20.3.2016 .I felt I had to change my profile. I am now sat Day 248nd I am comfortably stoked at myself, my sobriety. I have had this huge mindshift over the last 7 days,after coming out a "bad" patch that lasted for Mmm a wee while.! I have been reading a book that I know has helped with this shift. I now know, that really I was taking no self responsibility at all for my boozing,it was always due to something/someone else,not me - wtf. I would say,oh I do want to give up,nah I loved the taste,feeling, the haziness it gave me. I don't think I have really said that out loud! The Rational Recovery text has given me so many light bulb moments into my drinking addiction. Not obsession, but addict. I have always wanted to say, when I have stopped drinking,I am recovered. I need to remain ever vigilant for my seductive for my ruthless, very convincing "beast" At present it is,at times,a persistent companion, being very sneaky to catch me out by saying,"go on you are doing so well" wtf piss off! BUT I am getting very good at recognising this addictive voice-my "beast". It's a big bastard ya know,But I am BIGGER. I am beating this. Completing this one big hurdle will allow me to work on other areas,that need just as much work. I am me,I am taking back my life,and being responsible for me. Have overcome twin nieces weddings,huge milestone,hugely emotional as well,trip to U.K,all massive to me bUT i dI'd it. But so proud of self.
HAVE FINALLY MADE IT BACK HOME! It has been a real hard 2.5 years,lots of anger,tears,sad,
sick,disheartened. It has been a farkn hell of a ride,not a journey,but Mt Everest,not yet reached the summit. I still get sad when I think about my son and granddaughter I haven't seen and she is now a year old. The pain will never leave me I don't think. Still scared of picking up big time as at times don't feel strong yet still thonk of Ratonal Recovery. The fact I am literally scared of my health does keep thoughts semi at bay. Short term memory fucked. Like everyone I do get tired of the fight,at times I am not really grateful to have stopped. But it is a case of I have to. Can't really answer why not grateful. I had a blip in April,so now not counting days but in my diary really. It has been an emotional Rollercoaster this year-final straw was my job-which I so loved. I love this site,think I would be still drinking without it. Said many times,thank-you Lotta. Many times over the year I have felt,quietly suicidal,however that has been all through my life. But I get on here and the thought eases. I think it has been the incredible aloneness of my situation. God how I vented early days here. Since being home I have had no tears,yay,man so helps. Having 2 DIC also keeps booze bastard at bay. Ha spells dick Mmm right there. So I hope onward and upward-life can be different. It is sooo nice being back amongst friends! God, supportive ones at that. Random thought, have never noticed change of seasons but now I am-that for me is cool. I have my fatbum (dog) I have my man, i have this site, what more could a chick ask for? And you all are my cyber friends. Thank god. Anyway peace out all. Love to each and everyone of you. Xo
Its a little dependent on your piss consumption, 5-20 days. Normally for most bout 10. Set a good sleep hygiene routine now and follow through. E.g no ipads etc in bed, read or listen to audiobooks. You need to head to bed at least hr before to get to routine, calmly and easily. Things will change
Oh god @robynb thats the worst thing to hear. Why is it that these males get into these positions working with the vulnerable. Thing is its just keep happening. I say remove all cocks frm these men..and i mean that. Take care u.xo
I know. Was.a.time I wadnt so vengeful but yeah, in these situations where they abuse their position as well as just being a sex offender, fuck all, something drastic needs to happen. Where is Lorrain e Bobbit when you need her!!
So upsetting to hear and why should we feel powerless? Should be able to identify and remove ASAP! So frustrating. I do admit to laughing out loud really hard at your Lorraine Bobbit comment though. Leave it to you two to give me a nice dark laugh regarding a seriously sad subject. I agree something must be done!
Can you meet them seperately? Can i just say something, dont take it wrong way, but you have to let them do what they have to. I think in some respects you maybe needing them a little more at the moment. I was an arsehole daughter but when mum tried to interfere i went ballistic. I would look into that .. “i am worried about them i want to…[Read more]
Wanting to drink is about numbing the helpless feelings. But really there is more to the feelings. It seems that my concern is just the tip of the iceberg. I am working on uncovering more of what I was feeling. Slowly
Thats the thing bout wanky holidays, makes some feel lonely, full of regrets,blah blah blah. But hey your sober, maybe not sane,🙃 but sober is farking alright isnt it? Go out in the next week and build today memories 👌
Jesus wept, cant sleep so thought i post. Things with families is that you have to set firm boundaries… byjaysus my siblings were the same and its taken 5 yrs to get semi on track. You could get a sign for your front that you can put up…fuckoffski da whanau! 😉 keep doing what your doing and try not to ruminate on what happend in the past.…[Read more]
Good job! Have you been to a G.P? Its all very well cutting down over time,but you need a backup plan e.g antabuse you should start once you have stopped. You will need support from that day. Keep posting.
@Bobby you have been here before and pulled through. You have to dig deep, if you want this and we know you do, then dig your claws in, put your crampons on and climb up. Said this many times on this site google rational recovery. Dont think you have before. Good to see you back x
Mate be careful of EMDR .Its very suggestive, and does take aspects of life out of context. If easily suggestible, i.e issues that couldve happened, then its suggested by therapist and you go omg thats me. Seriously not the way to go for PTSD. Sounds like you need a therapist who give you kick up arse sorry xo lol
Aaah got you thinking aye.! People on here can call me all the names under the sun if i post back, if shitty, it means Ive hit a nerve. Its not a race to be an alcoholic, but a race to be A.F. Is that our end goal. Be shitty with me, fab. Your thinking. A kid in my class said AGAIN ” I hate you, today ” my reply very quietly to him “i like you “…[Read more]
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