Day 16. I had my roughest night last night since deciding to stop drinking. I was negatively triggered by something that my husband said that was sincerely meant to be helpful and simply add to our conversation. It was a comment that he made after I shared something that resonated with me on a Bubble Hour podcast. (He used to drink regularly and is also stopping drinking with me, although he didn’t get addicted like I did, so he doesn’t really understand what I’m going through.) After a few hours of thought I realized that he accidentally scratched the surface of a big part of when/why my drinking started to ramp up about 9 years ago. It made me want to drink out of frustration, anger and resentment, but only because that was an old habit. I’d drink when I was happy, social, wanted to be alone, frustrated, angry, resentful…pretty much any reason. I think this was one of those big newly sober moments where I need to deal with my feelings rather than numb them away. It wasn’t fun, but I can already see that our relationship had a little growth spurt because of it and these sober emotional muscles are getting stronger. I have my first therapy appointment since stopping drinking later today. It’ll be interesting to see what she says about all of this. I figured I should share here, too. Wishing you all a happy, sober day. xox
I totally get being grumpy, @whynot. I’m glad you thought it was some good stuff. I just felt that I needed to share here, where we all can understand what’s going on to some degree or another. Growing pains are painful though! Ugh. I just have to remember that it’ll pass. I guess it’s nice to not just be drinking away my frustration. I just saw that your knee is having issues. No fun at all. Hang in there. I hope the doc can find a solution for you soon! xox
Thanks @kitten and @freedom1025. I’m emotionally exhausted! I haven’t been this tearful in a very long time. 😜 We had a fun family night out tonight, wandering around town in the beautiful summer weather. That helped a lot and I’m feeling things lighten again. Thanks for the encouraging words and reinforcing the positives of this journey. 💗 I hope you both are well.