20.3.2016 .I felt I had to change my profile. I am now sat Day 248nd I am comfortably stoked at myself, my sobriety. I have had this huge mindshift over the last 7 days,after coming out a "bad" patch that lasted for Mmm a wee while.! I have been reading a book that I know has helped with this shift. I now know, that really I was taking no self responsibility at all for my boozing,it was always due to something/someone else,not me - wtf. I would say,oh I do want to give up,nah I loved the taste,feeling, the haziness it gave me. I don't think I have really said that out loud! The Rational Recovery text has given me so many light bulb moments into my drinking addiction. Not obsession, but addict. I have always wanted to say, when I have stopped drinking,I am recovered. I need to remain ever vigilant for my seductive for my ruthless, very convincing "beast" At present it is,at times,a persistent companion, being very sneaky to catch me out by saying,"go on you are doing so well" wtf piss off! BUT I am getting very good at recognising this addictive voice-my "beast". It's a big bastard ya know,But I am BIGGER. I am beating this. Completing this one big hurdle will allow me to work on other areas,that need just as much work. I am me,I am taking back my life,and being responsible for me. Have overcome twin nieces weddings,huge milestone,hugely emotional as well,trip to U.K,all massive to me bUT i dI'd it. But so proud of self.
HAVE FINALLY MADE IT BACK HOME! It has been a real hard 2.5 years,lots of anger,tears,sad,
sick,disheartened. It has been a farkn hell of a ride,not a journey,but Mt Everest,not yet reached the summit. I still get sad when I think about my son and granddaughter I haven't seen and she is now a year old. The pain will never leave me I don't think. Still scared of picking up big time as at times don't feel strong yet still thonk of Ratonal Recovery. The fact I am literally scared of my health does keep thoughts semi at bay. Short term memory fucked. Like everyone I do get tired of the fight,at times I am not really grateful to have stopped. But it is a case of I have to. Can't really answer why not grateful. I had a blip in April,so now not counting days but in my diary really. It has been an emotional Rollercoaster this year-final straw was my job-which I so loved. I love this site,think I would be still drinking without it. Said many times,thank-you Lotta. Many times over the year I have felt,quietly suicidal,however that has been all through my life. But I get on here and the thought eases. I think it has been the incredible aloneness of my situation. God how I vented early days here. Since being home I have had no tears,yay,man so helps. Having 2 DIC also keeps booze bastard at bay. Ha spells dick Mmm right there. So I hope onward and upward-life can be different. It is sooo nice being back amongst friends! God, supportive ones at that. Random thought, have never noticed change of seasons but now I am-that for me is cool. I have my fatbum (dog) I have my man, i have this site, what more could a chick ask for? And you all are my cyber friends. Thank god. Anyway peace out all. Love to each and everyone of you. Xo
No not been on here for while. @ro and @prudence and @bondi Been due to health…a) want to say if want good health stay given up, or b) if want poor health, stay pissing it up. Have been known to long speels… this time not or maybe not lol. Suffice to know or let you know, you drink expect poor health,as to mine, dont think others think on internal health, its all external,eg bloaty face,saggy eyes, give up sugar, blah blah. Also see or read how liver became all good again. Keep it that way. Not sure how many actually take internals responsibly or acknowkedge. Your internals are huge. Dont get yr drinking to affecting yours as to mine. To be honest, get scared as its damage as liver, pancreas fucked. All very well to say keep it going, its september, how bout its September lets get free, y a mnth. Never understood that september bullshit. Lets be free for a yr, then get back to the booze. I wonder if september bullshit came frm nz as coming to summer and look hot, as i am lol. Oi oi enuf. Praise the lord and pass the ammunition.
Good to see you posting again, and I like getting to the serious nature of it, as this is a very serious topic we’re all involved in. I think sometimes that gets lost. Anyway, hope you get to feeling better soon.