx what shouts out to me here is not failure by a long shot, but slowly making your dreams a reality. Like my wise Mama likes to say (cos she’s such a fountain of friggin knowledge😂) is that if it was that easy, everybody would be bloody at it. And she’s actually right. I am also working two jobs to pay the bills and keep a roof over our heads, yet somehow following my dreams to get my own career there. Jeeze it’s bloody hard, but just stop and take stock over the last year. It may not feel like it but when you analyse it you’ll be amazed how far you’ve come. I’ve taken to writing absolutely every achievement I’ve made down at the back of my diary, most if it I’d of never remembered if I hadn’t written it down there and then, but just a quick look reminds me I am creeping slowly forwards, and things will get better and I will succeed. So will you, keep trucking, just from your post I can see you have a vision, you’re facing challenges, you’re tired but you are still doing it, cos you rock!! Keep on trucking!! X

      • Thanks @noodle71! I’ve been reminding myself how far I’ve come, and how grateful I am for it all. I really love the idea of writing achievements in the back of my journal. Great idea, thanks!

    • sending so much positive strength your way. This sounds stressful, but it will get better. And staying away from booze will be so amazingly helpful in the long run <3

    • hey, @lars, i find myself in much the same position as you. i imagine it is different in a lot of ways as well. i am still working and trying to change my job, i have been going to school and working since january. i find myself spending less time with friends and just people in general and i am not sure that this isolation is good for me in my new found sobriety. i have been going through so much soul searching and mostly find i come up lacking because of my past alcoholic ways and it is just devastating some days. unfortunately, i get complaints fairly regularly with my job and very little praise. however, i am very good at my job and always do my best for all clients, so i just have to move on. am i moving forward with no alcohol? absolutely, there is no way for me to move forward without staying AF. It is muy painful some days, for sure, but what’s the choice. day by day, @lars, it has to get better. It has already gotten so much better just knowing that I am dealing AF, looking at what life has to offer and what I REALLY do want. there is no instant fix, we must plan, and move forward now. today AF. Best.

      • My heart goes out to you @kitten. Your words resonate with me. I isolate, too. That’s a part of my mess, that I prioritize work over friends/family, and myself. It’s all backwards! I know it’s also easier to stay sober if you’re alone…well, for some people, some days, but it’s also important to connect with others. I definitely know that everything I’m feeling would feel worse if I drank, and that really does help build confidence. Thank goodness for AF living! Take care, @kitten.

        • thank you @lars, the less time with people was because of school and changing my office, fortunately both of those are about to end. AF living is really nice, if you dream, then those dreams can come true. be well.

    • May your week turn around and enable you enough space to see some beauty, feel some hope, do LOTS of self care, and graciously and confidently reply to disgruntled client/s.
      What would make you die content with your life? 10 top dreams please – well, 5 maybe?

      • Thank you @morgan. I was thinking of you on my walk this morning, as I was listening to Tara Brach. 🙂
        Living a life I love, which looks like: vacations, walks in nature, exploring new places, exercising regularly, spending quality time with loved ones, creating on whatever level that is satisfying (that changes from time to time), reading regularly, always learning, watching beautiful films, laughing often, loving always.
        xo

  • Lars posted an update 4 weeks ago

    Well, camping didn’t work out and I was doing ok, but that voice creeped in recently.
    I know it isn’t a good idea.
    I’ll feel so much better in the morning.
    I’ll get much better sleep without.
    Drinking will only cause inflammation, which I’m trying to reduce.
    I’ll lose 10 days.
    I hate this shit, and getting away from this first part will only help me.

    • Keep strong. You can do it.

    • Those 10 days belong to you and can’t be taken away. They’ve been banked and they are slice of what it feels like.

    • I drank after 28 days and I promise you, it wasn’t worth it at all and only made me upset with myself. Keep strong.

    • Oh Lars I hope you stayed sober. Fight it and come up with plans and goals for the future. What is it you want to change?

  • Lars posted an update 4 weeks, 1 day ago

    Yesterday I had thoughts of drinking, contemplating when I can drink again. No more! Not now. This morning I decided I’ll get a coffee out; that will be my fun now – sitting in a hammock, in the forest, reading and swimming… on coffee. 🙂

    • Oh that’s sounds so nice @Lars. That’s what I find about this site – people writing about doing normal/mundane things, and it seems so nice reading it. My morning: walking my dog down to the beach for a couple of hours in the hot sunshine. Enjoy your week-end! xo

  • Lars posted a new activity comment 1 month ago

    @morgan, you are awesome. Thank you! I love that you’ve found such a positive way to eat. I’m still figuring mine out, as when I get busy I tend to eat the same boring rice, vegetable (usually just kale when busy), egg. And bars made from peanuts. I went to the store and got lots of nuts and some herbs to make pesto (hello flavor!).
    I also have an iron deficiency, and whether I admit it or not, I suffer from a lot of those symptoms. A few months ago I ate at a fancy steakhouse and felt on top of the world for the next two days. When our bodies are in balance a wonderful thing can happen, and I’d love to achieve that more regularly!
    Thanks again for all the suggestions, morgan. I really appreciate it!

  • Lars posted an update 1 month ago

    My body is screaming at me, which is making this sober thing a lot easier to stick to. As much as I cringe when I look at my broken-out face, I’m grateful for it. Otherwise I might be tempted to drink, I might listen to a craving, but not today! I’m committed to sticking to a path that decreases inflammation, so alcohol is gone. It’s kind of a joke that I’ve even been drinking this year, since every time I have my face reddens and becomes dry. It’s interesting that I ignored it, knowing it’s a problem and having dealt with it for years. Moving on, and grateful for it!

    I have a work / errand day today, then I’m taking THREE WHOLE DAYS OFF!!! I need it, and no matter how much I might convince myself to work, I will not! I’m really looking forward to it, so much so I’m hesitant to get too excited about it. Funny how that works. I’m really trying not to think too deeply about things, but instead moving in the direction that I know is best for me. Here’s to a wonderful sober day for us all! xo

    • You will be looking gorgeous again in no time. 🙂

    • Seems our bodies will do whatever it takes to get us to notice what they need.

    • Oh no, poor you, but in time you may thank your body for the loud messages. I just did a rant on your old post. Forgive me if irrelevant – just feeling very pleased about losing another couple of kgs, and coping with a workload, and work pressures that I know I couldn’t if drinking for sure, but also if not keto ing.

    • You go take those three days and pamper yourself. So well-deserved! Let work be work and the world be the world for a while. oxoxox

  • Lars posted a new activity comment 1 month ago

    That’s good to know about the fasting, @robynb! Thanks!

  • Lars posted a new activity comment 1 month ago

    Yeah, that deep pain can really mess with you. It can be defeating, which is why it’s so important to manage it. Take care of yourself, @trace! xo

  • Lars posted a new activity comment 1 month ago

    Yeah, I’m definitely going to ask him. It’s sort of funny that he even bought it. He can’t keep up with me, and I don’t blame him! xo

  • Lars posted a new activity comment 1 month ago

    I haven’t heard of keto eating for joint pain, but I have been reading an anti-inflammatory book. I already have so many dietaries, so adding to the list is a bit daunting but I’m motivated to feel as best as I can. I’m going grocery shopping today, because I obviously need to cook for myself and keep it stocked. I’ll definitely look into keto, though. The big things I’m trying to avoid for joint pain: tomato, peanut, dairy, sugar. Those are the things currently in my diet that I don’t think are good for me — I did a little experiment a couple days ago. Anyhow, thanks for the suggestions @morgan! xo

    • Go you for testing yourself. Keto is really different in that you can’t dabble, you are either in ketosis or not (measurable with pee sticks is the easiest test). It is a delightful way to eat, and you choose your food to suit, just leaving out all sugars, grains and most root veg – anything growing underground will have too many carbohydrates, and most fruit is way to high in sugar = carbs too. Berries are fine and some other delightful fruits, and you add more as your body gets better at swinging into ketosis.

      The balance needs to be about 70% healthy fats (olive oil, coconut oil, nuts, maybe no dairy for you, just coconut cream), 15-20% protein and 10-15% carbs – at first. Then the carb ratio can go up, or once a week eat what you like etc – a very free diet and one finds one’s own way. The energy and clarity is just glorious. Like stopping drinking, I lament I didn’t find this years ago. Where are you? I seem to remember not NZ? You could join the NZ FB Keto site – tell them you blog with us. The top has perfect information, and you can search joint pain, and see the healing!! it still amazes me after a year

    • PS Once in ketosis, you may find you can eat anything. As our bodies heal, many very different thing happen. Dairy used to make me a bit ill if I had too much, now I can do cream with bells on. No milk though – full of carbs. 1/2 1/2 is ok.

    • Lars replied 1 month ago

      @morgan, you are awesome. Thank you! I love that you’ve found such a positive way to eat. I’m still figuring mine out, as when I get busy I tend to eat the same boring rice, vegetable (usually just kale when busy), egg. And bars made from peanuts. I went to the store and got lots of nuts and some herbs to make pesto (hello flavor!).
      I also have an iron deficiency, and whether I admit it or not, I suffer from a lot of those symptoms. A few months ago I ate at a fancy steakhouse and felt on top of the world for the next two days. When our bodies are in balance a wonderful thing can happen, and I’d love to achieve that more regularly!
      Thanks again for all the suggestions, morgan. I really appreciate it!

  • Lars posted a new activity comment 1 month ago

    I’ve talked to my guy so much about my not wanting to drink and why that I haven’t this go-round. I will when the time is right — we work opposite schedules so don’t see each other a lot during that. I will be honest about the not drinking and the not wanting a bottle of my flavor around. He’s respectful and supportive, sometimes he just can’t keep up, and who could blame him? Hah!

    • Understand entirely – my ex thought he was doing a really nice thing by buying me a nice bottle of wine as a pressie – just had to keep telling him I’m not drinking anymore until he got the message.

  • Lars posted an update 1 month ago

    I just realized that my guy bought me a bottle of vodka. He’s trying to be kind, not knowing I dumped out the last one. I’m really dedicated to not drinking after my last bout with it, plus the joint pain I’ve had since. It’s helpful to have a big reason not to drink, even though I know my happiness and health are pretty big reasons. I will not drink that bottle, not even a sip.

    • JM replied 1 month ago

      If I can give advice @Lars – you have to get rid of that bottle, at this early stage of sobriety, that can be too much of a temptation. Could you ask him to give it to a friend? xo

      • Lars replied 1 month ago

        Yeah, I’m definitely going to ask him. It’s sort of funny that he even bought it. He can’t keep up with me, and I don’t blame him! xo

    • Lucy replied 1 month ago

      Good … well done. x

    • Yes, regift, FAST !! Good skills to keep your thinking intact.
      Have you heard about Keto eating for joint pain? I am a bit obsessed with it for many health reasons, but wow, amazing for so many people. (Sensible healthy keto – Mediterranean diet type keto, not the overload bacon and meat type)

      • yeah I’d get rid of it @Lars 🙂 xx @morgan my joints are beginning to play up and its stopping me doing things I love which is super uncool and really messing with my mental health, when the hell did I start getting old enough to have joint pains???? – I’ll research this…. xx

        • Lars replied 1 month ago

          Yeah, that deep pain can really mess with you. It can be defeating, which is why it’s so important to manage it. Take care of yourself, @trace! xo

      • The intermittent fasting also helps with joint pain, I am much better now that I mainly eat between 9 and five. Even better when my eating is healthy!

        • Interestingly simple !!! Trouble is I often eat around 8pm after getting home from various things, and then I am meant to wait until 12 or 1pm for food which can be a bit long when working with young people. I do have the keto idea – 1/2 milk/cream with tea in the morning and some cream in my coffee, so it is really not a proper fast period at all 🙁 🙁 🙁

          I must try and eat earlier, and get back to the time when I suddenly realised/felt dinner wasn’t the be all and end all. I think the Summer helped that though. In winter it is the comfort of hot food that helps.

        • Lars replied 1 month ago

          That’s good to know about the fasting, @robynb! Thanks!

      • Lars replied 1 month ago

        I haven’t heard of keto eating for joint pain, but I have been reading an anti-inflammatory book. I already have so many dietaries, so adding to the list is a bit daunting but I’m motivated to feel as best as I can. I’m going grocery shopping today, because I obviously need to cook for myself and keep it stocked. I’ll definitely look into keto, though. The big things I’m trying to avoid for joint pain: tomato, peanut, dairy, sugar. Those are the things currently in my diet that I don’t think are good for me — I did a little experiment a couple days ago. Anyhow, thanks for the suggestions @morgan! xo

        • Go you for testing yourself. Keto is really different in that you can’t dabble, you are either in ketosis or not (measurable with pee sticks is the easiest test). It is a delightful way to eat, and you choose your food to suit, just leaving out all sugars, grains and most root veg – anything growing underground will have too many carbohydrates, and most fruit is way to high in sugar = carbs too. Berries are fine and some other delightful fruits, and you add more as your body gets better at swinging into ketosis.

          The balance needs to be about 70% healthy fats (olive oil, coconut oil, nuts, maybe no dairy for you, just coconut cream), 15-20% protein and 10-15% carbs – at first. Then the carb ratio can go up, or once a week eat what you like etc – a very free diet and one finds one’s own way. The energy and clarity is just glorious. Like stopping drinking, I lament I didn’t find this years ago. Where are you? I seem to remember not NZ? You could join the NZ FB Keto site – tell them you blog with us. The top has perfect information, and you can search joint pain, and see the healing!! it still amazes me after a year

        • PS Once in ketosis, you may find you can eat anything. As our bodies heal, many very different thing happen. Dairy used to make me a bit ill if I had too much, now I can do cream with bells on. No milk though – full of carbs. 1/2 1/2 is ok.

        • Lars replied 1 month ago

          @morgan, you are awesome. Thank you! I love that you’ve found such a positive way to eat. I’m still figuring mine out, as when I get busy I tend to eat the same boring rice, vegetable (usually just kale when busy), egg. And bars made from peanuts. I went to the store and got lots of nuts and some herbs to make pesto (hello flavor!).
          I also have an iron deficiency, and whether I admit it or not, I suffer from a lot of those symptoms. A few months ago I ate at a fancy steakhouse and felt on top of the world for the next two days. When our bodies are in balance a wonderful thing can happen, and I’d love to achieve that more regularly!
          Thanks again for all the suggestions, morgan. I really appreciate it!

    • Have you talked to your guy about your not wanting to drink and why?

      • Lars replied 1 month ago

        I’ve talked to my guy so much about my not wanting to drink and why that I haven’t this go-round. I will when the time is right — we work opposite schedules so don’t see each other a lot during that. I will be honest about the not drinking and the not wanting a bottle of my flavor around. He’s respectful and supportive, sometimes he just can’t keep up, and who could blame him? Hah!

        • Understand entirely – my ex thought he was doing a really nice thing by buying me a nice bottle of wine as a pressie – just had to keep telling him I’m not drinking anymore until he got the message.

  • Lars posted a new activity comment 1 month ago

    It’s such a web of alluring lies. Great job fighting your way out of it and freeing yourself. And congrats on 19 months! That’s wonderful!

  • Lars posted an update 1 month ago

    I have pretty sudden joint pain that started small a week ago and really grew over the last couple days. I just made the mistake of googling it. I have a dr appointment next month, but I’m going to see if I can move it up. Damnit. The kicker is that I don’t have health insurance right now. One big thing I strongly dislike about the US. Of course my mind has spiraled over the last couple days, but the good thing is that I do not want to drink…not even in the slightest.

    • Oh, geez:(. I hope its not serious, and I hear you on the insurance thing. Don’t Google medical ailments! It leads to needing mental health help, lol.

    • Big hugs out to you @Lars well done for sticking to your guns and not touching the evil poison.

  • Lars posted a new activity comment 1 month, 1 week ago

    Yes it does! Safe travels to you.

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