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  • Kathryn posted an update 3 weeks ago

    I leave tomorrow for a vacation on the East coast. First the in-laws, and this has me the most stressed. No, beyond stressed- down right scared. They drink a lot. Father in-law shares a love of whiskey, and always has some for me. A special bottle in his shop that he brings me out to drink. It’s a bonding thing. I am not really ready to talk about my inability to drink in moderation and what not. Part of me is like ” just do it. It’s only been 3 weeks, and it would just be easier to start over after the 4 days than navigate the social component of saying no thank you.

    • It’s only hard the firstbtime, and you might be surprised that it’s not the big that your mind thinks it is. Play itvforward. What will it be like if you drink?

    • I don’t think you need to lose those three weeks, you are going to have to get over this hurdle at some point. I have the same situation coming up at the end of the month and have been mulling over how to deal with it. I am just going to say that alcohol had started to make me feel unwell and I couldn’t tolerate it any more so I have stopped. It’s true it’s just not the whole story! Maybe plan what you are going to say that you will feel comfortable with, have an alternative drink ready for yourself and still have that bonding conversation. Good luck!

    • Ro replied 3 weeks ago

      3 weeks is a big deal. You need to do what is best for you not anyone else regardless of their role in your life. If you can’t be truthful with your family just now, lie like your life depends on it ( because alcohol is not a life saver, it is a life stealer ). Tell them you are on meds and you can’t drink. Tell them you are doing Dry July. Tell them anything. I’d make up something fantastical just to please my own sense of humour. Not drinking doesn’t mean you can’t be around people drinking-that is their circus ,not yours.

      • Ro replied 3 weeks ago

        Mind you being around people drinking when you aren’t, gets really boring really quickly. Observe them while you are straight and they are drunk and see what you are missing out on. Fuck all. That’s what

    • Thank you all. I think I will try the IBS card. No one wants to hear more on that subject. 😆 I think I am feeling generally weak. Last night my husband came home with good beer to celebrate vacation time. I almost cried. I just breathed deep and pressed fast forward, took the dogs out for some ball play. Plus some ice cream. 😆

      • Ro replied 3 weeks ago

        Oh its hard work. Well done for pushing through, You’ll get there but you do have to work at it to begin with. Have you heard of rational recovery? I found it after being sober for several months and was grumpy for not hearing about it sooner, so I try and mention it every now and then, I know it has helped several people. It’s just a different approach, well the total opposite of the 12 step method really, but a lot of it sounded good to me. Worth a shot any way. I just read what I could online and left it at that.
        What kind of dogs do you have? I have three- two Staffords and a Jack Russell mongrel he’s crossed with a wire hair terrier and a maltese i think so he’s a rough looking sod. They are great friends. And yes lots of treats are good 🙂

      • Hi Kathryn! I was a month in last year when Memorial Day and relatives hit. Then Fourth of July, and many summer get togethers. I did not want to go through another day 1 ever again so made up a breezy story of getting older and wanting to go into the next stage of my life very healthy. My brother-in-law also had a special drink he wanted me to drink with him. Peanut butter beer. Yuck. Anyway, I took the can, feigned a drink and gave the can to my hubs. He left me alone after that. 3 weeks is such a significant milestone! 21 days to break a habit. The habit of drinking. You made it! There will always be a reason to start over but it gets harder and harder each time. Also, I understand about crying over vacation beer. My husband came home after work at Christmas vacation and had holiday whiskey. I wanted that happy anticipatory feeling at the end of the last day of work and looking forward to a special drink. Then lots of special drinks. It was a rough patch for me but I knew I wanted sobriety so I muscled through with the help of special people here. I also made my decision with Rational Recovery on day 4. I didn’t believe it would work but did the crash course and wah-lah, it worked for me. It switched me from drinking is an option to drinking is no longer an option so what else can I do. ☺️

    • I also have 3 dogs. One is a lab mutt, the other two are Australia Shepherd Golden Retriever’s. They are all mid/large size. 50-65lbs. Dog snuggles help me when I struggle. This is my second go at sobriety. Last year I made it 250 days and got complacent. Thought because it was easy that I could handle moderation. 🙄 I have not heard of rational recovery, but will definitely be looking it up tonight. Thanks for the info.

      • In my short 27 days this time and numerous lengthy AF spells I find the best excuse is I am taking medicines that a, don’t allow alcohol or b, alcohol reacts badly with the drugs, and c, my latest, and genuine, I get awful indigestion with alcohol and the drugs and it’s just not worth it. Works well esp with my wife’s support.
        Dry July is a good one, tell them you are doing it for charity and suggest they may like to sponsor you. Some will and others will leave you alone. Anyway you decide what is best for you. Look after yourself.

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