20.3.2016 .I felt I had to change my profile. I am now sat Day 248nd I am comfortably stoked at myself, my sobriety. I have had this huge mindshift over the last 7 days,after coming out a "bad" patch that lasted for Mmm a wee while.! I have been reading a book that I know has helped with this shift. I now know, that really I was taking no self responsibility at all for my boozing,it was always due to something/someone else,not me - wtf. I would say,oh I do want to give up,nah I loved the taste,feeling, the haziness it gave me. I don't think I have really said that out loud! The Rational Recovery text has given me so many light bulb moments into my drinking addiction. Not obsession, but addict. I have always wanted to say, when I have stopped drinking,I am recovered. I need to remain ever vigilant for my seductive for my ruthless, very convincing "beast" At present it is,at times,a persistent companion, being very sneaky to catch me out by saying,"go on you are doing so well" wtf piss off! BUT I am getting very good at recognising this addictive voice-my "beast". It's a big bastard ya know,But I am BIGGER. I am beating this. Completing this one big hurdle will allow me to work on other areas,that need just as much work. I am me,I am taking back my life,and being responsible for me. Have overcome twin nieces weddings,huge milestone,hugely emotional as well,trip to U.K,all massive to me bUT i dI'd it. But so proud of self.
HAVE FINALLY MADE IT BACK HOME! It has been a real hard 2.5 years,lots of anger,tears,sad,
sick,disheartened. It has been a farkn hell of a ride,not a journey,but Mt Everest,not yet reached the summit. I still get sad when I think about my son and granddaughter I haven't seen and she is now a year old. The pain will never leave me I don't think. Still scared of picking up big time as at times don't feel strong yet still thonk of Ratonal Recovery. The fact I am literally scared of my health does keep thoughts semi at bay. Short term memory fucked. Like everyone I do get tired of the fight,at times I am not really grateful to have stopped. But it is a case of I have to. Can't really answer why not grateful. I had a blip in April,so now not counting days but in my diary really. It has been an emotional Rollercoaster this year-final straw was my job-which I so loved. I love this site,think I would be still drinking without it. Said many times,thank-you Lotta. Many times over the year I have felt,quietly suicidal,however that has been all through my life. But I get on here and the thought eases. I think it has been the incredible aloneness of my situation. God how I vented early days here. Since being home I have had no tears,yay,man so helps. Having 2 DIC also keeps booze bastard at bay. Ha spells dick Mmm right there. So I hope onward and upward-life can be different. It is sooo nice being back amongst friends! God, supportive ones at that. Random thought, have never noticed change of seasons but now I am-that for me is cool. I have my fatbum (dog) I have my man, i have this site, what more could a chick ask for? And you all are my cyber friends. Thank god. Anyway peace out all. Love to each and everyone of you. Xo
hey, @janus2 – thanks for the shout out. i am here. seems like i have less time when really i have more time. not much happening. not drinking for 215 days. taking my developmental anatomy and physiology class. trying to shake the trees and change this life. but for now, off to work — late. be well.
215 days, yeah kitten!!!! oxoxoxx
I have my less-posting phases too. Then I post more. It’s a fluid thing really. Glad to hear you’re ok and doing well! I have to take anatomy and physiology next fall semester as well if I end up doing my career change into nursing. Hope it won’t be too hard as statistics right now is kicking my butt, and so did…[Read more]
Yes go on antabuse, ive used it in and off for years, it is a tool but not a long term tool. Also ask bout Naltrexone. See your G.P, no joy change, simple. Dont hide by your thought of being judged, they judge, you know it, move to someone else. I take it your in NZ if so, if in Auck Hamil wellington or chch contact CAREnz. Or go to A&D at your…[Read more]
God whinge, man not answering phone BASTARD MAN! Do you think that it because I’m sane…well semi sane.. and sober thst when i relief teach i see such horrendous teaching or am i just getting old? For fucks sake teaching 8,9,10 yr olds mot one knows 6,7,89 x tables, spelling appalling, handwriting.. whats that.. most look farking hyrogliphics?…[Read more]
@jocord i know right, how dare she be on the road same time as me!!!!! So rude! 🙂 Roaadds all clear of dumbarses today phew 😉 @enzedgirl i reached 2 yrs about a mnth ago aye. Just quietly stoked, @marmite and i were very close in days, so both at 2 yrs 🙂
What the fark is wrng with NZ drivers, now they just bout drive you to drink!! Driving on 100k road, farkn stupid little car doing 90, now i am inclined so been told, drive like a rally driver! Anywhoo i passed her…. fair way from her then all of a sudden she hoofed it passed me, then the fucker slowed down..she.. i pulled the finger lol…[Read more]
Hey @gojo i sent you a txt bit you may not have got it. Not free until friday then after the 22nd not free all week till Sundays in arvo. Bit frantic with swim teach and relieving. School swimming finishes next week but then start filltime. 🙂
You know what? I think you no your answer to your question! Its not parkinsons, its purely ans simply booze infuelled response…. you have said it yourself in prior posts. All you need to do is have a hot drink.. have a shower or bath.. dont try to read cus you wont. Next step is to see you G.P and askfor a low dose med, but you must be honest.…[Read more]
Ha am seriously pleased i didnt do a beautician course, i have just painted my toenails, and seriously got polish to kingdom come, on my foot, in my fingers and fark knows how i got it on my leg!!!! Jesus wept just imagine what i wouldve been like pissed as a farkn fart 😉 probably wouldve tried to dye my hair red!!!! Mm now that wouldve been…[Read more]
ha ha I am also shocking at painting my toenails but someone once told me it doesn’t matter because it comes off your skin in a day or two but stays on the nails for a lot longer.. so now I don’t care if it’s messy – I know it’ll be perfect in a day or two! x
Hahaha yeah it can be messy. I decided a few years ago I do enough to comply with society by (most of the time) shaving my legs lol, what more do they want!!! 🙂 oxoxoxo No nail painting for me although I think it looks lovely on others.
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