I am a wife and mother of a developmentally delayed son. I was never taught how to savor a drink. The sole purpose was to get drunk. That is how I approached drinking from my middle 20s until I learned that is not how normal people drink. By then it was too late. I've quit and moderated over the years. Since August 2017 I've really examined my reasons to drink and decided there is no good reason. I want to be finished for life. August 2018, 4 months AF and feeling at peace. February 2019, 10 months AF through 3 1/2 seasons and the big holiday season! I don't regret this decision at all. Relationships are better and my health is much, much better. I love knowing that others can count on me anytime, day or night, and I will be clear headed and present. Easter, 4-21-19 and one year sober! Not drinking is natural.
Hi guys, I got a birthday card today from a dear friend of mine. No good wishes necessary, it’s not until next week! In the card she wrote “It is important to make friendships that are deeper than gossiping, drinking, and hanging out. Make friends who you can have deep conversations with. Make friends you can cry with. Make friends who support your life goals and believe in you.” Not surprisingly, this is the friend I gravitated back to after stopping drinking. The front of the card features a pic of a rubinesque older lady wearing only a gardening hat and a big smile. Holding a potted geranium with 2 huge plastic daisies to cover strategic parts! I love my friend…
Yes, I was diagnosed many years ago with fibro and was also pissed and depressed at first. I didn’t want a chronic disease! I learned my triggers and took Lyrica. I stopped Lyrica right away as I didn’t think it helped and it also caused my hands and feet to swell right away. I discovered that if I did 30-40 minutes of yoga everyday my symptoms went away. It really was the only thing aside from swimming that really helped. Sending good vibes your way!
I think it took me about 3 months to settle down for sleep. I took benadryl. It was very frustrating. Deep, deep sleep one night then total insomnia the next. Then unsettled, broken sleep. I still don’t sleep more than 6 hours but the quality is good. And 6 good hours is so much better than 12 drunk hours! Have you tried bedtime yoga by Adrienne right before bed? That really helped. Hang in there!
We have to find you something fun to do on Saturday nights, @Lucy! Glad you got through sober. Yes, I gave my hubby a pass for a year because he certainly took years of shit from me. Now he’s on meds that cause him to slur with just a little alcohol so I tell him when he’s beginning to slur, it seems to reduce his intake.
Glad you’re here and venting today @Ro, you sweet thing. My Mom wrote me a letter once when she was fed up with me partying and my total self-absorption. She said she loved me but didn’t like me. That didn’t stop my partying but it changed the nature of it so I cultivated my more empathetic side. Love what your daughter’s doc said! Take care.
@InkPink, incognito is just fine. You don’t need self-control if you decide you don’t drink. It’s so simple yet so hard. You don’t have to proclaim it to anyone. I didn’t tell my hubs for 2 weeks, told my Mom at 3 weeks and just told people as needed from then on. It’s a very personal journey, you’re allowed to protect it.
Wow, what a feat! I think it’s such a relief when people realize they can get together for a short visit and it’s just as fulfilling as a long one. You are courageous and strong. You deserve a lazy day!
I’m sorry @Frog. A rough day and a really bad movie. Some Adam Sandler movies I can tolerate but most I run from. I like when he acts really sweet but the sophmoric bits and toilet humor is too obvious for me.
Last night we took my special needs son to a MoTown Review. Yep, some of the original artists. Martha and the Vendellas, Mitch Rider, and The “Temps” as they called themselves. We had a blast! My son learned some new dance moves and I learned I can dance without alcohol. When “Dancin’ in the street” came on, I jumped up and and kept the beat. I couldn’t help myself! They sold drinks there and I watched. Most people in the crowd had water or soda, a few had alcohol. As @tom4500 mentioned the people who drink a lot were at the bar down the street with a local band on an outdoor patio. The people who don’t drink or not a lot were with us in the theatre venue with the MoTown crew. We got to enjoy the show, walking outside under a brilliant moon in a clear, midnight blue sky, lightning bugs leading us to our car, and no fear of being stopped for drunk driving on the way home. Today I have no shame, no hangover and only the serotonin high from remembering the fun we had last night. Yes, it’s possible to have fun without alcohol. The quality is so much better!
Great thinking! I used to wonder at friends who would paint a closet at 10 pm on a Friday night as I would be far past the ability to do that. Not drinking just frees up so much time! As @newstart100 said. My hubs is beginning to complain about my LaCroix cans piling up. I find that incredibly delightful because it was so shaming to see how quickly the beer cans piled up. xx
@jocord yes! We have a recyle bin in the kitchen for cans/bottles and sometimes I would feel SO embarrassed at how quickly it would feel up, needing to be emptied pretty much once a week! Of course, my husband helped with the filling up part, but it was mostly me. Now in our new house we have a bin under the sink, and there are only a few bottles in it since I committed to going AF – and they are all iced tea. 😉
Happy 20th wedding anniversary! It sounds like a wonderful get away with your hubby. Is the river really swollen? I left 2 jobs when I could feel I was just moving past my peak. I could feel it but others still gave me high reviews. Better to leave on a high note, I think. Have a wonderful day!
Early on I had to put actual barriers to drinking up for myself. Like making appointments where I had to commit to driving and I’d keep a cooler in my car with AF drinks. Sober driving is a great strategy to get back on track and distance yourself from that “you deserve it” thought train. xo
You’re doing amazing! Yep, all the reasons we drank are usually still there, but I tell ya’ after some sober time, you’ll realize you’ve changed the way you look at things and they get easier to handle. I did a version of your I need a drink phrase. I’d either tell myself or my husband “This is exactly why I drank.” Somehow that made things easier. It signaled him that I was in distress. Just naming it is a form of therapy.
You’re right, it is definitely therapeutic and also eye opening to recognize and name all the situations in which I would normal say “ugh, I need a drink”. And then to get through them without and realize I do not, in fact, need a drink. Thank you for pointing this out!!
38 days already? I absolutely love that you are putting yourself above all else. Self care is key. We can only truly help others when our cup overflows. I’m sorry about your friends. That is really tough to handle but you learned from your last experience and did the nuturing thing this time. You are a shining star! 💕
I’m sorry your gp wasn’t a little more aggressive in addressing your drinking. Wellbutrin may help with your anxiety/depression but I believe the better help would be reducing your alcohol consumption. For me restricting how much I drank only led to drinking more and made me more anxious. Deciding to not drink at all removed that anxiety about how much, where, and when. Antabuse or Naltrexone if you want to try. Antabuse makes you ill and naltrexone removes the desire. Whatever you decide, we’ll be here for you!
Thank you. He did mention Antabuse in passing but didn’t give it to me as an option. He sees me as a binge drinker as I don’t have to have a drink during the day. I am not good with antidepressants as always get the stupid rare side effects so am definitely reluctant to take Zyban. Like you, I can not restrict how much i drink either, it just creeps up on me. Always my intention to have just one, maybe two glasses but that doesn’t last. Does antabuse stop the craving? Also, does it have side effects? Which is best, Antabuse or Naltrexone. Am reluctant as I really am not good with medications across the board. Currently taking Ativan for anxiety but it is addictive so don’t want to take that too often plus it makes me really dopey (even on just half a tablet) and don’t feel with it.
Drove through there yesterday. Four crowded lanes in each direction, and not at rush hour, at 11AM. Crazy. I’m towing with a 3/4 Ram diesel, that helps, plenty of power. I’ll take my little home town, thank you very much. Back home now.
Good morning all! I had a frustrating experience with a relative over this long holiday weekend illustrating just how alcohol ruins everything. So, over 4 lovely, long summer days this relative drank through 2 of them and slept all day the other two to recover. So that familiar pattern of drink to excess one day, recover the next with a few drinks, then repeat. Who suffered through this? All of us because we kept waiting for her to get around and show up. Last evening I finally said something and she admitted she drank too much but “I figured it was a long holiday and I had the days off.” I said, I KNOW. Truly, I know. She said the all too frequent “I’m going to quit drinking.” Ok, we’ve all said that too many times and I know it won’t happen but at least the door has been opened to discussion. Grrr, so much of my life wasted because of booze, so much of other’s life wasted because of booze. Booze sucks. 😡
@Jocord a work friend turned her nose up at me this morning, she didn’t know I’d quit drinking and she drinks a lot, she laughed and said ” ha who doesn’t come to work without a hangover, I couldn’t go 6 hours without a drink”. I thought that’s why she’s always in a bad mood and snaps at everyone. Booze really does suck!
So sorry @jocord it’s really hard and you are trying to be empathetic and compassionate about it with her but it’s not easy. I just reflect back to when I just could not seem to stop and man it was hard on me and everyone else. Things like that nowadays I just tend to remove myself from that because as you know better than anyone else until they want help there is nothing anyone can do. They have to want to make the change themselves. It’s hard when the reality of our past lives is also put right in front of our faces…… really makes me reflect on so many things. I’m sorry you and your family had to deal with it. I’m sorry there are so many with the issue. It sucks – booze definitely sucks!
Your comment about “being a grownup” made me think of a line in a song I just heard. Ok, it’s from “Cool” by the Jonas brothers. They come on the tv at the gym and are a good distraction from my pain! They sing, “When I grow up, I want to be me.” Meaning he’s at a very good place in his life right now. Wouldn’t that have been wonderful to realize at age 25? For me, those words don’t mean a particular station in life but an internal contentment with myself and where I am right now. xooxo
Hi @noodle71! I used to go to AA but found the step program too restrictive for my rebellious self. I found the stories in the Big Blue Book very helpful and I still use the tools I learned in AA. There are AA online meetings you can join if you’d like. I found crafting my own program from all the resources I could gather to be the key for me. You can go to an AA meeting, grab the intro kit, and leave with that satisfaction of knowing you are not alone but also that you did it. Or not. It’s your journey, you get to decide.
That is great @Janice! Yes, that’s how I flipped the switch in my head to get to almost 15 months now. Don’t dwell on the past, remember it but focus on the future and your healing. I always say we don’t drink on vacation because the vacation ends but our drinking doesn’t. I never want to go through another day 1 again!
Hi guys! I’m going to try and share this. It’s another sober resource from Jackie Elliott from Running on Sober. It’s her summertime edition of her sober magazine. We’re all familiar with that romantic idea of cold beers or chilled wine sparkling in the glass in the sunshine. And we know it’s an illusion, a lie perpetrated by those who profit from our addiction. No alcohol for me this second summer! For those struggling this summer, or winter depending on where you are, I promise the second is better. Now, let’s see if I can share this… https://view.joomag.com/running-on-sober-community-ezine-issue-6/0294527001562363130?short
Jackie Elliott speaks to me directly lol! Have you listened to her Podcasts.? I will def. look up the magazine. I dont run, or even trot, but the information and personal journey is full of humour (very important to me), and weapons to fight!!! The whole info. about the illusion is so true!! and even though only sober for 6 days I can really see it now on tv, in magazines etc.
Uplifting post, @rise2015! We’re on our way to 500 and won’t that be a cause for celebration! My son is absolutely dying for fireworks. Hubby bought a large selection yesterday and son wanted to hold them in his lap. His way of experience immersion. They were too heavy so he put them nearby while he slept. Up early today and ready to set them off even though the brightness of them causes extra seizures. Quality of life issue, eh? We will give extra meds for seizures and then have a show.
Wonderful @newstart100! I think it just takes one person to make it ok to not drink in this herd mentality of societal drinking. I know those convetsations. Those off the cuff, Hey, we’ll drink after the kids go to bed. Wink, wink, little laugh, side glance to see if this is the right thing to say, and with more little laughs the sheep all herd together to set the tone that it will be the cool activity for the week. You allowed those who didn’t really want to drink to break the tone. Our super woman! xoxo