I am an (almost) 33 year old mother of three. I have been an alcoholic for almost 12 years and have tried to quite a plethora of times. I am currently on day 3 now and have been reading the Mrs D. blog. It has been helping so much and nice to be able to relate to something. As much of what she talks about is me. Except......(EEK!) I was up to 14 bottles of wine a week.
Can antimatter offer advice. I am sober and been living sober with the exception of a couple of slips for over 120 days. But my husband has not. Tonight was the last straw with him. I need to get him out of our house but he refuses. Tonight he got so drunk that he was totally out of it. Swearing, screaming, scaring my kids. He threw a frozen pancake at our daughter and puked all over our 5 year old son. To name a few things. How can I get him out of this house. How can I take legal measures as it is Sunday. He us,sleeping now but I want him out come morning. I am in the U.S. (as,a reference for the laws here). Anyone know?
oh fuck @kjpeche. I might be out of line, but my gut feel is that you need to use this as a line in the sand, to start the new life that will bring you joy. Apart from calling the police (which is an option) there is no other legal way I can think of. But play the long game – how are you going to exit him and keep him exited in the future? Once he is sober and can get out, get him out.
Here in NZ, frightening children is illegal and the laws have just improved and widened to make emotional abuse a more serious offence. Can you get a lawyer for children so they are interviewed quickly and effectively? Is there much they would say? Best wishes hon, this is an awful situation, but making a stand can only help him get on track if he is able/ cares enough XXX
@kjpeche I’m in the US too. I suggest calling the police non emergency number and telling them what’s going on and asking for advice. I did that when my then 17 yr old ran away from home (to her boyfriend’s parents’ house) and I didn’t know what to do.
I think they may tell you you have to wait until Monday to go to court for a restraining order, but maybe they will also tell you to call them for help if he gets out of line again tonight. Waking up in the drunk tank might knock some sense into him.
Not sure where you are in U.S., but you will have to go to the Magistrate and file for a restraining order. Here is it called a 50B. If approved, they will make him leave until the court date. Otherwise, if he is not hurting you or the kids and is not violent (just very obnoxious), the police will tell you it is a civil matter, it is his house too, and you need to see an attorney. Best thing for you to do is call an attorney tomorrow. Unfortunately here in the U.S., it is difficult to get someone out of their own house, unless they are truly a danger. It sucks. But you do need the advice of a lawyer to know what steps you can and need to take to remedy your situation. I am a paralegal and my husband is a Sheriff’s Deputy, so sadly, we both have lots of experience dealing with those things. STAY sober! You can only fix your life if you don’t have alcohol holding you in a negative situation. Good luck!!!!! Kia Kaha!
@kjpeche, what a terrible situation, I’m so sorry, huge hugs. I’m not in the States, and the above advice is great. Just want you to know I care, and 120 days is so amazing, and pls stay sober, keep checking in xoxoxox
@kjpeche, do what’s best to protect yourself and your family. You can file a restraining order on any day, I believe. Call the local authorities as each state has different laws. His actions were violent and you’ll just need to list them on the order. Your children are witnesses, unfortunately, but this will help matters later as there will be a trail following his removal. The trial is typically 2 to 3 weeks later. Also, list any other bad things that have happened prior to this event but make sure that you can prove everything that you list. I spent years trying to get sober while in a similar situation and could not. It’s nearly impossible to try to help ourselves when someone else is hurting us and themselves. The end results may be for the better as he could decide to get help and if he doesn’t want to, then let him be drunk, angry and disorderly someplace else. Biggest, Don’t let your fears stop you from taking action. That would only give them more time to breed. Best to you, this is really hard stuff. Keep us posted.
@kjpeche, not sure what state you live in, but as most said, you can file a protective order, in va the Emergency one lasts 72 hours, then 2 weeks, then up to two years with a court appearance required for each. You can get the house as part of the order and he can be made to leave. The key is were you afraid and are you still afraid of physical harm from him. I would hire an attorney that is experienced to help you through the process. I know it is expensive, but if you hire someone that is familiar with the court and the judge, your liklihood of success is great and you would not have to spend the money on moving. If you fail, here, it is difficult to give him out of the house, but with those facts, throwing things at your children and throwing up on a child, wow, i would hate to believe that would not get him out of the house, but he will say no i didnt and you will say yes, you did, so there are lots of things that could happen. get an attorney and get him out so you have a calm place to make a plan for the rest of what you want to do.
That is awful. Getting him out of your’s and your children’s lives is just as important as your sobriety. Is there a place you can go until this is resolved that is a safer environment? I wish I had better legal advice to offer but in cases like this I personally would remove myself from the house if my significant other wouldn’t leave until the courts decided the rest.