• Kathryn posted a new activity comment 3 days, 21 hours ago

    Oh I hear you, dinner is my biggest trigger. I always had a glass (3) of wine while making dinner. Fastest buzz with an empty stomach. I know that as soon as I eat I will be so much better.

  • Kathryn posted a new activity comment 3 days, 21 hours ago

    It is always better to end an abusive relationships.
    Get some AF drinks that you can grab when your cravings hit. I like to sip mine from a fancy wine glass. Funny thing is that I had to go and buy one. I always just drank out of mason jars.

  • Kathryn posted a new activity comment 4 days, 2 hours ago

    I love to keep tally of saved money, but also calories. I figured I drank about 600 calories a night. Those numbers add up crazy fast.

  • Kathryn posted a new activity comment 4 days, 2 hours ago

    You are a strong girl, and I know you will make it.

  • Kathryn posted an update 4 days, 2 hours ago

    35 days
    I made it through my family vacation across the country! My husband’s family was the hardest. They drink a lot! This was the first time I have been sober for one of our visits, and it was interesting to watch through different eyes. I was astonished to see how drunk most everyone got, and how many drove!!!! I probably wouldn’t have taken notice if I had been drinking. It’s uncanny how self focused I was when drinking.
    My family was much easier. My older sister never drinks, and as it turns out my lush of a young sister is giving up drinking as well. We didn’t really talk much about it, just a general “yeah it was time”.
    On the way back our plane was delayed, and as an apology they gave out free beer and wine. And man they were filling the glasses full! Normally I would have drank mine and my husband’s, not even caring that it was noon. Then because I had started drinking, gotten my husband to stop on the way home and probably passed out around 7 from shear exhaustion of traveling and drinking. In all fairness I only made it till about 9, but I slept soundly and woke up refreshed.

  • Kathryn posted an update 2 weeks, 2 days ago

    Oh dear– another night at the in-laws. More family, which is awesome, but so much booze. Hiding in the bathroom room for a bit of a breather. Plus I have had so much fizzy water that I am about to float away. Father in-law is very emotional to have his whole family together, but also stumbling drunk. I have been spending the past half hour trying to get food in his stomach. Ok time to join the party again. I’ve got this 💪.

  • Kathryn posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 2 days ago

    I don’t think that anyone who isn’t addicted can understand how difficult it is to quit. The bottle just doesn’t hold them the same way. It really pissed me off that it holds me so tightly but not others.
    I know how hard day two, three, four…….. is (are ?). There are a lot of great strategies on this site as well as supportive people!
    You’ve got this!

  • Kathryn posted an update 2 weeks, 2 days ago

    Hello all, just waking up guilt free from my first night on vacation. What a long day! We had an overnight flight that I just couldn’t sleep on.
    I struggled a little last night with the in-laws, but kept my hands full with fizzy water and pushed through. I am very thankful to not be waking up full of guilt and feeling sick. Instead of filling my belly and head with alcohol, I sat with my sister and mother inlaw talking on the porch and had a nice conversation.
    I hope everyone has a great day today!

  • Kathryn posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 3 days ago

    Yes!!!

  • Kathryn posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 4 days ago

    I know for myself I can never have “just a few”. I have been struggling lately and just keep telling myself to think about the morning and how good it feels to wake up fresh. I also know that if I cave I will not only wake up feeling ill, but full of guilt.
    I have like 4 different types of fuzzy water that I keep chugging. The colder the better. No calories, and I am very hydrated. 😆

    • It’s taken me years to finally get up the courage to admit I also can not just “have a few”, no matter how much I want to be able to. Those are awesome things to be telling yourself as well, congrats on focusing on the positive. I’m sure the struggle wont last forever. And in the meantime I’m sure your body is stoked with all the hydration! 😂

    • @kathryn I’m so happy I didn’t chose to drink because I got a great night sleep and woke feeling great. Great sleep is one of the huge benefits of being sober

  • Kathryn posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 5 days ago

    Don’t feel bad about snacking. (I say with a bowl of ice cream on my lap) 😉

  • Kathryn posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 5 days ago

    I also have 3 dogs. One is a lab mutt, the other two are Australia Shepherd Golden Retriever’s. They are all mid/large size. 50-65lbs. Dog snuggles help me when I struggle. This is my second go at sobriety. Last year I made it 250 days and got complacent. Thought because it was easy that I could handle moderation. 🙄 I have not heard of rational recovery, but will definitely be looking it up tonight. Thanks for the info.

    • In my short 27 days this time and numerous lengthy AF spells I find the best excuse is I am taking medicines that a, don’t allow alcohol or b, alcohol reacts badly with the drugs, and c, my latest, and genuine, I get awful indigestion with alcohol and the drugs and it’s just not worth it. Works well esp with my wife’s support.
      Dry July is a good one, tell them you are doing it for charity and suggest they may like to sponsor you. Some will and others will leave you alone. Anyway you decide what is best for you. Look after yourself.

  • Kathryn posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 5 days ago

    Thank you all. I think I will try the IBS card. No one wants to hear more on that subject. 😆 I think I am feeling generally weak. Last night my husband came home with good beer to celebrate vacation time. I almost cried. I just breathed deep and pressed fast forward, took the dogs out for some ball play. Plus some ice cream. 😆

    • Oh its hard work. Well done for pushing through, You’ll get there but you do have to work at it to begin with. Have you heard of rational recovery? I found it after being sober for several months and was grumpy for not hearing about it sooner, so I try and mention it every now and then, I know it has helped several people. It’s just a different approach, well the total opposite of the 12 step method really, but a lot of it sounded good to me. Worth a shot any way. I just read what I could online and left it at that.
      What kind of dogs do you have? I have three- two Staffords and a Jack Russell mongrel he’s crossed with a wire hair terrier and a maltese i think so he’s a rough looking sod. They are great friends. And yes lots of treats are good 🙂

    • Hi Kathryn! I was a month in last year when Memorial Day and relatives hit. Then Fourth of July, and many summer get togethers. I did not want to go through another day 1 ever again so made up a breezy story of getting older and wanting to go into the next stage of my life very healthy. My brother-in-law also had a special drink he wanted me to drink with him. Peanut butter beer. Yuck. Anyway, I took the can, feigned a drink and gave the can to my hubs. He left me alone after that. 3 weeks is such a significant milestone! 21 days to break a habit. The habit of drinking. You made it! There will always be a reason to start over but it gets harder and harder each time. Also, I understand about crying over vacation beer. My husband came home after work at Christmas vacation and had holiday whiskey. I wanted that happy anticipatory feeling at the end of the last day of work and looking forward to a special drink. Then lots of special drinks. It was a rough patch for me but I knew I wanted sobriety so I muscled through with the help of special people here. I also made my decision with Rational Recovery on day 4. I didn’t believe it would work but did the crash course and wah-lah, it worked for me. It switched me from drinking is an option to drinking is no longer an option so what else can I do. ☺️

  • Kathryn posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 5 days ago

    Yes, I find myself in my head a whole lot. I don’t know if it is because I am just relearning who I am or l am just spending an enormous amount of energy talking myself out of drinking.

  • Kathryn posted an update 2 weeks, 5 days ago

    I leave tomorrow for a vacation on the East coast. First the in-laws, and this has me the most stressed. No, beyond stressed- down right scared. They drink a lot. Father in-law shares a love of whiskey, and always has some for me. A special bottle in his shop that he brings me out to drink. It’s a bonding thing. I am not really ready to talk about my inability to drink in moderation and what not. Part of me is like ” just do it. It’s only been 3 weeks, and it would just be easier to start over after the 4 days than navigate the social component of saying no thank you.

    • It’s only hard the firstbtime, and you might be surprised that it’s not the big that your mind thinks it is. Play itvforward. What will it be like if you drink?

    • I don’t think you need to lose those three weeks, you are going to have to get over this hurdle at some point. I have the same situation coming up at the end of the month and have been mulling over how to deal with it. I am just going to say that alcohol had started to make me feel unwell and I couldn’t tolerate it any more so I have stopped. It’s true it’s just not the whole story! Maybe plan what you are going to say that you will feel comfortable with, have an alternative drink ready for yourself and still have that bonding conversation. Good luck!

    • 3 weeks is a big deal. You need to do what is best for you not anyone else regardless of their role in your life. If you can’t be truthful with your family just now, lie like your life depends on it ( because alcohol is not a life saver, it is a life stealer ). Tell them you are on meds and you can’t drink. Tell them you are doing Dry July. Tell them anything. I’d make up something fantastical just to please my own sense of humour. Not drinking doesn’t mean you can’t be around people drinking-that is their circus ,not yours.

      • Mind you being around people drinking when you aren’t, gets really boring really quickly. Observe them while you are straight and they are drunk and see what you are missing out on. Fuck all. That’s what

    • Thank you all. I think I will try the IBS card. No one wants to hear more on that subject. 😆 I think I am feeling generally weak. Last night my husband came home with good beer to celebrate vacation time. I almost cried. I just breathed deep and pressed fast forward, took the dogs out for some ball play. Plus some ice cream. 😆

      • Oh its hard work. Well done for pushing through, You’ll get there but you do have to work at it to begin with. Have you heard of rational recovery? I found it after being sober for several months and was grumpy for not hearing about it sooner, so I try and mention it every now and then, I know it has helped several people. It’s just a different approach, well the total opposite of the 12 step method really, but a lot of it sounded good to me. Worth a shot any way. I just read what I could online and left it at that.
        What kind of dogs do you have? I have three- two Staffords and a Jack Russell mongrel he’s crossed with a wire hair terrier and a maltese i think so he’s a rough looking sod. They are great friends. And yes lots of treats are good 🙂

      • Hi Kathryn! I was a month in last year when Memorial Day and relatives hit. Then Fourth of July, and many summer get togethers. I did not want to go through another day 1 ever again so made up a breezy story of getting older and wanting to go into the next stage of my life very healthy. My brother-in-law also had a special drink he wanted me to drink with him. Peanut butter beer. Yuck. Anyway, I took the can, feigned a drink and gave the can to my hubs. He left me alone after that. 3 weeks is such a significant milestone! 21 days to break a habit. The habit of drinking. You made it! There will always be a reason to start over but it gets harder and harder each time. Also, I understand about crying over vacation beer. My husband came home after work at Christmas vacation and had holiday whiskey. I wanted that happy anticipatory feeling at the end of the last day of work and looking forward to a special drink. Then lots of special drinks. It was a rough patch for me but I knew I wanted sobriety so I muscled through with the help of special people here. I also made my decision with Rational Recovery on day 4. I didn’t believe it would work but did the crash course and wah-lah, it worked for me. It switched me from drinking is an option to drinking is no longer an option so what else can I do. ☺️

    • I also have 3 dogs. One is a lab mutt, the other two are Australia Shepherd Golden Retriever’s. They are all mid/large size. 50-65lbs. Dog snuggles help me when I struggle. This is my second go at sobriety. Last year I made it 250 days and got complacent. Thought because it was easy that I could handle moderation. 🙄 I have not heard of rational recovery, but will definitely be looking it up tonight. Thanks for the info.

      • In my short 27 days this time and numerous lengthy AF spells I find the best excuse is I am taking medicines that a, don’t allow alcohol or b, alcohol reacts badly with the drugs, and c, my latest, and genuine, I get awful indigestion with alcohol and the drugs and it’s just not worth it. Works well esp with my wife’s support.
        Dry July is a good one, tell them you are doing it for charity and suggest they may like to sponsor you. Some will and others will leave you alone. Anyway you decide what is best for you. Look after yourself.

  • Kathryn posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 5 days ago

    Well done on 10 weeks. Moderation is way too much work.

  • Kathryn posted a new activity comment 3 weeks ago

    Thank you. Relearning all I had to learn last time. 🙂

  • Kathryn posted an update 3 weeks ago

    Back again. Last time I was on this site was a bit over a year. I had made it 250 days sober and then blew it. I was totally on top of it for a whole 2 weeks before alcohol began taking control. By 3/4 months I was drinking every day. By 5/6 months I was hiding vodka bottles. I am 3 weeks in and feeling hopeful.

  • Kathryn posted a new activity comment 1 year, 6 months ago

    @mari135 We are where we are, and at the current moment that is moving forward towards our better selves. Just looking at our selves honestly and acknowledging that our brains are growing and changing will hopefully give us the patience we need with ourselves.

  • Kathryn posted a new activity comment 1 year, 6 months ago

    Yes!

  • Kathryn posted an update 1 year, 6 months ago

    I almost feel like I am going through puberty again. Like a teenager I am relearning how to deal with all these feelings/emotions that I have spent decades suppressing. Learning to ride the wave and react appropriately. Everything seems so raw. Sigh; doesn’t seem much easier the second time around. Then again I started drinking heavily in my teens so maybe I never learned the first time around, and maybe that is why I started drinking heavily.. Pondering…

    • I once read that alcohol stops our emotional development. I felt like you, picking up where I left off in my teens. I felt like Tom Hanks in Big for about 6 months.

    • I experienced the same thing !

    • Absolutely, @Kathryn, drinking interrupts maturity. But we are adults now, so it shouldn’t take us to long to catch up if we stay sober. X

    • This!!! I have been thinking about your post since yesterday, and literally woke up thinking I need to scroll down and find it.

      This is so spot on and it’s exactly how it feels, especially ever since reaching 6 months sobriety. Some days I feel like I don’t even know who I am. Well, and I don’t! I haven’t been sober for this long since age 15/16. So I have never been an adult sober.

      There is a term my therapist explained to me and it’s called “neuroplasticity”, meaning your brain changes and builds new pathways for example through therapy, meditation, mindfulness etc. That gives me hope because I want to know who I am. And I want to feel stable and grounded in this body and mind.

      It feels often as if I am ten years behind my peers and that scares me, but I am starting to accept that is my journey, and I cannot look left or right to compare. I am exactly where I need to be, right now.

      You got this.
      It will be ok.

      xoxoxo

      • @mari135 We are where we are, and at the current moment that is moving forward towards our better selves. Just looking at our selves honestly and acknowledging that our brains are growing and changing will hopefully give us the patience we need with ourselves.

  • Kathryn posted a new activity comment 1 year, 6 months ago

    That is amazing! What are you going to do with all that extra money? Fancy vacation!

  • Kathryn posted a new activity comment 1 year, 6 months ago

    Moderation never worked for me. As soon as I had one drink that was my moderation I saw flying out the window. All the mental energy it took before, during, and after drinking was exhausting.
    What kind of supports do you have in place to help you?

  • Kathryn posted a new activity comment 1 year, 6 months ago

    I found my biggest trigger is making dinner. I plan for it with a strong flavor AF drink in a wine glass. I have to say this is funny because I always just drank out of a mason jar. In fact I had to go out and buy a wine glass. When I get that pang, I take a few deep breaths, acknowledge the feeling and then let it go.

  • Kathryn posted a new activity comment 1 year, 6 months ago

    15 days is a great place to be. What an amazing family you have. With a support team like that you are well on your way to success. Just don’t be afraid to use the supports that you have. Try to be kind to yourself and take care of your needs. Keep your eyes open for what your triggers are and set up a plan to work through them. You got this!

    • Such great advice be kind to myself! I tend to be a bit of a perfectionist and the ultimate people pleaser

      • I found my biggest trigger is making dinner. I plan for it with a strong flavor AF drink in a wine glass. I have to say this is funny because I always just drank out of a mason jar. In fact I had to go out and buy a wine glass. When I get that pang, I take a few deep breaths, acknowledge the feeling and then let it go.

  • Kathryn posted a new activity comment 1 year, 6 months ago

    That sounds like an amazing day. I could almost feel the wind on my own face. Sailing is one of my greatest loves, and I am counting the days till I can get out on the water again.

  • Kathryn posted a new activity comment 1 year, 6 months ago

    Don’t get down on your self. I read something somewhere that went something like this.
    Quitting drinking is all about finding the right amount of supports. If you find that you have slipped up then start again with an additional layer of support. Eventually you will find success with the right amount of support that fits your needs.

  • Kathryn posted an update 1 year, 6 months ago

    Last night was not the night for sleep apparently. One kid got sick, the dogs needed to go out, some kind of crazy noise outside, and my own personal mind going 100 miles per hour. But it was ok. I remember not so long ago how awful those nights were after drinking. Each time I got woken up and not able to get back to sleep I thought how much better this is without alcohol. I am a bit tired this morning, but not wrecked.

    • You sound like you had a ‘me’ night, just like mine, minus the kids and dog though! Yes, I don’t awaken anymore with the heart doing scary things and simply unable to get back to sleep. though my sleep is sporadic, I understand why and i’ll take this over the former. I have a peaceful heart rate. Glad not to feel wrecked too!

    • So true @kathryn being tired is much better than being hung over. I didnt sleep well either last night… one of my cats was unwell and i was worried! Xx

    • Sounds a lot like sleep goes at my house too. Even broken sober sleep is better than the best drunk sleep, right?

  • Kathryn posted a new activity comment 1 year, 6 months ago

    I have been trying to do more meditation. I just don’t remember most of the time. Good on you for doing both!

  • Kathryn posted a new activity comment 1 year, 6 months ago

    I am at 116 days and facing the same feelings. I am just taking it one day at a time and trying hard not to look to far into the future. The way I see it, looking forward in my current mood makes it look long and dull. I don’t know what the future will be so I can’t predict.

  • Kathryn posted an update 1 year, 6 months ago

    Day115:
    I haven’t posted in a while, busy busy busy.
    Today was a rough one. Some work stuff happened that makes me feel all wrong on the inside. Anxiety, anger, sadness. Usually I would have stopped by the liquor store ( to big for wine) on the way home and drank away those feelings. Instead I am left with a very sober mind and am forced to feel all the feels. I feel raw and naked. There is no way I am going to drink, but I hurt. I hurt, and cry, rise and repeat. Thanks for letting me vent a bit, off the cry some more.

  • Kathryn posted a new activity comment 1 year, 6 months ago

    Thank you for this post. When I am feeling good that nagging voice tries to tell me that maybe this past 100+ days is just the reboot I needed to get to a place I could drink in moderation. Maybe I just slipped and now I can get back on course. I know in my heart of hearts that I can’t. I can’t ever again and it scares the crap out of me.

  • Kathryn posted a new activity comment 1 year, 6 months ago

    Thank you. I poured myself a sparkling fruit juice in my fanciest glass.

  • Kathryn posted a new activity comment 1 year, 6 months ago

    Well done. I am glad that you are going to have the space you need to focus on yourself. You have amazing strength and courage.

  • Kathryn posted an update 1 year, 6 months ago

    Tonight was a surprise struggle, things have been going so smoothly. I have had the sad pangs of missing drinking, but nothing to strong. But tonight it hit me while I was making dinner. I was just making dinner and Bam, my mind was on drinking wine. I got it under control but I was just so grumpy about it. It didn’t help that as soon as my husband walked in the door he poured himself a big glass of wine. I just stared at him killing him in my head. Plus my son was being a prepubescent punk. There is no way I am going to drink!

  • Kathryn posted a new activity comment 1 year, 6 months ago

    No judgement from us. We have all walked on day 2. We know the struggle. Take it easy on yourself.

  • Kathryn posted a new activity comment 1 year, 6 months ago

    That crappy feeling will fade and be replaced with a great one. The first week is the hardest as you learn to use the sobriety tools. Keep reading blogs and focus on what is to come.

  • Kathryn posted a new activity comment 1 year, 6 months ago

    Puts a smile on my face every morning. I feel good and I am proud of myself.

  • Kathryn posted a new activity comment 1 year, 6 months ago

    If you need space then time take it. There should not be any guilt in taking a moment to catch your breath. Everyone needs it from time to time.

  • Kathryn posted a new activity comment 1 year, 6 months ago

    I am going the same road. So many times I wanted the quick fix with my weight. Work out like a crazy woman, restricted diet, and then peter out and gain it back. I think with giving up alcohol I have learned a level of patience with myself I didn’t have before. The weight will come off in time, and without all the extra calories from the booze will be more likely to stay off.
    Patience and happiness wins the race.

  • Kathryn posted an update 1 year, 6 months ago

    Hello all you wonderful people. I am feeling much better today. First day back to work after the winter break. While I totally love a break and chance to relax, I am glad to be back in my routine. I take better care of yourself when I am working. I literally have to drive past my gym so I am guilted into dropping in on the way home. Have a great night.

    • I agree that after a break, routine is welcome. It was my first day back too and I was ready. Here’s to a healthier and hope-filled new year!

  • Kathryn posted a new activity comment 1 year, 6 months ago

    The same thing happened to me. You are all set and able to login.

  • Kathryn posted a new activity comment 1 year, 6 months ago

    Sober plant, I love that. It grows and strengthens each day.

  • Kathryn posted a new activity comment 1 year, 6 months ago

    Yay for you!

  • Kathryn posted a new activity comment 1 year, 6 months ago

    You can!

  • Kathryn posted a new activity comment 1 year, 6 months ago

    Thanks, I am going to give it some time, I am just hoping this will not take the Kathryn out of me. I am a bit of a firecracker, but feel more like a well confused zombie.

  • Kathryn posted a new activity comment 1 year, 6 months ago

    Enjoy your swim!

  • Kathryn posted an update 1 year, 6 months ago

    Day 104: Happy New Year to all! I started Wellbutrin a few days ago for seasonal depression issues. In the past I have struggled badly with this and used alcohol as an escape. I just don’t want to deal with it this year. Unfortunately I feel like a confused zombie. I am numb and having a hard time finding words and really communicating in general. I find myself just starting at people trying to figure out how to respond. Blah.

    • @Kathryn I also went into anti depressants a few months ago as my anxiety was so bad after my husbands brain injury. I was put on seedep same class as Wellbutrin and I felt really terrible for three weeks so bad I almost gave up but luckily my dr warned me about this. Now I cannot beleive how much better I feel and I am coping so much better and no side effects at all. Hang in there and good luck x x x

    • Thanks, I am going to give it some time, I am just hoping this will not take the Kathryn out of me. I am a bit of a firecracker, but feel more like a well confused zombie.

  • Kathryn posted a new activity comment 1 year, 6 months ago

    I really enjoy your views and mindful observations on drinking and not drinking.

  • Kathryn posted a new activity comment 1 year, 6 months ago

    I like this.

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