• Lars posted a new activity comment 6 hours, 59 minutes ago

    Welcome, and you’re right the first sentence is the best place to start. There’s tons of info here, enjoy discovering it!

  • Lars posted a new activity comment 22 hours, 59 minutes ago

    Yeah, I have the same question from time to time. I’d drink because I was sick, as if it helped — I sure told myself it did. When you feel better, and I hope you feel better sooon, you’re gonna feel like a million bucks!

  • Lars posted a new activity comment 23 hours, 1 minute ago

    It’s a good road to be on; a great community to be apart of. Welcome! Happy new year to you! It only gets better from here.

    • Thanks for the messages everyone. Its really encouraging to know that you are not totally insane all by yourself. One thing I have learnt about continuing drinking is you are always one step away from the ”not yet” moment.. And by that, I mean loosing your license, loosing your family, loosing your job, being in debt.. hiding from the ”normal” people your true dirty little secret and all the while fooling yourself that you are able to function and hide that part of you that you turn into when you pick up a drink. 2 1/2 years ago, I went to AA, desperate to find answers and help. I stayed sober for 6 weeks. The longest I have ever been sober in my life. AA was brilliant, but again, I picked up and 2 years later, in Feb this year, I lost my license. I now have an interlock system in my car.. my relationships with my two sons and my partner, have been strained.. I lost contact with my family for a year.. only just rekindled that.. And, yet, my sons stick by me.. But I know they are just waiting for the next time I do something or say something or ruin something.. As, that is the only thing you can guarantee when you drink.. You might get lucky and only get the hangover.. but, 9 times out of 10.. I collected carnage at the expense of my own self worth.. the disrespect of others and the shame of having to say sorry over and over again.. until I pick up the next drink, normally a 24 hour period after.. then the cycle begins again. I know, as I have had a day 1 before, that the journey is easy one day 1 with a hangover.. I know getting to week 2 takes a lot of soul searching.. I know getting to week 6 felt amazing and the clarity and guilt free living that came with it ensured peaceful brain and actions. But, I have never been past week 6. At 45, I do not want to spend the remainder of my life slowly killing myself and everyone else around me. If reincarnation isnt real, then the thought of one life, more than half way through.. and I have exhausted…[Read more]

      • The best birthday present you could ever give yourself- saving your life and getting to the point those loyal wonderful sons will be trusting and proud.
        Stay close. We will be here for you.

      • Happy birthday! What a great present for yourself joining this great place – I am 45 too, week ten sober done and dusted tomorrow. I am hoping to live to 90 with this second half of my life free of the alcohol drug. I feel like I get to wipe the slate clean and start the next 45 fresh. All the best 😘

      • Thanks for sharing. It’s good for us to. I had a low moment on Sunday night where I got way too drunk in front of my younger kids (late elementary school), AFTER I had promised that I would never do that again last month. It broke my heart to talk to them about it the next day, but I’m being open and honest about this stuff with them so they can learn and I’m more determined than every before. This needs to stop! Well said: “The only way I can get myself back is to stop what is stopping me.” Get ourselves back, get our families’ trust back, get our health and happiness back, the list goes on… Let’s rock this Day 2 no matter what comes along today. @itsnowornever

  • Lars posted a new activity comment 23 hours, 3 minutes ago

    You will. Hang out here more, check in often. You’ll get it eventually. Take good care of yourself!

  • Lars posted an update 23 hours, 5 minutes ago

    Checking in. D19. I honestly had no idea which day it was. I have blips of drinking thoughts, but the are passing quickly right now (thankfully). I’ve been busy lately, and I really believe that it helps me stay on course.
    Here’s to another sober day!

    • Well done you. Keep on going, one foot in front of the other. And keep taking good care of yourself so you don’t get caught off guard. Day 19 is awesome xo

  • Lars posted an update 3 days, 22 hours ago

    i made it home from a friend’s birthday party, and though I’ve hung out with these people a lot without drinking, it still feels like such an achievement. Woo!

    Have a great one!

  • Lars posted an update 5 days, 6 hours ago

    D16.
    Unexpected day off.
    Cue cravings.
    I have a long list of things to do to keep myself from drinking, but I’m in the mood where I want to whine. However! I don’t have to drink. It’s not necessary.
    Send me good vibes. I don’t want to drink. Nope.

    • Complain away as much as you want!! Just don’t drink! You sound very determined and ready to distract yourself. I’m sure you will get through the day. Post some more if you need to. We are here cheering for you @Lars.

    • Officially sending good vibes from New York. Whine all you want to … but no wine for you.

    • Sending some positive thoughts your way!

    • We can whine together @lars… the weather here in the UK is shit… but were not drinking booze so it’s a good day… we can stay strong together… xx

    • Oh yes, that unexpected day off to throw a wrench into your plans. I always thought I should be working like a madwoman when that happens but to not drink, I just kind of bumbled around wasting time. I told myself it was better to go easy on myself and avoid cravings than work like crazy and wish I was drinking.

  • Lars posted a new activity comment 5 days, 21 hours ago

    I love hearing that! Congrats to you on all these achievements! What a beautiful gift sobriety is. xoxo

  • Lars posted a new activity comment 6 days, 13 hours ago

    And in case you don’t know Belle, her site is http://www.tiredofthinkingaboutdrinking.com

  • Lars posted a new activity comment 6 days, 13 hours ago

    I’ve had too many to even guess. I had a year and a half sober, and what changed for me is really sinking into supports. I had accountability (Belle and LS), treats, reading, audios, doing as little as possible, replacement drinks, if you can think of it, I did it. At 18 months I had stopped with the supports and fell off. And you guessed it — I’ve had a hard time getting back up. I’m doing it, though, and you know how…SUPPORT!
    It’s the beginning that’s really difficult for me, but once I get momentum it’s just the new normal. I’d really recommend Belle’s book, it has helped me a lot and makes it very approachable + she has a section with some 60 supports. If one doesn’t work, try two others and “layer them on” as she says. And you have to do it daily.
    You can do this. Almost everyone here has struggled to get momentum, so you are not alone in that. You are definitely worth it, so just throw supports at that drinking voice to quiet it. And the further away you get from day 1, the softer it becomes.

    • And in case you don’t know Belle, her site is http://www.tiredofthinkingaboutdrinking.com

    • Hi @Lars. I could have written your post myself. With the help of Living Sober and some great books, I had 154 days of sobriety a couple of years ago, and loved it. Managed to get through Thanksgiving, Christmas and even a trip to Las Vegas without even wanting a drink. My dad became very ill, and I had to travel home to help out and accepted a glass of wine as soon as I got off the plane and was off and running. I’ve had a really hard time getting momentum back, but I definitely think it sure helps when you have some. You don’t want to lose it. And it is also much harder to get it again, after you’ve thrown it away. But it can be done, and we will do it! Looking forward to seeing Day 1 far back in the rear view mirror! I love Belle’s podcasts and especially loved her story about comparing sobriety to a cross country trip in a little sober car. I think I’ll go back and revisit it. Thanks so much for the advice. 😃

  • Lars posted an update 1 week, 2 days ago

    Today someone around me said, “you know, not drinking is becoming more popular.” That’s when it hit me! What if, in the not so distant future people say things like, “remember when everyone used to drink? Ugh, how silly.” I know it seems like a stretch, but stranger things have happened.
    Maybe we’re really onto something here. 🙂

    • I remember when ladies didn’t really drink. My nana has a wee glass of sherry, wine was only for special occasions. Mind you dad made the most of the 6 o’clock swirl and half gs of beer

    • Yes, we have chatted about that on multiple occasions. I don’t know if everyone will quit but someday like smoking I hope it becomes more popular in the future. Would be so cool – it’s definitely starting!!!

    • I think it’s coming Lars. Maybe not in the next 10 years but soon. Drinking will be the new smoking- totally socially unacceptable and with lots of known health risks. Then coffee after that, and any form of diet control!

    • I think it’s coming too. There is a lot more emphasis put on the dangers of it on college campuses – mine has a zero tolerance policy.

    • Just like with smoking tobacco….humans catch onto that industry behind it. Lots of money in keeping society drugged up, lots of tax to be made too. oxoxox

    • This can’t be true. I’ve NEVER been in the popular group!

  • Lars posted a new activity comment 1 week, 5 days ago

    I went through the same thing today. I was pretty sure I was going to drink, but I didn’t. We are going to be thanking ourselves tomorrow, and hopefully before then too. 🙂
    Sending strength and encouragement!!!

  • Lars posted an update 2 weeks, 1 day ago

    Did yoga today, finished a project and cleaned some. Now I’m in bed and could have been here hours before, so I’m so grateful for it. Ahhh…bed…
    Another day sober and so glad about it.
    Good night, friends.

  • Lars posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 1 day ago

    At least you have your boots to look forward to. Sleep well and travel safe!

  • Lars posted an update 2 weeks, 3 days ago

    Hi, all!
    Sunday here, and so far it’s been a great one. So very glad I didn’t drink yesterday, and I’m not going to today either. I feel a lot better even though I’m still tired and worn out. I know that feeling will subside, but I’m just rolling with it for now.
    Thank you all for your words yesterday. One thing that’s great about me is that I don’t give up. I keep trying until I get it figured out. I trust that one day (soon) I will get it figured out, at least a bit more than I have. 😉

    • Hi @Lars! Amazing, yes don’t give up. For me, the figuring it out came with just keeping the sober momentum going. 2 weeks tomorrow!
      : )

    • One thing I love about you @Lars is that you say “One thing that’s great about me…”. You’re already ahead of the game when you become your own cheerleader!

  • Lars posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 3 days ago

    Yes we can, @yeswecan! Today I am not drinking. How about you?

  • Lars posted an update 2 weeks, 4 days ago

    I’m sad and exhausted. May was not very kind to, but as they say, “when it rains, it pours.”
    I had some beers this week, giving up my 21 days. I’m having a tough time getting momentum, which has always been my problem…until it wasn’t.
    I’m sad and exhausted, sitting here pretending to work. I’m thinking about drinking, but I know it isn’t the best idea for me. I know that it doesn’t help in the grand scheme of things; I know that I don’t have an OFF button, and that I will not feel good tomorrow.

    And there I have it, writing that was enough for me to solve my own problem:
    go for a walk, run errands that you want/need to and buy something for yourself, watch tv, take a fucking day off because you need it — you aren’t actually getting anything done, rest or work, so choose rest.

    I know I can do this sober thing, but I’m lacking faith so I’m doubting myself. One sober day at a time, right?

    • Yes @Lars! Take it easy tonight. You can start again. Sorry about your difficult month. Hope June’s easier. x

    • Hey, @lars, hope you have a great june. get home, start using your tools. What are your tools? play it forward, surf the urge? distract sounds like it? with the walk, run errands, do something for your self. be well.

    • That 21 days don’t go to waste completely @Lars. It could mean you’re getting closer and closer to your true Day 1 ~ my two cts. I like your list of distractions you’ve planned out for the evening, like kitten mentioned. Sometimes it’s nice to crank up a bit of music, too?

    • I know that feeling of I’ve given in again. So many negatives emotion tied up in that. Depression, failure, flatness, darkness, feeling like you want to give up. But 3 awesome weeks! There’s light there, you did that! Put those beers behind you and move forward one day at a time again. Figure out why exactly you chose to drink instead of say, going to bed, and do something different next time. Here’s to a great June for you.

    • Be kind to yourself, and Annie Grace also says, it takes time to find your forever day 1!! Forgive yourself!!

    • I’ve been too ashamed to post about myself, but after reading your message today I am going to a very uncomfortable place.
      I’m in the same boat with you. Shall we set out together? Lets make today count (again).

    • Sounds like your may, was my april. I had 22 AF days back then, then backslid, and it was a shit show. I hear you on how hard it is to get AF traction after slipping. Back on the horse, and better to stay there. The view is a whole lot better, for sure..

    • One sober day at a time, that’s right. oxoxoxox Hugs, if you’d like them today.
      Now might be a good time to get additional support on board, if that feels right. I would have kept relapsing without therapy, no doubt in my mind about that.
      It’s ok to ask for help.
      oxoxoxo

  • Lars posted an update 3 weeks, 4 days ago

    D21!!! It feels good to see that number.
    I’ve had drinking thoughts this week, “why am I doing this sober thing?” I’m able to tell myself that one turns into many and it makes me feel terrible.
    I just can’t drink anymore. Plain and simple.
    Work is busy, but I’m crawling my way out of student loan debt (finally), which feels so liberating. My heart still hurts from losing my cat, but I keep going because that’s what we do. I could use a vacation, though, so I’m trying to take rests through the day. Not quite a vacation, but every little bit helps. Just one moment at a time. 🙂

  • Lars posted an update 3 weeks, 6 days ago

    D19.
    My number keeps growing, and now that I’ve passed the two week mark I feel stronger. I’m still going through hard times, but they are beginning to feel lighter. I’m focusing on what needs to be done now, and making sure to take time to give into cravings for rest.
    I’m excited to be coming up on three weeks, and 30 days. It helped me this time to make note in my calendar (with a notification) of certain days: 7, 10, 16, 21, 30. It gave me something to look forward to, especially day 16 you’re really supposed to start to feel better.
    Anyhow, happy to be sober. And happy sober day to you!

  • Lars posted an update 1 month ago

    And there are those cravings, where I don’t remember what’s at stake. What will it hurt? Me. That’s what. D16 and this is where the real work begins for me. I know I’m better without.

  • Lars posted a new activity comment 1 month ago

    I’m sorry about your party, but a huge success on attending and not drinking! It’s so much better in the morning. 😉

    • Seni replied 1 month ago

      It really is! And the party wouldn’t have been better with drinking 😉

  • Lars posted a new activity comment 1 month ago

    Woohoo! Congrats on 13 day booze free. Keep checking in, there’s a lot of good here.

  • Lars posted a new activity comment 1 month ago

    It’s encouraging, isn’t it? The lead-up can be difficult, for me anyhow, but I love how easy social gatherings can be when I decide to not drink. Drinking is so distracting, especially if you want to do anything after…or the next day. 😉 Way to go!

  • Lars posted a new activity comment 1 month ago

    There’s so much freedom in sobriety. We can do whatever we want, or don’t want to do! Happy sober day (303!!) to you! xo

  • Lars posted a new activity comment 1 month ago

    What a positive and encouraging post! Congrats on day 442 AND getting married in 3 weeks!!! I hope everything is falling into place, and that you have a wonderful celebration that you will remember. Huge congrats!

  • Lars posted a new activity comment 1 month ago

    Pick yourself up and try not to beat yourself up. There are some people who can drink moderately, and then there’s the rest of us. We just can’t drink because we feel terrible when we do. It happened but it doesn’t have to happen today…or tomorrow…or the day after, or the day after that. Be kind to you. xo

    • It is true, pick yourself up….dust yourself off and start over. Deep breath in, it is a new day….I will start again with you

    • It’s so bloody hard @shalane and I would be n
      Honoured to go in this journey with you. One day at a time Xs am going to keep trying @lars and Thankyou for your kind words x

  • Lars posted an update 1 month ago

    D13 and feeling better. I’m just sort of getting through this time, and I’m just fine with that. I’m so glad I’m not drinking. I have a friend who lost a beloved pet a couple months ago, who just isn’t dealing with it. Tonight on my drive home, as I admired the big and beautiful moon I thanked myself for not drinking myself through this grief. No matter where any of us are, booze will not make it better. This much I know.

    • Wholeheartly agree with you there. I to am just plodding through this time and I’m ok with that. We must remember how frickin amazballs we are for not drinking.

    • Congrats fellow Day 13. 2weeks tomorrow!! 🙌 we got this!

    • It’s true ! Congrats on day 13! I feel like perspective changes so much on things as we do sober! Amazing what we notice on the journey that we’d be oblivious to while we were in the throes of drink

  • Lars posted an update 1 month ago

    Day 12 and counting. I feel like I’m just getting back to things, like I’m no longer disrupting my life. Even though I wish I could lay on the couch and read / watch tv endlessly, I’m getting back to work and knocking things off my list. I was really sad to be off the couch yesterday, but once work got busy I felt a lightness that I haven’t felt for a while. Hard work helps the time go by, and is good for not getting out of my head.
    Moment by moment I am healing.

    • sounds like you,re in a good place, keeping busy does help, day 12 is fab xx

    • Day 12 here too!! Yes I’m noticing the same feeling, it’s nice aye?!

    • @lars moment by moment is such a good way to think about it – thank you. Here at day 8 and feeling cautiously optimistic. Thinking a lot about how my body and mind are slowly healing on this AF journey. Day 12 so great – congrats!

    • congrats on day 12, healing feels excellent doesn’t. so many levels.

  • Lars posted a new activity comment 1 month ago

    Staying sober today is your priority. Sometimes nothing is truly wrong, but we get in bad habits of blotting out. Sometimes it’s just out of boredom. Have you picked up a hobby that you enjoy? Even if it’s evening / morning / afternoon walks, little changes that fill us up, help us get out of our heads can do tremendous good. Take it easy, @teazy. xoxo

  • Lars posted a new activity comment 1 month ago

    I’m familiar with this kind of friend. Just remember that you can leave at any time in order to keep your sobriety, even if your friend pitches a fit. I hope you have a nice visit!

    • Seni replied 1 month ago

      Thank you, it was nice most of the time! I feel comfortable with my decision and always glad to be home without that stuff in my body, able to sleep well and wake up rested!

  • Lars posted a new activity comment 1 month ago

    Sorry to hear of the hometown catastrophe. That is so sad. Gonna keep truckin along and not destroy my day with booze. Big hugs to you! xoxo

  • Lars posted a new activity comment 1 month ago

    Thank you , @temperance. I will do a little better day by day. xoxo

  • Lars posted a new activity comment 1 month ago

    Thanks @malibustacey! Her name was Mia and she was 2 weeks shy of 17. I adopted her when she was 4 months old, so we were together a long time. She was a long, grey haired kitty — so incredibly sweet and soft. She had a good life, and I miss her so much, as I will. I know the pain will get more gentle, and that I’m most certainly in the grips of the stages of grief, but it gets overwhelming. I won’t be drinking my way through this process, though, which is a huge relief. Thanks for asking, and for that huge heart! 😉 xoxo

    • Thanks for writing back, @Lars. I’ll bet the gorgeous little Mia PJ Pants adores(d) you so much, she will never be too far. xo. All this…and you’re doing straight & REAL. Bless bless.

  • Lars posted a new activity comment 1 month ago

    So good to see you here @seedynomore!
    My last day one was excruciating, and my guy said “one day you’ll get tired of feeling like this.” And my response was, “oh, I’m SO tired of this. It’s a matter of realizing what it will do in the morning the night before.” And I know, but I revert to the casual, non-thinking me which is not ME. I’ve surrendered to the fact that I simply cannot drink, which is where I was when I quit for so long. The time in my life has come, and I just can’t drink.
    How are YOU?! I’ll check to see if you posted. Wishing you all the best, dear. I’m glad you still log on from time to time. 🙂 xoxo

  • Lars posted an update 1 month ago

    I’m in bed on day 10. This is around the time I’ve slipped the last few times so I want to check in to keep myself on track.
    Im currently riddled with regrets, mostly surrounding the recent death of my cat. I know it’s part of the process, but I’m really wishing I wouldn’t have drank these last months with her. I had lots of good and sober time with her, but I’m just kicking myself right now. I know it isn’t healthy, so I’ll try to shed it quickly. Perhaps I’ll write a gratitude list in the morning, and write some wonderful things about our time over the years. That could help change this channel.

    • Aww Lars so sorry to read about your cat. I havent logged on here for quite some time so it is so nice to see a familiar name. What’s up @Lars ? You have been sober for so many months in succession and you know you have it in you to just stop! I think, for me it’s just been a matter of saying NO I cant drink because it changes who I am and I want to just be me. Miserable and all lol. Keep trying because I know you are going to get fed up with the mind battle eventually. XO

      • Lars replied 1 month ago

        So good to see you here @seedynomore!
        My last day one was excruciating, and my guy said “one day you’ll get tired of feeling like this.” And my response was, “oh, I’m SO tired of this. It’s a matter of realizing what it will do in the morning the night before.” And I know, but I revert to the casual, non-thinking me which is not ME. I’ve surrendered to the fact that I simply cannot drink, which is where I was when I quit for so long. The time in my life has come, and I just can’t drink.
        How are YOU?! I’ll check to see if you posted. Wishing you all the best, dear. I’m glad you still log on from time to time. 🙂 xoxo

    • What was the name of your pal? What did she look like? Whoa, did I read about her reaching 17 yrs of age, @Lars? Only extraordinary love and care allows a cat to reach that dear age, aye. (Huge heart emoticon thingy) xo

      • Lars replied 1 month ago

        Thanks @malibustacey! Her name was Mia and she was 2 weeks shy of 17. I adopted her when she was 4 months old, so we were together a long time. She was a long, grey haired kitty — so incredibly sweet and soft. She had a good life, and I miss her so much, as I will. I know the pain will get more gentle, and that I’m most certainly in the grips of the stages of grief, but it gets overwhelming. I won’t be drinking my way through this process, though, which is a huge relief. Thanks for asking, and for that huge heart! 😉 xoxo

        • Thanks for writing back, @Lars. I’ll bet the gorgeous little Mia PJ Pants adores(d) you so much, she will never be too far. xo. All this…and you’re doing straight & REAL. Bless bless.

    • Great strategies @Lars. The early bedtime and the gratitude. You can honour your baby by doing a little bit better, day by day. Much love to you.

    • hey, @lars, hope you are feeling better. i couldn’t shake the lost of my long time friend and cat for months. i just learned to live with it. mia sounds beautiful. Boozing will not help.

  • Lars posted an update 1 month, 1 week ago

    I’m going strong in my sobriety. I’ve been incorporating my sober tools that got me sober in the first place, which I had disregarded for so long. Turns out they actually work! (still) Doh!
    My guy and I went grocery shopping and I had a craving, so I bought myself a bubbly water (we have so much at home). He didn’t understand why, so I explained to him that to quell my craving I bought myself something refreshing.
    I’m still absolutely heartbroken from losing my kitty, and so is my other kitty which is both comforting and sad, but it’s also helping me be strong. Talking to my guy last night about questioning if I made the right decision helped me. I’m definitely experiencing all the classic stages of grief. I’ve never lost a pet who I solely cared for for so long, so I really didn’t know what to expect. I just miss her so much.
    And with that, I’m off to start my day. Today I will not drink. There are things I have to do, and I will not do more than I can handle but I have a list of things to do if I feel up for it. I’m letting my body, and mostly my heart, guide me right now. I can do, or not do, whatever it wants (excluding alcohol). I’ve eaten a lot of sugar lately. 😉
    Happy sober day, all. xo

    • Losing a pet is so hard. You’re doing great. Hugs to you.

    • Funny how those tools work but we chose to ignore them 😂 well done on choosing water and explaining it to your guy. Sorry you lost a pet, yes it does leave a hole 💕

    • Glad to hear you’re doing ok @Lars. It’ll be tough for a while. Pets are like our children! Stay sober. Good job! Your strength helps us all out!

    • you’re doing so well Lars, big hugs hon xxx

  • Lars posted a new activity comment 1 month, 1 week ago

    Day one is always the worst, and our goal is to move as far away from it and this feeling so we can begin to heal our lives. Take it easy today. Cry if you need. Nap if necessary. At the end of the day, make sure you have an af drink – I like bubbly water and tea – and cheers yourself for not drinking. And tell yourself that you never want to feel like this again, and dedicate yourself to X amount of af days (30, 100, 180, etc.). You’ve got this. xoxo

    • Izzy I’m with you here take it easy and try to be kind to yourself. Step by step. Day by day.

    • Thank you so much. Yes day 1s are pretty shitty. Youd think there would only be one of them because they are so bad! I’m sure tomorrow will be better xo

  • Lars posted a new activity comment 1 month, 1 week ago

    First off, congrats on 534 days! That is so wonderful! Secondly, I think you’ve really hit the nail on the head – you can’t accept responsibility what was done to you, but you can accept responsibility for how it continues to effect you. Really healing that part of your life – grieving what happened, what wasn’t, and then forgiving – can really make a difference. Ultimately, this is YOUR life and you need to grab it back from who tried to take it or control it. Abuse is, unfortunately, a hard part to life, but you are STRONG and you can do this…in time. Have grace and know it will not be healed over night. We’re here for you, and I’m sending you a {{big}} virtual hug. xoxo

  • Lars posted a new activity comment 1 month, 1 week ago

    That’s a great attitude, despite the bickering and sadness. You’re taking care of yourself, which is oh so important. You’ve got the hang of this, and I’m happy to hear you’re dedicating to another 100 days. I hope your day is rejuvenating. 🙂

  • Lars posted an update 1 month, 1 week ago

    D7 and going. I’m taking the most delicate care of myself right now, and the sunshine and flowers are helping…and couch cuddles with my other cat while watching tv.

    • Hey, day 7 is great. Couch, cat and TV is a perfect match! 🙂

    • I love the way you put that – “the most delicate care”. Really resonates with me. Feeling fragile, raw, brittle and newly born at day 3 – and I am going to care for myself gently over the next days and weeks. Enjoy your sunshine and cuddles

      • Raw is a great word and speaks volumes. You do need to look after yourself so much, especially early on, because you are fragile and New and vulnerable. Xx

    • Well done on reaching day three . I remember my early days and someone posted that I should wear my sobriety as an armour and feeling like mine was just a thin, flimsy spidersweb. I can say now that in just 4 months my armour feels strong and robust and does help protect me and gets even stronger as everyday passes. Hang in there, you are stronger then you give yourself credit for and will continue to grow stonger with every minute that passes. All the best with your journey 💕

    • oxoxoxoxooxxoxoxo

    • Bravossimo !!! My cat is a big part of my recovery , couches too . Haha .You are doing this wow . xxx

  • Lars posted a new activity comment 1 month, 1 week ago

    Not sweet fatbum @janus2!!! I’m so sorry. I know how much you love that fur ball. They really are special gifts, aren’t they? Sending love your way, always.

  • Lars posted an update 1 month, 1 week ago

    Day 6 and I don’t want to look back; I want to build my momentum back up, only getting stronger and truer to myself. I know how to do this, and with this community I feel like I can.
    Happy sober day, all. We can do this!

  • Lars posted an update 1 month, 1 week ago

    Thanks for all the support, friends. I saw my day through to the end without drinking, and I’m glad I did. I thought about my kitty and how many times I felt guilt for not being present for her through the years. And as many of you said, drinking would only extend my grief. Thank you for saying so, I needed those reminders.

    Today sucked but it also makes me appreciate the life that we all have, and those in it. xoxo

    • Hugs @Lars. Not an easy day and well done you for not picking up the bottle. Many hugs

    • sorry for the loss of your kitty Lars. it’s like losing a person xxx

    • @lars Well done for not picking up! Keep coming back here to LS for support with your loss for as long as you need!

    • Yup well i lost my long lost fatbum, and its like it was their time. Do we want to hang on to them because we love them so much. I coukdnt do that to my fatbum, sure you couldnt do that to your cat. I will never in my life forget fatbum wimper twice before she died, in my head for ever. Life cycle, ours as well.

      • Not sweet fatbum @janus2!!! I’m so sorry. I know how much you love that fur ball. They really are special gifts, aren’t they? Sending love your way, always.

    • Aww I am sorry to hear about your kitty 😥
      But huge congratulations for not giving in to alcohol ❤️

    • So so glad to hear you won the battle Lars! Hoping each day is easier. Pets are just so important as they give such unconditional love. There are so many homeless pets out there. I’ll bet after a grieving period you’ll think about loving another ! Your Cat is at peace and you can feel that as well

    • @lars i am so sorry u lost your kitty. That is just awful. Very impressed by u for not drinking. Sending peaceful vibes your way.🙏

    • oxoxxoxoxoxoxox
      Lots of hugs your way.
      Your kitty loved you just as much back, and if she/he had been able to talk, I bet my left arm he/she would NOT want you to drink over his/her passing across the rainbow bridge.

      oxoxox

      I read somewhere that to honor our loved ones who passed on, we can take extra good care of ourselves….easier said than done…but ultimately these loving beings WANT us to feel safe and healthy and taken care of.

      oxoxoxoxoo
      You’re a legend for not drinking last night.

  • Lars posted an update 1 month, 1 week ago

    Please tell me why I shouldn’t drink when I just lost my cat of almost 17 years. I know I shouldn’t, but my heart is broken and the desire to numb is great.

    • ohhhh. horrible. i lost mine of 17, two years ago. it is still painful. why not drink? because it will not make the pain go away. best. sorry for your loss.

    • @Lars it certainly won’t take the pain away but it sure will create new pain! Allow yourself to grieve. It’s absolutely ok to feel pain of losing your friend of 17 years. Think of all the wonderful times and good life you had with your cat and celebrate that you had those times with a healthy alternate drink. Take care!

      • Oh @Lars I am so sorry to hear that, I know yesterday you were saying it might be time. Massive massive hugs. It is easy to want to bury our grief in a bottle but that isn’t grieving, that’s masking the grief. You are allowed to be sad, to cry, to fall to pieces. I slept with my cats ashes for many months and felt sad for a long time. Acknowledge your broken heart, do some self care and know it is human to allow those emotions to just be present. Huge hugs

    • Oh @Lars, I am so SO sorry! That must be so painful. I can only say if you push through today/tonight, you’ll feel better tomorrow. Could you think of staying sober as a way of honouring your sweet kitty? xo

    • oxoxxoxoxox
      I am so sorry for your loss, Lars 🙁
      Is there any way you can stay with a safe and loving friend or family member tonight so that you don’t have to be home?

    • It honestly only makes the pain worse and then in my case I can’t stop. It took me quitting work and physically going down the tubes with my liver and kidneys to quit last time. Remember it’s really hard to get off that hamster wheel. Sending my love and sincerest condolences….kitty loved you and wouldn’t want you to make yourself sick! xoxoxoxox I’m so sorry.

    • Oh sweet Lars! Losing your cat is just the worst. It hurts so much. I know that deep empty pit in your soul. Drinking won’t fill it, just temporarily numb it and then you’ll feel worse. Sending big hugs to you! xoxo

    • @lars if you drink you won’t be honouring your cat who also loved you so much!! I am really feeling for you as my furry friend died one month short of 22 years old last September. I still miss her a great deal, but I was able to remember how special she was because I didn’t pick up. Let the grief do it’s work or you won’t be able to work through the loss at its appropriate pace. Sending big hugs your way!

    • I’m so sorry for your loss 😢. “ We who choose to surround ourselves with lives
      Even more temporary than our own,
      Live within a fragile circle,
      Easily and often breached.
      Unable to accept its awful gaps,
      We still would live no other way” Irving Townsend

    • Oh @lars I’m so sorry. Nothing more to add to what’s been said.
      I love that quote @marie2.

  • Lars posted an update 1 month, 1 week ago

    My sweet kitty (2 weeks away from 17yo) has taken another turn for the worse. I’m really heartbroken about this, currently thinking ill see how she is in the morning and make the call if she isn’t better. I hate this so much! I’ve been so positive and logical the last two weeks, but I’m back to heartbreak and dread. I know I’ll be ok, but I’m not right now. Thankfully, my other cat is healthy and being really supportive by cuddling with me.
    I just keep thinking that by giving her fluids daily I’m prolonging her life, but that it’s for my benefit because I don’t want her to go. She’s not really that happy. Fuck. Well, for now I will try to sleep and see what tomorrow brings.
    Thanks for listening, and sorry for being a bummer. I appreciate all the compassion this beautiful community has. ❤️

    • So sorry @Lars to hear your pet is so sick. We become so attached to them in our lives. Take care. Xx

      • Massive hugs. I am a cat lover as well and they are our fur children. Never easy decisions. Sleep on it and have good cuddles with kitty x

    • It’s just the most frickin awful decision to make @lars. No sorries about sharing this, please, it’s heartbreaking stuff. Hope your and kitty’s night together is tender and you get to say what you need to. xx

    • Aww Hun I am so sorry to hear that 😥. Fur babies are such a big part of people’s families it is such a hard decision to face.
      I hope you get a good restful sleep ❤️❤️❤️

    • I am so sorry Lars… 🙁 Pets are family. I remember a friend of mine was devastated when her very very old cat (nearing 20) passed as this cat had been with her through moving, a difficult divorce, and much more. oxoxoxox
      You will know what to do and when. For now, get that night’s sleep in.

      oxoxooxo

    • So sorry @Lars.. This is heartbreaking shit. Great that you have another one though. It really helps but still, it’s so hard. xoxox

    • Awww so sorry @lars

  • Lars posted an update 1 month, 1 week ago

    I am grateful this morning, finally feeling a bit more level. Life still feels a bit heavy, but I’m taking it moment by moment and that seems like enough for now. Yesterday I said something I needed to hear: life doesn’t get easier, but you develop skills to help cope along the way.
    I really have a lot on my mind, but I’m filling my calendar up and watching tv in between events. I could use some exercise in my life, but that will come soon.
    One damn day at a time. 🙂

    • I like to feel level. Sending a hug Lars. xx

    • grateful is a happy state of mind, i find 🙂 glad for you lars. sorry to hear about the kitteh – i love and adore my cats so i have a lot of sympathy for your poor old guy xxx

  • Lars posted an update 1 month, 1 week ago

    I do not want to do anything today, but I must. Checking in here, going to work for half an hour, then shower. Small chunks will eventually get things done…maybe. Haha!

    Have a great day everyone! I will not drink today.

    • Ugh me too Lars. Bed was good. But up and attem!!! I will not drink today either!

    • I’m with you, @Lars. I did not drink today. I did such nice things for myself–meditation in the morning, yoga in the evening, a dog walk, healthy meals. My AF-free life is so much better than the years I spent drinking. Not today, friends!

  • Lars posted a new activity comment 1 month, 1 week ago

    Thank you all so much!!! I already began incorporating writing in, and started reading Belle’s book again. Can’t hurt, right? 🙂
    I also made notes in my phone calendar at D7, 10, 14, 30. Days to watch out for, and celebrate…and more! Thanks again! xo

    @daveh @teazy @k1w1 @winner @sunny_disposition @newstart100 @wakingowl

    • “A goal broken down into steps becomes a plan. A plan backed by action becomes a reality. Decide – Plan – Do”

  • Lars posted an update 1 month, 2 weeks ago

    Good morning, all!
    I need simple advice, which I know but need to hear. I’m repeating the same first two weeks over and over, and I can’t seem to get over the 2 week hump. I did this for years, got 18 months under my belt, and now I’m having a difficult time getting and maintaining momentum. I know it’s because I’m not doing the things I need to stay sober. I really despise this monster; for some reason I thought I would be able to just get right back up and not look back, but that isn’t the case.
    So, daily check-ins, treats…and what else?
    I’m trying not to be upset with myself, but I also want to scream “what is wrong with you?!” It’s like my brain decides to stop working and I revert to old habits. There’s no thinking or debating, I just say, “sure!” and regret it SO MUCH the next day.
    Anyhow, after feeling like death yesterday, I’m back up (sort of) and moving forward. Fuck alcohol!!! It seriously is the worst.

    • I’ve found keeping a journal really helpful. Just pouring my thoughts out on paper shows me a lot.

    • Good to hear from you @Lars – so glad you are here. I am learning that my years of drinking alcohol changed my brain – it has changed my impulses and my neuropathways. It set up my reward system so that I have had to retrain my brain to respond to every situation in a different way. It seems easy right? Just don’t pick up the glass. But it isn’t that simple. Our brains have been trained to respond to every emotion with alcohol, now when we take away the alcohol we don’t know what to do with those emotions. What I can tell you is that every time you don’t pick up the glass you are making a new pathway in your brain. Think of it as a path in the woods. You have to make a new path (cut down the trees, clear the bumps and holes, maybe plant a few new flowers along the way) and every time you walk the new path it is easier to find in the future. Until, one day, you find that you just walk the new path without automatically thinking of going to the old path. You always remember the old path is there, but your body automatically picks the new path without too much trouble. To your list I would add journaling. When a craving comes along, that point where you want to say ‘sure’, that is when you need to write down what you are feeling and why you are feeling it and identify what is triggering you. Then write down all the reasons you want to stay sober and what you can do instead of drinking. Next time you come across that trigger you can remember back to what you decided to do instead of drinking. You can do this! xoxo

    • @lars I’d read sobriety books, it helped me a bunch & now I have all the facts it’s harder for the sneaky part of my brain 2 tell me it’s a good idea 2 drink. As I 100% know it’s not! Look after yourself well, loads of self care, watch u don’t get 2 hungry angry lonely or tired, there biggies for me 2, makes me irrational. Best of luck, I know u can do this 💪🏻 X

    • I’m doing it with chocolate at the moment on my fridge I have A picture of a stop sing and under it This – STOP stop myself from emotional eating, THINK it’s okay let’s work through those pesky thoughts, ACT I will examine my thoughts and use a different coping skill then I have a list to chose from. Drinking is a coping skill and I replaced it with eating, but now it’s time to move on (5years sober) Maybe have a think of what you other coping skills you want to develop. You can do this you did 18 months and you can again plus more x

    • Lars, im the same two weeks, binge, three weeks binge, its gotten gradually less and less but i cant make it stick. am seriously doubting my sanity. feeling like death now, sober and have no interest in drinking again, i know in two weeks ill be tempted again, its crazy..love the advice here

    • Hi @ Lars Try taking a big sheet of paper and dividing it into four quarters. In each quarter write one of the challenge areas… cravings, lies, emotions and biased memory (our memory becomes biased by remembering drinking as a good experience and understating the bad experiences) For each of these write out what you can do to get past them… what can you do to beat cravings, what can you do to defeat the lies your mind creates, what can you do to lift your mood and what can you do to correct your biased memory. You don’t need to carry the paper around with you, writing it down will allow you to recall what’s written on it. If you attack all four of these points then you will greatly reduce the number of occasions at which you need to rely on big willpower.

  • Lars posted a new activity comment 1 month, 2 weeks ago

    Thanks @freedom1025!

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