• Jynx posted a new activity comment 3 weeks, 5 days ago

    I figured, but I wanted to make sure I quoted you correctly. BTW, barely made it through wine o’clock but your post helped me through it!

    • So glad to hear this @jynx. I never really had a particular time when I wanted to drink because I drank all of the time and wine-o-clock was the clock itself. Keep pushing. We know that booze doesn’t work for us anymore and the uncomfortable feelings pass.

  • Jynx posted a new activity comment 3 weeks, 6 days ago

    Wow, I can really relate to “it’s booze soak 30 year vacation”!!! I feel like my brain is still in the weeds, although I do see some improvement.

    • I meant “soaked” @jynx but won’t dare try to edit anything anymore. A few gut spilled post flew into space this week but as I said, maybe for the best. I got it all out either way. Funny how that works! This head stuff can be brutal at times though. Tough to smell the roses when the bush is on fire. Not sure if that makes sense but I like the way it sounds. 🙂

    • I figured, but I wanted to make sure I quoted you correctly. BTW, barely made it through wine o’clock but your post helped me through it!

      • So glad to hear this @jynx. I never really had a particular time when I wanted to drink because I drank all of the time and wine-o-clock was the clock itself. Keep pushing. We know that booze doesn’t work for us anymore and the uncomfortable feelings pass.

  • Jynx posted a new activity comment 4 weeks ago

    You should be proud of yourself!! That initial fire and loss must have been devastating. For you to be sober for the last 16 months and be able to maintain during this near crisis is a testament to you strength and resolve. Bravo!!!

  • Jynx posted a new activity comment 5 months ago

    Welcome to this great site!

  • Jynx posted a new activity comment 5 months ago

    Welcome to this incredible group who will always be there for you!

  • Jynx posted a new activity comment 7 months, 4 weeks ago

    Welcome Soup! Have a happy AF holiday!!

  • Jynx posted a new activity comment 1 year, 1 month ago

    Bravo!!! for you!! that’s a tough one and you did carry your head high!!!

  • Jynx posted a new activity comment 1 year, 1 month ago

    Thanks for the post Frog!

  • Jynx posted a new activity comment 1 year, 1 month ago

    Thanks Ro! As far as my sisters go and them having control, some battles are just not worth it.

    • True that – I’m not great with tolerance or compassion for arseholes. I hope you have a great weekend 🙂

    • Yep @jynx i have some appallingly behaved family members, pick your battles to protect yourself eh? That’s the key isn’t it or we’d be exhausted heaps on the floor or driven back to drink!

  • Jynx posted an update 1 year, 1 month ago

    This site is an enabler – It has enabled me to go 90 days AF!

    Please forgive me for the length of what follows but, although I follow this site, I haven’t posted anything in about six months and I desperately need to reconnect.

    Unfortunately, after my 90 days AF, around early February of this year I went on vacation and tried moderation. It worked for the week I was gone but the day after we came back my 92 year old father fell down the stairs in his house and suffered several broken ribs and vertebrae and most importantly a significant brain bleed. My father, who lives about two hours away, was totally competent prior to the accident. He has spent over three months in the hospital and is now totally dependent on the staff at the nursing home where he has been for the last two months. He can’t even raise a shaky hand to scratch his nose. When I make the trip to see him (for the first 6-8 weeks it was 2 to 3 times per week) he sometimes does not even wake up. If he is awake and alert, the most he can communicate is with a barely perceptible nod of the head.

    In addition to this stress, right after the accident, my older sisters (neither one of which has a partner, relationship or kids and who each live within a five to ten minute drive from the nursing home; both of whom are unemployed and almost totally dependent on my father financially) have totally turned on me and my family. Without going into any great detail just one example of this was about a month after the accident when we made the drive out there, one of my sisters (they are both the health care proxy’s) called security on us five minutes after we arrived when all we were doing was watching my father while he was unconscious. We did not make a fuss and left the room before security arrived. Needless to say, things went further downhill since then including one of my sisters declaring, in front of room of three nurses/supervisors who were trying to mediate things, that my wife of 27…[Read more]

    • Mate your poor old dad @jynx
      Is there anything you can do about your ugly sisters having control? They sound like conniving bitches – families are wonderful… 😉
      I’m not surprised you picked up. Your Dad would be proud of you for getting yourself together so think of him and just get back on the path that’s straight and narrow. You know you can do it. Be strong like King Kong

      • Thanks Ro! As far as my sisters go and them having control, some battles are just not worth it.

        • True that – I’m not great with tolerance or compassion for arseholes. I hope you have a great weekend 🙂

        • Yep @jynx i have some appallingly behaved family members, pick your battles to protect yourself eh? That’s the key isn’t it or we’d be exhausted heaps on the floor or driven back to drink!

    • I too am glad that you’re back, Jynx. Nice answer @frog, especially liked “working a process and struggling to stay aware is way better than just saying f- it and not working a process. It’s about harm reduction as well.”

    • Hi @Jynx. I’m so sorry about your father’s plight. How awful for him to be so sick and helpless only to have his daughters create unnecessary family drama. I’m glad you came back. As you know drinking doesn’t make any problem better. Coming back from a relapse is hard but doable. I came back after 7 years of trying to drink normal (yeah right!) Keep posting and don’t give up. We are all here to support you.

    • Welcome back @jynx 🙂 it’s good to have you here.

      I’m so sorry for your situation with your ooor Dad. What must be going on in his mind? Poor guy.

      As for your sisters – we’ll lets just say I’ve observed many families going completely sideways when the eldest’s situation significantly changes. I wish people understood what was happening and maybe their own behaviour a little better. It’s no excuse but unfortunately I think it’s pretty normal. Stay strong, ignore them if you can and be there for your dad.

      Lots of love.

    • Man, that just sucks! I’m sorry you’re dealing with this turmoil. Especially at your dad’s expense. I’m sure he feels their negative energy and I’d bet the farm it’s not helping. Kudos to you for getting back up and coming back here. It’s all a journey. You did what you had to do, now you’re doing what you need to do. Stick with it and we’ll cheer you on!!

    • Thanks for the post Frog!

    • @jynx your poor Dad, that’s all heartbreaking. Goodness ageing can be a cruel business. Like enzedgirl I too have seen some version of this often in families. It’s a bitter thing, to have to deal with this on top of your Dad’s illness, but c’est la vie right now..
      But now you know that drinking for the heartbreak actually doesn’t get you where you need and want to be. So – that’s cleared that up! Time for a better experience. You can do this, you’ve done it before.

    • You will succeed @jynx. You are stronger than you know. I also gave moderation one last shot after 100 days sober. Like you, my drinking was soon back to the same level as before and i carried on for 3 months. After destroying my self worth again, i quit forever. I knew that was my last chance to prove i could moderate and i failed. I can never go back to drinking now. Never. Never ever. It is poison to my soul. You have been through so much, i hope you make time to do something special and indulgent for yourself, you deserve it for making this wonderful decision to quit again. xo

  • Jynx posted a new activity comment 1 year, 7 months ago

    Great job Singanewsong@!!! Breaking the routine is so important!

  • Jynx posted an update 1 year, 7 months ago

    I haven’t posted in a bit and I feel like I should because I get so much inspiration, insight and motivation from all my AF friends out there. It is a great comfort to just come hear a few times a day to check in and see what everyone’s up too. When I first started out 53 days ago, I was not that sure I would make it this long, yet here I am! This site has made all the difference for me.

    In case I don’t post again this year, have a Happy, Healthy, Sober, Prosperous and Peaceful New Year!!!

  • Jynx posted an update 1 year, 8 months ago

    Well, I can’t believe I made it to day 37 (I love prime numbers)! This is by far the longest I have remained sober in my entire adult life I think. As I wrote before, that first week really sucked, but it did become somewhat easier as I remained AF.

    One of the many things that I realized that drinking every day had become as much a habit as an addiction, because I did it every day when I came home. Looking at it in that light has helped keep the wine witch, and the martini maven, at bay. Not that I still don’t have cravings on occasion, it just makes it easier to manage. Instead of coming home and pouring a drink, I come home and pour a glass of water, play with the dog, make coffee for the next morning, start dinner and get an amazing amount of things done that never really got done while I was drinking.

    I am also really enjoying being more clear headed. It took a few weeks to see signs that the fog was lifting after 30+ years of drinking and I don’t think it is fully cleared but a definite improvement!

    The real test came this weekend. My wife and I flew out to Arizona to see her mother (something not even she enjoys). So far, still AF!!!

    • Thats great! Well done on day 37 @jynx. I agree, habit plays a part and putting in place new behaviours and ‘rituals’ can really help.

    • Hi @jynx glad you’re going great. I’m on D39 and also feel the weight lifting. The sober mind is oh so lovely. Changing the routine works for me too.

    • You legend you!!!
      oxoxx

      Day 37 AND visiting mother-in-law sober.
      Give yourself credit for how far you have come.

  • Jynx posted an update 1 year, 9 months ago

    I had lots of unsettling dreams last night about alcohol and how this will be the first T-Day that I am going AF to my family. I should say that going to my family’s for Thanksgiving is akin to awkwardly through a formal dinner where everyone, who you don’t know, make polite small talk about things you don’t care about. We used to plan the two hour drive so we could arrive in time to have a drink or two before we showed up. They will surely notice that I am not drinking because I always drink at any family function. I am not comfortable telling them anything yet because a) they are Very judgmental; b) I have never been comfortable with them knowing anything substantive about myself and my family (my wife and kids feel the same); and c) I am only on day 16, the first time I believe I have been AF for this long in 25+ years.

    Despite the above dread, I am actually feeling pretty good about being AF. I don’t feel the crave for the booze itself as much as the habit of having wine w/dinner, etc. I woke up this morning to something amazing, I actually remember the whole movie that we watched together last night!!

    • Right there with ya, @jynx. This will be my first AF Thanksgiving in a very long time too. Unfortunately, we are hosting.

    • Glad to see your post Jynx. I too had alcohol dreams last night. The funny thing was, I wasn’t drinking. My daughter (my former drinking companion) was. In the dream I felt sad, lonely, and left behind. Not that I wanted to drink too, just lonely. I realize that these thoughts (and dreams) are probably coming up with the rising anxiety of the coming Thanksgiving holiday, also my first AF in a very very long time. Thanks for sharing your experiences. It’s good to know others are feeling similar things. Take care!

  • Jynx posted an update 1 year, 9 months ago

    My motivation for not wanting to drink now is driven, at least partially, by the fact that I don’t want to go through though those first few days again. They sucked! Not just because of the cravings, also because of the shame of what it took to get me to this place. I am on day 10 and, except for this cold I developed, feeling pretty good.

    What I miss more than the actual alcohol itself is the ritual of coming home and having a drink (or seven) while I get the mail, wash the dishes, play with the dog, unload groceries, check my email, surf the web, fold my laundry, make some telephone calls (some of which I will not remember), make coffee for the morning, pay bills, make dinner, clean up, watch a movie on TV (I will not remember what was on) or do any of the hundred other things I do around the house. It has become my constant companion and a horrible habit. I am slowly learning that coming home and just doing the same stuff I used to do with alcohol, without alcohol is what most people’s normal is.

    • @Jynx – if you find that focusing on how bad you felt in those early days helps turn off the cravings then do it I reckon! When I felt like a drink I would focus on how a hangover felt and that helped me keep real! Alot of people on here talk about a grief that you feel for the end of the relationship with booze, albeit an unhealthy one, but it is the end of something none the less. But, it also an exciting new beginning for you too, keep it up, it really does get soooo much better! xo

    • Made me smile (they sucked!). Yes they did, I’m kind of an old guy at age 64, and the physical effects of going AF didn’t fully end until about month four. Sorry about the cold, congrats on the ten days. And yes you are right, guard those ten days as if they are gold.

    • Just keep going and I promise you new habits will form. Waaay better and real. Day 10 is excellent, double digits yaye. Xo

    • Day 10 ,and yeah I got a cold and flu like symptoms ,felt pretty much like shite , someone on here sujested vitamin B12 ,seemed to help me , got a months supply, don’t need it now.

  • Jynx posted a new activity comment 1 year, 9 months ago

    I love the “been there, done that ” attitude!

  • Jynx posted an update 1 year, 9 months ago

    Working on day four. I feel a combination of sadness (that I cannot drink anymore) and optimism of what it will be like to finally rid myself of this curse. Although I don’t wake up hungover and my thoughts are somewhat clearer, I still feel as though I drank last night. Wondering how long it will take to wake up truly refreshed.

    • Jynx. I’m glad you posted this. Even though I don’t wake up hung over, I wonder when I will actually wake refreshed. I slog through part of my morning, get a little boost about 11:30-noon and then am ready for a nap by 3pm….. I had a run of 12 days up until last weekend and in that 12 days, I don’t think I started really feeling different until about day 10 or 11. I’ll have to wait now again (on day 2) to see how long it takes.

    • Totally normal @jynx and @tipsytoegal it takes a few weeks. I was crazy tired to begin with, napping like a 90yr old!

    • Okay so here’s the bad news. It took me about 40 days to stop feeling so damn tired. But the good news is that I then felt fantastic and do to this day at 501. Just imagine what we put our bodies through if we feel so awful for so long, and I was a three bottles of wine a week drinker. It does get better and it is so worth it. Congratulations on four days. The first week is the hardest.

    • keep going you’ll get to a place where you’re not sad – I’m just so pleased to have that shit out of my life! x

  • Jynx posted a new activity comment 1 year, 9 months ago

    Thanks so much. I don’t think I can do it without the encouragement!

  • Jynx posted an update 1 year, 9 months ago

    Just beginning day two, this time with the help of this site! Yesterday was tough all through the witching wine hours but I made it. This is going to take a major mind reset for me as alcohol has been in my life for decades. Thanks for the support!

  • Jynx posted a new activity comment 1 year, 9 months ago

    Thanks for the reminder. It is the confidence that has been my downfall in past attempts.

  • Jynx posted an update 1 year, 9 months ago

    Day one for me. Woke up feeling like shit (what’s new). Then I transitioned into my guilt and shame about the fight (not physical) I had with my wife last night that I can’t really remember. Looking back on all my day ones I realized that they all had one thing in common, I thought I could do it on my own.
    I didn’t need help.

    According to Einstein, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. Something has to change. This is the first time I am trying it with help and support. I hope I can do it.

    • Hi @jynx. I know the feeling all too well. My last stretch of going AF ended and at that point I realized the same. There are many ways to find support. Obviously this online forum is great but I had to take another step personally and have found it to be amazing. I went a non 12 step route and am now in a men’s small group led by counselors for 1 year. I wish you all the success and know that you can do it. A little time away and some help will heal all. Good luck in the journey.

    • You can. With a plan and support, you can do this.

    • @jynx I was exactly the same way. I had so many Day 1’s. Hell, I had Day 1’s that didn’t even last 8 hours. The game changer this time around was seeking support. For me online support in the form of this group, blogs and podcasts have worked. I like Recovery Elevator. For others it’s AA or a counselor. Whatever works for you, just do it. We’re here for you.

    • @Jynx this is a good place to be. Day one will soon lead to day 10 and before you know it will be a month. There is so much good support and advice here

    • Hi@jynx. You have made a great start by reflecting on the effect alcohol has on your relationships. I have noticed a change in my temperament and relationship with my partner since becoming AF. I feel calmer and no stupid offensive comments come out of my mouth as they did after a few wines. Today I have reached 110 days AF and I am just starting to notice a real change in the quality of my sleep. This also helps my mood.
      Use all the help you need to help you. It is so worth it.

    • Hi @jynx plenty of support here mate come often and unload we’ve all got wide shoulders 🙂

  • Jynx posted a new activity comment 1 year, 9 months ago

    Thanks! I have reached a point where after not drinking for 2-3 days I feel like I can have just a glass of wine and it won’t hurt. Within 2-3 days of that I am back to my old drinking style where I will drink a couple of shots and a bottle of wine. I wake up feeling like crap and guilty too.

  • Jynx posted an update 1 year, 9 months ago

    Today is the first day, not just of not drinking (I did that before). Today must be the first day of entering a new lifestyle that does not include alcohol.

  • Jynx became a registered member 1 year, 9 months ago

    • Welcome here Jynx!!!

      • Thanks! I have reached a point where after not drinking for 2-3 days I feel like I can have just a glass of wine and it won’t hurt. Within 2-3 days of that I am back to my old drinking style where I will drink a couple of shots and a bottle of wine. I wake up feeling like crap and guilty too.