July 2, 2017 - I always thought I was a social drinker, but then realized that I would sometimes stay home just so I could drink more than I would if I went out with others. I also would "sneak" a couple of glasses of wine at home, not even sharing that practice with my husband. I did not want to be judged or be a poor role model for my teenagers. *July 4, 2019*
I look back and think how drinking during an evening was so much fun and thought….just more to keep the buzz going, instead of just enjoying what was happening wherever I was, such as a concert, etc. Then the next day, waking up unrefreshed from broken sleep, headache, lack of energy, missed morning walk and just bringing that into the day….all day. and would think….was it worth it? Heck no….then why did I do it over and over? Addiction and forgetting the bad parts. YET, I see so clearly now how drinking was just not fun. Glad to be here with you all here on our sobriety journeys!
I thought it was fun for years too and now I’m starting to wonder where the hell that weird misconception came from. Oh right, came from a place of addiction. I was the same, just had to keep my buzz going, or get as close as possible to being drunk without embarrassing myself – and sometimes I ended up embarrassing myself anyway. It’s nice not to be thinking about the buzz all evening. So much room in my brain for everything else.
Meanwhile I ask myself how could I ever thing about it as “fun”??? It was a lie perhaps told by other drinkers, perhaps told by an unscrupulous alcohol industrie… I hardly noticed what happened around me when I got drunk and the following day(s) where scary! Oh wow it’s so great to be clear, to be oneself, to be authentic and able to enjoy every moment with every sense.