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  • Jesss posted an update 6 days, 4 hours ago

    Hi guys. I am posting to stay accountable. My boyfriend is going back to NYC today. EX BOYFRIEND. Geez i need to get that through my head. We have been together on and off for 7 years this month. He is/was my absolute best friend. As much as the spark had left our relationship a cpl years ago, the friendship was incredibly strong. It is what kept us together. I am having thoughts of getting wine tonight. Reminding myself of the bigger picture in that i have to leave him. 11 days ago i was lying in bed EXTREMELY hungover. I was feeling very depressed about my life. My boyfriend had went to golf. He sent me a text asking if i was feeling any better. I said “no”. The next text i recieved was “good cause you are my only friend with benefits!”. Side note, my boyfriend and i have not been intimate in over a year. (TMI i know but necessary to understand) It is one of the reasons i have been telling him i think we should break up. His response was always we will get the spark back, now i get why it wasn’t a huge concern for him. It hurts really bad! He won’t even admit it. Says his phone screwed up and he doesnt know how that text got there. I can’t even talk to him about it cuz it makes me feel crazy. I do not believe for a second that text just randomly wound up in my phone. He has a habit of lying. Especially about women. So i can’t say this is a huge shock. Just still hurts. Im losing my best friend. And i am having all of these terrible fears of not being able to support myself without him. And fears of going through my parents deaths alone. Wine will NOT help this situation. It would give me temporarily comfort. But after it wore off it would confirm my insecurities and a downward spiral would be inevitable. So, i am happy he is leaving for a few weeks. He has business trips, which used to be a source of stress for me since i caught him inviting women to meet him years back. But this time is different. I don’t have to wonder. I know the truth. And i need to move on. My goal is to spend the next 2 weeks i am alone getting back into yoga, running, the gym and meditation. I want those things back in my life. I was religious about it for over a year then kinda lost my mojo with it. I will be studying a lot the next few weeks too! I am taking anatomy and physiology right now. My coding class is next. Fingers crossed this works for me! Love u guys….💗🙏✌

    • @Jesss it’s very easy for anyone to say this but you will need to move on. Apart from the mistaken text, you say “He has a habit of lying. Especially about women”; “i caught him inviting women to meet him years back”. But you describe him as your “best friend”. You probably can see that those things don’t seem compatible. Nobody needs a lying best friend. It will be hard to move on but, like the quitting drinking, you know it’s the best decision. Apologies if this seems too blunt, but similarly your comment to me about having a sober dad really hit home as it is the painful truth.

    • It sounds like your making some hard but wise decisions @jesss. I drank again not to long ago as well but am just looking at it as a fresh start along a fresh start, sort of how waves topple over one another. I exited a very unhealthy relationship some years ago that I’d remained in far to long because of what I’d thought was convenient but looking back, I was only holding myself hostage. Tough times without the drinking are just that but everything does and will change in time without us polluting ourselves. Great to see you doing so much better! xo

    • I think this time you are going through will change you whether you choose it or not. Sometimes, seeing that, we can ride the current a little and stay on the front foot somewhat. 7 years is a good time to make a change. I doubt you are the same person you were when you met him & so it is hard to imagine who you’ll be without him-but you’ll grow. While it’s a loss, ALL losses leave room for new growth. And yes…we settle for stuff…it’s sometimes not til afterwards we see we didn’t need to. So glad you have the study as it’s structure and a bridge to the next thing. You are creating that. 🙂 Just keep going. xxx

    • It only hurts for a week. It’s just bloody hard to not drink. Curl up with a hot chocolate, put the saddest movie on and cry your heart out. He’s a dick. Sorry but you will wonder why you were so into him a year from now. If you’re anything like me, you’ll kick yourself for being so stupid. My apologies but I used to go out with this type. I’m astounded at my own stupidity and neediness. Gosh I’m sorry but stay strong. You’re worth it.

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