• jennah posted an update 4 days, 18 hours ago

    I don’t think I can live sober. I’ve tried about 100 times (maybe more) since 2015. I’ve tried everything to get sober. I just don’t seem able to do it. So, how do you do it? I can get 2-3 days sober and that’s about it. Any new advice will be appreciated. Thank-you.
    No just make your mind up advice please. I’ve already made up my mind 1000 times. ๐Ÿ™‚

    • I know what you mean…..for me I just had to get sick of it and get SO SICK that I literally had no choice but to quit or die an alcoholic ugly death and from what I have heard and studied it’s horrific. I hope you can find something deep within you to give you the strong reasons to make the final decision you are done. xoxoxoxoxox

    • Hi @jennah I always found day 4 and 5 the hardest in my multiple attempts just had to bite the bullett accept sweats and no sleep, or very little. Heaps of paracetamol and battle through. Not much help but day 6 was always good to get to. Good luck.

    • Jennah me too; I can go a few days and then the wine witch comes to call. If you are looking for something to read that might help, I would suggest “This Naked Mind” by Annie Grace. Annie also offers a free 30 day alcohol experiment where when you sign up she sends you a daily email with videos and exercises designed to help you deconstruct your patterns. She has a wonderful online community not unlike this one as well.

    • @jennah, I’m curious: What have you tried already that hasn’t worked? Well,we’ve probably all tried those tricks, too, so what finally clicks? You’ll know when it happens, and, in the meantime, be proud of your progress and what you’ve learned along the way. You are getting there, even if it doesn’t feel that way at all. You want to live differently, and that is huge.

      I’m thinking about your first sentence: “I don’t think I can live sober.” If you want to live sober, and I believe you do, then let’s call that what it is. *That* voice that tells you that you *can’t* is the voice of that lying sack of shit alcohol, trying to make you feel less than, not up to it, incapable, and that is how it gets back in the door when you are determined it won’t. Maybe what’s actually true is not that you can’t live sober, but that you, like me, cannot live the life you want to live, be your best self, and drink alcohol.

      So many things go into getting sober, and you’ll have to put together your own patchwork quilt of what works. It isn’t just one thing. I will say, add things in. Nap, watch movies, listen to podcasts. The Bubble Hour, Recovery Elevator, and Recovery Happy Hour are some of my favorites, but there are many, many more. Read some “quit lit”–This Naked Mind, Drinking: A Love Story, etc. Go to bed early, nap in the afternoon –whatever you need. Say no to events where you know you’ll be tempted. Maybe consider going to therapy to get to the root of why you drink and cope with the feelings that you will start to feel again. Be especially kind to yourself, because the early days may be a struggle. You need to get temptation out of the way, identify your triggers, and change your habits so you’re not triggered. Set yourself up for success.

      You need accountability and community, so you’re ahead of the game there, by being here. You’re among people who have tried and failed and failed again at moderation, and then a lot of us have realized that moderation is not going to work. And at some point, we sail clear of it all, all that agony that alcohol brings with the fun it promises, like a really terrible boyfriend. And then one day you’ll find that you’re the one cheering someone on who, just like you right now, is having a hard time, and you’ll realize that, hey–I *can* live sober. I am living sober. I am alcohol free, with the emphasis on free. I am so grateful to be living a life of sobriety, and I know you can do it. Life’s not perfect, but it’s so much better without that crap. Don’t beat yourself up. Everything you’ve done up to now is part of the process, and I believe you’ll get there. Stick with it. We’re with you. We understand.

      • @AnneC – I know I’m not the original poster but omg thank you for your words. Very very uplifting. And @jennah – I keep telling myself I don’t think I can either and then I keep remembering how annoyed I am with myself every.time.I.wake.up.hungover (periods for emphasis). I make myself think and think hard about every morning I have woken up and said “Okay seriously, I’m not going to drink anymore” and then had four beers that same night, and said the same thing again the next morning. I think about all the meals I have cooked while drinking and then sat down with my husband and children practically shit faced and pretended not to be – and how that makes me feel like a shitty mother. I think about how puffy my face gets. I think about how much I hate myself after a night of drinking. And then I read and read and read stories of those who have gotten beyond it. And somehow I’ve made it 12 days and I just know I won’t drink tonight either and I just know that I don’t care that tomorrow is Friday night which has always been the hardest night for me to say no to alcohol…. Hang in there and just keep trying, and trying. Something will click.

      • Hi @annec. I’m finding your reply so encouraging. Thanks so much for this. I know my life will be so much better with no alcohol, I’m going to go for the 100 days. 2 days done ๐Ÿ™‚ I’m so utterly sick of alcohol running my life. I’ve known for a long time that moderation doesn’t work for me. 1 drink turns into blackouts too often ๐Ÿ™ And a crappy next day. I’m going to set myself up for success!! Many thanks for taking the time to reply.

    • I have no real pearls of wisdom for you, just my own story and a whole lot of compassion. It’s so hard isn’t it? Like you I had many many 2 -3 days sober, then back to the wine – so many many day 1s, I really thought I just couldn’t, and then I felt worthless and weak etc etc. I guess you have to find the thing that keeps you going – whatever it is, grab onto it. I found that reading and listening helped me – Mrs Ds book, blogs, youtube, Ted talks, podcasts. And checking in here every day, even though I’m not a prolific poster, I have lurked with intent since day 1! And now I’m at day 63 – still early days, but feeling cautiously optimistic. Hang in there.

      • 63 days is something to be proud of @Rubyroo!! I don’t think I will post much either, but I will here ๐Ÿ™‚ Thanks for you reply. I really appreciate you. xo

    • Hi @jennah I’m a couple of years sober now and what worked for me was:
      1. Make the absolute no negotiation, will not drink no matter what for 100 days decision. Promise yourself that no matter what (skive work, eat a family sized bar of chocolate etc etc) no matter what, you won’t drink.
      2. Make it fun. It has to be about realising how many opportunities you are gaining (yes this will take a while). In the mean time, work out exactly what you would have spent on booze each month and spend it on treats for yourself instead. Books, magazines, candles, chocolate, cheese, clothes, jewellery, flowers etc etc. Really show yourself how great that money could make you feel instead of pissing it away on booze that ends up making you feel like shit. Podcasts were a game changer too. Recovery Elevator and The Bubble Hour.
      I also really connected here. I’d force myself to post here before drinking. Cravings are finite. They normally last just minutes. You need to find a way to power through them. Clean the house, have a bath, walk the dog, pace up and down the room, or get on here, the craving will soon pass.

      • great reply @marmite!! xxx

      • I’ve decided to go for the 100 days @marmite. DaveH just wrote an interesting post. I think I need to focus on future benefits instead of instant gratification. Funny that he posted about that. It’s been on my mind for the last couple of days ๐Ÿ™‚
        I’m finding one thing very strange about this site. People seem to reply once and that’s it. There is not much ongoing discussion between people. Am I wrong about that? How were you able to find connection here? (if you don’t mind me asking) Thanks for your lovely reply. Day 2 is done ๐Ÿ™‚ Off to bed early for me ๐Ÿ™‚

    • I totally agree with Marmite, 100 days no matter what! No excuses, not after this birthday, anniversary, long weekend, 2 week vacation.
      I said those very words to my wife I canโ€™t live sober, life will be boring, I will be boring. I wonโ€™t look forward to the weekend, like I was only drinking on the weekend!
      It will be hard to go out socially, it really isnโ€™t, it was harder trying to stay sober when everyone else was a normal drinker.
      You can do this I am over 400 days AF and it does get easier, just keep trying!
      Unfortunately I will tell you this, you have not made up your mind otherwise you would be doing it. You are giving yourself outs, leaving some wiggle room, I will start again tomorrow!
      I know this time I left no outs, zero chance to pick up. My wife tried to let me off the hook and I told her I need her 100% support on quitting, zero tolerance! This time just felt different, it wasnโ€™t a pink cloud, though that did arrive. What worked for me and many others here was just deciding I donโ€™t drink no matter what!
      You can do this you are stronger than your thoughts, you are a non drinker make it happen!

    • @sober4real, @andian, @dixiemama, @annec,@leslielily, @rubyroo,@marmite, @hammer123. Thank-you all so much for your kind words and good advice!! I will reread and think about what to try next. I’m thinking that on-line counselling might be a good next step for me. I have a friend who is doing that. I will talk to her today. Thanks also for the encouragement to keep trying. Today is Day 1.

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