• janus posted an update 4 years, 1 month ago

    Thanks@butterfat and everyone else. Its official I amca wooze, just spent tha last 2hours bawling in my bed trying not to be too loud as I have a nurse with me all the time cus I am still havening sezieurs and I keep cryng about that. My levels are coming down slowly but ive ran out of fags and im stressed bout that. So over it al and so worried about when I come out ans go home to empty house man may come uo tho. Going end here im farked. Sorry to whinge. Happy evening all xo fark it day 4

    • Bless your heart……glad nursie is with you, I’m sure she will understand your sadness. Shit which is worse withdrawing from alcohol or fags. I for one would definitely say fags, I gave up 7th day of the 7th month, 1997 I will never forget this date, because I honestly never ever thought I could quit…. so understand your stress levels. I feel so helpless but I am heartened to hear your ‘levels’ are coming down. They’ve probably got you ‘fonged’ up on anti seizure stuff too. Sending you guardian angels and mallow puffs ….. nitey nite. xoxo

    • Take care @janus

    • Thinking of you xxxx hope you can sleep and have a break from those tears – they are flooding Dunedin. Too much sorrow for one woman xxxx

    • Hi @janus I have been thinking about you constantly. Last night I couldn’t sleep … Thinking about your health and worrying. Would you like any of us to visit you?

    • We are all sending u hugs and love. Thinking of you loads xo

    • Peace, love, calm, and happiness @janus – wishing these for you….

    • Sending lots more love, healing vibes and hugs xxx

    • Hi @janus
      BIG hug for you my friend. This sux. You are feeling vulnerable and frightened but you are not alone, we are here and we care.
      Your body and mind are just doing what they have to do for now. You are in the right place, for now, getting the care and attention you need to be well. You will be well, and in the mean time I hope that you get some little moments of calm.
      If I was there I would be bringing you the fluffiest, snuggliest, furriest blanket ever and wrapping it round your shoulders. TLC for you my dear.
      You are going to be okay, okay!
      Kia Kaha,
      xPenny

  • janus posted an update 4 years, 1 month ago

    Am gutted found out this am that there was alcohole in my blood but not much! I cried and cried when the dr told me whoops four of them! I am so gutted and I don’t vremember getn it before wrk either. Looks like I be here fir while to get meds rite and to find out y havn seizures-only one today though. Its so insane. One leg wont wrk lol and am using a farknvwalker wtf. God keep getn waves of tears like the really loud ones lol. My psychologist cane to see me which was nice and we did talk about maybe the effects of booze on brain but no real evidence yet. Worried bout work tho.like real worried. Y just when things were sort of getting better. After a gd wkend with man feeling betr booze free. I just wish I knew what the fits were about as they are scary- I come round and cant talk and am out for ages. I feel a dick as I have ti have a nurse be with me all the time in case. I wont be home til meds are sorted and they see the results. Fuck fuck fuck..going to end here as so tired. Thanks to you all. So now af 4days nmmmm more tears. I was so close to 30 days fuck

    • Oh @Janus, I’ve just got home and read your post from earlier today and had just posted the above when this one popped up. Real weird that you had alcohol and can’t remember, but maybe stuff was going on in your head causing the eventual seizures and you didn’t even know what you were doing, therefore not even really responsible! I am a wishful thinker, but I honestly think this is quite possible. So sorry you are going through such a scary weird and awful time. Wish I could do something for you? Do you need anything? I could courier stuff to you? xoxo

    • You poor, poor thing, my heart goes out to you; just think that you are in the right place though, being looked after by professionals and the only way is up from here, you get a chance to start again – sending you big hugs x

    • hugs to you @janus, you are on the right path… you are heading in the right direction, you are .. believe it.. more hugs xxx

    • We are all with u @janus. Tears won’t hurt you my dear, even if they do make u feel silly. Sending u big hugs xoxo

    • Do take care @janus. Thinking of you and hope you get answers soon. Glad you are safe in hospital.

    • More big hugs from me @Janus . You are having such a scary time. I wish there is more I could do for you other than send these words which sound so inadequate… Take care and keep posting. Xxx

    • Thinking of you @janus and hoping they can sort those meds out for you. You’ve been doing so well!

    • Hi @Janus. How would you fancy a visit in the hospital? I live in Hamilton and work in town, so just a hop, skip and a jump away….
      Just say the word if you fancy meeting a real live Living Sober comrade xx

    • So very sorry you are going through this awful time. Hope you are on the mend really soon. Xx

    • Thank you so much for the updates even when you are so unwell. Lots of love xxxxx

    • Thanks for posting @janus much love coming your way.

    • @Janus wow you are so brave and thanks for keeping us posted. I hope you can keep stay on the sober path despite all and maybe have a hallo from the lovely @Ange. With best wishes from the other side of the world

    • @janus I have just caught up with your sad news as I have been absent from the site and I am so sorry for what you are going through, I must admit I have had a wee cry because you were doing so well, and we are all behind you. But you know what sweetheart, with us all here sending you love and light, and the medical team supporting you and trying to get to the bottom of your symptoms, I am sure you will be as bright as a button soon. And yes I agree with everyone, you are a brave soul……Arohanui and pomarie xoxox

  • janus posted an update 4 years, 1 month ago

    Morning still in hospital and I am gutted. Have a nurse watchn me and heard hand over said alcohol withdrawal I said im not I got real angry.showed her this site. I’m now doubting if I did drink or not as cant remember day came in.all I know was in togs dont remember anything before. I am trying to gind out if I had bn drinkn but they wont tell me I feel like crying again. My leg stil wont work properly.o god everyone I am so awful. I have no energy.i want to go home yuck breakfast arrived so have to go

    • Oh @janus I’m so sorry πŸ™ πŸ™ Sending you big hugs and strength. Hang in there and keep us posted. XXXXXXXX

    • Oh @janus I am sending you all my thoughts. Sharing some of your pain and confusion.
      You are not awful. It’s so easy for us to hate ourselves. We are vulnerable and human and we all need a hug. I echo @stjpalm. Xxx

    • Big hugs to you @janus, you are not awful at all, you a loving kind, compassionate human being, sometimes we need a bit a help along the way. Thinking of you, sending you strength and love. xox

    • You have been through so much and have come so far. You have shown such strength and determination these last few months. I admire your guts and bravery. When the day arrives and you can return home I pray that will be a great new beginning for you. Sending hugs to you @janus. ❀

    • Sorry you are going through this @Janus, do you have someone you can call to come be with you and help sort this situation out a bit? Must be very hard if you aren’t clear on what is happening with your health. If no friends available, perhaps one of the nurses there could sit with you for a bit and explain your situation. Hoping you are feeling better soon.

    • I’m so with QD, who is there to be your advocate & support if they are not telling you things? Where is your counsellor? Shrink? Lots & lots of love XXXX

    • Hey @janus
      You’re human, that’s all. I think you are brave as.
      You have a right to your information as outlined under the code of Health and Disability Consumer Rights. The pamphlet outlining the code will be sitting in the rack with all the others on the wall of the waiting room.
      Without the information there is a void which you will fill with speculation because you feel vulnerable. You need the information to feel solid and know where you stand. That makes sense.
      Reach out to a friend or loved one to help with the self advocacy.
      Big ‘ol squeezy hug for you my friend. Keep talking to us.
      xPenny

      • @Janus I agree ask, you have a right to see your file and have the test results, and have any results talked though with you. Did they do bloods, did alcohol show in the bloods if not then they should not Presume because of past history, that’s how things are missed. If you don’t have anyone on hand think see if there is a pastor or priest attached to the hospital who can help you get the info you need. Take care thinking off you xx

    • No @janus you are not awful! You are strong, brave and human. I love that you are keeping in touch here, you can beat this thing! I know you can! Hugs xxx

  • janus posted an update 4 years, 1 month ago

    Thanks everyone am still here! Just body not doingbwhat it shud be doing. Right side of body gt the grandma shuffle! I kept cryunv cus I cant smoke. Each time I have a fy I cone to and can’t speak and worst of all things happend dwn below I have no control over then I bawl. Checking out my meds as thry could also be at toxic level I dont know juat plain right scared anyway bn tokd ti finish and lights out. Farkn vodkabe nice. Thanks all just toi tires to respond to all. No work this week. Kept gtn co confused. Xo

  • janus posted an update 4 years, 1 month ago

    Quicj one-am in waikato hospital since ftiday-at wrk and starting seizure still gappening so stil waiting for results not yet ruled out mini strokes and shape of gace is wird. Goyo go

    • Holy Shit @Janus this is terrible and very scary news. Very sorry you are going through all this. Just got home and yours is the first post I see. Poor baby, I am so sorry. Well at least you are in a safe place and thank God it happened at work and not at home on your own. Keep us posted Please, and sending you love and hugs and GET WELL QUICK vibes xoxox

    • That is very worrying indeed. Is someone with you @Janus? I very much hope so. We will all be thinking of you and pray to hear better news xxx

    • Crikey @Janus! Glad you are safe and being looked after. Wishing you a speedy recovery xx

    • Oh my goodness @janus, poor poor you! Sending get well vibes and positive thoughts from far way xxx

    • Sending you hugs – hope all works out ok x

    • Hope you are feeling well again soon x

    • Oh no @Janus I was just thinking about you this morning and wishing you special luck on your AF journey. … I so so hope you are going to be ok. You are in the best place and they will take good care of you in hospital. Please get well ASAP and keep in touch with what’s going on. πŸ™

    • @janus, take care. not fair on you, but you are strong.Stronger than you think.

    • @Janus you’ve been such a brave little warrior and you are keeping that up with your ‘Goyo Go’ I’m glad you are somewhere safe and am thinking of you and hoping for a quick and good recovery for you. You always put my problems in perspective when I see what a hard struggle you are tackling. Thank you so much for letting us know what is happening. Do you have the support you need? Wish I could hop on a plane and come and give you a hug! Wobblyxx

    • Get well soon @janus. Sending you best wishes and lots of sober love.

    • Sending caring thoughts and prayers for you @janus. Have been thinking about you too and hoping all is well. Hoping they figure everything out for you quickly so that all will be stable and calm for you. Hugs XXX

    • Sending cyber prayers and hugs to you!! ❀

    • Me too.:) xxx

    • Oh,no, so sorry you are unwell, lots of prayers for you coming their way from many of your friends here.

    • xx hugs thinking of you

  • janus posted a new activity comment 4 years, 1 month ago

    Just posted bawling

  • janus posted an update 4 years, 1 month ago

    Fuck that was so close! I almost went to gt some piss I just thought wtf no one will know stil want to just hangn out til shops shut-8. Dont really know whatswrong guys just so up n down last day or so. I want a life where I dont battle each day. Saw a&d today-it was ok even though I cried. Havent seen psychologist for 3wks and a&d councelor said I have to go back and both working together with me and she said I cant see her unless I see other one, as she cant deal with bloody head shit. So made appointment for Tuesday. I feel like a fuckn nutjob. This is why I drink to forget! Jesus I just think what a waste of life really. In and out of private hospitals, rehabs, psyc units I just want consistent moods, but that aint going to happen!!!! Spoken to man each day and can tell im crap-it wil go he said it always does. Just wondering if stopping is worth it but im nearly 4weeks and don’t want to ruin it. Cant write anymore am bawling. Have gd nite xo

    • Hang in there you are worth it. Fucking booze is shit xxxxx

    • Hey…….great big love and hugs to you @Janus and I totally applaud your bravery in not giving in to that alluring false Fucking Shit that will drag you down to way deeper depths of despair and Keep you there. Your illness is one of the unluckiest on earth I believe, and I do know how very tiring it is to navigate the mood swings (sister is bad case). You are full of courage and spirit and the desire to make your life as good as it can get. Today is rough. I feel enormous empathy for you, especially being there alone and missing your man. I wish I could come and spend the evening with you and talk gently together and have some laughs as well. I will be thinking of you all evening and I will do my “Prudence style” prayers for you to send you healing energy and to let happiness and hope make it’s way back into your heart quick smart. You are not alone, not really. And I am so Proud of you for resisting the urges you had earlier. Wise Brave Wonderful @Janus. Lots of love xoxo

    • Hey @janus take it easy on yourself. The string will untangle – its frustrating I know – you have people . . . . be patient with yourself then when you think there’s no way this puzzle of knots will come undone you’ll look and realise ‘it’s done’ huh – it’s done!

    • I’m here for you @janus. I get what low mood feels like. Rest up and take care of yourself that’s what I am doing at the moment.

    • Hang in there and don’t be so hard on yourself! We have all fucked up. Everyone does at some point. You are an amazing person! You can do this. They say it will get easier and I truly believe they ate right. No matter how bad you are feeling now, drinking will make it worse. I know from experience.

    • Oh yes @Janus stopping drinking is worth it and so are you! You’ve been fighting an amazing battle against alcohol. You’re fighting for your life! Don’t give up now. ❀

    • My heart just broke, @janus. Please don’t drink. Fight for your life. I hope you all will beg me not to drink when I am in your exact same spot. We all want to throw in the towel and be able to drink normally but you wouldn’t be here if that was working. Don’t drink. Don’t drink don’t drink don’t drink.

    • Aw @janus sending massive cyber hugs and positive thoughts. You can do this, the further you get away from your last drink and the more you experience life raw you will get to a point when your sober coping strategies are the ones that are fresh in your mind. It sounds like you had a wonderful time with your man and now you are in a post high slump. This will pass, everything passes given time. Please don’t give in. Cry, bawl, do what your body wants to do emotionally then it will be spent and you will feel better xx

    • @Janus One of my best friends has a raft of mental health issues and has been in hospital for it, and for the rest of her life has to take medication and see a therapist to help keep her on track. What I have learnt is that we ALL have these up and down emotions, just some of us are able to hide it better and for some they feel more strongly. I know it can be hard, and I hope you made it the last 24 hours and are in a better place. Hugs to you

  • janus posted an update 4 years, 1 month ago

    Fuck I am so shit! O well

  • janus posted an update 4 years, 1 month ago

    Bit shit today so just read everyone’s posts! Loved the arsehat comment. Have a warm evening guys. Xo

  • janus posted a new activity comment 4 years, 1 month ago

    Loved your post xo

  • janus posted a new activity comment 4 years, 1 month ago

    Oh dear prudence stay in bed til it starts working xo

  • janus posted an update 4 years, 1 month ago

    I am having a bit of a laugh ar myself-dont want to go to bed as it will feel empty! A right tosser eh. My boss is a right farkn lunatic- I can not see how she will pay off the pool-askd bout my pay-“o sorry ive been flat out”wtf she has not, she is a lazymotherfucker! She runs round like a headless chicken and the thing that really pisses me ooff is I was talking to a parent and o dear in she came and turned the conversation to her lol. Its ALL THE FARKN TIME! Grr she has also pinched some of my fun things in lessons biarch! If she walked any slower she’d be dead! She was late for lesssons today-if that was me wel…… she betr put my pay in-as lunch wil ne worm and water! She is 62 and tries to be hip! It don’t work! She dislikes this boy so said you can have him! O shit thanks- I had him before hes just a woose but sensitive- god swimming supposed to be fun-nit make the frikn child cry grrrrr. Rite enuf blahing. Day 23 tomorrow shit nearly a month. Sort of gone quick but not. Little thought in head-can I cant I yes I can no I cant! Shit pleased I have sleep meds as have had 4coffees since 7.30. If your snug in bed sleep wellxo humpday tomorrow! Sorry for the long whinge nite all.

    • tell yr boss you’re worth being paid on time. Employees are people too, some bosses sadly don’t see us as people, just employees. If she’s trying to be hip, buy her a cheap one direction calendar, poster or shirt as a laugh.
      My old boss seems like your boss. I actually rung her up in blackout mode and resigned.Oops ( wouldn’t recommend that!) but was forgiven, and went back till I found another job.
      You are doing really well, be kind to yourself. head down, tail up, nothing alcoholic down your throat and you’ll be right

  • janus posted a new activity comment 4 years, 1 month ago

    Lol thank god!

  • janus posted a new activity comment 4 years, 1 month ago

    Wow thanks for that- your right its toxic. I will try and swim with the current instead against it.

  • janus posted a new activity comment 4 years, 1 month ago

    Frikn heck well done! What is the key to success? Do share lol xo

  • janus posted a new activity comment 4 years, 1 month ago

    Happy bday and hope u enjoyd the walk

  • janus posted a new activity comment 4 years, 1 month ago

    I second that

  • janus posted a new activity comment 4 years, 1 month ago

    Good luck will be thinking of you- xo

  • janus posted a new activity comment 4 years, 1 month ago

    Love the quote!

  • janus posted a new activity comment 4 years, 1 month ago

    Dont panic day 2tomorrow x

  • janus posted an update 4 years, 1 month ago

    Shit heaps of spelling mistakes in last post looks like im pissed lol NO IM NOT.

  • janus posted an update 4 years, 1 month ago

    Oh wel man gone! !! No mouth wash drinking in my sleep last night! Phew. Smoking shitloads at the moment grrr- too wet fir cycle today so go ti wrk early and do sone thrashing in the pool. Pleased am seeing a&d counselor thurs as thought keeps popping into my head-this doesnt feel right not drinking wtf-have had feeling in the past but batted it away then started drinking again. I dont y I feel like that. Talked bout it with man but he couldnt understand it. Dont get me wrong I so want to stop. My sister frm brisy rang but didnt pick up I just didnt feel like talking to her ha the only one is has some contact. DAY 22. Don’t have the whoop whoop feeling lol. I keep thinking of my last massive binge and that I blacked out and just need to keep reflecting on that and how many people expected me to be 6ft under know I will be if pick up again! Bloody hel gace boss time sheet Sunday and pay stil not in-grrr. Brought sried fruit today so stay off bloody chocolate-working so far lol. Rite time for pilates shit I love it a great core workout. To all those who have had a slip, dont worry, you can all do it I am sure. Have gd arvo everyone xo

    • Keep those memories in your mind of your black out and people saying you nearly dead with drink. Because that was the reality of before. And do you want that again? Or worse? Because you have a choice? And the choice you chose 22 days ago is taking you to much better things. It won’t be all skipping through daisy fields with cheery music playing , its fucken hard at times but shit oh dear , we put ourselves through a harder time really before, the abuse on our bodies was shocking. So Hey, swim with the feelings of shit as well as joy and keep your head above water and you will reach the side where the water gets calm again. xx

      • Wow thanks for that- your right its toxic. I will try and swim with the current instead against it.

    • Oh sorry, janus!! But Mac is right; there will still be hard times, and blah times, and shit times when we’re sober; not all sweetness and light. But you ARE doing SO well; 22 days!! Awesome!! Hope you are feeling better after a good swim. xxxx

    • Booze is a Shitty crappy soul destroying life destroying relationship destroying ugly nasty poisonous toxic waste of faarkin space!!

  • janus posted a new activity comment 4 years, 1 month ago

    Welcome to a new beginning πŸ™‚

  • janus posted a new activity comment 4 years, 1 month ago

    Hey ho welcome- heaps of support here so good luck

  • janus posted a new activity comment 4 years, 1 month ago

    Its quite an easy process just lots of questions-the
    hardest part is
    actually telling
    how much you
    drink! !!! But be
    real honest. You can do this-but it has ti be for yourself first of all. Then your family will reao the benefits of what your doing for yourself. I am only 21 days in and its still real hard. Keep posting, let us know how tomorrow goes sleep well if you can! Take care xo

  • janus posted an update 4 years, 1 month ago

    Holy moly this site is gtn huge! Last night and just chucked back 15 bloody choc caramels lol wtf. Came home from work and sweet n sour chicken! Fuck me lol. Man leaving at 12 thank god dont need to take him to airport! Lol he knows bout dic! Think I would bawl the whole way home. Crak up! My 2pairs of togs are disentergrating was scared going to stand up and whoops all hang out-fathers would’ve gt a shock or not! Anywhoo man had brought me a pair while at work-I so don’t really remember if doing this sort of thing-askd him if he had a frikn brain transplant! !!!! Did feel like a wine over the day. Funny but the house seems warmer with another body in it or maybe my imagination. …. it has been so lovely- and understand where he has been coming from with me. Ive given him shit! But hopefully its going to be betr if I stay away from the “beast” ha he said he is amazed that my mood haa been so “flatlined”lol. Rite off to have a peruse at posts then bed. Take care all.xo

  • janus posted a new activity comment 4 years, 1 month ago

    Crak up “Terri” where the hell u pik that one up from. Tell her your going to drown the bitch in cups of tea! Xo

  • janus posted a new activity comment 4 years, 1 month ago

    Hey Honner are you in the U.K. kept thinking about you and A.A. Rational Recovery has an online group in the u.k they meet up online. Have a look. Just an idea xo

  • janus posted a new activity comment 4 years, 1 month ago

    Lol yes got your meaning! Crak up

  • janus posted an update 4 years, 1 month ago

    Thanks MrsD Honnor and Soberlynn and everyone else. Has this happened to anyone else? Woke up in bathrm slugging back mouthwash! Wtf have never in my life before done that-man woke up and askd wat doing told him lol he said you bloody nutter-phew! Yuck day, wet, mayb to wet for bike grrr. My head is so clear and can feel my brain beginning to work again-just as wel if im going to be relieving. Dont know what doing today-but trying not to think bout tomorrow! Lol did mention coffee at this seedling place aa man has a business on side -market garden and sells to supermarkets etc so mmm maybe. Betr go, farkn chemist grrr o wel its a must. Have a warm monday all xo

    • wow.. your inner drinker is fighting so hard to stay in control it’s leading you to chug mouthwash in your sleep…???!!! Fight that fucker off!!!!! Slowly it will get the message and die a death … and you will be a calm brave lovely sober person right down into your subconscious. xxx

    • Have a cool last day with your man @Janus and stay off the mouthwash (if you possibly can) hehehe I think it’s got alcohol in it (absolutely miniscule) and some don’t. I used to be with a man who did AA and he used to buy an alcohol free one. Hope you have an untroubled sleep tonight. You will miss him, but you’re doing so great, so proud of you, and we will all be here for you if you need to vent xoxo

    • So proud of you. πŸ™‚ xx

  • janus posted a new activity comment 4 years, 1 month ago

    Welcome to the coolest place on earth-it roks so good luck

  • janus posted a new activity comment 4 years, 1 month ago

    Omg nearly 100 you rok xo

  • janus posted an update 4 years, 1 month ago

    Omg thank you all so much for your support, ive got tears in my eyes. Had a great day 20 lol promise I wont give you a count down now til day 30. Went to Kaimai Cheese cafe for lunch omg not eaten so much in yonks. Man did ask if ok if he had a wine-yes I said but tel me what its like! God only knows what we talkd about but there was no lull! But I was so relaxed it was a cool feeling, not had it for a while. And I did go for my cycle! Ha man helpd change livn room around so I dont sit on the couch to watch t v lol a drinking couch so now my fabulous red leather chair is my possy! Conversation bout $ came up-said he would help me if need be, as he knows that I am determined to get booze sorted. I said only if need be. I am absolutely knackered-the lead up to this weekend was quite stressful. I think it was Mac who asked bout my swim quals would I go back down-quite possibly yes but I will see how it all goes. Right should be watching Our Girl. I havent looked at anyone else’s post so have a quick squiz. Havent a great rest of sunday night and hope a good start to the working week. Take care all xo p.s its day 21 tomorrow lol

    • Awesome awesome awesome. Please give us the news on the way to the big 30 – love it πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ XXX SLeep well, or… you know, have a great night πŸ˜‰

    • πŸ™‚ xxxxxxxxxxxx

    • I am over the moon happy for you Janus! You’ve worked so hard and come so far! Your struggle reminds me of a little seed that’s been planted too deeply and is ready to sprout but has to battle it’s way through many layers of earth before it brakes through the surface – where it can finally feel the sun, grow and blossom. You @janus are that seed and you are truly blossoming! Well done! ❀

    • Yay you! Love reading your daily count… why stop till 30? I’m on 3 again (natch) but happy happy it’s not 1! Enjoy your big red chair and lovely supportive man. You’ve so got this πŸ™‚ xxx

    • please DO count us down to 30 @janus! We love following your progress.. you are a sober superstar for sure. xxx

  • janus posted a new activity comment 4 years, 1 month ago

    You can do this! You are strong, yoy said u are a cycling freak, think if u are hungover yoy feel like shit and wont go out.who cares if its day 2 just get back on the horse and gallop your way through. You can do this @stjpalm. Everyone cheering you on! GO YOU GOOD THING πŸ™‚

  • janus posted an update 4 years, 1 month ago

    Cow are mooing, birds are singing, chickens are crowing (I think they do that) lol but still live in Hobbiton,and I am here
    Day fucking 20. Omfg! Yay no rain-having coffee in bed and man laughing at me cus im posting. A fleeting thought wentthrough my mind-this doesnt feel right-not drinking- wtf does that mean? What to do ttoday-not sure but a celebratory lunch! Not here though!! BUT a 10k bike before hand. I am so clear headed- I can think, plan, actually laugh, and not so agro-god poor man what hes put up with. I did tell him afraid bout bumps in the road, ha he said keep eye on the road lol! You won’t have me! Bastard man! We laughed but it is a fact! Said he wants the old me back and said hes got it this weekend!!!! Trying not to think bout when he leaves Tuesday. Anyway thanks you guys for ur posts I so love all the comments. I read Mrs D post last night saying “I love this community” well I agree and Mrs D you created this-you created a lifeline for over 2000 people! You rok my world. Sun is shining off to make the most of day 20 another 10 days a whole farkn month! Lol as I said better go.love to all happy Sunday wherever you are xo

  • janus posted a new activity comment 4 years, 1 month ago

    I tried A.A I found it full of old men reliving their drinking days frikn 20yrs ago! Have u tried Rational Recovery Google it its really good, started in U.S by jack trimpey. Has a book which ive read but not this time but will. Its all about Addictive voice training. Xo

  • janus posted an update 4 years, 1 month ago

    Wow sounds like a fantastic nite and I agree @morgan about prudence! Quick checkin lol had a rockn good but exceedingly wet day. Lol I am so excited I will wake and it will be fucking DAY 20 omg I almost feel like staying awake til midnight lol. Today I know I have to do this! It has been so long and like everyone really hard.lots of deep and meaningfuls today but really good and we both feel calmer. I was wound up like a jacknbox. Man more relaxed and said he did not want to end relationship but couldnt see where ut was heading-me in rehab again or me 6ft under fuck thats 3people said that to me!! Bit of a wakeup call really. I think if I can become stable, off the poison my life will be so much better maybe just maybe I will be happy. Heres hoping. Anyway, hope u are all warm, dry, relaxed on this saturday nite. Take care you fantastic people xo

    • So happy for you that it’s all working out with the man, and it’s all because of YOU and the tremedous work and effort that you have achieved to get this far. Now the head is really clearing and you see the way before you, and how cool it can and will be, and sure it will have it’s wobbles along the way, we all get the tough patches and they suck sometimes, but you have Got This @Janus and your life is day by day getting better than ever. So much happiness out there in front of you, Grab it and don’t ever let it go xxoo

    • You sound happier already @Janus it can only get better. Well done you πŸ™‚ There has been a time when a few have stayed up tip midnight and seen the new milestone in!! Ha ha and I stayed up for @Morgan one once! Enjoy your big day tomorrow but also enjoy today as its just as important as any other when you are sober! xx

  • janus posted a new activity comment 4 years, 1 month ago

    Yup I agree with everyone too. Just get back to your happy place again and stay strong xo

  • janus posted a new activity comment 4 years, 1 month ago

    Yup day 2 a shit so is I found 3and 4.keep posting as u will get heaps of encouragement you need and hang in there.

  • janus posted a new activity comment 4 years, 1 month ago

    Keep going you can get through this hump. Xo

  • janus posted an update 4 years, 1 month ago

    Coffee on! Just waiting to brew! Thought jusy quickly post! DAY 19 LOL! We talked and talked it was so lovely. Said I an so nicer when not drinking- that I have enough to contend with thr bipolar-yes hes right! He was going to end relationship if I was still drinking this weekend as he cant handle it anymore holy shit! Talked bout job- alot- so we or I decided I want all my swim quals plus my coaching qual which is 500 hours- then I see then. I am going to get them now by mid august decided as not hard and due to the booze only done 1 1/2. After that re-evaluate. Lol I didnt go shut the fuck up dont want to talk about this or call him a kok lol. Lol I was very mature. First for a while! Kept saying I cant believe ur not drinking!!”I farkn know mate”! Next question popped up what bout meds and when can I see I will be responsible for then instead of chemist-lol give me a chance batman 1 thing at a time eh! Lol didnt think these conversations would be this early!!!!! Obviously be bugging him. Said he doesnt care bout bipolar as when im gd I stay well for long periods if dont screw with meds but the drinking he can’t as its me chucking it back. Fark me lol it all came out lol. But it was good as its not hanging around clouding the weekend. We have both had our say-stating what we would like ti see-I did have a cry tho. He said Ihave to do tthis as last year he said that our g.p said my liver not healthy-bastard g.p!!! Bastard man for being at appointment lol not working today less money but more of man mmm the man I think wins! Anywhoo coffee done back to bed, then off for breakfast. Shite cant quite believe he did want to end it if I drinking-well yes I can. Thank fuck im not phew. So hanging out fir tomorrow DAY FRIKN 20 have a fab saturday everyone cus I kniw I am as I am SOBER and not lonely. Take care xo

    • Have a wonderful day with your man πŸ™‚

    • “Give me a chance batman” – best line I’ve heard today! Love it and I’m gonna use it. Still giggling. Love your post @ janus and happy for you being “sober and not lonely” πŸ™‚

    • Love it! Yes Batman, give her a chance! Happy day 19.

    • How wonderful what a lovely Sober day for you, so much positive things to keep in mind and the future looks so bright and rosy for you. Its so great that he was honest, and how wonderful you must have felt to stand proud and say Yes I am sober. Well done! I too love the line Give me a chance Batman πŸ™‚

    • Fantastic Janus, Keep going xx

  • janus posted an update 4 years, 1 month ago

    Thanks everyone for your congratulations. Shit came home from work and a roast chicken meal- yum. Its so nice to have man here- not lonely first time for while! !!!!. Man didnt believe off booze lol so showed him this site lol and hes read some of the comments and then he believed and said he was real proud of me! Omg.. heis staying til TUESDAY. I so cant believe it.. I know the conversation is going to come up bout our living arrangements- will wangle round that one when it happens. I dont really know whats the best. Ha loneliness-job OR be with man and not a job I like. O well not to think about to nite!!! 1 more day b4 DAY 20. HOLY MOLY. Crak up tho recycling today got rid of all bottles lol my bin choca so went and put rest inneighbours bin mmm that was full as well. So all bottles gone frm house. Relief! Rite better go- wish u all a good nites rest and super sataday. I am going to!!!! I am so stoked-Tuesday yay. Take care all xo

  • janus posted an update 4 years, 1 month ago

    Wow prudence that was quick thanks! Hopped back on as didn’t say thanks to k1W1.yeah I do hope she is looking down too. Again happy friday lol Pleased I put smile on your face prudence I am too!:-)

    • Seeing your post first and foremost warmed the cockles of my heart @Janus you have come so far, and your journey is paying you dividends wahoo!

  • janus posted a new activity comment 4 years, 1 month ago

    Think how shit you will feel after it.Do it! I found day 3 -5 real hard-am up ti day 18. Be strong xo

  • janus posted a new activity comment 4 years, 1 month ago

    Yes you can do it now! Love your name xo

  • janus posted a new activity comment 4 years, 1 month ago

    Yeah am up to 17 and also looking forward to 20. Dont we rok πŸ™‚

  • janus posted an update 4 years, 1 month ago

    Whoop whoop day 18 did I say day 18!!!! Holy frikn crap, wtf, holy cow! Yup did put phone by bed prudence, grrr no call today but at and at em early. A little excited today man coming up. Had a txt saying he looking forward to our silly banter! And I will be sober no sneaking away for a quick drink in a bar. Yay me. But shit need to tidy house lol I so don’t know what I do- its like I tidy then a frikn tsunani hits. I just have to blame my mother for this trait im afraid. Anyway day planned, cycle, chemist grrrr, tidy,work, and anything else I can think of. Rok on 7.30 tonite and HOME! For a great sober weekend. Have a fab friday all, hope u are looking forward to the weekend.xo

    • Love it!!! First post I’ve read for the day, just woke up. Flipping Heck on Monday you’ll be 3 weeks you little Winner!! Have a gorgeous happy weekend with your man, he will be So proud of you, and you sound so much happier @Janus, it’s awesome, and happiness is contagious, hope you both have some good laughs and heaps of fun. You’ve started my day with a big smile xo

    • Enjoy your weekend hope you and him have lots of fun

    • Have a great weekend! Thank you for your encouraging words–they’ll keep me motivated through my first weekend. Got to keep the husband and son moving with me to keep me busy and distracted. Have a fabulous weekend!

    • Awesome work on day 18 @janus, you are a real trooper. This giving up booze takes true bloody grit and determination, you are doing great, your resolve is strong, so keep up the momentum. Proud of you girl. Have lovely weekend with your man. xo πŸ™‚

    • Janus,
      Well done you! πŸ™‚
      Borrow the neighbours leaf blower and blast it all into the spare room, it’s the only way. Better still, get the man to give you a hand when he arrives……….cackle, hee hee, haw haw…..can we chalk that idea up to Day 6 lunacy?
      xPenny

    • 18 days is massive! Hope the weekend is a wonderful celebration of how far you have travelled!

    • @janus you’re sounding much more upbeat! You are doing it!

    • Jeez @Janus. 18 sober days. My God, you’ve come such a long way in just a few short weeks. It probably seems like a loooong time to you though! Big pats on the back from me to you.
      Have a fantastic weekend with your man. And stuff the housework, you’ve got more fun things to do!

  • janus posted an update 4 years, 1 month ago

    Hell thanks for all of your support. Pleased that others go thru the same feelings. Ha in the pool and I was so not in the mood! Was in the middle of the lesson and omg I wanted a wine and I was going to get one but by the time I finished clean up 20 mins ago I went to supermarket and BROUGHT Barkers juice and lime juice didn’t even go down the piss aisle fark me that was a bit major for me really.! Im frikn amazing lol!!! Off to walk dam dog- . Going to bed early as I had a phone call at 6.30 that I missed and it wuda bn a school. Grrr so think going to have to be awake earlier. Anyway thanks all it is so nice to be really understood. Take care everyone xo

    • Well done on resisting the wine and getting some yummy juice. Its hard some days but how amazing are you for getting through it all. xx Goodluck with the early to bed x

    • Good on ya @Janus you wee trooper. Wish I could give you a great big hug right now, you just blow me away……did you even know how strong you are? You are amazing and I am very impressed. Can’t you leave your phone right by your bed? It would wake you wouldn’t it? Have a great sleep xo

    • Friggin amazin describes you EXACTLY

    • @janus High five you have done so well, I hope you are proud of yourself, I am sure your mum looking down will be very happy at what you are achieving. πŸ™‚

    • You go girl. You’re getting stronger every day! πŸ™‚

    • You’re doing so great! Just amazing!

  • janus posted an update 4 years, 1 month ago

    1/2 through day 17!!! Yes noelle im sort of doing a happy dance BUT why the fuck do I feel like drinking after seeing my a&d counselor. .. I just dont understand it. Still feel like it. Anyway asked partner for $ so can gt haircut- thought might make me feel better! Just a bit of struggle today hope it goes as so dont want to break this its too scary for me to think of a slip! Signing off, have good afternoon.xo

    • Hey @janus,
      You would have been exposed to ‘the yucky feelings’ at the A&D session. Our go to fight or flight reaction was the escape of the booze. Its just a thought and one you haven’t turned into action, so WELL DONE YOU! πŸ™‚
      xPenny

      • Hey there keep going, I found early in sober I left my therapy sessions needing to drink it was so hard. I’ve shelved the therapy for now but go for a group session. Interestingly they said that going to a session can be triggery you just take care it opens up some feelings/good bad and when we’ve always blocked them out with booze, its hard. Hugs and keep going well done!

    • Ping!! Thought batted away!! You are shining @Janus xo

    • @Janus I know exactly what you mean about wanting a drink after counseling. I felt that way at first. It’s hard to talk about yourself and all your feelings when the default response has been to numb that away. At least that’s how I felt. It DOES get better though, I promise. With time that feeling goes away. Have your sober tools ready after counseling, and remember to breathe. You are doing this!:)

    • Hey @janus and @elhall. I’m so glad to hear this. I experienced the same thing after counselling. I had to be extra strong and go away and squirrel down all the important things we had discussed so I could reinforce in my brain… And then get me to the gym instead of racing off to bottle shop. I really hope you manage to push through it too!! Isn’t it a strange itching, but I think the comments are bang on….something about feeling so exposed at the counselling session that brings on the feeling. So good youre aware of it though. It always helps me to recognise the feeling and hopefully see it for what it is….helps create some distance from the ‘must drink’ thoughts.

    • You did right posting – just stay in touch…..remember you are fighting a powerful poison who doe’snt want to say goodbye…but and big BUT you are driving this journey and you are awesome πŸ™‚

    • You’re doing great, @Janus!! Congrats on 17 days!!!

    • Well done on day 17. πŸ™‚ xx

  • janus posted a new activity comment 4 years, 1 month ago

    I love that!

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