Thank you @JM. You’ve kind of hit it right on the head for me. Feeling meaningless overall. Not necessarily the sobriety part, but kind of like – ‘where the hell am I going with this?’ Of course the changes in my health have been extraordinary in terms of feeling human again on a consistent basis. But I guess I’m looking for those new benefits you refer to. Thanks so much for sharing your experience. It’s been incredibly helpful to learn about other’s experiences. It’s true that the journey is different for everyone, but I do think, we share a certain similarity in how we get there. I appreciate your help.
@JM@freedom1025 and I just learned one more, although she does drink on occasion, her mojo really is from good food and sleep over alcohol any day – Charlize Theron. She has a very sad story growing up about an abusive, alcoholic father and her mom shot him to death in self-defense. She said her fear was never knowing what her day would be like as a little girl as it was dictated by whether her dad drank or not. ….and to think alcohol is marketed as make life all great and happy. Such lies!
Hey @jm it’s been a strange summer here! I’m good with fall though- my favorite time of year. Thanks on the dizzy – it SUCKS! I hate it. Making me crazy but hope they get me figured out. Much better than I was a week ago. Yes, helping people in person is so rewarding – there are so many people that need help. Our stories can make such a difference. Thanks you are so sweet! xoxoxoxoxox
Sounds great @JM and those thoughts are inevitable sometimes when spending continuous time with drinkers, it was a bit like that on my tour in Italy, but really I was just glad I was me and not them! haha well done xx
Thanks @JM and yes I will follow my heart, mu intuition. To do that I think I must sit with this for a couple of weeks, and see how I feel then. It is possible that the dreary cold weather and the return from vibrant Europe to such quiet here is simply having a negative effect on me. I will wait a bit and ponder what it is I hope to find by moving, make sure my intentions are clear, and sound, and well thought out. I may well be alone a lot in the city too, but there is so much more scope for things to do, so much easier to catch up with friends, so many second hand and antique shops to fossick through!
@JM – glad you will be okay, and Europe coming, how exciting! I can relate to the falling when drunk and not remembering where the nasty bruise came from…..and husband would tell me how I fell into something. That is a low I am thankful to off of.
@jm Crested Butte is another gorgeous mountain town in CO. If you go mid-late July the wildflowers are incredible! And I hadn’t noticed that our screen names are so similar! j is for my first name and mtn is short for mountain. 🙂 Hugs!
@jm “swat away like a pesky fly” 🙂 I like that. Awesome about 4+ years sober! Well done. I appreciate you sharing your perspective. I live in the Boulder area and love it. This week I “had to” go to Steamboat Springs for work. I stayed an extra night to hike and relax in the mountain air. So gorgeous up there right now! Let me know if you ever get to Colorado…I’m happy to give tips or meet up! Where are you located?
Hi again @jmtn! Lucky you, living in Boulder. I’m going to google images of Steamboat Springs right now – wow, what a paradise. I live in Toronto. We’re having a hot, beautiful summer. That’d be fun to meet, if I make it there next summer. I like that our screen names are so similar. : )
Awww…I thank you @JM Its like I finally feel I am home. And I belong ❤ It will be so hard to leave in August, it will. Besides the obvious(being and living with my love) there is such peace and distance(about 280 miles lol) from ex husband. And drama. The culture in TN just suits me, it really does. I flourish and feel so peaceful and happy with southern hospitality 😎
@Jm , @lee@, @elizabeth66, @mandles , @frog Thank you all for your feedbacks , i am doing better mentally , being sober for me really means letting go and i am trying hard to do that , so far so good . Thanks .
I’m so sorry @jm and you are so right! It’s a BS phrase……..I would like to see a world where that stigma is removed also. I am really sorry to hear about your brother in law. It puts things into true perspective so I appreciate you sharing even though it’s painful.
This is very true @JM. Great insight! It’s taken me years to figure it out, maybe because I was drunk. It’s a huge part of of the puzzle in trying to quit. Once I figured this part out it became a lot easier to stay stopped.
@jm wise words. I agree, it’s much harder to keep going than it is to stop. Living life without hangovers, sleep deprivation and bitter regret is well worth skipping that bucket sized glass of red wine (& the rest)
When I quit, I wanted to yoga and meditate. I still do not have this as a regular practice but I continue to put my life in order for this to occur. Love that you have begun the practice of meditating. Life is richer, has depth, more colors than black and white. Be well, @jm.
Today’s thought from my big comfy chair: “Thank you for the support”
I was scrolling through the profiles this morning when it dawned on me how many people on this site have touched me in some way. A comment on my post or something that they posted that resonated with me, something that made me laugh or sometimes cry. What a wonderful supportive, safe place this has become for me. So I will leave you with this Bruce Springsteen lyric that has been running through my mind over the last couple of days. From the song “Into The Fire”
May your strength give us strength May your hope give us hope May your faith give us faith May your love give us love
Thanks for the mention @hammer123. We are all in this together and the support we give one another is truly a blessing. Each one of us has a different story as to how we went off the rails and started abusing alcohol. We are not bad people we just got addicted. This is what we all share and deal with on this journey to live an AF life. We are all very fortunate to have stumbled on to this wonderful community that @Mrs-D started at the beginning of her journey. Thanks to everyone of you for being here! May you all have a great AF day!
Nicely said and widely shared @hammer123. I too am extremely grateful for this place and for all the warm, supportive, non-judgemental, empathetic (I could go on…) people here. To know that there are people just like me, all over the world, struggling with the same issue and experiencing the same emotions – and willing to reach out to help others along has been quite a humbling, yet empowering experience. Sending out sincere thanks to all – and wishing everyone a peaceful AF day.
I totally agree! This has been tough but also at times easier than I imagined and I think that has a lot to do with this community. It is my touch stone first thing in the morning and last thing at night and it reminds me what I am doing and why. So grateful x.@hammer123
@JM No, in fact his sibling (brother) is also harassing me (he was my car insurance person while I was out there). I definitely don’t have any allies in his family camp. I have them all blocked. I never knew them that well anyway because narc-man has very little contact with them himself.
I do have a very good friend there that lives right next door. He called her “HIS” friend and that I “poisoned her mind” against him. She tells me she never even SAW him come out of his house hardly before I came along. They would say “hi” once in awhile in passing but that was it. For the most part, I keep our relationship just about us and try to leave the narc man topic out of it but she knows what happened and was a witness for me in court.
I have been no contact the whole time. He doesn’t know that I know he is on those fb pages but because he is posting my first and last name, friends I have in those groups are private messaging me letting me know. And then I message admin who then shuts him down. I don’t think he realizes it is me doing that.
As for the DHS thing, I HAVE to address that as that is my employer. It affects my employment. So I can’t ignore it. And their investigation will determine if they advise him to file criminal charges on me (which is bogus and will not happen but still I have to go through the process). The investigator is not an easy person to reach and this has dragged on for 2 weeks now. He is SUPPOSED to call me today so I’m just sitting here waiting.
Atty told me that once this investigator gives me the all clear (which he believes he will) THEN we will file a motion with the court for contempt of court on my restraining order and have him arrested. Because the RO specifically states he is not to harass my employment. But I can’t do anything till my employer clears me!
My friend who lives next door to him is also going to go in and file an RO on him in the meantime for harassing her. That will add to my evidence when I go back to court with my atty.
The porn stuff.. I just gotta change my phone number.
It is BECAUSE he can’t get me to respond to him directly that he keeps this up. Typical narcissistic response……but so so ugly.
For the most part, I am dealing with this alone because most people don’t understand this level of abuse. They think it is just a “bad breakup” and I should just be “over it.” by now. AND TRUST ME I WANT TO BE…but he just won’t leave me alone. I have one friend who is willing to let me talk/vent whenever. She is the best.
@liberty You nailed it… it IS messing with my head because he is TOTALLY playing the role of victim and stating that it is “I” that is the…[Read more]
I’m so sorry for your loss @JM xoxo I know what you mean about charlie brown and the football with family dynamics. That is a wonderful analogy and I am glad I am not the only one that continues to try to kick the football. 1509…wow, that is so awesome!! xo
Thanks @JM@Lucy@Winner@jmtn@jocord@DennyD. It’s the other end of the day now. I’ve been trying not to dwell on any of it too much and just move on. I really appreciate your input, support and encouragement. I guess I just have to grow thicker skin to let some of this stuff roll off me. I am so grateful for all of you. I really don’t know if or how I’d ever do this alone. Much as things can suck some times, it’s definitely better dealing with life sober. Xox.
I would have loved it because it was a quiz night, but then I would have hated it because hanging out with people drinking just doesn’t really do it for me these days. Been there got the t-shirt. I’ve always loved socializing a little bit too much and was generally the life of the party lol. Not everyone drinks there either, and they’ll all say why didn’t you come? And it’s the making of excuses of I can’t abide, so I’ll just have to man up and say I needed a mental health break from yous all lol. Oh well. Meant to be truth talking this year. I still find it incredibly difficult. Summers day sounds lovely- make the most of it! Nice to chat @jm 🙂
What a mix! Naaw he’s lucky to have you @jm 🙂 17 eh @dorothyparker I’ve a Jack Russell mongrel who is 8. Another 10 yrs of him might push me over the edge…just as well he has a cute wee face cos I tell you he’s been a wee bastard over the years. As dogs go he is by far the yappiest, shrillest, vicious,brave though-is a fantastic mouser,LOVES trying to smash hedgehogs to pieces, goes any dog that is larger than him, honestly SO embarrassing . Shits at least twice on a walk. My other dogs ( Staffords ) are such babies in comparison. And sooky with it. Anyway I digress . . .Congrats on 85 days. Must be something in the water mate, I’ve been reading up on personality types and perhaps I’m more passive aggressive ( I always just thought I was aggressive aggressive lmao ) and I need to be more assertive. Thing is I don’t like confrontation either-unless you’re talking Bob Marley albums ha ha aaahh dear I need a holiday. Keep up the great work 🙂