• JR posted a new activity comment 3 days, 15 hours ago

    @leslielily – I sure get this! and love that you are labeling how you are feeling. That was such a vital step for me.

  • JR posted an update 3 days, 15 hours ago

    Neighborhood deck crawl this weekend. LOVE my neighbors and so tight. This weekend I noticed how much some of them drink to oblivion. Flashing boob drunk, and one guy so drunk his eyes were slits. Not all are like this, yet it made me realize how they were going to feel the next day. Blobs on the couch hungover, embarrassed by what they did or said, or just the anxiety of what they cannot remember. It made me so thankful to wake up clear that next day. Everyone kept filling my cup (and I tossed over the railing), and nobody really noticed my drinking or lack of. Freeing.
    Happy week all!

    • Oh my Lord, can totally relate to the exposing of body parts (cringe) and totally inappropriate behaviour!! 😱 and like you say so interesting on the flip side, if not a tad tedious. I had to endure a three hour get together with two very Merry individuals who asked each other the same question over 50 times I tell ya, definately a moment for the sober toolbox to draw upon when any fancy comes knocking 😂😂😂

    • Oh man…if that isn’t a good description of the reality of boozing…I don’t know what is….Thanks for the much needed reminder what it is really like.
      oxoxox
      Loving your new profile picture and hope you are enjoying your well-deserved summer!!!

    • It’s events like those that actually reinforce my sobriety. I bet you’re feeling mighty proud you didn’t engage! 😊

    • Hi @JR! It really can be a horror show, before and after. So great to not to have to be a participant in it. Happy week! xo

  • JR posted a new activity comment 6 days, 15 hours ago

    @frog We can only truly love others only when we love ourselves and the love you gave yourself with self care is beautiful! What a gift you are giving to others

  • JR posted a new activity comment 1 week ago

    @jmtn – power visual for me and stuck with me. Even though I am now “reading” it again through audio, I am glad I saw that visual with the hard copy book.

    • jmtn replied 1 week ago

      @jr It really stuck with me, too. I’m thankful we have so many helpful books to refer to right now.

  • JR posted a new activity comment 1 week ago

    @dixiemama – Thank you for taking the time to write this, I love the concept of we are born habit free and that is our state of calm.

  • JR posted a new activity comment 1 week ago

    @freedom1025 I love this analogy with Wizard of Oz, and stopped beating myself with guilt of drinking in my past, because I realize it was something I had to experience to know what I don’t want. I am a hands on learner – ha! Love seeing your name on here!

  • JR posted an update 1 week, 1 day ago

    Drinking seemed to hold such promise of getting my happy on, yet in retrospect, all it did was numb my feeling of blah for a bit….for an hour….then needed more and more to keep that numb on. It was never getting my happy on. And the nature of alcohol just brought that blah feeling lower when sober (learned that from This Naked Mind book…..huge lesson on the physical side of what it does and a great graph that depicts this concept that really stuck for me).
    I like my elevated “normal” state and why mess with it by drinking alcohol. We are all looking for happiness and joy in our everyday so this is a no brainer.
    Happy day all!

    • @jr that describes it perfectly! I was trying to chase some elusive “something” with alcohol and of course, was never successful. Through recovery, I’ve learned that “something” comes from within me and can never be filled by some external source. Kind of like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz who always had the power herself to get home, she just never realized it. Happy days.

      • Freedom, I love the analogy of Dorothy and the Wizard of Oz. I just started reading “The Little Book of Big Change” by Amy Johnston. One thing she said in the introduction is that our human state, or our “baseline” is calm, content, habit free: “You are by nature full of peace of mind, clarity and connection. By nature you are confident, calm and habit-free. You were not born with your habit and it is not an essential part of who you are. It may dominate your thoughts, emotions and behaviors, but your habit says nothing at all about your basic nature – that part of you that is always there and always true, underneath your surface thoughts, emotions and behaviors.” She likens our “baseline” to the sky above the weather. If you have ever flown, you know that above all the clouds, the sky is bright blue and beautiful. That’s us. Our thoughts are the weather flies below the baseline. I thought this was profound and very helpful. Thank you for the Wizard of Oz analogy!! It makes perfect sense.

        • JR replied 1 week ago

          @dixiemama – Thank you for taking the time to write this, I love the concept of we are born habit free and that is our state of calm.

      • JR replied 1 week ago

        @freedom1025 I love this analogy with Wizard of Oz, and stopped beating myself with guilt of drinking in my past, because I realize it was something I had to experience to know what I don’t want. I am a hands on learner – ha! Love seeing your name on here!

    • Good points – all of them! Have a great day.

    • @jr I just read that chapter of This Naked Mind with the chart in it last night. I totally agree. @freedom1025 Great Oz analogy. @dixiemama Thanks for sharing that passage. 🙂 Happy day to you all! Feeling content with the gorgeous Colorado weather today. 🙂

      • JR replied 1 week ago

        @jmtn – power visual for me and stuck with me. Even though I am now “reading” it again through audio, I am glad I saw that visual with the hard copy book.

        • jmtn replied 1 week ago

          @jr It really stuck with me, too. I’m thankful we have so many helpful books to refer to right now.

  • JR posted a new activity comment 1 week, 3 days ago

    @leslielily – what a gift you are giving them. Being present in the small moments adds to amazing memories. That was my “why” too!

  • JR posted a new activity comment 1 week, 3 days ago

    @happymoods – Sounds wonderful and so much more fun sober! I am sorry for the difficult situation- sounds like you handled well by keeping sober. ((HUGS))

  • JR posted a new activity comment 1 week, 3 days ago

    @heidi19 – thank you! I thought at my 2 year mark of being here, it was time for a new one. The bird symbolizes how God takes care of the birds and he will take care of us. Hope you have a great day!

  • JR posted a new activity comment 2 weeks ago

    @Jm so glad you’re here too!!

  • JR changed their profile picture 2 weeks ago

    • Love it @jr, beautiful!

      • @heidi19 – thank you! I thought at my 2 year mark of being here, it was time for a new one. The bird symbolizes how God takes care of the birds and he will take care of us. Hope you have a great day!

  • JR posted an update 2 weeks, 1 day ago

    So many newly registered members this morning – and so glad you are all here! It was 2 years ago yesterday, I was one of the newly registered as well. It has not been a “perfect” 100% sobriety path for me over the 2 years with little bumps here and there, yet I look back and think how that day changed my life! Post often, share your struggles, and joys…this tribe is amazing! Plus, I highly recommend This Naked Mind by Annie Grace book and her podcasts too. (NOPE, I don’t get paid for that plug, but sure was a gamechanger educating myself). xoxo all!

  • JR posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 1 day ago

    @leslielily – how terrifying! I can see why you would want to numb and bring down that elevated energy in your body! and so glad you jumped on here and shared with us with your tea instead. It would bring only temporary “relief” and create a “go to” unwanted experience that when fearful, you drink. Glad you identified the trigger. and thank GOD the girls are safe – big hugs momma!

  • JR posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 1 day ago

    @Jo14 – so glad you are here sharing your journey and how beautiful sobriety is! Inspirational.

  • JR posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 1 day ago

    @mkusch – This Naked Mind by Annie Grace is a great book to help explain why moderation is a tricky slope.

  • JR posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 1 day ago

    @lock30 – welcome, such a warm place to be!

  • JR posted an update 2 weeks, 2 days ago

    It has been 2 years since I found this amazing, supportive tribe! While it has not been a 100% sober ride over the past 2 years, it has been the most wonderful 2 years of LIVING life vs. numbing it. I am much happier and joyful. One thing I realized last night is that I NEED somethign to look forward to in the evenings. It always used to be wine time that I looked forward to. Now it has been books or an a TV series, or just walking, etc. I don’t have a book I am reading right now, and did not want to jump into a home project, so it really hit me how much this is vital to me. Saving right now, or I would have gone for a pedicure!

  • JR posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 2 days ago

    @gigi47 – so wonderful! It is in these “little moments” that bring the greatest joy. How old is your daugther? What a gift you are to her.

  • JR posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 3 days ago

    @hammer123 – beautiful – life is so much brighter sober!

  • JR posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 3 days ago

    @gigi47 – that witching hour was wicked, and sounds like you have a great plan. Keeping busy and changing up my routine during that time was vital to my success. You’ve got this!

  • JR posted a new activity comment 2 weeks, 3 days ago

    @mkusch – and one more sober experience you have under your belt…..love this!

  • JR posted a new activity comment 3 weeks, 3 days ago

    @angeonamission – I remember those thoughts well! Each day you don’t come home to drink wine is one additional experience that will snowball into making it a fleeting thought in the future. I LIVED for my wine after my work it seemed and now, so excited to come home and chill in other ways. Warm cup of tea and good book, or a walk, etc. I used to feel guilty reading because wine time took so much of my time….how UNPRODUCTIVE I was in the evenings, Dishes left, paperwork unsorted, etc. Now I do that quickly and have time for other enjoyment. Life is truly brighter without wine. Your brain will heal from it in time.

  • JR posted a new activity comment 1 month ago

    @hammer123 – I read This Naked Mind by Annie Grace and talks about such…..such a great book and her podcasts.

  • JR posted a new activity comment 1 month ago

    @freedom1025 missed you too and updates, will be catching up today xoxo

  • JR posted an update 1 month ago

    I went to a wellness seminar last week, and it talked about how spring is the time for the highest depression, sadness, etc. Surprised thinking it would be winter with less sunlight. Be kind to yourselves out there. It can be hard to FEEL when we just want to numb some of those feels. We cannot selectively numb, so we even numb joy. Thankful for you here. I hope to meet you someday.

    • Thanks @jr , I never looked at it that way, “we cannot selectively numb”

      • JR replied 1 month ago

        @hammer123 – I read This Naked Mind by Annie Grace and talks about such…..such a great book and her podcasts.

  • JR posted a new activity comment 1 month ago

    @ro – Oh God Bless them all! 12?????? Today marks the two year anniversary of my friend’s 15 year old doing the same. The pressure for these children these days saddens me. Thank you for sharing. I will pray for them today.

  • JR posted a new activity comment 1 month ago

    @lucy – This too shall pass. Praying for you lady! It can be a circular path. You will point north again

  • JR posted a new activity comment 1 month ago

    @teazy – I love your forethought! So powerful.

  • JR posted a new activity comment 1 month ago

    @bk115 welcome, such a warm place to be!

  • JR posted a new activity comment 1 month ago

    @maxxAF – welcome, such a warm place to be!

  • JR posted a new activity comment 1 month ago

    @jocord @kitten @jm @freedom1025 @mari135 @morgan @ro It has been 12 days since my post and since I logged back in. The anxiousness and worries continued, yet thankful for your kind words….feeling better even if having to unplug from many things include social events, even being here. That last part always feels like a mistake and glad to be here this morning. All is well, and even so over the past 12 days since my post. I just find when I withdraw for a bit and regroup, it makes me feel clear. Been having a lot of thinking and feeling for wine in the evenings at home and happy to report I have steered clear. Thank you for being here for me even when I go radio silent. xoxo

  • JR posted an update 1 month, 2 weeks ago

    hmmm….just have a undercurrent of axiousness about a few things. and it is making me feel “bored” and blah. Such triggers for me to have “just one” but NOPE, because I know how that will go….never just one and I don’t want to feed this trigger. Exercising my sober muscles.

    • Hey there @jr 🙂

    • How do you exercise those muscles? What is the best way to lift yourself out of this?

    • oxoxoxo I second morgan, a wee brisk walk might shift things a bit already. If only by 3% or 5%.
      You got this. Let’s not throw sobriety out for this temporary (albeit hard and gritty!) wave.
      This too shall pass…like a kidney or gallstone….but boy shall it pass.
      I promise.

    • Those feelings can be unsettling but hang in there. We’re here for you. This too shall pass. xoxo

    • Hi @JR! Ugh, I know those days of gnawing anxiety. It feels like too much or unfair or just so uncomfortable. I find going to bed or taking a long walk or this one is relatively new for me – just feeling the feelings, and not attaching a storyline. It can get painful, but then it disappears on its own. So unpleasant, but then good. Hope you feel better soon. xo

    • hey, @jr – any step you can take to alleviate the anxiety, or is it just a int it out weight situation, something only the future can take care of? Best. Hope you feel better.

    • Sorry @JR, hate those anxious undercurrents. I watched a show today by Dr. Amen who gave a few tips on handling those feelings. 1000mg of Omega 3s every day. Exercise, hypnosis, looking at fractel pictures (those spirals that go on endlessly), write down your worries and see what actually could happen, deep breathing focusing on one spot, that’s all I can remember right now. xo

    • JR replied 1 month ago

      @jocord @kitten @jm @freedom1025 @mari135 @morgan @ro It has been 12 days since my post and since I logged back in. The anxiousness and worries continued, yet thankful for your kind words….feeling better even if having to unplug from many things include social events, even being here. That last part always feels like a mistake and glad to be here this morning. All is well, and even so over the past 12 days since my post. I just find when I withdraw for a bit and regroup, it makes me feel clear. Been having a lot of thinking and feeling for wine in the evenings at home and happy to report I have steered clear. Thank you for being here for me even when I go radio silent. xoxo

  • JR posted a new activity comment 1 month, 2 weeks ago

    @judyB – even if one of your tools is to “pretend” you have a drink so everyone does not pester you, that is okay too. It got me through those early days.

    • Yes. I may speak to the barman at lunch today and ask for something that looks like wine in a wine glass. Or not. I think I can do today ok. 😊

  • JR posted a new activity comment 2 months ago

    @mari135 – well good morning you busy writing friend! So much beauty here, and the part that really hit me is the the acceptance of who we are and no shame of the past. I have come to terms with I did drink to alleviate stress and was not always fully present for my kids, but I am now, and that is good. I remember thinking 2 years ago, looking into my future with if I continued on this drinking path, I would be alone as my husband was tired of my erratic moods when I drank and my kids just could not figure out who would show up….happy me, or moody mom. They did not realize it was drinking as I hid it, but was a good environment. I love how you would go back and hug your younger self and yes, alcohol maybe was that “friend” we both needed at the time, but thankfully no more. xoxoxoxo

  • JR posted a new activity comment 2 months ago

    @newstart100 – what a privilege to read your beautiful post! Such strength and beauty in it. The best part was your being able to take your 10 year to see the tulip garden. My kids were always my reason for wanting to be without drink. They are late teens now, so wish I had started sooner, but all good with that and let go of my guilt. You have such a gift with you child being so young to be fully present. This story made me so happy to read.

  • JR posted a new activity comment 2 months ago

    @ro – aw, thanks and back at you for always making me smile. I just love your accent in these posts too 🙂

  • JR posted a new activity comment 2 months ago

    @JM @timidwarrior – she is a rockstar. I would LOVE to give her a hug for her work and how many people she has saved.

  • JR posted a new activity comment 2 months ago

    @sober4real – for sure….how those cravings were soooooo strong in the early days. While seemed faded, I recall my beginning posts and hear my desperation. I don’t want that again.

    • I know I can’t go through it again. This last time I had to quit my job and stay home for 3 months. I can’t afford to do that mentally, physically, emotionally, financially ….it’s a ridiculous waste of my time, energy and spirit and that’s to say if I could even get back again. Last time I relapsed it lasted 7 years.

  • JR posted a new activity comment 2 months ago

    @chaves – how much I have “put off for later” while I drank is mind boggling. I would drink to alleviate the stress or worry, yet it only made it worse as I made no progress on something. Such a lie “having a drink” to alleviate anything! Glad I helped you too.

  • JR posted a new activity comment 2 months ago

    @kitten, I used to send my kids out themselves for dinner if my husband was out of town so I could drink wine (not in front of them as I was trying to set a good example and not drink in front of them)…Oh boy.

  • JR posted an update 2 months ago

    Home alone….busy week, so did not make plans with friends while husband on a golf trip and teens out with friends. Historically breeding ground for the wine witch. She is whispering to me right now…just one…so I jumped on here instead. And because have read This Naked Mind 3x, I keep hearing Annie Grace’s voice that the drink will last only 30 minutes….and then will want more to keep that buzz going. No thanks. 1) I don’t want the calories of drinking more 2)….I would NOT stop at one. 3) I don’t want to create back that slow insiduous habit of having wine when I am home chilling – as THAT has not worked well in the past over time.
    Feeling stronger after this post.

    • Hey JR , great move to get on here and recall the ‘reality of drink’ rather than enticement of the ‘fantasy of drink’. Fast forward and the light of day helps me sometimes. Sometimes I don’t let the truth set me free but today is the day we’re living right. Your reflection helped me right now. I’m sitting at my computer bumming out and worrying about an assignment I’m struggling with….thinking – a wine would take care of all of these feelings and bring me some kind of relief. But noooo – only for 30 minutes like you said – then I’d relegate myself to the dump heap of failures and whatever other dark state the bottle will inevitably take me to. So thanks x

      • Perfect summary @Chaves …’fantasy v REALITY’

      • JR replied 2 months ago

        @chaves – how much I have “put off for later” while I drank is mind boggling. I would drink to alleviate the stress or worry, yet it only made it worse as I made no progress on something. Such a lie “having a drink” to alleviate anything! Glad I helped you too.

    • Good job @jr that’s exactly right – if you are like me one is a joke. I know right now at 7 months I’d have a lower tolerance but man who needs to get on that hamster wheel again. It’s hell to get off of….grateful you are here staying sober!

      • JR replied 2 months ago

        @sober4real – for sure….how those cravings were soooooo strong in the early days. While seemed faded, I recall my beginning posts and hear my desperation. I don’t want that again.

        • I know I can’t go through it again. This last time I had to quit my job and stay home for 3 months. I can’t afford to do that mentally, physically, emotionally, financially ….it’s a ridiculous waste of my time, energy and spirit and that’s to say if I could even get back again. Last time I relapsed it lasted 7 years.

    • JM replied 2 months ago

      Hi @JR! Nice that you powered through that craving! I love Annie Grace’s video on why moderation doesn’t work. : ) evening!

    • Ro replied 2 months ago

      Hey there @jr yeah fuck that shit maaaate you owned that craving and kicked it into orbit! Awesome 🙂

      • JR replied 2 months ago

        @ro – aw, thanks and back at you for always making me smile. I just love your accent in these posts too 🙂

    • Good on your for coming on here instead of listening to that evil wine witch!
      I really loved This Naked Mind ❤️

    • Well done checking in here @JR!! Being alone is a trigger for me too – I don’t have much practice with that one so when it comes up I don’t have many tools in place. Each time you make a different choice when you are alone it will get easier for the next time. Have a great weekend lovely xoxo

  • JR posted a new activity comment 2 months ago

    @agirl – so sad! and thankful you are clear headed to be there for her even just quietly.

  • JR posted a new activity comment 2 months ago

    @mari135 @krisb – agree! These “things” in life is what we thought we need to numb because they were hard, furstrating and/or scary. When in fact, this is the path call life. The good, the bad …..and thankful that NO amount of numbing makes it better, it only can make it seemingly feel like it went away for a bit, but just there again when our booze haze is gone and much time it is worse off because we did just pushed off what we should have done. Like a conversation, or just being present for someone.
    LOVED your advice to us @mari135

  • JR posted a new activity comment 2 months ago

    @aprilsfool – and meant to say This Naked Mind was the key for me too….it had the education I needed to understand the dopamine hit and how we go deeper below normal as we drink…even on the next day when we are not drinking. No wonder I had feelings of hopelessness at times and lack of joy.

  • JR posted a new activity comment 2 months ago

    @AprilFool @freedom1025 @jocord – man you guys did/felt the exact same way….it amazes me that I used to think I was the only one that could not control my alone drinking and felt this way until I found this site July 2017. Thank God I did. As you said @freedom1025 I have gained my self-respect even if I am the only person that knows why. My family and friends have no idea this insiduous alone drinking I used to do. That is why I liked being alone, no judgment and the wine witch seemed like a good friend at the time. She is toxic and glad to have purged her. As I am now 51, I have embraced simplistic and minimalism and purging poor behaviors (besides physical stuff) has been amazing!

  • JR posted a new activity comment 2 months ago

    @bobby – glad you had self-awareness and glad you are here! This Naked Mind by Annie Grace was so impactful for me with my thinking.

  • JR posted a new activity comment 2 months ago

    @buckeyeone – glad you are here. Such a circular path at times, and great you are pointing north.

  • JR posted a new activity comment 2 months ago

    @daisy – we don’t judge as we have been there. Just be sure to forgive yourself as shame is counterproductive to recover. Thankful you are here!

  • JR posted an update 2 months ago

    Husband is away and teen/college age kids often working/out. Before I would be thrilled to have this alone time to get my drink on….and now I sit quietly reflecting on how awful that idea was/is. Because I know have the knowledge of how alcohol physically makes us addicted (learned the technical reasons through books), it scares the hell out of me to get into that routine. Plus, I think of my college age teen and how HORRIFIED I would be if I learned she sat home on a Saturday and drank alone. Thankfully, she does not, but why would I be horrified at that idea, and not of my own? Information is key, but it becomes knowledge when we DO something with the information….even when that DOING SOMETHING is NOT doing something like drinking. Happy day all!!

    • I feel the same way @JR. Whenever I had the house to myself, my first thought was, ‘Oh I can relax with a nice glass of wine (yeah, like I was only gonna have one – NOT)’. Followed a short time later with ‘Oh good. Nobody’s here to see me open this second bottle.’ Then it was stumble around till I landed someplace and fell asleep.

      When I finally got my nerve up to stop, I read This Naked Mind. That book definitely rocked my little drunk world. I couldn’t agree with you more – Information is KEY! At least it was for me. Everything in it reflected exactly how I was living and what happened every single time I took my first sip. Great post. Wrap yourself up in your peaceful sober solitude. Enjoy your time with you. Happy sober day.

      • JR replied 2 months ago

        @aprilsfool – and meant to say This Naked Mind was the key for me too….it had the education I needed to understand the dopamine hit and how we go deeper below normal as we drink…even on the next day when we are not drinking. No wonder I had feelings of hopelessness at times and lack of joy.

    • Yep me too! Loved it when everyone was out and I could “drink in peace” without guilt. But the irony was the guilt I felt at 2 am when I would wake with such disappointment. I think that’s what I love most about sobriety … I respect myself again. Have a lovely day friend.

    • For sure I was one of those! Oh good! No one is here so I can “relax” and drink myself into a stupor and pass out only to wake up suddenly with sweats and dehydration. Then think I lost a free day yet again to drink. So glad we don’t do that anymore!

      • JR replied 2 months ago

        @AprilFool @freedom1025 @jocord – man you guys did/felt the exact same way….it amazes me that I used to think I was the only one that could not control my alone drinking and felt this way until I found this site July 2017. Thank God I did. As you said @freedom1025 I have gained my self-respect even if I am the only person that knows why. My family and friends have no idea this insiduous alone drinking I used to do. That is why I liked being alone, no judgment and the wine witch seemed like a good friend at the time. She is toxic and glad to have purged her. As I am now 51, I have embraced simplistic and minimalism and purging poor behaviors (besides physical stuff) has been amazing!

    • i used to pay my boyfriend to go get the take out food and drink as many beers as fast as i could until he came back. So – there is that, too. be well, happy day to you too.

      • JR replied 2 months ago

        @kitten, I used to send my kids out themselves for dinner if my husband was out of town so I could drink wine (not in front of them as I was trying to set a good example and not drink in front of them)…Oh boy.

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