• I’m desperate friends. I’m sitting at the local town pools with my son and his two friends and writing this post. I have been here 2hrs. The previous 5hrs before that I drove to Rotorua and dropped them off at the movies then went plant shopping. Sounds ok but this entire day and yesterday my heart is pounding. I want a drink!!!!! I want to be like lots of other mummysvwho are having a nice relaxing wine, laughing, and enjoying life. I’m so bored….and yes I’m trying to be proactive. My husband will be merry when I get home and my teenage sons have begun drinking which breaks my heart SO MUCH!!!!!!!! I have to avoid them too as I’ll yell at them or cry……but I’m avoiding home like the plague but my time is nearly done here. Aaaarrrrrrgggg Fuck!!!!’ I want to cry so much but I’m so frustrated I can’t. Im gunna try not to take it out on him. Shit guys how do I deal with this. It doesn’t feel fair to feel like such a fuckn loser….I don’t want sympathy I just feel so alone on this journey and feel like giving up in everything …..sorry for this dum uninspiring post and quite honestly I’m happy for you who are happy. Honestly!!!!!!

    • Heya @Jasmine, you’re going through ‘it’. Ride it out with concentrating on breathing, sip on something like an orange Fanta/glug water/something to trick your brain into a momentary pleasure. You’re feeling the razor sharp spikes. No matter what your brain tells ya, don’t believe it. Are you able to go home real soon and just concentrate on doing one task at a time until it’s time for bed? Personally, I talk non-stop to God when I’m in the ultra high-risk mode. This is what growing your sober muscles feels like. You’re a bloody legend to check-in here, right now. And, when you get home, “fake” being calm, even if you don’t feel it.

    • Hi there @jasmaine you don’t need a wine to enjoy life – your addictive voice is talking to you there. You need to ‘play it forward’ and remember why you came to living sober-you don’t really want to drink anymore eh?
      When you get home I suggest you get a big drink of water and go take a long shower then hop into bed. You are doing SO well. It’s hard in the beginning because you have to get out of a bad habit with an addictive poison, but if you can keep at it you’ll soon find it gets easier and easier. You should feel really proud of yourself – you are doing a hard thing – you are AWESOME!!!

      • I have a wee shower seat and take 20 minute ones – great way to wash away troubles 🚿😉

    • @malibustacey has given you some great advice @Jasmaine and all i can add is those Mummy who relax and enjoy a glass of wine… It’s a fucking lie!!!! Most of THOSE Mummies are on here because moderation is a bloody myth! You are NOT missing out on anything. You get to hang out with your family, be available to sober drive those teenage boys if need be, you can have a lovely meal, and sleep-waking clear headed. Go treat yourself now to something: ANYTHING. A candle, chocolate, a magazine whatever it takes! Brave and courageous of you to be so honest and reach out on here xxx

      • It’s a real roller coaster ride sometimes but hang in there … try positive thinking to trick your brain … fake it til you make it … it gets easier just not right now … try to remember why you came here in the first place … cos it is all lies … nothing romantic or special about booze … YOU CAN DO THIS xxx just stay on here as long as it takes … keep reading and keep posting … always someone here to keep you going … think about tomorrow morning and waking up refreshed and happy another day has been added …

    • It is the alcohol talking through booze coloured spectacles. Do you remember what it is really like? The wine only seems relaxing because it relieves the alcohol withdrawal, the mummies are happy in each other’s company because they all drink and don’t need to feel guilty in each other’s company and is it really a relaxing time or are they getting so wasted that they can’t be bothered to do anything else?? To you it may not look like this right now but your life is so much better without alcohol….
      I know where you are coming from when you are feeling angry and sad towards the drinking members of your family, but try to tell yourself that everyone has their own journey-you can be there for guidance and advice but right now you have to focus on your own life. You are doing brilliantly and must have a lot of inner strength to be able to cope with it all! Keep on fighting and stay the sober path, you can do it! xx

    • Just for today get through this. Have a cup of tea when you get home and go to bed early.
      It’s a lie re all the Mums enjoying their drinks. I have been watching someone very close to me whose “mum drinks” are starting to get out of hand.. ending up in screaming matches with friends, her husband and drink driving…
      Hang in there and stay sober, you won’t regret it tommorow x

    • Remember that phase in childbirth where you’re exhausted and completely over it and in almost unbearable pain? It’s always just before the miracle happens. This is what you’re going through now. It’s utter shit but it’s a stage you can’t miss if you want your sober miracle. If you drink now you’ll only prolong the agony cos you’re going to end up at this point again. I’m so impressed you had the guts to post while you’re dealing with all this. We’re rooting for you sweet pea. Just read this “one of the most overlooked aspects of recovery is self care. Addicted individuals typically take less than they need and, as a result, they become exhausted or resentful and turn to their addiction to relax or escape.” You have been super-Mum all day, caring for others – it’s your turn now. Cup of tea, chocolate, Netflix, book, bath, cuddle. Thinking of you. X

    • @jasmaine, hope this post finds you well, all snug as a bug with your mineral water in hand, feeling the healing in your body instead of the pain, watching your body heal second by second as the physical addiction slowly becomes less and less. Maybe taking a nap, a bath, a walk, sometimes it really is second by second, friend, be well.

  • Jasmaine posted a new activity comment 7 months, 3 weeks ago

    Thank you @MsCarly …I am going to watch that after this. Thank you for your reply too

  • Hi all, so I’ve been finally letting people know that I’m alcohol free, which feels great to me……but most of them are surprised when I tell them how many days it’s been. Not because of the number but because I’m counting them. Why is that I wonder? Maybe they think I’m doubtful of myself whether I can continue? Has anyone else had that reaction?…..It’s a little bit of a bummer……. I’m proud to count the days and pleased to see them adding up……I’m so glad to be totally alcohol free….not even having a beer or a glass with dinner feels like Im TRULY doing it. Keep on going everyone, life can be good without booze….a challenge but I’m up for it!! 😊

    • Well done on becoming AF
      I found this on the inspiration part of this site and it talks about people’s reactions on going AF
      It’s on you tube so google Clare pooley making sober less shameful.

    • Well done @jasmaine for your AF days. 🙂 I personally dont tell people how long Ive been sober, unless they ask, in which case I give an approximate answer (just over two years). Thats only because I dont want people to know its a big deal, which is really down to me not wanting to admit (to others) that it was a problem. I would guess that people are surprised you are counting days because they simply have NO IDEA what its like to quit drinking, to have cravings but work through them. Many people drink a lot and cant imagine quitting, and avoid even thinking about quitting and how hard it would be (i used to be in that camp). Others can take or leave alcohol so the idea of counting days probably seems bizarre… imagine if someone told you they hadnt eaten any bananas for 100 days… you would think it was a bit weird that they were counting. Thats my take on it anyway. This is one reason why our LS community is so important… we all GET IT 🙂 Keep going, dont worry about what others think, you know why you are doing this. Go you! X

      • I like your comment. The example of how bizarre it would be to count bananas is an excellent way to make this point.

    • Hi Jasmaine! Counting days has been important to me in getting sober, and yeah, a couple people have been a little weird about it. I no longer talk about it except with people who do really support me. I guess people have this certain concept of sobriety. Either you are or you’re not, and why count days.. They don’t get it. I don’t know, I found it strange too. Anyways, you’re doing amazingly!! Congrats! : )

    • My therapist always gives me a high five when I share my sober days. oxoxox It’s ok to be proud of them! Go you! I think in terms of other people, they may not think you had a problem. I run into that a lot. I hid my drinking well and even my spouse never thought I had an issue. Only once I got sober and shared more with him did he agree it was healthier for me to quit….And people like my brother never even comment on it when I share a sreenshot of my sober days counter…..It sucks. But over time I grieved I wouldn’t get the validation I wanted from certain people, and was grateful for the validation I got from those who gave it.

      oxooxox
      Hang in there, it does get way easier. All of it.

      • You’re so right about craving validation. The person that I would like it most from never concedes. Those who offer it I consider my dearest friends.

  • Jasmaine posted a new activity comment 7 months, 3 weeks ago

    Kia Ora fellow friend 🙋🏼‍♀️

  • Hello all🙋🏼‍♀️, how do I change and access the counter please?

  • Jasmaine posted a new activity comment 8 months ago

    Hi @rt2long you’re in a very good place here. You must look forward to how you will feel the next day if you give into that liquid. Every time we drink we ALL feel some negative feeling,whether it be regret, headache, Shame, guilt, hopelessness whatever….we feel it EVERY TIME that’s why we’re all here! Think ahead and visualise waking up feeling achievement, pride, even just some small good feeling you that you got through one more day. I too have drunk heavily for many years but Bloody Hell here I am at day 130…I can’t believe it but damn I feel so much better and every other bit of my life has improved in some way. Not easy but like you said Dig Deep, it’s very very possible, just think ahead. Get you a nice drink in a flash glass or bottle if you have to, but ride it out. You CAN DO IT!!!! …keep checking in on here too, it helps. XO

  • Jasmaine posted a new activity comment 8 months, 2 weeks ago

    I totally relate to you @sonicgirl. My family, husband and friends are the same. It’s exhausting! I’m on day 117 today and it’s our 21st wedding anniversary. I’m ok with not drinking mostly but still think I can handle a glass with hubby…but I won’t cause you and I will wake up feeling so glad we didn’t. If we drank we’d think in the morning “what’d I do that for?”…my hubby finds it hard with us not drinking together anymore but my kids love their ‘normal’ mum and I don’t see worry or unsuredness on their faces anymore. Stick to your guns because they are the ones blinded by alcohol and are deep down probably unhappy. You go gurrrl and keep yourself busy away from it all. Take care

  • Jasmaine posted a new activity comment 8 months, 2 weeks ago

    Way to go @buggles! Everything has a beginning including being alcohol free

  • Jasmaine posted a new activity comment 9 months, 3 weeks ago

    Thank you for your kind words and thoughts amidst your tears and pain. Sometimes I cry for the worlds and my pain. Drinking would make me feel better I think?…just numb the pain a little?…these cravings are sooooo hard…I am thinking of you too @Flourishing and Thank you

  • Jasmaine posted a new activity comment 9 months, 3 weeks ago

    I wrote way more than that in my last post…I hate that!….I also said THANK YOU VERY MUCH for your comments and reply. It was just the reminder I needed! This is for me and that should be my focus. Thank you for your lovely words …please keep in touch xoxo yours truly Jasmaine

  • Jasmaine posted a new activity comment 9 months, 3 weeks ago

    May I ask what led to you drinking and what led to you stopping @r51?…you sounds very similar to how I felt……

  • Jasmaine posted a new activity comment 9 months, 3 weeks ago

    Hi there @R51

    • I wrote way more than that in my last post…I hate that!….I also said THANK YOU VERY MUCH for your comments and reply. It was just the reminder I needed! This is for me and that should be my focus. Thank you for your lovely words …please keep in touch xoxo yours truly Jasmaine

  • Jasmaine posted a new activity comment 9 months, 3 weeks ago

    Hi @morgan, yes it is damaging for kids, I agree, that’s why I try to keep them busy…it’s tiring. Thank you for your reply, I appreciate the time you’ve given me. I hope you are doing ok ? XO

    • I am doing ok thank you. A few trials, but mad, aggro, scary husband no longer one of those! Thank God. Not alcohol, mental issues.
      So I know something of struggle when values very different. I hope your weekend is good. Tell us how it goes.

  • Jasmaine posted a new activity comment 9 months, 3 weeks ago

    Hi @sunny_disposition, thank you for your needed reply

  • Hi all, Day 80 today. It’s hard to not want to drown my sorrows or even just join in. I’m getting quite down because I get really angry when my husband drinks, it’s always a Friday and Saturday. It’s the weekend so he’s ‘winding down ‘ but I feel it as jealousy. He’s in his own world neglecting me and the kids…I try to do stuff with them but he’s not interested in being with us ‘mentally’. My frustration is ruining our marriage as I can’t seem to move past his selfishness. He right, I’m the “one that’s changed “ but I’m doing it for us all. How do I find a balance between accepting his choice of choosing piss over family and me choosing sobriety without any resentment?….anyone gone through this? He mostly drinks weekends but always gets drunk and stupid. Being sober is better for us but I’m not sure he agrees and this huge resentment is putting a really big wedge between us….I’m not happy still……

    • I’ve told myself not 2 make any big life decisions if I can help it within the first 6 months- a year.. so if u can I’d just focus on u & the kids for now & see how it is a few months down the line. Then depending on how your feelings have/haven’t changed, if circumstances have/haven’t changed if the hubbys changed or not, then start making decisions, have serious talks, start looking at an alternative life etc. You’ll no doubt see things a lot clearer & be stronger & more confident in yourself & your own wants & needs further down the line. Hope this helps? Xxx

    • Can he be in charge alternative weekends, no drinking, ypu do self care and go out wherever and whenever – maybe go away ? Can you trust him?
      Drinking to excess is crazy, ( we all know that!), drinking around kids is … I feel judgemental, but want to say wrong, wrong wrong. Damaging

      • Hi @morgan, yes it is damaging for kids, I agree, that’s why I try to keep them busy…it’s tiring. Thank you for your reply, I appreciate the time you’ve given me. I hope you are doing ok ? XO

        • I am doing ok thank you. A few trials, but mad, aggro, scary husband no longer one of those! Thank God. Not alcohol, mental issues.
          So I know something of struggle when values very different. I hope your weekend is good. Tell us how it goes.

    • I wrote your exact same words @Jasmaine starting December 10th, 2017. I’m a homemaker, met my hubby in a bar close to 30 years ago and drinking has always been “our thing”. I had to realize that this is MY physical and mental health. MY spiritual journey. MY future. We have 4 kids. Our 3rd is moving out soon and then a HS sophomore. Yes – I’m doing it for them, future grandkids, etc… but until I finally decided that I must do what’s best for ME did sobriety finally kick in permanently. This is no easy road but it is def a much better road. You need to decide to do what’s best for YOU. I stopped drinking in between the holidays last year and have been watching my husband drink ever since. I needed to stop for ME. After making that mind set it did get easier. Still hard at times – very hard sometimes – but I just go to bed knowing I honored my best self and sobriety. Good luck!

      • Hi there @R51

        • I wrote way more than that in my last post…I hate that!….I also said THANK YOU VERY MUCH for your comments and reply. It was just the reminder I needed! This is for me and that should be my focus. Thank you for your lovely words …please keep in touch xoxo yours truly Jasmaine

  • Jasmaine posted a new activity comment 10 months, 3 weeks ago

    Yup you’re onto it!! Think ahead and imagine how glad you’ll feel that you didn’t get that drink. That was me Friday night and the urge was strong!….keep busy, take care of yourself and you’ll wake up like me so glad I listened to the advice from everyone who was on my AF side…not that asshole wine drinker side

  • @embracingsober @crystaltips @ro @rosepetal098 @annie @kitten. ….I am eternally grateful for your help and kindness, honestly it’s quite overwhelming. Not many people notice my efforts in my family…I don’t really mind…but you are on my side. Thank you….I had a bath and have been reading This Naked Mind the last few hours. That along with your encouragement has got me through till now…and I’m still sober…yaaaaaaaaassaay

  • Jasmaine posted a new activity comment 10 months, 4 weeks ago

    Hello there mullycatNZ…thank you so very much for your reply. It feels good to know someone hears me. You have helped me to refocus a little. I do need to relax and am going to do the suggestions you mentioned. I do feel like I need to be out here with everyone to be a present Mum and wife…I always feel like that…it’s tiring.BUT I just can’t tonight. I’m going to burst. So a hot bath and a book in bed a little peace and quiet is what I will do. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR HEARING ME AND HELPING ME. I want to win this battle over Alcohol so much!! Thank you again my friend xo

  • Hello everyone…..this is the first time in 50 days that I feel like I REALLY want a drink!! I’ve been feeling anxious because it’s Friday now Friday night , it’s cold and wet, the kids are bored but don’t like any of my suggestions, hubby is wineing at the table, I’m bored and my heart is beating really fast. I feel sad, lonely and well, just bloody frustrated. I want to cry but I’m too wound up. Why does this journey have to be so hard? I know it sounds like a pity party but I was feeling so good, positive. Is this downer normal? Why can’t I just have one wine??Zone out, relax, rest and not be so agitated and pissed off.. This is hard friends. But I really really hope you are all in good spirits and loving where you are. Sorry for moaning.

    • Don’t be sorry, here is the perfect place to come and moan!! We totally get it :-). I would stick the kids in front of the TV, let hubby sort dinner – even if that means takeaways and go run a hot bubble bath, light some candles pour a glass of something AF and go listen to a podcast/read a book/watch some Netflix and try and relax. Yes Fridays are hard but Sat morning will be soooo worth if x

      • Hello there mullycatNZ…thank you so very much for your reply. It feels good to know someone hears me. You have helped me to refocus a little. I do need to relax and am going to do the suggestions you mentioned. I do feel like I need to be out here with everyone to be a present Mum and wife…I always feel like that…it’s tiring.BUT I just can’t tonight. I’m going to burst. So a hot bath and a book in bed a little peace and quiet is what I will do. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR HEARING ME AND HELPING ME. I want to win this battle over Alcohol so much!! Thank you again my friend xo

    • I second mullycatnz comments, these feelings will pass… hunker down and get through tonight, get an early night if you need too.. ice cream, some chip pies ( or tasty treat of choice). be kind to yourself, some days are just blah… but wine won’t make it any better… play it forward, sober mornings are awesome xx

    • Hey @jasmaine flip your thinking- you don’t just want one wine do you? You don’t need a wine to zone out, rest ,relax and not be so agitated- can you go have a shower, or a bath? A walk around the block, a big glass of water, go to bed real early? 50 days is MEGA a really solid foundation that you wouldn’t want to lose. Drinking doesn’t do those romantic things you think it does-it takes you away from yourself and when you get back the trip just wasn’t worth it-you know that in your heart. You are going to have to dig deep tonight and get through this blip-YOU are SO worth the effort.

    • Here is the exact place to be to let it out. It is normal what your feeling and I still feel like this now. I get frustrated I can’t have just one. But we wouldn’t be here if we could have just the one. Nobody wakes up in the morning wishing they had downed a bottle of wine. Remember the reasons your doing this. It is hard but we are here to support you. You got this!

    • Hi @jasmaine. It certainly is a hard journey. Every friggin day is a battle against alcohol ,anxiety,decision making etc etc. My moan is that normies just dont get it. And almost all my family are normies. Thats where this site and some AA meetings are great. Im so grateful to have you all. You know that these feelings will pass.

    • saying goodbye to anything that we either loved or believed that we loved whether it is good for us or bad for us or indifferent for us is always REALLY HARD. and then one day, it is not hard at all. take your urge, take your feelings, look at them, step aside and tomorrow is another day. be well, sober friend.

  • Jasmaine posted a new activity comment 11 months, 2 weeks ago

    Yaaay welcome!! Everyone’s support is invaluable!!

  • Jasmaine posted a new activity comment 11 months, 2 weeks ago

    Tomorrow you’ll feel so glad you didn’t give in!!

  • Jasmaine posted a new activity comment 11 months, 3 weeks ago

    @ckm…yes I too was overwhelmed by the welcomes and enjoy reading everyone’s ups and downs. Makes me feel like I’m not alone… keep typing

  • Jasmaine posted a new activity comment 12 months ago

    I’m proud of you too @Tycobie. Something I hope I can do one day also

  • Jasmaine posted an update 12 months ago

    Day 14 today and I’m feeling good. I haven’t missed alcohol this last week at all. This may be too soon but my head feels at peace saying “I’m a non drinker”…I just listened to a This Naked Mind Podcast and I feel as Annie did (her friend who stopped felt like me a week ago) but today Annie said that she felt a sense of relief saying to herself “I don’t have to drink anymore, I don’t have to feel those degrading unhelpful weight draining feelings again, guilt, worry, planning, working around booze, hiding it, acting “, …..you get the gist….that’s me today anyway. I spent so much time and years putting off my family and friends and kids by saying no or ‘hurry up ‘ so I could get on with my selfish little ‘me/hubby and wine time’…..I actually asked people over for afternoon tea today because I can and want to give them time. I don’t feel hurried or anxious trying to put them off so they’ll go and then yippee it’s wiiiine time!!! ….one thing I’m finding hard though is when my hubby drinks I’m getting a little annoyed. I saddens me to see his eyes get slant and bloodshot and his attention to things slowly fades…that was me and us. This journey is mine and I don’t want to stop him but knowing what I know it still saddens me. I don’t say anything I just hop in here and zone out too or hi to bed but that small distance between us developing with me not drinking does bother me a lot. I find myself wanting to reassure him I’m still the same without booze but I really have to protect myself too. Gosh I feel the anxiety building just by typing this. I need to slow down and take a breath and just be grateful for what’s in front of me right now. How are you all going with your spouses and being Alcohol Free?…..I hope you are going ok in your journey today, really do….lovely thoughts to you all from NZ….Jaz

    • Hi Jaz! Yay for 2 weeks! I felt really upbeat and positive about my sobriety quite early on to… love the pink cloud… my husband drinks one or two every now and then so I am probably not much help in offering advise sorry but super glad you are doing so well in your own journey xx

  • Jasmaine posted a new activity comment 1 year ago

    Nice Dylan…this is what I want for myself. Thank you for sharing. Love Jaz

  • Jasmaine posted a new activity comment 1 year ago

    This is a great post Mari! I actually hate the sound of beer and glass bottles clinking together. It’s a reminder and sound of a previous time or event I knew I’d regretted the next day, something I didn’t really want to be a part of. At the time I’m sure it was great but never ever did it feel great afterwards . I’m glad for you that it’s been a good ride…I hope mine is too?? Take care and thank you for sharing xo

  • Jasmaine posted a new activity comment 1 year ago

    Hi @MommaPez…I was blacking out too and even began stuttering while sober. Hating the fact I didn’t know what had happened the evening before and trying to slyly ask questions without being to obvious. I still haven’t told my husband yet either because he won’t believe e so I’m going to show him with my actions and prove it to myself firstly and mostly. Keep posting it’s a life saver. Take care of yourself, be kind and patient. XO

  • Jasmaine posted an update 1 year ago

    Hello everyone. Day 9 now and I’m feeling good. I was feeling very emotional and sad and empty a few days ago…I’m sure I will again but I’m feeling positive. I love not feeling the dread of always being a failure and always having to make up for something, everything. I still am trying to imagine not drinking in a social scene or with my husband on a nice day or evening but I’ll tackle that when it comes. I’m feeling clean and love not shooing the kids to bed so I can drink in secret…they knew anyway cause they know my pattern and smell just as much as I do!! I can’t and don’t want to fool them or me anymore. Authentic Jaz….Authentic, honest, open , happy , consistent Jaz. That’s what I want for me. I hope you are all doing ok friends. Don’t Give in to that persuasive biting liquid!!! Have a good day ok xo Love Me

    • I can relate to every single thought you just expressed. You are not alone. I know exactly what you are saying. I’m Day 3. We have each other. I’m praying for you. We got this! ❤️

    • Day 9 is a beautiful start, Jasmaine! I am hearing so much love for your family in your post. Do make sure to give yourself a big portion of compassion as well. Self-compassion is the antidote to toxic self-shaming and suffering. It’s not your fault you drank and it is NOT too late to make amends and put a different ending to the story for you and your family.

      Just today….let’s not drink. That’s all we have to focus on.
      Just today.

      oxoxoxox

    • Amazing work on 9 days!! Tomorrow is double digits!!!! You are right – do not worry about anything other than today. You got this and your kids are so happy they have their mama back!!! xoxo

    • Well done! So glad you are feeling more positive today. I’m on day 13…I felt really tired and down for the first week. I ended up reading a lot about brain chemistry and the huge, negative effect drinking has on the brain. It takes a while for that to all go back to normal. The ups and downs are all part of that healing process. It helped me a lot to understand that. I also started to feel a lot better around day 7 and am positively excited to be sober now. I’m sure there will be more down moments to come but I’m trying to just deal with each day as it comes. So pleased you are on this journey too! Hugs!

  • Jasmaine posted a new activity comment 1 year ago

    To be honest @lakeview my teenage boys were one of my huge reasons for needling to stop too. They have never known the real me and never have I really. I’ve hurt them and bern a very bad example and hypocrite. I don’t want them to think that piss is ‘normal’ for everyone and a way to be happy. You’ve done the right thing connecting with us. Keep posting and sharing. I’ve been AF for 9 days now and already I feel empowered and unhypocritical…..you can do this!!!!!!

  • Jasmaine posted a new activity comment 1 year ago

    Awww Colin!! That’s bloody Awesome!! 100 Days woop woop….I cant wait to be there myself. So very very proud of you friend xo

  • Jasmaine posted a new activity comment 1 year ago

    Yup start here….we’re all helping each other with our good and low times…we’ll support you…keep checking in buddy xo

    • To be honest @lakeview my teenage boys were one of my huge reasons for needling to stop too. They have never known the real me and never have I really. I’ve hurt them and bern a very bad example and hypocrite. I don’t want them to think that piss is ‘normal’ for everyone and a way to be happy. You’ve done the right thing connecting with us. Keep posting and sharing. I’ve been AF for 9 days now and already I feel empowered and unhypocritical…..you can do this!!!!!!

  • Jasmaine posted a new activity comment 1 year ago

    get back on the horse mate and never mind him..they’re always going to annoy us!!……this is about you and your healthy new life and mind. Take care of yourself and check in as much as you can

  • Jasmaine posted a new activity comment 1 year ago

    Me too @gomergirl…this has been so helpful for me knowing I’m not alone. Everyone is very supportive. Yay for Day 4

  • Jasmaine posted a new activity comment 1 year ago

    Hiiiii Royce….welcome to a new beginning…this place really helps

  • Jasmaine posted a new activity comment 1 year ago

    I’ve had a sore head too but very happy to not have drunk alcohol for 7 days….very happy…hope you feel happy soon happyguy

  • Jasmaine posted a new activity comment 1 year ago

    Read Mrs D is going without. She talks about visualising going to bed and waking up AF. I’m doing it right now and it’s only day 7 but man it works. Try it!! Visualise it. Seriously it’s hard but YOURE ONLY HUMAN LIKE US AND IF WE CAN SO CAN YOU!! Yep you gotta dig deep and feel those shitty feelings but the next day it’s awesome! We all say no to stuff all the time…no kids you can’t have more lollies you’ve had enough today, no thanks I’ve had enough to eat I’m full, no I’ll pull back in the accelerator because it’s a 50km zone…my point is that we do say no to ourselves and to others and we accept it when others say no to us also…..say no to having that wine tonight….then the next night….the cool thing is that YOULL NEVER EVER REGRET IT. Keep the fight our friend and have a open eyed ,grateful(my new approach I’m trying also lol) nice I’m alive day xo

  • Jasmaine posted a new activity comment 1 year ago

    Thank you friend xo

  • Jasmaine posted a new activity comment 1 year ago

    Yes I hope so Zoe …me and you both mate xo

  • Jasmaine posted a new activity comment 1 year ago

    Lol…yes me too….’every night of my “break”’……..my husband used the old term ‘winddown’ the other night…..when I think about it I was ‘woundup’ by the next day……congratulations on D232!!! Awesome Awesome!!!!

  • Jasmaine posted a new activity comment 1 year ago

    @zoeobs04,@RedRedRed,@enzedgurl, @Frog, @MrsTe…..I am grateful and appreciative of your comments lol….I truly am! ‘Focusing on the positives gained’….I am going to wake up positively glad I didn’t drink and join my husband(who’s now passed out on the floor)’gratitude and grateful peace’……I am grateful I have people who support and understand my inner turmoil and lead me in the right direction……..’authentically me’….I am authentic now and will be in the morning also, pleased I have no regrets and showed my family I stayed ‘me’!!! Yay me

  • Jasmaine posted an update 1 year ago

    Hi guys…would you agree that it feels like you’re mourning not drinking?? Like really mourning. No disrespect to our dead loved ones ….but it’s a deep sad like something’s gone and never coming back and I miss it so very much. I was happy one second then a song brought me to tears. A yearning , an aching, a heart racing panic……this sucks! Life should be nice shouldn’t it?? Hard work is good but this hard work is not what I want or need. Why the hell does a bloody LIQUID have such power over us all!!! I don’t want to feel these feelings….they hurt. Evenings are the hardest so far

    • YES!! That’s exactly how it feels!! I wondered what it was I was feeling – we will change that feeling @jasmaine

    • Nothing worthwhile is ever easy.
      It does get better with time so hang in there and use this wonderful resource.
      X

    • @jasmaine and @zoeobs04 I’ve seen many. Onversations on this very site about how people grieve over the loss of drinking.

      I think it’s also the loss of the idea of yourself as a “normal” drinker, and probs lg lots of other things besides.

      So like other losses people go through stages – sad, angry, scared, denying, sad again etc

      I think it’s really worth focusing as much as we can in the positives gained – this is where expressing gratitude comes in – because it’s good for your brain and it prioritizes the positive etc

      But it doesn’t mean that it’s not normal and ok to be going through something of a grief process for a while too.

      Kia kaha.

      • Oops sorry for typos but not wanting to edit as I seem to lose posts that way x

    • @zoeobs04,@RedRedRed,@enzedgurl, @Frog, @MrsTe…..I am grateful and appreciative of your comments lol….I truly am! ‘Focusing on the positives gained’….I am going to wake up positively glad I didn’t drink and join my husband(who’s now passed out on the floor)’gratitude and grateful peace’……I am grateful I have people who support and understand my inner turmoil and lead me in the right direction……..’authentically me’….I am authentic now and will be in the morning also, pleased I have no regrets and showed my family I stayed ‘me’!!! Yay me

    • It is tough and a loss in your life and its ok to mourn it but continue reassuring yourself and reminding yourself of all the positive things coming your way. I have felt the same way many times and still do because of the familiarity but its time to build new things. The mind is a tricky thing I tell ya

    • Oh God yeah…totally! Not so much anymore. It REALLY goes away. First it’s hardcore grief. All those stages of grief too. The anger. Bargaining. Denial. Depression, More anger and sadness and more grief….acceptance…back to denial and bargaining (Surely eventually I CAN moderate again and have JUST one glass of good red wine…..)

      oxxoxo

      It won’t always feel this way. It gets so much less intense and nowadays I barely ever miss alcohol. It was a fantasy relationship all along anyways. Like an abusive relationship. It was only great in my head but if I REALLY examined the reality and pain and suffering it caused me….and how it had no future and how it had me on a downhill road to shit…..then I missed it even less.

      On really bad days when I felt a sense of urgency in terms of missing out it helped to remind myself that alcohol really is NOT going anywhere. It will always be here. So if I can just make it through today…or this week….this year…..I can always go back to drinking if I wanted. Nothing to miss out on, no ‘last chance for fun-town’, no last exit.

      It will always be there.
      But just for today, I do not want to drink because I know it would hurt me.

  • Jasmaine posted a new activity comment 1 year ago

    Man I can’t wait to get to that place @tom4500….you rock!!! Being able to walk away knowing better…that’s a great thing

    • Well @Jasmaine, just don’t drink no matter what, and you’ll get there. But enjoy the steps along the way, there’s a lot of joy in this process, much more joy than tears. I know what you mean though. But look for the good. I really am cheering for you. You can do this.

  • Jasmaine posted a new activity comment 1 year ago

    Hi @myalibi…I’m new here too…our new friends are very encouraging and understand our journey….we can do this together…when you’re feeling that pull jump on here …it works wonders xo

  • Jasmaine posted an update 1 year ago

    Looking after ourselves, focusing on our inner and physical health a bit more is a common thread I’m realising. Yes!! Tomorrow is a new day. I need a laptop I think cause I’m spending an awful amount of time on this page using my phone……..but I love it and need it!! Thank you all for your time and kindness. Goodnight and a sober yawn from NZ xo

    • Yes, ma’am! Physical, spiritual, mental, and social health are key to sobriety.

  • Jasmaine posted a new activity comment 1 year ago

    Ohhh Thank you! It’s nice to hear a similar story. Yes we too have been together 29yrs this year and began as teenagers amongst other stuff as well but stopped that long ago. I like how you say you frankly only have energy for yourself really. I need to think like that. I find myself going to another room or fluffing around else where hence the loneliness. But waking up and not feeling yuck or guilty and looking forward to those feelings you mention encourage me hugely. Thank you for your time @Wiltedaisy xo

  • Jasmaine posted a new activity comment 1 year ago

    Hiiii…I’m in NZ as we speak….but o my…you HAVE changed!! Not a failure at all but I understand that feeling. That’s why giving up booze seems so hard because reading everyone’s posts plus my own understanding is that we never Realky a Truly change from being a drinker….we change our lives and circumstances but our brain doesn’t mentally change…..is this true anybody????? I need my brain to change otherwise it just seems like a loooong slog……..it’s gotta get happier …right?????

  • Jasmaine posted an update 1 year ago

    @thor ….hi Thor…I’m new to your posts but in your bio you say you still drink..and still wake up with a hangover……yet you stopped for 15yrs …..and now your 444 days sober again….have you been posting on here for at least 444days??…….if so your Bloody Amazing!!!!!!…..AND just run a 5ker in 33min………mate I’m impressed!!!….. Roll on Day 8 (sigh)lol

  • Jasmaine posted a new activity comment 1 year ago

    Thank you for your encouragement and I’m really glad you made it through your holiday alcohol free. That was one of my first thoughts when I began was..what about time away together?how on earth can I do that with no booze? That’s our thing…but we have wasted sooooo much time being pissed and hungover throughout our trips……gosh I hope I can do it next time…I’m really glad you made it. Thanks reena

    • reena replied 1 year ago

      We did too @jasmaine, try not to look too far ahead right now. Take care of yourself like you are a little child, like you are fragile. It will all fit together soon enough by just making the next right move. Hugs!

  • Jasmaine posted a new activity comment 1 year ago

    Haha…yes for sure…I’m still sober and it’s 10.50pm…. that’s me mate…day 7 done…which country you ringing from lol?

  • Jasmaine posted a new activity comment 1 year ago

    Hi @chris101 how are you today????

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